My ex ended things almost a year ago, shortly before that they lost their best friend very suddenly.

I struggled to accept the ending at the time, but neither of us insulted or belittled the other. We dated for 5 months by the time it ended and I said hi once in May that didn’t really go anywhere

In a month it would be the 1 year anniversary. Would it be appropriate to send her a kind message? No part of it is to get back together or make it about me and her. I’ve had the distance to realise I wasn’t often a priority and there were avoidant behaviours I experienced at the time that I’ve only seen clearly since the split. She just meant a lot to me and if it will make her smile then it’s something I want to do

I’m 24M, and almost two years ago, I went through a breakup that completely changed me. Ex 22M

I was deeply in love with my ex. We were involved for around 1.5 years, mostly long-distance. Throughout the relationship, there were lies, secrecy, hidden accounts, dating app activity, and anonymous content he was posting online for thousands of people to see.

I had no idea about any of this, and it was happening while I was genuinely committed to him and believed we were building something meaningful together.
We broke up and got back together multiple times because I loved him and kept believing things would change.

Looking back, I realize how much disrespect I tolerated simply because I was terrified of losing someone I loved.
What hurt the most wasn’t just the betrayal, but how much it destroyed my self-esteem. I constantly compared myself to other guys, questioned whether I was attractive enough, and wondered why someone who claimed to love me could repeatedly make choices that hurt me.

After the breakup, I struggled with attachment, obsessive social media checking, and finding closure. Even as my life moved forward, I found myself emotionally stuck on someone who had caused me so much pain.
Almost two years later, I’ve moved countries, pursued my ambitions, traveled, met incredible people, worked on myself physically and mentally, and built a life I’m genuinely proud of.

Therapy has helped me understand that loving someone deeply doesn’t mean they were good for me. I can acknowledge the beautiful memories without minimizing the betrayal or wishing to return to that relationship.
I’m not completely healed. Some days the nostalgia still hits, but I’ve come a long way from the person I was when everything ended.

My biggest lesson is that someone else’s dishonesty is not a reflection of your attractiveness, your worth, or your ability to be loved. You can love someone wholeheartedly and still deserve so much better.

For those who experienced betrayal in a relationship, how long did it take you to genuinely let go and stop questioning your own worth?

I’m just getting out of my first long term relationship of two years (we still live together for one more month, and we agreed in April that when our lease ends we’d be parting ways) and wow this is literally the worst emotional pain I have ever felt in my life. I cannot even put this into words I am just so beyond devastated. I feel like my body is shutting down.

We’re breaking up because I’m either asexual or have some unknown trauma that caused me to completely shut down. We had a very amazing and healthy sex life for the first year (he was the first person I’d ever enjoyed intimacy with) and then I have no idea why but I just reverted back to my normal baseline. My baseline that is zero intimate activity and an aversion to all such things. He’s been a saint and told me he’d have stuck it out another year if I had hope for myself. But I didn’t. It didn’t make sense to string him along and force him through celibacy with me for another whole lease because our remaining lease wasn’t enough time for me to have a massive identity crisis and then also heal said identity crisis. But he said he wanted to try and he wanted to stick it out and I just fcking crushed our beautiful life for no reason. I don’t even know why. I genuinely felt like I had no choice but I did and I see that now and I’m going to throw up.

We’ve both signed new leases and now that it’s too late I’m realizing that I’d do literally anything to keep him. I really really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. The thought of spending it with anyone else makes me so sick to my stomach it feels so so wrong. But now I realize I could’ve tried alternative therapies or medications that I just didn’t bother with because I seriously didn’t think it would help but oh my god what if it did. We floated the idea of an open relationship but yeah we can’t handle that.

And I can’t go back in time and IM the one who ultimately made the decision first to break up and I’m just feeling so much guilt and self hatred and regret because this could seriously have been a once in a lifetime relationship and I may never experience anything like this again. Certainly not with him, the odds are so so low. And I just know that he’s going to move on and find his future wife and settle down which he absolutely deserves and I’ll have to watch knowing that I should’ve done more and to add insult to injury I inevitably probably won’t find anybody new at all either because I don’t wan’t kids and don’t want physical intimacy and that seriously limits the dating pool. He’ll move on and I don’t think I ever will. And I’ll know exactly what his wife has.

And he’s been so comforting the past week EVERY DAY while I uncontrollably sob for literal hours onto his chest and it just hurts even more knowing that he’s my best friend and my only comfort and I won’t even have anyone I want to go to with this grief.

