So my girlfriend is MTF. She's very early into her transition and has to hide herself everywhere besides my house basically. To presence this we are both teens so I live at my parents' house, obvious reasons. So to the problem; my girlfriend struggles to remember to put a shirt on when she's walking around the house. I tell her in teasing way that if shes a girl, she has to put on a shirt. She doesn't ever take it seriously and her not having a shirt on makes my parents very uncomfortable because they have to perceive her as a girl and yk having her boobs out and about is a bit weird yk? I've told her about the problem seriously today and I hope she takes it seriously..

Hi everyone. I (24F) am really struggling. My wife (30 MtF) and I have been together over 7 years, married for 2. She came out to me 6 months after our wedding. To say that I have felt grief, frustration, and heartbreak is an understatement.

However, I’ve also felt joy, hope, and immense pride seeing how she has grown and become more confident. THIS is who she really is, and it is very clear. She has a very beautiful new sense of self and purpose in life. The fact that I have been able to be on this journey alongside her has been such a privilege.

I do not begrudge her this process. She has every right to be who she wants to be and live the life she wants to live. She is pretty much only out to me. We live with my mom, so she is only “she” when we are in private together. My wife does plan on coming out to everyone eventually and getting top surgery, but that’s a ways down the line.

I feel like we are living a double life and it is absolutely exhausting. I completely respect the pace of my wife’s journey and definitely do not want to rush it, but this process has been almost suffocating for me. There is so much secrecy, even in my own home. I have to constantly pretend that I am in a heteronormative marriage. I’m really not okay and I can’t tell anyone why.

It’s taken me a long time to figure out my feelings. Recently, I was finally able to tell my wife how much I am grieving having a husband. I am grieving the life I thought we would have together. It is becoming very clear to me that I am still attracted to men, and that probably needs to still be part of my life somehow for me to be truly happy. She took it well. I felt so bad telling her, but I also felt like she deserved to know.

I have no idea what is coming next for us. Thankfully we are starting up couple’s counseling again hopefully soon. I love her more than words could ever say. I just don’t know how this is all going to pan out and I am very very scared.

Thank you for reading.

So here’s the post https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/s/AlbbPOk9vf

Anyway we were hanging out the other day, I had ask her to check out another post that I had made and get some feedback about it. Turns out she did that and more. She read my post about me presenting fem, my thoughts as a cis male on my being drawn to panties, namely thongs, skirts, and nail polish.

I didn’t panic. We’ve always been open and accepting with each other. We’ve accepted things about each other that the other person was SURE was gonna run the other person off. But I did hold my breath. She was incredibly supportive. She said we can investigate it together, all three things.

Before when I wrote the other post, I was thinking individually not as a couple… I have trauma. Let’s just say I had one healthy relationship in 2001 (we are still besties to this day) and the most recent two relationships have been healthy, current GF included. Everyone between that was crazy abusive. So I have to remind myself that I have a wonderful supportive loving girlfriend who I have in my corner. Anyway, I was thinking facing it alone and it was scary, but facing it with her, it’s not scary. I feel calm. I can imagine what it would feel like to wear a skirt or panties and not freak out about it.

As of right now I still feel Cis Male, and honestly I don’t think that’ll change, just potential change to my wardrobe.

P.S. we’ve also talked about getting my ears pierced once we get the burnable cash, something I’ve always wanted to do. Definitely something dangly. I like dangly.

Anyway. That’s my newest update.

I'm (20 AFAB genderfluid) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (20 MtF) for almost 2 years now. For some context, I call myself a lesbian because I'm purely attracted to non men. Before we started dating, she was still identifying as more masculine/androgynous (not a man though). We had started dating while she still identified this way, and it wasn't until a few months later that she fully came out as a trans woman.

As for previous relationships, I was with someone who very recently came out and was at the start of her transition. The person I was with before that was gender non-conforming for our relationship, but now also identifies as a woman.

Because of this, a lot of people call me a chaser, and it's leaving me worried. I've had many conversations with my current girlfriend and from her perspective, she doesn't see it that way.

The fact I've been with those people aren't connected whatsoever, and it's purely a coincidence that they all happen to identify as transfem now. It's never been about sex or anything like that, these are people I've just happened to connect with deeply. I've been proud of their identities and helped whenever I could.

