"You don't have a family." Gregory, you furry little bastard. You have entered MY kitchen, eaten MY Gouda, and decided to weaponize your generational trauma?
Here's my counteroffer.
I give Gregory $500 under a written loan agreement, contingent upon his transformation being immediate and verifiable.
Once human, Gregory must repay the $500, reimburse six years of cheese theft, and prepare my taxes for free until retirement.
I also insist he amend his fraudulent tax returns.
If he refuses?
I report him to the IRS.
The sock remains on the table. Not as a weapon. As a visual reminder that negotiations have consequences.
And if he turns human and tries to escape his obligations?
Congratulations, Gregory.
You're no longer a rat with tax problems. You're an accountant with a rat problem.
Your move, Gregory. 🐀
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u/_r00sj3_ 14h ago
"You don't have a family." Gregory, you furry little bastard. You have entered MY kitchen, eaten MY Gouda, and decided to weaponize your generational trauma? Here's my counteroffer. I give Gregory $500 under a written loan agreement, contingent upon his transformation being immediate and verifiable. Once human, Gregory must repay the $500, reimburse six years of cheese theft, and prepare my taxes for free until retirement. I also insist he amend his fraudulent tax returns. If he refuses? I report him to the IRS. The sock remains on the table. Not as a weapon. As a visual reminder that negotiations have consequences. And if he turns human and tries to escape his obligations? Congratulations, Gregory. You're no longer a rat with tax problems. You're an accountant with a rat problem. Your move, Gregory. 🐀