We say incredibly naive things in those moments like how we’re open to getting back together later in life if I do end up fixing my issues or if his libido slows down but we both know it’s delusional. 2 years was not enough. I wanted a life with him. I want to die in his arms. I’ll never get another chance I fucked up so bad I’ve never had a single regret up until this point and oh my god I have so much regret this is the worst mistake I have ever made and this is the worst feeling I have ever experienced.

My whole body hurts and I can’t stop crying I can’t even function I’m crying at work everything about this feels so wrong it’s like it’s a nightmare and I’m going to wake up but I won’t. It feels like the nightmares I used to have when I was super young that my parents died and I woke up feeling so incredibly helpless and devastated and empty but then I realized it was all just a dream. I genuinely believe this is the same degree of devastation that I’d feel if my parents died.

We’re going to stay friends but again I know how naive it is to say you’ll remain in healthy contact with an ex before you’re even exes.

We have 4 weeks left. Also we have two kittens that we got together that are mine but are very attached to him. It’s so hard for me to exist with this regret I don’t know how you guys do it I had no clue that a breakup could ever feel anything like this. Idk what to do. I have to start packing boxes to move soon and his birthday is coming up and then Christmas and my parents love him so much and I just can’t even breathe. Everything about my life just got so dull and meaningless. What do you mean I just made a relatively hasty decision that just permanently altered the course of my entire life?? And I can’t do anything to change it? And even if I could it wouldn’t be fair to him? And even if against all odds we do somehow end up back together it might not even be the same? I hate myself so much. I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me. To say I fumbled is the world’s biggest understatement. I want to give up. How am I supposed to continue

My bf broke up with me three days ago. He still wanted to be friends and i agreed (which ive NEVER done before). I just woke up but i was thinking about the shit he said when he broke up with me.

He said he felt like i was picking him apart constantly and I was always jealous even when I had no reason to be.

I knew him before we got together, I had been dating his bestfriend and met him through that guy. After I broke up with his bestfriend, him and i stayed friends. I would tell him about shit that happened in that relationship pretty often. I also would tell him the shit I did wrong. I know im a difficult person to be with and I told him that. I told him about my mental health struggles and all the shit I was diagnosed with or had a high chance of having but no diagnosis. I told him I was a jealous person. I told him about my past and why I am the way I am.

After he broke up with me and he told me how he felt, I said to him that he knew i was a difficult person. He knew I was a jealous person. He knew my past before getting with me. He said "I know, I just thought you would be different with me"

I dont know how to feel anymore. I loved him so much. He got with me despite everything I told him, but instead of understanding me and wanting to work on my issues WITH me, he thought "Oh yeah she says all that but she wont really be that way when she gets to be with me" I hate everything about this. I hate all of it. I feel like i need to mention too that he was and still is the only person im close with. I dont have any other friends. I have no one to talk to about this. I feel used in a way or i guess just betrayed? I cant find a word that feels right. I dont know how to trust my own judgement about these things. Was I used? Was I betrayed? What should I feel?

I was in a relationship for almost 1.5 years and it was long distance
I have known this girl since I was 13 and I am 20 now
I had an instant crush on her back then and even confessed my feelings to her but she was already in a relationship with someone else so we continued talking on and off over the years
I was always there for her whenever she needed someone and when she finally got out of her 5 year long toxic relationship she approached me just 5 days after the breakup and we started talking again
Honestly I don’t even remember the exact moment I fell for her completely but I do remember how happy I was because this was the girl I had liked since I was 13 and somehow after all those years I finally got to be with her
I listened to all her trauma and stood by her when she was isolating herself from everyone and tried my best to make her feel safe and loved when she was going through a difficult phase
But things started changing when she went to college
There was a lot of push and pull from her side and sometimes she would suddenly talk about wanting to focus on her career first or randomly become distant and detached without me really understanding what had changed
I always tried to understand her and never wanted to become someone who made her feel trapped in a relationship
I never stopped her from making male friends and never tried to control who she talked to or where she went because I genuinely believed that love should come with trust and freedom
I tried my best to keep her happy and be there for her through everything but now she has told me that this relationship is not working out anymore
And honestly I don’t even know how to process all of this because this wasn’t just some random relationship for me
This was someone I had liked since I was 13 and someone I had imagined being with long before we actually got together

Since breaking up, I ignored the advice here, I thought my situation was different, I had hope that everything would work out. I reached out as the dumpee, I felt like I needed clarity and closure. And I was still clinging on to any hope I had left. Guys, it’s not at all worth it. I finally got the phone call I had been craving, and the only thing it showed me is that she truly couldn’t care less about how she hurt me. She’s moved on and I’m feeling worse than ever. Listen to people here, don’t reach out, focus on yourself, move on. Your healing journey will go so much quicker.

