I don't have any friends, I don't have any family. I live alone. I figured someone needed to hear me say bye.

Have a good one

- Goodbye

20f, I’ve posted to this subreddit so many times before, and I always have held out hope that maybe my life would get better, maybe things will change. I had a vision that my life would be different if i kept trying. But I think I’m finally ready to put in the towel. Chasing a dead end degree and generally being a burden to all around me isn’t helping either. Everytime I think something is going well it all comes crashing down. Nobody really notices my absence and it’s like I’m not even there when I am anyways.

I don’t think there’s any other way out for me. I’ve given it my all and I just keep losing. deadass all i can think about is how much I want to die, it’s consuming me

”you’re not alone” my ass, i don’t WANT to be saved, i don’t WANT to be fixed, i just need to get this shitty life over with and there is nothing that can convince me that this hell we call earth is worth me spending 90 years in

My 36th birthday was a week ago so I am now 6 years past the due date I gave myself at 18.

As the title says I have those problems and a slew of others as well. I was diagnosed with Crohns around 19 and it has only gotten worse since then. I have been to more doctors and in more hospitals in 17 years than most people do the entire lives. When it stated it was pretty bad now it's a fucking nightmare. The past 5 or so years has been the worst. I shit ALL THE TIME. I average a shit per hour. There's Hella times I simply do not make it to the bathroom on time. I've tried more drugs than I can count. Every diet imaginable from low fiber to vegan. I've tried starving myself. Nothing works. This all culminated in me having a bowel resection in 24 which resulted in a colostomy bag/ iliostomy. I spent 7 disgusting months with that motherfucker stuck to me. I cleaned it, changed it, and showered all the time yet I always smelled like shit. It was fucking humiliating. When I finally got it reversed I was left horribly disfigured. The colostomy scars are relatively small and they're neatly healed. The rest of my stomach is an abomination. I have horribly scaring down the bottom half of my stomach. I don't have a bellybutton anymore. And my Crohns is as rampant as ever. I also now have a giant hernia there and I believe a second near the bottom.

The bpd is another shitstorm. I have serve depression. Some anxiety. And recently diagnosed with Intermittent explosive disorder. I struggle with self harm and despite what I've told doctors suicidal thoughts everyday. Most days it's a lot per day. I've been hospitalized 3.5 times with 2 this year in April then July. I've tried a bunch of meds and nothing has provided me true relief. While I spent 2 months inpatient between July and September the IOP program discharged me from their program and threw away all of my belongings Minus 2 tshirts and a pair of shorts I had on when I went inpatient. And someone stole my ps4. I'm in a new IOP program with just 2 shirts to my name.

I have had a lot of trauma in my life. Sexual abuse, mental and physical abuse, abandonment, neglect, homelessness, I think I'm borderline retarded, and I've shot up to 380lbs.

The last big problem is a super small dick. I mean like 3"x2" on a *good* day. And its caused me a lot of problems. In 18 years I been with 2 people. One I was with twice. The other I was married to. Now you would think "Oh he was married ir can't be that bad", but it was. We fought all the time and she threw my size in my face every time. Twice she delivered some pretty critical hits. Once after the usual comments she said she never loved me and the only reason she married me was to get away from her parents. Then the most devastating one. Sometime after she miscarried, "I'm glad I miscarried, I want my kids raised by a real man".

So that's what I've dealt with and what I'm going through now. Even if I drop the weight I'm still a fugly retard with a tiny dick. I'm still to emotional. I'm still crazy. There's no hope and no reason to try. I don't know why I haven't done it yet I'm literally holding on to nothing. I need to write this out and get off my chest.

I'm tired.

I'm ready to go.

After multiple hospitalizations and negativity in my life, I’m finally going to end it. Everyone is a huge asshole and hurt me for no reason. I tried my best to be a person that someone can rely on. That’s not good enough apparently. There’s no point in life anyway. My life has been hell since freshman year of high school. I’m a senior now and my life is hell still. I don’t need people’s insults and harassment at me anymore. It’s all gotten too much. I’m sick. Inside and out. I really can’t take this anymore. I’ve lost all emotion to care about anything. I feel nothing. Call that cringy all you want I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of life. Fuck the world. I will not be missing it

I started my first year of college and i HATE it. People always say "College years are the best of your life !" but it's a LIE.

