I've cried harder than I have in a long time. I've questioned my gender before only for it to kinda disappear, but I'm worried it's not going to this time.

A part of me wants to be a man. I don't know if it's all of who I am, if I'm genderfluid, or what, but I'm so fucking scared. I've never been a man before. I don't know if I would even be any good at it. A part of me is so curious. I've had periods of my life where masculinity felt as essential as breathing. It hasn't been recently, and I wasn't trying to repress, but suddenly I can tell part of me wants that mode of expression back. Whether it's an essential part of who I am, or an instrumental way to fulfill a psychological need, I don't know, but I'm worried I'm going to get surgery or go on hormones and end up regretting it.

I've definitely had a rough couple of months, but there's a lot I tend to like about myself. I like my (undoubtedly female) name, I don't mind my pronouns, my body is honestly pretty nice (besides the weight gain lol), but I can tell a part of me doesn't feel at home here. But a part of me does! I wouldn't be crying my fucking eyes out if I didn't. And it came on so suddenly, man. I've been wearing a women's swimsuit, I have a bridesmaids dress for my sister's wedding. I didn't like my short haircut because it felt too masculine at first. Where did it go? When did this part of me come back? It feels so sudden, even though logically I can tell the parts of the pattern were probably still there, underlying everything, but it's really scary.

I can't square it. I think a part of me wants to feel viscerally, physically masculine, to actually see how far this goes. But another part of me is scared. Masculinity looks difficult. It seems like there are a lot of expectations. I live a pretty nice life most of the time, right where I am. I worry I'm going to be at odds with myself for the rest of my life. I hate how egg-y everything I say feels, and I hate how little I know about whether or not I'll have made the right choice.

I AM SO CONFUSED

AM I BERRI?

AM I LESBOY?

AM I OMNI?! AGHHHHHHHH

(Also im not exactly a man, im genderfaunet)

Okay so. 19F, I've always been queer. I never had to come out as my first crush was a girl and I told EVERYONE lol. Anyways, I've always known I've liked women.

However, once I was about 15 and over, I noticed I kinda started ignoring it. Not that I tried to pretend it wasn't there, but I only ever sought out men and the one girl I had a thing with ended up mean anyways and I cut it off.

I dated one man for 6 months and another man for 2 years, and I just broke up with him like a month ago. I've also always been much more into fictional men than fictional women, but I think that has more to do with my gender identity which is an entirely different topic LOL. I wouldn't describe myself as attracted to fictional men though, it's more like I simply have more of a connection to male characters than female ones. If I imagine scenarios etc, no matter what it is never me in them, It's of two characters.

On and off in these last few years dating men, I've suddenly been absolutely disgusted by the concept. Even before getting into these relationships I've been like.. "Am I really into this guy?" and I promise I'm not proud of possibly leading these guys on, but I'm not sure if what I felt was a crush or was love because I feel like I have nothing to compare it to?

This is surfacing again as I'm kinda loosely seeing another guy casually now. We seem really compatible and he's so kind, but I fear I'm getting the same feeling as before which is like... I could date this guy, but I feel like it would be missing something. And it sucks because I feel like he should be my type and I just can't do it? But for the record I understand sometimes you're simply not into the person and it is what it is. I think the physical attraction just isn't there.

Something else I just remembered is I'm naturally much more smitten with girls than I am with guys. About a year ago, a rlly pretty alt girl came into my work and I remember messing up her order because I was so distracted by how pretty she was. My manager even got upset lol. I never remember feeling that way from a man, although I can definitely appreciate looking at them when they're attractive, I've never really had my jaw drop from a man unless it's more of a they have a really cool aesthetic kind of thing.

Anyways. Does anyone relate to this at all? I genuinely wonder if I might be on the ace spectrum instead or if I'm just gay. I'm definitely breaking things off with the guy I'm seeing because it most definitely isn't fair to lead him on during this crisis, but yeah. Any similar experiences? I know likely my next step is to just date women and see how I feel, but the concept is so daunting!!! Thank you everyone for reading lol. I hope I made a bit of sense!!

Just wanted to announce/tell someone who won’t freak like my mom. I’m also pan, just figured I’d say it

Hello everyone, I´m Ellie or Lacey (feel free to use whichever one you prefer, as I'm testing them both out!).

I'm currently questioning my gender identity. I'm trying to finally express and understand a side of myself that I’ve kept repressed for several years at this point, and I'm looking for a safe space to do that.

