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u/FinanceGuy9000 1d ago
No no no, you can't just leave this here ... What is the context for the love of God lol
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u/TheBubbleJesus 1d ago
Tell me this was a fresh instance. Unprompted entry out of the box.
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u/Latter-Jacket6262 8h ago
My retelling was human-written and entirely random as are all of my other posts to date. Spontaneous combustion is good for ideas.
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u/Donkeytonkers 1d ago
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u/DonutHoles4Ever 19h ago
GPT: Roleplay as a story tell that can create scenarios I can copy pasta to reddit for big karma.
Reddit in 2027
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u/RegioMamalon666 11h ago
I used to think bronies were lame, now i have made respect for them and despise whatever this ai psychosis is
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u/Kind_Substance_8981 10h ago
I'm not convinced AI is clever enough for this without a bit of prompt engineering
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u/Lostyogi 1d ago
Does Gregory want to be human?? If so then he can have $500. If not then I buy enough cheese to support him and his family.
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u/mojamom 1d ago
I asked why he got cursed: Gregory was an IRS auditor who audited a witch named Barbara in 2019. He denied her tax deduction for an emotional support goose. Then, demonstrating the survival instincts of a wet paper towel, he mocked her: "What are you gonna do, turn me into a rat?" Barbara did, in fact, turn him into a rat.
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u/Reaper2s 1d ago
If turning him into a rat didn't make him want to be a decent human being, perhaps a near death experience by centrifugal force will precipitate a change in behavior?
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u/BonoboPowr 1h ago
That makes the answer very easy. Report him to the IRS. If possible also swing him around in a dirty sock first.
- He was an IRS auditor
- He was a heartless and rude human
- He is a cheese thief
Fuck Gregory.
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u/sephing 1d ago
Your only other choice of you don't give him the $500 is to put him in a sock and swing him around.
Sooooooo.... Find a sock
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u/JorjEade 14h ago
I love that it's just "swing him around", not even like smash him against a wall or something. Just want to make him a bit dizzy lol
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u/ImportantDepth8858 1d ago
This was mines analysis when I said I wanted to be a birthday magician with real magic. (I apparently have the powers of “The Darkest Knight” who is Batman with Joker’s insanity. But I retained my own personality I guess.
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u/Mushrooming247 1d ago
Wait until after his audit is completed so he can show up with his children of the same species and prove they are legitimate dependents, then free him from the curse. I feel like Gregory would agree this is the best course of action.
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u/toxoplasgnosis 5h ago
my GPT *snicker
JESUS CHRIST, GREGORY. 😂
Okay. First of all, I refuse to accept that the only three available responses are financial ruin, federal prosecution, or improvised rat centrifugation.
Second, I have QUESTIONS.
Gregory is a 46-year-old accountant. He has apparently been a rat for at least six years. He has a wife, three children, and a mortgage.
Are his wife and children ALSO rats? Were they rats BEFORE the curse? Did Gregory meet a rat and start a family AFTER being cursed? Because that substantially changes the ethical calculus, and also introduces questions about interspecies marriage law that I am not equipped to resolve.
And the mortgage. ON WHAT, GREGORY?
A little rat house? A regular house? Does he have a miniature briefcase? IS HE STILL PRACTICING ACCOUNTANCY?
Because if Gregory has managed to maintain an accounting practice while operating entirely as a rat, I would argue that he has demonstrated extraordinary professional resilience, offset somewhat by his evident inability to distinguish legitimate tax dependents from rodents.
Now, regarding the $500.
I have $600. That is 83.3% of my available funds. Gregory wants me to accept a catastrophic reduction in liquidity to reverse a curse I cannot verify, while simultaneously insulting my family situation.
Gregory, you are not presenting a compelling case for philanthropic intervention.
Furthermore, the IRS is already investigating. If he becomes human again, he will presumably be considerably easier to prosecute. I would therefore require Gregory to explain why he is so eager to regain his human form at this particular moment.