It's getting frustrating when people say I'm a chaser JUST because I'm in a relationship with a trans woman. I'm starting to worry something might be wrong with me. People also question my sexuality since I've really only been with trans people (trans women are women, I'm a lesbian regardless of whatever TERFS say, blah blah blah).

Any advice or input would be amazing. ( •⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

I'm a cis woman who has been in a lightweight relationship with a guy for more than a year. We don't live together and don't plan to, we only occasionally spend time together, basically it's just fun and games. At the same time, we have both been very kind and supportive to each other whenever necessary.

I'm bi and kinky, so when I discovered that my BF was into occasional crossdressing, I was supportive and GGG. Well. It seems like when he felt that support, which he hasn't felt before in his life, the floodgates opened. I was the first to ask if he might be trans, and he said no, he would have loved to be a woman but he is what he is and that won't change. Fast forward a couple of months, he's researching hormones. Still no pronouns change, no new name. Exploring clothes, makeup, hair removal, a bunch of things I actually don't navigate so well myself.

I am still supportive of whatever they decide they are, but I feel like it's killing my desire. Every other conversation is about this topic. It doesn't help that he doesn't have that many friends and even fewer he can talk to about this. It's way more than I signed up for when I got into this relationship. I was myself coming out of a very long and serious previous relationship where I had to lend huge amounts of emotional and organizational support for my ex who suffered from severe depression, so I was overjoyed to be in a not-so-serious one that was meeting my needs for companionship without making huge demands on me. But now I'm like my BF's whole support network. And I feel like I could be one or the other, GF or a supportive friend, but both is too much for me. But I don't know how to discuss this with my BF without breaking their heart.

Sorry about the pronoun mix, the person in question is still referring to themselves as a he, but obviously we wouldn't be where we are if things were so simple.

My boyfriend (19ftM) is pre T and would like to start but in our country the progress to get T prescribed takes 2+ years. He just said he is prograstinating starting the progress and i asked why. He said that its gonna take so long that after starting the best years of his life will be in the past so there is no point. Im sorry but that is the stupidest thing i have heard him say in a while. So at 22 your life is over?

If you have started t at 20 or older, please tell if it made your life better and if it was worth it.

My (19f) girlfriend (20mtf) is the sweetest person i've ever met. we started dating right before she went on HRT over 2 years ago. She's been transitioning and living as a woman ever since, she's gorgeous and recently she seems to pass pretty well.

she's started to SLOWLY become more comfortable using the women's bathroom at school (we're in college) when there isn't an easy alternative. It has been a huge step for her, considering we don't have gender neutral bathrooms in our dorm building and she obviously doesn't feel comfortable walking into the men's room with D cups boobs...
I even usually walk with her to make sure nobody walks in on her when she has to shower, because she feels extremely vulnerable doing so.

Anyways, today she took a normal piss in the women's room during class, and once she got back to class some girl followed her out of the bathroom, took a picture of her on her phone, and laughed, all in plain sight like she didn't even care.

She's understandably very upset and feels super self conscious now. She has been feeling dysphoric recently and this absolutely won't help. I'm not really sure what to do or say to her to help her feel better. I'm just really angry thinking about how trans women like her are the ones seen as predatory or invasive as if it isn't cis people harassing, following, photographing them...

She's not a threat to women, she's not something to fucking point and laugh at. She's a normal person trying to mind her own business and I'm so angry for her.

Hey all!

My (f19) partner (m19) of two years has come out as trans! They still go by he/they so I will be using them in this post. Anywho, he has been struggling with his identity for some time now and finally has come to the conclusion that he wants to transition which im very supportive of. He also wants to start taking hrt and start dressing more feminine, the usual things.

I love this for him but im having some conflicting thoughts about this whole thing and would really like some advice and encouragement.

The masculine version of himself is all i know and my preference in a partner, whether its male or female, is masculine. So for starters, Im scared I might lose attraction for his physical aspects. I would never having wandering eyes but what if I do at some point? I dont know. We also struggle with intimacy because we have very differing libidos, I have a higher one wheras he has a lower one. I know hrt is going to affect his but its really a mystery of if its going to lower it or highten it. So I’m scared about this as its already kind of a thing were going through rn. I feel anxious making future plans like moving out or potentially vacation plans because I don’t know what our future is going to look like.