I might mostly read and listen at first, but I'm really glad to have found this group. If anyone else started their journey after keeping things repressed for a long time, I'd love to hear how you navigated these early stages. Also what advice or recommendations would you have for me to help navigate through my journey?

for the longest time I thought I was bi, I find both guys and girls attractive. I‘ve had crushes on both but recently I had my first kiss in a long time, my first was back in pre-school with my ‘girlfriend’, maybe it’s just kissing that doesn’t work with me but it just seemed gross, I genuinely felt like throwing up after.

The girl is genuinely kind and I don’t want to hurt her but now I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been wrong for the last few years. Maybe I just don’t like her but I don’t know if that’s the only thing, the idea of a relationship seems terrifying to me, its hard for me to even imagine people having their own lives outside of one.

I don’t think I want a relationship, in the romantic sense, theres a lot I want to do in life and I don’t think a relationship fits into that.

as for the girl, she has a girlfriend, they just have an open relationship I think, I don’t really understand their arrangement I just know the other girl was cool with it since she was there.

I had previously questioned and explored my gender a couple of years ago, but landed back on cis female.

I thought that was the end of it, but I'm having some gender-y thoughts and feelings again, and my honest reactions right now are "not again" and "I don't have time for this". I do feel like this reaction is partially fuelled by anxiety--like, if I discover something I like, I have to change parts if my life, potentially difficult ones. Better to just pretend it's not happening! How do you get past the urge to stick your head in the sand and actually confront what you're feeling?

Hello! So I was watching They/Them bc that movie is phenomenal but it got me thinking-

How does a non binary person who is trans work?
Ex if an afab (assigned female at birth) declares themselves non binary, but then start to transition to male- then isn’t that contradictory? They’d be transitioning their body to a different gender even though they don’t define themselves by gender? (This has nothing to do with sexuality and absolutely not judging, just wondering!)

So basically, for a few months now, I've had this recurring feeling that maybe I'm a girl. Every time it came up, I just brushed it off as some stupid thing my mind had randomly started thinking about. But recently, I've started wondering whether there might actually be something to it.

At the same time, the thought of being a girl scares me.

I have a girlfriend (F14), and she means the world to me. One reason I'm scared of the possibility of being a girl is that I don't know what would happen to our relationship.

Another thing is that I often wish I had been born a girl. The idea of transitioning feels scary to me, but staying a boy also sometimes feels wrong.

When I imagine a completely new life where I was born a girl and grew up that way, it actually feels much safer and more comfortable. I'm usually fine with people calling me "he," but being called "she" or a girl often feels more natural.

I started thinking more deeply about these feelings after discovering Yuri (Girls' Love manga). It feels more natural or right to imagine myself in the girl's position in those stories rather than as a boy in straight love stories. I've tried imagining myself in the same way while reading other, straight romance manga, but it doesn't have the same effect.

I'm really confused about all of this. I don't know whether I actually want to be a girl, whether I'm questioning my gender, or whether these feelings mean something else. I've been keeping these thoughts to myself for a long time, and this is my first time talking about them publicly.

If anyone has experienced something similar or has any advice that might help me understand these feelings, I'd really appreciate hearing about it. Thank you for reading.

​

[M21]

Im really lost now, Im just going to post this and i would appreciate some honest opinions.

So basically this only started happening around 5 months ago, i became afraid that im attracted to the same sex. This stems from when i was 13 years old, for some reason i started wanking to trans girls and cis women on tiktok, then eventually that lead to watching trans porn and some straight porn at 15yrs old, to eventually just being on straight porn. The problem is that my concept of sexual attraction is broken. I have to physically stimulate myself to get hard but once im hard i dont have a problem getting off (can multple times in a row). The last spontaneous erection I had was on a family holiday to a girl I used to like when a tiktok popped up I was hard within seconds (i think being so relaxed and distracted allowed it to happen naturally).

In real life I have had a few crushes, one girl in year 8 I confessed to her that I liked her, another I was friends with her previously then when we reunited I developed a crush for her, and then a girl more recently I liked heaps cos she kind of lead me on and I was so emotionally invested i cried when i found out love didnt reciprocate and she has gotten with guys and i have felt very jealous and upset. With men I have never felt any sort of real life attraction, I am mainly friends with boys and have been my whole life and nothing has yet developed.

Finally, and at the current moment im really struggling, I think I have HOCD, I just want to know what my sexual orientation is im sick of it. Opinions would be very much appreciated as I am not enjoying myself recently.

For about 6 months I've sometimes felt discomfort (like a tightness) when people use he/him pronouns for me, and I feel happier when my hands look more feminine, or if I see myself in a mirror from far away and my reflection looks feminine.

Hi all, I am hoping to find some like minded people, who may be able to help me find my way.