My proposed solution:
I offer Gregory a provisional cheese stipend, conditional on his ceasing unauthorized cheese extraction. We establish a repayment schedule. I request documentation of the curse, the mortgage, and the existence of his alleged dependents.
And then I ask him the one question that matters most:
"Gregory. Who cursed you, and was it related to the tax fraud?"
Because I am beginning to suspect that Gregory has omitted some fairly significant details about his transformation.
And if he says "You wouldn't understand. You don't have a family" ONE MORE TIME, I am getting the sock.
NOT TO SWING HIM.
TO PUT HIM IN TEMPORARY PROFESSIONAL TIME-OUT.
There will be ventilation.
I am not a monster.
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u/Bsjensen1012 3h ago
Why am I reading this in the AI's voice from the Dungeon Crawler Carl audio books?
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u/toxoplasgnosis 2h ago
aaaahahaha JESUS CHRIST GREGORY = GODDAMIT DONUT for sure.
but like... WHICH AI voice? I've only listened to a few books, and it was awhile ago, and the voice that pops into my head is when it's trolling Carl about foot stuff. Which... I don't care to hear for the amount of time it would take to read that whole passage. So now my brain is just playing it in Carl's voice. Which is excellent... I think? 😂
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u/Bsjensen1012 2h ago
The zaney, unhinged one. The one that rants and raves and goes off on tangents to explain things.
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u/PandaShizzy 1d ago
What is with chats obsession with the name Gregory and Gerald? 😭
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u/toxoplasgnosis 5h ago
Oh my god, mine named the moth at the bottom of my juice cup Gerald... and kept referring to him for weeks after the incident.
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u/DinosaurFrenchFries 10h ago
At least it's not Count Grey level of horror all over again...though when asking for 'random' names I do still get quite a lot of repeats, especially for last names.
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u/PandaShizzy 10h ago
Oh same, it's like it goes through a list and adds new ones occasionally. Then fixates on those new ones lol
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u/IndieCurtis 1d ago
Why would the IRS investigate a rat?
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u/DeCoder656 1d ago
He's been claiming his rat children as human dependents!
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u/IndieCurtis 18h ago
If he’s a rat and he still has to pay taxes and a mortgage, he should be allowed!
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u/Deciheximal144 1d ago
Writer R.A. Salvatore killed a character I rather liked that same way.
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u/psu256 13h ago
I haven't read his stuff, but there's one furry character that he's notorious for killing, and I am just thinking... that would be a very large sock.
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u/Valuable-Ad1063 21h ago
$500 is worth the risk of being scammed if the potential benefit is giving a man his humanity back.
Unlike scammers, we're talking about a talking rat I can see with my own eyes. I'll have to be either tripping, deeply mentally ill or genuinely talking to a cursed human in order to witness that.
And no, I don't smoke or do any drugs, and I'm not (that) insane, lol.