I love him dearly and I never want to leave him just because of something so trivial, but the thought of it is killing me. Whenever Im at work and something reminds me of him or us, I just want to cry, and most of the times I do despite being in public lol. I’m going to miss all his masculine features and I dont feel like Im ready to let them go. His physical attributes are what made me attracted in the first place but his personality is what made me stay.Thankfully, Im very fortunate to have a understanding partner who wants me to communicate all my thoughts about his transition so that we can work through it.

I would really like to hear success stories and some advice from you all as my overthinking and inability to accept change is kind of ruining it for both of us. Although, its a little comforting knowing theres a community here that I can talk to about this stuff :>

What do I need to prepare for with her starting estrogen and spironolactone?

Okay, so now I'm navigating co-parenting and existing with my ex-spouse as she starts HRT (MTF). She isn't planning to move out because she isn't financially stable and her family isn't safe (transphobic). I'm upset about our breakup, but I would never purposely put her in a bad position so I'm not kicking her out no matter how upset I am.

For those who didn't see my last post, I am supportive of her transitioning. She dumped me after I expressed upset at her for taking my clothing and the conversation progressively devolving into why our relationship sucked. We have 4 kids. The oldest is extremely disabled. The youngest is 8 months old.

Basically, I just want to know what I need to be prepared for emotionally. She went to the appointment alone and is starting medication tomorrow, so I didn't get much information.

Please be gentle, I am mentally exhausted and I am trying my best.

Not in a joking way but in a serious manner. I’m pretty sure there’s not much to say but if you have experienced grieving the body you werent born in, i would love to hear what u would want to hear in that moment

- cis woman dating a trans man for the first time

I (cisF) have dated my ftm boyfriend for almost two years now. I love him to pieces and he truly is my better half, but damn sometimes its hard and i dont have anyone to talk about this with.

My few closest friends know he is trans and some have said uncomfortable things about him. Im also always afraid others might clock him because i cant know how they would react. I have previously thought someone would be very accepting, only to find out they think im in a lesbian relationship.

The sex is different. I have never seen him naked. He doesnt want me to. He doesnt want me to touch him down there either. Sometimes i just want to see him feel good physically, but i know its not that simple for him. The sex is good, but always being on the receiving end sometimes makes me feel distant to him.

Then there are the days he is feeling dysphoric and there is close to nothing i can do to help. It breaks my heart, he truly deserves the world.

The thing i feel the most guilty about is that sometimes it feels hard to find him physically attractive. He is pre everything but passes most of the time. I am straight and it feels hard to be attracted to his physical traits that are on the feminine side. I have never admitted this to anyone.

If ur gonna say something please be kind :( sorry for the rambling and bad english, im super tired

Hola a todos, uso una cuenta desechable por motivos de privacidad.

Llevo cuatro años con mi novia (23F). Ella es una mujer trans y yo soy un hombre cisgénero bisexual (26M). Nos amamos profundamente, tenemos una relación increíblemente sólida y ya estamos planeando casarnos por lo civil y tener hijos. Somos genuinamente felices juntos.

En mis relaciones anteriores (tanto con hombres como con mujeres), siempre he sido estrictamente activo. Nunca antes había sentido el deseo ni la curiosidad de ser pasivo. Sin embargo, últimamente, he desarrollado una fantasía recurrente: quiero que ella me penetre. Esto no es algo que piense con nadie más; es un deseo exclusivo para ella. Siento que surge de querer entregarme por completo a ella, experimentar una vulnerabilidad total y ponerme en sus manos porque confío en ella más que en nadie.

Mi dilema —y lo que me tiene completamente paralizado— es cómo decírselo. Tengo dos miedos principales:

1. Me aterra que esto pueda desencadenar disforia de género o hacerla sentir incómoda con su cuerpo. Sé que las mujeres trans tienen una relación compleja con su anatomía, y lo último que quiero es lastimarla o hacerla sentir disforia. (Por supuesto, estoy más que dispuesto a usar un arnés si prefiere no usar su cuerpo, pero no sé cómo expresarlo).
2. Me asusta que pueda cambiar la forma en que me percibe como hombre, o que un posible rechazo pueda crear una barrera de incomodidad o silencio entre nosotros en el futuro.

Quiero ser completamente honesto con ella porque estamos construyendo una vida juntos y nos vamos a casar, pero me aterra arruinar lo hermoso que tenemos.