I just spend my days working and when I come back to my dorm I have to spend an additional 1 hour minimum studying. My teachers give us so much homework I even have to spend my weekends working. All of that just to get bad grades.

I don't know what I'll do if I drop out or fail my first year. And even if I somehow get my degree, it will be the same. I'll still have to work a 9-5 in a job I hate for the rest of my life just to have enough money to stay alive and work the next day.

I'm just so tired. It is so unfair that I was brought into this world without my consent and am now expected to work for the rest of my life, and am called lazy or a spoiled brat or a failure if I can't. I just hate it here, and suicide feels like the only way out. But it's either painful or expensive and hard to get.

If my parents asked me permission to bring me to this world I would've said a big fucking NO.

RJ mitt sucide today and he have courage and I don’t

You tell them “I’m depressed and I have no reason to keep living” and their response is always “well, there’s SOMETHING keeping you going! You’re still here!!”

Yeah the possibility that I could maim myself if I don’t follow through correctly. Stop acting like there’s some secret thing that I care about that would bring me joy or make me less suicidal. There’s not.

I'm planning to kill myself after I go to court on Thursday. It doesn't matter what happens. Knowing I'm just tolerated by people who I told me they loved me hurts too much. Plus living in the US isn't an option anymore and and I have zero work skills and physically disabled so living in a different country is next to impossible. I'd rather just end things before the government decides to for me

what the title says.

i got out of the psych ward (where i was doing well) today and all of the things that created the conditions that sent me there are back. i'm just in so much agony and having to immediately go back to school in the middle of my transition back into normalcy might be my final straw. stupid reason, i know, but even just the thought of it is so stressful.

i really don't want to go. i can't cause all the pain that will come in the wake of my death. i can't just throw my life away. the problem is that something in my mind desperately wants to go right now. i put so much energy into living and i'm all out. whatever "it" is knows what "it" would do and i'm afraid i might lose the battle to something in my own psyche. if "it" was able to work up the courage to make me OD on some of my pills before, what is "it" capable of?

i know this sounds batshit crazy but this is the only way i can describe it. what do i do? i don't really want to go back to a psych ward but most of my other options (well, "most" being a. going to school and just being completely overwhelmed or b. skipping and just being completely overwhelmed but for different reasons) sound so daunting. seriously, what the fuck do i do? what the fuck is happening? am i going crazy? please help!!

Hi. My name is Lucy and I'm a 24 year old adult male. Growing up, I was so captivated and charmed by western animation and so I always aimed to pursue a career in it. I had some periods of time where I wanted to be a mangaka or a illustrator, but I would ultimately decide on animation as my path. Some of my favorite shows are Over the Garden Wall, The Owl House, OKK.O, and especially Steven Universe. I absolutely admire Rebecca Sugar and I always hoped I'd get to meet her one day. Her latest album, Lonely Magic, is such a beautiful album that I recommend any artist who is still willing to put up a fight against AI to listen to. Some of my favorite memories include starring in a musical production back in high school, being the life of the party at our winter and spring proms, and playing infection back in elementary school. There was one huge pine tree in the courtyard where we had recess and I remember always hiding underneath it, even though it was a spot that everyone knew about. I believe it's a great shame that recess typically doesn't happen throughout high school.

As you can probably figure out, one of the biggest reasons for my suicide is because of AI. I feel powerless against it, especially with how money controls our politics so heavily. I simply don't want to live in a society where what it means to be human is discarded for profit. I've accepted that I'll probably never become an animator and that was honestly my main reason of living. It's my soul and purpose and I don't want AI to touch that at all. I simply refuse to "adapt," and can't help roll but my eyes at the stupidity of the odd people who support AI in the arts.

"AI will make it easier for animators to express their creativity!" - No, it won't. Newsflash, art is hard. Art is a grueling task, especially animation. The effort, focus, and strain that goes into even making a few seconds of animation is what gives it it's artistic value. Art is inherently the antithesis of capitalism. It is not concerned with profit or efficiency, shareholders or automation. That's why all of these animation giants are groveling to implement AI into their workforce, to replace workers for more profit even if the result is soulless.

"BUT-BUT Digital Art, Right!? Isn't This the same thing!?" - No, it isn't. And this is really simple to disprove. If you take someone who specializes in digital art and have them draw on a sketchbook, they will be still able to draw well. If you take an AI "artist" and have them draw on a sketchbook, they won't be able to create anything fundamentally good. You're still learning with digital art, and the skills and expertise are transferable to traditional mediums.

