Question [40 F]

[u/Sara0352]

Hello! So I was watching They/Them bc that movie is phenomenal but it got me thinking-

How does a non binary person who is trans work?
Ex if an afab (assigned female at birth) declares themselves non binary, but then start to transition to male- then isn’t that contradictory? They’d be transitioning their body to a different gender even though they don’t define themselves by gender? (This has nothing to do with sexuality and absolutely not judging, just wondering!)

[u/stolenstreetsigns]

Hi! I’m a non binary transmasculine person on testosterone so I think I might be qualified to answer this. I’m sorry in advance for how long the answer is. We’re covering a lot of complex concepts here.

First of all non binary people are trans by definition. They don’t need to medically transition to be a non binary person who is also trans. There are exceptions but generally non binary people just are trans because they identify as a gender that’s different than the one they were assigned. I also wanna mention that “an assigned female at birth” doesn’t really make sense. It sounds kind of othering like “a trans” and it’s irrelevant in this context. I’m sorry if I sound preachy. I just think you might genuinely understand better if I get that stuff out of the way. I’m not offended by anything you said and I don’t think you’re being malicious.

Anyways to answer your actual question, being non binary isn’t necessarily not defining yourself by gender at all. Non binary just means you don’t identify as completely a man or a woman. That includes a ton of different identities and experiences and many of those includes some attachment to gender. I think you might be confusing non binary and agender which is a lack of gender at all. Non binary people aren’t non binary because they reject gender as a concept. It’s just who we are 🤷

Some non binary people experience gender dysphoria and things like biochemical dysphoria which cause us to want to medically transition. Imo if the hormones you’re born with don’t dictate your gender, then neither do the hormones you choose to take or the surgeries you wanna get. Some non binary people are also transmasc or tranfem and may have a more “binary” medical transition or transition in appearance to be perceived the way they want to be perceived. They’re still non binary though. I experience gender dysphoria but still find that I don’t completely fit in with men or women or the binary. So I take testosterone and I’m non binary. I have the body I want but my internal sense of self is still non binary.

I hope that makes sense and wasn’t just a bunch of nonsense. This stuff is complicated and hard to articulate. Please let me know if you have questions. Thanks for learning :)

[u/Sara0352 → u/stolenstreetsigns]

No this was totally helpful especially the last paragraph so thank you- I’m sorry if I used the afab example incorrectly; I was just trying to give an example (at the level of my understanding before your reply) to make sure the question I was asking was making sense?! If that makes sense lol. But I think you totally explained this very well and I thank you for that!

[u/stolenstreetsigns → u/Sara0352]

That totally makes sense! You’re all good. I’m really happy it was helpful.

[u/Naive_Market_9688 → u/stolenstreetsigns]

As a trans woman who believes in the binary I am still having trouble grasping the concept of someone claiming to be non-binary and then aspiring to be the gender that they weren't born as. Isn't that like one of the ultimate dichotomies/ contradictions? Now if you're saying that non-binary people are LGBTQ because they are not heteronormative that's a different story. But trans kind of insinuates that you are taking a gendered identity which kind of is in conflict with declaring one's self non-binary. Not that I'm arguing with you or you're right to self-identified but I've had trouble figuring out why some females claim to be non-binary but then dress very feminely which is a massive contradiction to being non-binary, the way it has been explained to me originally (which was about 25 years ago actually).

[u/Sara0352 → u/Naive_Market_9688]

This is a way better wording to my original post and the confusion I was having. Thank you for explaining my question better!

[u/stolenstreetsigns → u/Naive_Market_9688]

There’s a lot of things here that I never mentioned in my comment. You said in your reply that you’re not arguing with me or my identity but you did just say that you believe I can’t be the identity I am and I’m not trans? What am I supposed to say to that? It seems like we’re working off very different definitions and beliefs here and that’s okay. It’s really cool to hear from someone who’s known about the concept so long but I’m not really interested in justifying myself to someone who seems to have already decided on the answers.

[u/Naive_Market_9688 → u/stolenstreetsigns]

First of all you're entitled to identify the way you want; what I said was that that's my perspective based on my experiences. That doesn't mean it's the law or even the required process, it's just my perspective.