¿Alguien ha estado en una situación similar? ¿Cómo abordaste la conversación? Si eres una mujer trans, ¿cómo te sentirías si tu pareja te hablara abiertamente sobre esto? Agradecería mucho tus consejos, reflexiones y experiencias. Muchas gracias de antemano.

EDIT: Thank you all so much! (Update)

I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply, share their personal experiences, and give me such thoughtful advice. Reading perspectives from both trans women and partners who have been in similar situations completely opened my eyes and helped me understand the emotional and psychological complexities of this topic much better.

After reading and reflecting on all your comments, I have made a final decision. I realize that her well-being, her mental health, and her peace of mind are my absolute top priorities—far above any temporary fantasy. She has never expressed a desire to top in the past, and knowing that a sudden shift could risk triggering dysphoria is enough for me to happily keep things as they are. I love her deeply, we have a beautiful 4-year foundation, and I feel completely at peace and happy choosing her comfort over everything else.

Thank you all again for being such a safe, respectful, and supportive community. You truly helped a lot!

Hi! Im cis boyfrend of my best ftm partner, my boyfriend is before his transition and he is highly dysphoric, we both are artists and I just made art of him naked with penis flat chest etc. and just after I finished I wondered, is it okay if I would send that to him... Now Im kinda worried that this might hurt him because I don't know how would he react. I really love him and my question is do you think I shoukd ask him before I send it? or should I keep it for myself? I could ask him if he is okay with that, I know, but I don't know if its really thing or not. Thanks!

I've poured my heart and soul out for this woman. I've seen her from before transition into the woman she's become and it's fucking gut wrenching to say that after almost 8 years on hormones, all sorts of concoctions to try to boost her libido, nothing has worked.

We're in relationship counseling now, specifically tailored to queer kink positive folks. We've known of this since 7 years ago and we even split up for a small time over it with the only thing bringing me back was her promise that things would get better or we could work out some kind of open relationship agreement. I'm still frustrated though. Things haven't been as i was led to believe, kink in our lives has not increased, and she's been all over the place in terms of boundaries for an open relationship when we've talked about it. Sometimes she likes to act like she's ok with it, especially around friends, but then tells me she could never do it when we're alone. God I hate this lack of clear communication. I feel manipulated.

Estrogen has made her and I grow apart and I'm so fucking heartbroken about the future. I hate the swirl of this all and I just am hurting and frustrated. We're in couples counseling and frankly this is the last stand for it. I know this isn't because she's trans, but she is trans and just like i know the sex drive change is always a rough spot. Please send some hope my way. I'm so fucking confused right now

Hi! My (cis female, mid 40s) husband (amab mtf mid 40s - he still wishes to use he/him pronouns), came out as trans mtf in January and started hrt in May, thinking it would help him feel better. He went to the doctor and asked for it, and they wrote him a prescription (no meeting with a therapist first or counseling or anything). He has a long history of alcoholism and finished rehab stay #2 in March, and that’s when the dressing feminine, nails, hair, body products, etc all started, going 100mph and me feeling like I didn’t even know him anymore with the whirlwind of changes. Then he started hrt May because he thought it would make him feel better. But he doesn’t seem to feel better. He sleeps all the time and is very flat affect. He doesn’t seem to actually enjoy anything. On days off he will go to an AA meeting and then naps most of the day, or watches tv or plays videogames. He goes out with a few AA friends here and there but other than them and myself has not much of a support system. He refuses to talk to his family, not even his own kids (ages 11 & 14). I realize that other things may be making his depression worse and he’s doing the hard work of staying sober, and I realize hrt isn’t a magic pill (or patch in his case) but it seems like if it was helping with gender dysphoria that he would feel happier, lighter, more joyous. I’ve asked him if it’s helping and he isn’t sure. We’ve been in couples counseling (there’s a lot to unpack still) but he’s made no effort to start individual counseling and seems very unhappy with his current job hours but won’t make a change. I want him to feel better, be happier, back to the guy I used to know that I fell in love with. Could it be not the right type of hrt for him maybe? Like he needs shots instead of a patch? It just seems like if this was truly the thing making him depressed this whole time (he has blamed his alcoholism on him not being able to live as a woman and says he needs to live as a woman to “be happy and avoid drinking”) wouldn’t it be helping him more? You hear stories about folks who start hrt and it changes their lives in such positive ways, I just want him to feel better too. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you!!