I'm just not willing to see how further AI will go, to be honest. It's never going to serve the common people and will only serve the ultra wealthy. The ultra wealthy will live on their private islands and luxury doomsday shelters, while the rest of us starve and die when this inevitably implodes. Whether it's AI, climate change, or war, the ultra wealthy will flee and hide while the rest of us die, never having to pay the consequences for their immense greed. This is their agenda. They hate us, they hate humanity, and we are too focused on fighting with each other to see who the real enemy is. The time for revolution was years ago, and now we are stuck believing that simply holding up signs and saying our chants will result in any actual change. We ought to learn from France.

The only reason I haven't been able to sum up to courage to kill myself is that I know it will destroy my family. But I just don't want to live anymore. Being born was perhaps the cruelest affliction my parents have bestowed upon me. I simply wish I wasn't born. And I feel as if I deserve the right to kill myself. It's perhaps the one real choice I'll be able to ever make in my life, influenced by myself and myself alone.

I'm not sure how I'll do it. I'd like it to be quick and painless, as I don't want my last moments to be asphyxiation or anything like that. I don't have any guns either. So maybe I'll drive to the Golden Gate Bridge, or where Charlotte Fosgate took her photo. If you also couldn't tell, I so desperately wish I was a woman. I have a lot of internalized transphobia within me, and I would do ANYTHING if it meant I could experience the joy of motherhood (not that motherhood is what solely defines womanhood. It does not). If life was kinder to me, I would've named my daughter Oceania, or maybe Seraphine.

Well, that's all I have to say. I'm not sure when specifically but I'm certain I will kill myself sometime soon. I encourage anyone who feels this way, especially if they are an artist, to keep fighting. Keep fighting against the power, and keep creating. I'm sorry for taking the easy way out, and I hope by some miracle things will get better. Humanity is a beautiful thing, and I'm glad I got to experience it for just a brief moment.

Thank you for reading.

I'm gonna let my family and friends have one last good look at me before I d1e and have my last moments with them happy ones.

I've been saving up for a kicktail longboard for so long now and I am gonna get it on Christmas and ride it around for a while. After that, I'll visit my favorite gas station and buy my final drink. After that, i'll go to my favorite tree and scarf down as much aderall as possible.

The reason I'm going to do this is because I'm nobody's number 1. Im never getting asked to go somewhere with any of them. This world is going to shit and I don't want my parents wasting their money on a kid who just smokes and drinks all of the time. These societal pressures are too much for me. I can't handle this.

I (F21) think about suicide a lot, and I know it’s been something that’s always been on the back of my mind for years, and I sometimes lie in bed thinking about how I’d do it. I realized just how easy it would be for me to actually succeed since I’ve been living alone for the past year.

Both of my parents are overseas, I live all alone, and my nearest family is a drive away. No one could walk in on me and call for help. I could be dead for a week in my room and I don’t think anyone would have a single clue until the neighbors start complaining about the smell. That’s how lonely I’ve been.

I simply have nothing going on for me.

I don’t know where to start. I have lost all the drive in my life, no more spark, nothing that excites me to get out there and make stuff happen.

I didn’t always used to be this way. I had a great job, wife, made six figures a year, family that cares about me. I really was enjoying life and had so much joy in me.

Along the line i found out my wife was cheating on me, ended up getting a divorce, quit that job, and moved out of state thinking new scenery would change my outlook and give me a fresh start. But that has only made it worse.

All i think about all day is ways i can kill myself. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone in my life, i don’t want to continue on portraying that everything’s ok when it’s not. I have zero faith that i will ever be able to love again let alone trust someone to get close to me.

Life is heavy, and I’ve held it up as long as i can, but the weight is just too much to bear.

I've tried so many ways to save this and i just can't find a good reason not to just end it all. I don't care enough to ask for help and i don't want anyone to hear me bitching and crying about how lonely and how much of a loser i am.

i don't give a fuck anymore but i don't have the courage to do this anymore why can't something just happen to me already.

I've been severely dehydrating myself to hopefully trigger some kind of stupid ass terminal state but i don't know how much longer i can keep this up for.

The method is right there. It would not hurt, it would be easy.

I keep trying to tell my husband that I need help, but he isn't hearing me properly. I haven't said, "I want to die" but I'm saying, "I'm having bad thoughts. My brain is bad. I'm feeling very, very sad." and he just makes reasonable (but incorrect) guesses about what I mean and doesn't ask any follow up questions.

