[M 21] Hocd help

[u/HauntingCobbler6554]

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[M21]

Im really lost now, Im just going to post this and i would appreciate some honest opinions.

So basically this only started happening around 5 months ago, i became afraid that im attracted to the same sex. This stems from when i was 13 years old, for some reason i started wanking to trans girls and cis women on tiktok, then eventually that lead to watching trans porn and some straight porn at 15yrs old, to eventually just being on straight porn. The problem is that my concept of sexual attraction is broken. I have to physically stimulate myself to get hard but once im hard i dont have a problem getting off (can multple times in a row). The last spontaneous erection I had was on a family holiday to a girl I used to like when a tiktok popped up I was hard within seconds (i think being so relaxed and distracted allowed it to happen naturally).

In real life I have had a few crushes, one girl in year 8 I confessed to her that I liked her, another I was friends with her previously then when we reunited I developed a crush for her, and then a girl more recently I liked heaps cos she kind of lead me on and I was so emotionally invested i cried when i found out love didnt reciprocate and she has gotten with guys and i have felt very jealous and upset. With men I have never felt any sort of real life attraction, I am mainly friends with boys and have been my whole life and nothing has yet developed.

Finally, and at the current moment im really struggling, I think I have HOCD, I just want to know what my sexual orientation is im sick of it. Opinions would be very much appreciated as I am not enjoying myself recently.

[u/HauntingCobbler6554 → u/[deleted]]

Appreciate the response bro, hocd/so ocd is annoying asf, im sick of having to ask for reassurance

[u/HauntingCobbler6554 → u/[deleted]]

If you dont mind sharing, you can send me a dm if youd like too. How are you in the same boat?