My partner is going MtF and he has had more trans friends. He wants to use he pronouns for now. Anyway, he had a trans friend over who stated she is all of the trans stereotypes and I realize I have no idea what the MtF trans stereotypes are? Help?

my marriage is in crisis. and it seems to all be unraveling. it’s happening very quickly. we’ve held on for so long. the future is so uncertain. 2 kids… 13 years.

my parter is trans. I’m a cis heterosexual man. He came out as nonbinary about 2 years ago. its been a slow, difficult process. but i’ve been here the whole way supporting as best i could.

we’ve chosen each other every day. for years. remade the promise over and over. “we’re in this together” “ride or die” “I could never leave you”

but my partner is leaving me. “currently, I don’t want to be with you” is what i’m now being told. we don’t have specific plans. we’re trying to get into some couples sessions of therapy before we make any massive decisions like: selling the house? we’ve talked about ethical non-monogamy, coparenting, being roommates and partners but not romantic. whatever.

but very abruptly being together is too painful for them. I suggested some intimacy. just for both our sake. let’s try it again. it’s been a little bit. and that’s when it all changed. it “triggered something in them” being in my presence is very painful for them these last couple days. But i still I need them. i’ve lost most of my support system. a change needs to happen. i can’t live like this. I’m shattered.

I 24 F and my fiance 24 MtF have been together for 7 1/2 years with 2 kids and have a 3rd on the way. Lately it has just gotten harder to stay.. she came out as trans about a year ago almost 2 years and have been completely supportive and helping her out with clothes and makeup tips. Well she has made it her whole damn personality and it’s honestly annoying. She has also taken over my makeup I let her use. I can’t even do my makeup bc everytime I do she criticizes ME on how to do makeup when I was the one who taught her makeup. She’s thinks she’s better than me and hotter than me ect. Well I have to ask her permission to use My makeup and if I ask her if I can just be the only one wearing makeup for a day she throws a huge fucking fit. Well when it comes to me doing my makeup I’m only allowed to use eyeshadow,eyeliner,and mascara sometimes lipstick nothing else. And when I do mt makeup I have to make sure I don’t copy any of her style. So I can’t do my little dots over my eyes I’ve always done or my squiggles with my eyeliner bc if I do she gets upset or tells me it looks stupid. She had also started live streaming. I don’t have an issue but it’s wht she’s doing Thts bothering me. She talks about wanting to bring on someone who everyone hates just to criticize them and start drama. I told her not to do tht. She has also let my kids be on the livestream after I specifically told her I do not want the kids on the livestream with people these days. She said it doesn’t matter bc she’s there parent to. Completely ignoring my wishes. She also makes live-streaming her life. I ask her for time away from the phone. She says no. I ask her if she can go one day without live streaming or going on her phone. She will tell me “no I need to engage if I want to make money” like she’s gonna be a millionaire over fucking night just by talking about how she’s trans and all this shit. She also has to tell all her subscribers our issues and our fights. Like last night. I wasn’t feeling good bc well in 17 weeks pregnant lol. I asked if she could come to bed with me and cuddle and go to sleep instead. She threw a fit abt it and I told her just forget it it’s fine don’t worry about it and her little follower on her phone goes “so is it fine or is it not fine wht is it!” Like it’s not ur fucking relationship to but in ur jsut one of her stupid followers u don’t need to be involved in my relationship. But she brings everyone into our relationship. Talks shit abt my mom to tell thems them all my personal issues like how I have BPD and how I was abused as a child or bullied in school shit I don’t want to remember and shit I don’t want other people knowing bc when people find out I have BPD and a hint of scizo I’m labeled as insane and unstable. She also tells them how I don’t care for the kids and don’t do shit other than sit on my ass. When I’m the one who cares for the kids changes them takes them places comfort them ect ect. I don’t just sit on my ass. Ya I have been for a while but thts bc back in December I broke my ankle but still cared for the house and the kids bc I was labeled as lazy for following doctors orders and resting my foot. Well I was on my broken ankle from December all the all the way till May when my doctor decided to have surgery on my foot! And when I was healing it was the same I’m lazy and a horrible mother from her. It doesn’t stop. And idk how much longer I can take it.