He went to take a shower. The temptation to take the medications that would end me is so strong, and it would only take a minute to do it.

I want to do it, but I'm willing to hear someone out here.

The love of my life broke up with me. She immediately went on to find someone new. Now she thinks I’m a crazy dangerous stalker and her vision of me is entirely ruined. Now there’s no chance I’ll ever be able to see her or talk to her again. Because I couldn’t keep myself from crossing her boundaries.

I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t eaten in 3 days and I have no desire to. I haven’t shaved. I’ve showered once. I haven’t done laundry. I haven’t cleaned my room. I haven’t gone to class. Missing work is just piling up and up. I make minimum wage. I have $8.88 in my bank account. I make a lot of cash tips from work but there is no atm for my bank in my college town so I can’t deposit it without a fee. Let alone have the energy to do it. So also my electric bill is late. My roommates plan on leaving me for their fucking frat house next year and I’m gonna be left with some randoms. There goes my only support. My hobbies aren’t fun to me anymore. I can’t make new friends. No one wants to be friends with a dirty depressed fat dude. I’m living with constant regret with how things went down and she never gave me a second chance. She didn’t want to give me the opportunity to grow for her. When she was literally all I wanted. Period. In my whole life I just wanted to spend it with her. I don’t give a shit about anything I used to have passions for. I don’t give a shit about anything. I can’t sleep at night and I wake up so early because all I can think about is my regret.

And I know she’s probably over there relieved that I’m gone. I know she’s already looking for new guys to “love”. She’s making posts for new guys saying “I’m not looking for anything specific haha I’m not perfect and I don’t expect you to be either!” Motherfucker then what was I??? Worthless?? You told me nothing was wrong before ghosting me and deciding it was over. She’s not ready for that shit. She’s the most avoidant woman I’ve ever met but I don’t think she thinks she is. She thinks it’s all my fault because I was coming on too strong and pushed her away with my intensity. But I asked if that was the case. She always said no. So either you’re avoidant as hell or your communication skills don’t exist and either way you’re not ready for a new man. And if she is ready for the next man and actually falls in love with him, and it works out, well shit there goes the very last of my self image. Just wasn’t able to love me huh. I don’t understand why she would say yes to being in a relationship with me if she didn’t want to work for it at ALL. The first sign of something going wrong, she isolated herself and broke up with me in her head before I even knew it was an issue. And now I’m about to end my life while she’s over there living like normal and meeting new men like nothing ever even happened.

My best friend of over a decade just broke up with his fiancee. They were dating for 6 years, engaged for 2, living together, about to buy a house under their name together. Turns out she was obsessed with this other dude and borderline cheating. That’s over. He spent 2k on an engagement ring for her and now he’s gonna have to sell it on facebook marketplace. I don’t understand. It seems like no matter how committed you are to somebody, they don’t care. My best friend lives 12 hours away from me, but we called today and just cried to each other. Both of us, saying how our women were the most important things in our lives. These women had men who wanted only them. Who prioritized them over themselves. Who were willing to do anything for them to make them have as good of a life as possible. But for some reason they just didn’t want to work on it at all. Figured it’d be easier to just drop it and do something new than work on something old. Both women supposedly “loved” us at one point. But you work toward something you love. You don’t change your mind on someone you love that quickly. If you do, you weren’t in love.

I’m tired. It feels useless. No point in trying again. It all feeds into a loop. You get fucked over once and it hurts you. Then you’re hurt and let things fall apart. Then things are all fallen apart and it’s damn near impossible to fix it. If you don’t fix it, nothing’s going to work. Nothing healthy. People are always hiding how they really feel. I don’t care about school. I don’t care about a future job. Nothing’s fun. I just want to get rid of this constant grieving in my head and any other solution is only temporary. It always comes back. Sometimes I think about how it would affect my family and the few friends I have, but that doesn’t matter. I’m dead. Who cares. That’s not my problem anymore. Take a note out of their books.

It just seems so peaceful to get rid of all of this shit I’m constantly worried and stressed about and losing sleep over. Just boom. Over. And the world keeps spinning.

I really, genuinely don't want to die, but i have ruined my life and there is no hope for me. There is nothing that i can do to fix my life. I want to live but i cannot live the way my life is so i will have to kill myself. I am so sad but i will have to accept it.