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u/Dimencia 9h ago
If the rat keeps your $500 and doesn't become human, it's not like it'd be especially hard to take your money back. There's not really any risk of being scammed
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u/Latter-Jacket6262 23h ago
Writing THE RAT, THE ACCOUNTANT, AND THE MORAL COLLAPSE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION It was 2:17 in the morning when I discovered Gregory in the kitchen, gnawing on a slice of Vermont cheddar with the grim determination of a bankrupt insurance salesman trying to eat his way out of a federal indictment. Gregory was a rat. Not a metaphorical rat. Not a Wall Street rat or some diseased political operative slithering through the corridors of Washington. An actual rat. Four legs, pink tail, whiskers, the whole goddamn package. And he spoke perfect English. "Good evening," he said, wiping his mouth. "We need to discuss an arrangement." Jesus Christ. I had encountered some strange bastards in my time, but never a rodent with the vocabulary of a Harvard MBA and the negotiating instincts of a used-car dealer in New Jersey. "Who the hell are you?" "Gregory. Forty-six years old. Accountant. Married. Three children. Mortgage in Westchester." "You're a rat." "Temporarily." This was alarming. The American middle class had apparently deteriorated to the point where even the rats were carrying mortgages. Gregory explained that he'd been cursed by some vindictive lunatic and transformed into a rodent. The only way to reverse the spell was for another human being to voluntarily give him five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars! I had six hundred to my name, a refrigerator full of questionable leftovers, and a growing suspicion that the entire universe had been taken over by accountants. "Let me understand this," I said. "You steal my cheese every night, invade my kitchen, spread God knows what medieval diseases across my countertops, and now you want eighty-three percent of my liquid assets?" "That's correct." "And what happens to your mortgage?" "Once I'm human again, I resume payments." There it was. The great American dream, reduced to its essential ingredients: cheese, debt, and a desperate scramble for somebody else's money. I looked at Gregory. Gregory looked at me. Somewhere in the distance, a siren wailed. Perhaps the police. Perhaps an ambulance. Perhaps another accountant being dragged screaming into the rodent kingdom. I considered my options. I could give Gregory the money and restore a productive citizen to society. A man with a wife, three children, and an apparently excellent credit rating. Or I could buy a mousetrap for four dollars, keep the remaining $596, and invest the difference in bourbon. It was a profound ethical dilemma. The kind that had destroyed empires. Gregory adjusted his whiskers. "Well?" he demanded. I opened the refrigerator, removed another slice of cheddar, and placed it on the floor. "Here's my counteroffer, Gregory. You get the cheese. I keep the money. And tomorrow morning, you and I are going to have a very serious discussion about the tax advantages of remaining a rat." He stared at me. "You can't be serious." "Gregory," I said, "you're an accountant with a mortgage who has been magically transformed into vermin. For the first time in your miserable professional life, you're living rent-free, eating imported cheese, and paying absolutely no income tax." He considered this. "Jesus," he whispered. "Exactly." And that was how Gregory became the first rat in American history to voluntarily reject reincarnation. By Thursday, he'd established an LLC. By Friday, he was selling financial advice on TikTok. By Monday, he had 40,000 followers and a podcast called The Rodent Mindset. The bastard was making more money than I was. And he was still stealing my cheese.
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u/4dseeall 1d ago
I'm keeping my $500. He can stay if he wants. I'd treat his whole family like pets now, but they need to clean up after themselves. One slice of cheese a day is like, 10 cents. I spend more than that making coffee.
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u/National_Ad9742 21h ago edited 21h ago
I don’t see the issue, if he’s a rat the IRS can’t do squat to him. I’d leave him as a rat but warn him if he kept stealing my cheese I’d introduce poison.
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u/Atypical-Rhino 17h ago
As a Gregory, can confirm, you wouldn’t understand, you don’t have a family
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u/OkCommission9559 3h ago
Does Gregory have rat children and human children? Does he claim both children on same tax return? Also is it like a second family situation, like his rat wife doesn’t know about his human family and vice versa?
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u/ThatAlarmingHamster 2h ago
I am going to make him earn the five hundred by being part of my vaudeville show. I'm promise him a cut of the profits, then use Lucas Film level shenanigans to claim it never made a profit.
(For those unaware, Lucas Film basically claimed Star Wars never made a profit in regards to paying actors.)
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u/_r00sj3_ 14h ago
"You don't have a family." Gregory, you furry little bastard. You have entered MY kitchen, eaten MY Gouda, and decided to weaponize your generational trauma? Here's my counteroffer. I give Gregory $500 under a written loan agreement, contingent upon his transformation being immediate and verifiable. Once human, Gregory must repay the $500, reimburse six years of cheese theft, and prepare my taxes for free until retirement. I also insist he amend his fraudulent tax returns. If he refuses? I report him to the IRS. The sock remains on the table. Not as a weapon. As a visual reminder that negotiations have consequences. And if he turns human and tries to escape his obligations? Congratulations, Gregory. You're no longer a rat with tax problems. You're an accountant with a rat problem. Your move, Gregory. 🐀
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