I’m also moving to California next year to help my grandparents out bc my grandma has dementia and is getting worse and my grandpa is 83 he shouldn’t do it by himself and I’m bringing the kids with me no matter wht bc my fiancés family is a bunch racist rich pricks and I’m Hispanic so I don’t need them making my kids racist. But she said she will fight me for custody and I will never see the kids again bc I’m unfit. So I’m stuck. Idk wht to do. Am I insane if I just leave and fight for custody?

My partner (MTF) recently came out to me about being trans and I have been using their chosen name for about a few weeks since they told me about it.

Last night, she told me she can tell that using the new name still hurts me a lot and it’s causing a lot of cracks in the relationship and pain and fear. She told me she can tell I’m not ready to let go of her old name and has said I should refer to her with the old name still. We do not refer to this as a deadname.

I want to keep using their old name, I’m not ready to let it go…. But I know how much she loves her new chosen name. She knows this has been an extremely difficult process for the both of us and I’m really struggling to cope. I’m stuck in a rock and a hard place. If I keep pushing myself to use her new name it will just keep causing the pain. But if I use her old name until I’m adjusted enough to use her new name, I’m causing her discomfort.

She is not out to anyone but me. Everyone still calls her by her old name. I’m the only one irl (other than discord friends from an alt account) that use her chosen name. Idk what to do here.

About a week ago my (24M) girlfriend (22MTF) of almost four months came to bed looking really somber, and I asked her if she was fine, to which she said yes. A few minutes later she started crying and apologizing and being clearly not fine, so I asked again and she opened up.

Apparently, she'd accidentally gone down a mental spiral about her being trans again, and part of it this time is a previous conversation of ours that day where I reassured her that I'm completely fine with "the trans thing" (her words) and that it doesn't bother me at all that she's born male, *but* that the only thing is that I don't want to know her deadname, because I don't know how that would make me feel, I don't need to know it because she is [Current Name] to me, and because I know I would likely not be able to stop thinking about it, as I have OCD tendencies.

While getting ready for bed, she had been thinking about that a lot, and it reminded her of how 'different' from other, 'normal' girls she is, that she will never be normal, and that she feels bad for being trans, because it makes our relationship inherently so much more complicated, than it would be if I were dating someone who was born a woman.

It was to the point where she apologized for being trans, and that she wishes she wasn't this way, and could've just been 'normal'.

I tried my best to reassure her that I still liked her, and that even if I found out her deadname it wouldn't change anything, because that's not who she is to me, but she insisted it's something that can't be 'forgotten'.

I feel terrible about it, like it's my fault, and I really wish I hadn't said it all. She insisted it was fine, and that I shouldn't feel bad for it, and that it's instead her who's a little crybaby who needs to toughen up, because she wants that kind of open and honest communication between us; especially about her being trans.

I love this girl, she is the first person I've ever met that I've actually wanted to be in a relationship with, but I think she gets so consumed by her self loathing (for being trans, and just in general) and insecurity that she has a hard time accepting it, and it breaks my heart. Especially when I feel like it's my fault for making her feel like if I were to find out her deadname, it would change anything between us. I don't know how I'd feel if I did find out, but I know it wouldn't change anything about what I think of her, and that I'll still love her, but she didn't seem convinced. Any advice?

Hi ! My (27F) partner (30MtF) of eight years recently came out to me (he asked me to still use he/him pronouns for now). I wasn't really surprised to be honest as there always were some "hints" of gender non-conformity.

At first he told me he didn't know if he really was a woman or just "needed to reimagine his masculinity" (which I felt was maybe denial so I decided to let him figure things out by himself). Yesterday he told me I was right and that he was a woman but was to afraid to admit it.

He's already seeing a therapist (who happens to be a trans man which is really great in that context), but he told me it was very hard for him to talk about this with me, so I'm trying to check on him every now and then, just asking if he needs to talk about "the thing" (that's how he describes it).

I want to be as supportive as I can, I've educated myself by reading ressources on trans identity and transitioning, I've tried making small jokes (I'm bisexual so I told him "I will finally be able bring my GF to pride") to make the subject less serious. He wants to goto a trans support group next week.

Last week he shaved his (very long) beard for the first time in 8 years and hated seeing his face without it. He told me that was only because he didn't like being fat (his words) and I'm wondering if that might also be from dysphoria ?

I don't know how to help more or how to do it the right way.

My question is : as a trans person, what would you have needed / wanted your partner to do when you came out ?

Sorry in advance for staying away from details, my partner is active on Reddit.