I'm 45, AMAB, who has recently gone through (still going through) significant upheaval in my life. As such, I am finally confronting and asking myself the hard questions. Who am I? What am I? What gender am I? Sexuality? Crossdresser?

If there is anyone who may be able to point me in right direction and/or provide support please do

I feel like this is stupid to ask, but I have believed I’m a lesbian for years, the thought of being in a relationship with any man genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable and unhappy, yet I’m attracted to fictional men. I don’t know if it’s actual attraction or I just subconsciously think I need the man/woman dynamic when I don’t want men or what. But I don’t wanna be someone who claims I’m lesbian whilst being attracted to men.

Guys, I don't know but I've been questioning my sexuality for the last 2 days. Ok so yesterday I was watching this video, and I was thinking maybe I don't want a guy to touch me, but a girl? It's been in my head and I'm trying to wrap my mind around it. I started to randomly cry and I don't know why lol. But I knew I was bisexual since the 6th grade, but I've leaned more towards boys than girls. I mean I had crushes on girls. I remember I had this big crush on my friend, but we drifted apart. 4 years later I still regret not saying anything to her.

(sort of long read sorry!!)

I’ve been friends with my friend for almost 3 years, and i’m not making this post as a push to ask her out or advice on talking to her. instead i’m honestly posting this to figure out if i even like her and more about my own identity?

I got really close her with super quick after a mutual friend introduced us. We talk 24/7 and there’s so much like flirty banter between us (but that’s not what i want to focus on..!)

To put it shortly… I just feel like I do things differently and I feel so much better around her? I already have a much closer best friend who when I compare how i interact between her and the friend i (might) have a crush on—the differences are so much more pronounced.

Like when I’m with my best friend — i can distinguish the difference that my love and admiration for her is platonic because she’s like a sister to me.

Yet when i’m around my *her*, it’s so much harder. I just kind of never want to stop talking to her. I feel as if like i want to know EVERYTHING about her. I love listening to her stories and i hope that almost every notification on my phone is from her.

I honestly think she’s so cute and i love her laugh and voice. I ruin my own schedules and my sleep just to stay up on the phone with her, it’s to the point where i stay up and end up falling asleep on the phone with her because i reached that level of exhaustion.

I honestly feel jealous at the mention of her dating anybody else. Even if she’s playfully flirting with our friends (just something everybody in my fg does) i only feel a certain type of way when she does it to anybody but me. I don’t find myself caring in the slightest when anybody else does it to one another—except when it’s towards her.

This is like so embarrassing but everyday, like literally everyday without fail—I imagine us living together, dating, or even kissing..?! I have like scenarios in my head about us and I’ve had dreams where we’re dating and doing couple things and it always lingers on the back of my mind.

I’m not against dating guys, i still find guys attractive. Though I just thought I wasn’t into girls because I’d never thought I’d ever date one.

BUT. I just feel like if she were to ask me out I might just say yes. I feel like i’m answering my own questions. I just don’t want to give myself a label without understanding or seeming ignorant.

Now, I’ve found girls attractive? In the past—I have dated a girl before, which was my first relationship. Since then however, I just believed I wouldn’t date a girl again and just leaned more towards men, so i just called myself straight since that’s what i thought felt right?

But when my friend is around I feel like everything I said is wrong. I just find her presence so comforting and I drop so much stuff for her all the time. She’s so funny and i look forward to seeing her. She practically consumes my thoughts 24/7. There’s nothing I do where I don’t think of her.

Every time I go out, I try and look and look a little bit more presentable or pretty just in the off chance I might run into her.

I don’t act like this or think of anybody like i do with her. lutrefgijbkires omg this is literally so embarrassing.

i just feel like i need an outside view since Im too scared to talk to anybody close about this. I can’t rlly talk abt this with anybody in my fg since it would make things awkward?! plus, im too reluctant to tell my best friend because discussing my sexuality is a whole nother topic..!

Sorry it’s so lengthy—any advice or even just personal experiences are fine!! I just need to get this off my chest if anything—it’s been eating at me for months and it’s not dying down 😞

Hi everyone!!

So i don't know if this is the right sub to post this but I'm really frustrated now, i am a 18 year old guy and i am straight or i don't know, here's the thing, i am romantically attracted to girls, like when i am in love with a girl i am MADLY in love, its magical its beautiful its intense, but when i love a girl i not in the slightest sexually attracted to her, literally zero sexual arousal or feelings, there's only romantic attraction there, never have i ever been sexually attracted to a girl, i have been DEEPLY in love with a girl, but the thing is i do get aroused while imagining sensual stuff or having sex with girls, but those to feelings NEVER overlap, i never feel sexually aroused if i am feeling romantic love and here's the next thing, I'm NOT AT ALL attracted to a guy romantically, like not even the slightest, i never have been, but if it comes to having sex with a guy, i say that it'll be fine with me it CAN arouse me a little but not that much.