My partner and I have been together for over a decade and the whole time both identified as bi. We're married, have a child, and overall everything's pretty good relationship wise. I'm just getting back to finding myself after having the baby, and yesterday my spouse came out to me as MtF. Still very hesitant, but I've been getting some backstory about them (no gender decisions have been made) having that feeling for a long while.

Is it weird that I'm just... Okay with it? I have anxiety, self image issues (but cis), and have on occasion worried they'd leave me for a man, but when they told me this it really didn't change how I feel about them at all. I can't exactly picture what the transition would look like, and most of my worries relate to how family will take it, but I'm more concerned about how completely nonchalant I'm being. I think I'm even freaking them out.

Are there questions I should be asking or things I can do? It's not that I don't care, I just don't even know where to start. I love them today just as much as I did last week, and in fact I'm really proud of them and happy they are opening up this part of them to me. I mean, it's the same soul on the inside, right? Sure, I'm a little sad that they didn't feel this comfortable telling me before, but even though I'm a little blindsided I just want them to be happy looking in the mirror. It's the same thing I want for myself, and f*** knows I'm nowhere near close to that either.

Advice?

Hello everyone. First time posting here. Not looking for warnings/doom and gloomy here. Just having some thoughts tangled in my head and trying to make sense of them. I am well aware that these are sensitive topics and that you have had no shortage of negative experiences in this regard, so not trying to silence/block out that things get messy here. I just know that there are an ENDLESS amount of pages/discussions/groups where I can (and have) read about those experiences. Right here, I want to hear about actual lifestyle experiences that might help me to understand my feelings on this topic better and navigate the future. I promise, I have a massive amount of respect for you all, and you deserve to live with pride and respect. I plan to honor that. If I mis-step below and anything sounds disrespectful, please let me know, and I will listen.

TL_DR: For any Men reading who identify as Straight (or used to) and are attracted to Trans women, i would like to hear your story about:

• How/when you knew you were attracted, and if/how your orientation/identity has changed or not.
• How you first acted on it, if you have.
• Any internal complications/struggles you encountered and how you deal with them.
• If you have a current partner who is Trans.
• Or any other experiences you can share.

For any Trans Women reading:

• Have you had (non-transphobic) interactions with men who identify as Straight, and if so, how have they been?
• Have you encountered straight men (non chasers) who find you attractive and expressed that to you, either with or without the interest in sex?
• Have you had sex with any straight men? How does that experience usually play out? Have you initiated, or have they approached you?
• Have you had positive sexual experiences with men who identify as straight (or did at the time)?
• Have you had interactions/talks outside of sex with straight men about their orientation/desires? How do those conversations go?

All thoughts welcome (as long as they are positive and honest).

Background:

I am a man in my early 30's. I have been married for 12 years and my wife is amazing. We have had many discussions about our desires and interests and (while it was not easy at first) have learned a lot about each other over time. We have recently, over the past year, opened up our marriage from a very positive and loving place, into ENM. We both allow each other to have sex outside of our marriage, with open communication and boundaries, and we respect each other very much. We navigate challenges as they come, but we are always each ither's first priority, and we ensure that we do what we need to do to stay focused and connected on each other. Overall, our experiences with opening up have been very positive and we have never felt closer together and more fulfilled, once we found the best way to communicate and trust each other fully.​

She has identified as Bisexual for some time now (at least several years). I have always considered myself straight, and I am not attracted to men at all. The male body doesnt interest me. But I have always been at least a little curious/interested in Trans women. I have not yet expressed this to my wife because I dont really know what to even think about it myself. Rest assured though, I dont plan on meeting any Trans Women behind my wifes back. If I decided to act on it, I would communicate first and there wouldnt be anything hidden/secret, the same way I do with Cis women I meet.

As far as the attraction I feel, I dont feel it as any kind of fascination/fetish. Its more so that when I see a woman I find attractive, I feel the same way even after I find out she is Trans. The same type/appearance is what I find attractive in both Cis women and Trans women. I dont really know if I would actually want to act on this at all, and I havent actually spoken to any Trans Women yet (although I have read some articles/posts online to learn about the experiences I am asking above). So I dont know if I am falling into any traps that Cis-het men do... if I am, please let me know and I gladly will learn from that. Mostly, I just want to better understand how I feel about this and would greatly appreciate the perspectives of people who have been through this themselves.