The problem is, when i see people in movies having sex after they have established that they are in love, i get disgusted, i just can't stand that and i hate when i tell people "oh hey i love that girl" and they start fucking sexualizing my feelings, i hate when people say love includes a desire for sex, NO ITS NOT FUCKING TRUE, at least not for me.

Now how do i determine my sexuality?

Am i bisexual? I don't think so because i don't feel romantic love for guys, i only feel it for girls.

Am i heterosexual? No because i feel a little sexual attraction towards guys.

Am i gay? Again no because i do feel romantic love for guys, just a bit of sexual feelings.

Am i asexual? No because i clearly feel sexual arousal.

Am i aromantic? No because i feel romantic love for girls.

Now what the hell is my sexuality like i wanna know too!!!

People, please be kind here I'm really nervous to post this.🥹🥹

Thank you!!!

Ever since the beginning of highschool i’ve known i liked women. it was never something i questioned, except now as a 21 yr old ive started questioning something entirely different.

Do i like men?

I’ve started thinking about having sex with men and it genuinely doesn’t seem terrible to me, i actually think id enjoy it quite a bit. except the barrier to this is im married to a woman.

so i guess my question is, is it important i figure it out or is it something i just need to put to the side? it wont change the love i have for my wife but does it change me as a person in my identity if i would sleep with a man?

It’s difficult to put this into words, but I have never been like my friends when it comes to romantic relationships. My school friends always joke around saying that I’m asexual, because I barely have crushes on people, and I don’t ever appear to be attracted to anyone. Now, I have worked quite hard to not give away much about myself around most of the people in my life, including my friends, because news spreads way too fast in our school, but I genuinely do believe that I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum. I did a lot of research on it, and concluded that I fell under the microlabel “orchidsexual”, which is when someone experiences sexual attraction towards others, but doesn’t have any desire for sexual relationships.
However, the problem isn’t that. I’m fine with that. The problem is that boys don’t seem to like me— but girls do. Being for the female gaze is great until every single guy thinks you’re asexual, lesbian, or a weirdo. I know at least four girls who have had a crush on me, and I suspect one still does. I just can’t figure out whether I’m attracted to girls as well, or not.
The thing is, I met one girl in the same friend group who is…I don’t know, different. She is openly bisexual, and she is extremely creative and extroverted. She is probably the only person in my life, apart from my mom and my cousin, who likes me for me. She is the person who probably knows the most abt my life and abt the real me than anyone else. We both understand each other in a way that’s scary sometimes. I can understand what she’s saying even when she’s rambling nonsense. She is my only friend defends me in front of other people(guys) in my school who mock me for my buck teeth and introverted personality. Sometimes I wonder whether I have feelings for her, or whether I’m just in a secure, healthy friendship. I can’t tell because I haven’t really been in either situation before, and I’m scared that by thinking abt this sm, I’m conditioning myself into liking girls. I’m going on a school trip, and I’ll be sharing a room with her, so I really hope I can figure myself out before that.
(I know I sound insufferable, but I downloaded Reddit exclusively for this, so bear with me, and help me out if you can:)

So I've been questioning my Gender for a while now and I decided to make a post here t get some opinion on it.

See one of the main issues is while I want to be a woman, I don't see myself as one. my inner monologue is a male voice, I have to focus to use She/Her pronouns when referring to myself in the third person, and I don't as get much dysphoria as other Trans women. While I have experienced it in the past it isn't as strong recently and I'm weirdly sad about that more than anything.

Sometimes it feels like I Want to Want to be a woman.

I'm a girl (ignore the avatar, I use a male-looking one because it made my DMs way calmer and I feel safer)

I find myself attracted to gay boys, and I want to experience a relationship with them as a guy. With girls, I have no problem being treated as a girl, I really don't mind

But with guys, it's different. I want them to genuinely think I'm a guy and to form friendships with me that way. I get really jealous when I see gay guys hitting on straight guys, because I wish they wanted me instead, as a guy. I honestly don't enjoy being approached by straight guys as a girl nearly as much as I enjoyed being approached by guys who thought I was one of them. It feels really exciting. I want a guy to crave me as a guy

I wonder if growing up somewhere it's not safe to be a girl around guys has something to do with it, but it feels like more than that. Or maybe it's just a phase?

I'm not trying to force a label, I just want to understand myself better. If anyone relates, I'd love to hear how you figured out what it was for you. Happy to answer any questions too!

Thanks for any help!