After a large fight with my BF of 4 years that resulted in us breaking up, I went over his house after his promises to change to reconcile. During this time, I found out my ex had been cheating on me while we were together. I had to find this out by calling the person he cheated on me with for answers after confronting him to no avail and lies. They are still together, I know he made me seem “crazy”.

After this phone call, I didn’t even reach out to him to hear more lies.. I just left.

I gave it a few days, he never reached out, so at the advice of my therapist I blocked his #. It has now been two months, he has made no attempt to contact me and apologize or explain himself.

The hardest is nighttime, when I miss him the most. It’s unfortunate missing someone who hurt me so bad. It’s hard to resist looking at old pics, texts, and checking to see if maybe I missed a voicemail. This is the longest we have gone without talking in 4 years.

I hope it gets better, right now it doesn’t feel like it will.

I don't even know why I'm typing this, I guess I just need to get it out
She blindsided me completely. When it ended, she dumped all these harsh judgments about my behavior onto me things that are just fundamentally not true just to make herself feel better about walking away. When I tried to talk like adults and fix it, she just cold-shouldered me and said the problems weren't fixable.

Then she got with someone else almost immediately within a month or two. Didn't even have the decency to tell me.

We’ve had so many useless discussions since then, but nothing ever comes of it. It’s just talking to a wall. And now she's with this new guy.

The worst part is I can't even get away. We go to the same uni, we have shared academic stuff, and I have to see her every single day.

She looks completely okay and unbothered.
Disclaimer:used ai to write this

Hallo Alle!

Gestern war unser 25er Hochzeitstag. Ich bin Anfang 50, zwei Kinder (Tochter und Sohn) Anfang 20 und stehe vor dem Scherbenhaufen meines Lebens. Ich war lange Jahre Selbstständig, habe viel gearbeitet und versucht für meine Familie ein gutes Leben aufzubauen. Wir haben ein Haus gebaut vor ca. 13 Jahren. Jetzt: Firma insolvent, ich muß in die Privatinsolvenz gehen, beide Kinder (besonders mein Sohn) kämpfen mit mentalen Krankheiten, Es gab einen Suizidversuch, meine Frau hatte Brustkrebs (Gott sei Dank früh erkannt und behandelt, jetzt in Remission), mein Vater starb letztes Jahr, ich habe jede Menge Schulden am Arsch und vor ein paar Wochen hat meine Frau mit eröffnet, dass sie unsere Beziehung als gescheitert ansieht, dies auch bereits seit mehreren Jahren. Emotional hat sie abgeschlossen. In unseren Gesprächen, die bis vor einer Weile noch stattgefunden haben, kamen immer nur die gleichen Vorwürfe, alles drehte sich im Kreis. Ich hatte gehofft, dass wenn die Probleme aus der Insolvenz geklärt und auf dem Weg sind, wir noch Zeit hätten an unserer Beziehung zu arbeiten. Mit ist bewusst, das habe ich meiner Frau sowie auch unseren Kindern mitgeteilt, dass die jetzige Situation durch meine Fehler und mein Unvermögen vernünftige und klärende Beziehungsgespräche zu führen, so eskaliert ist. Ich habe mich aus tiefstem Herzen entschuldigt. Mehrfach. Das klassische halt. Ich empfinde immer noch für sie. Das macht es um so schwieriger gerade. Als ich realisiert habe, dass es keine gemeinsame Zukunft mehr gibt, bin ich zum Scheidungsanwalt und habe die Scheidung angestoßen. Denn eine Paartherapie, auf die ich sie vorher drauf angesprochen habe, hat sie abgelehnt. Darauf hatte ich eigentlich gehofft, mit Mediation aus diesem Karussell ausbrechen zu können und die Beziehung zu retten. Mittlerweile hatte sie mehrere Dates, die laut Uhr keine waren, auch an diesem Wochenende ist sie unterwegs und kommt erst am Sonntag zurück. Ich weiß einfach nicht mehr weiter, habe Suizidgedanken, Weine um das Vergangene und hab absolut keine Ahnung wie ich meinen Scherbenhaufen jemals wieder in Ordnung bringen kann. Gibt es unter Euch jemanden, der ähnliches erlebt hat und vielleicht ein Paar Tips für mich hat? Ich habe bestimmt noch einiges vergessen zu schreiben, der Text ist auch so schön lang genug...

My ex left me for someone else almost 1.5 years ago. She wasn't honest during the breakup and said she wanted to stay friends, only for me to find out about a week after leaving what was really going on. I immediately went no contact. I've broken it a few times to get stuff back, and once when we saw each other because she texted me that she was going through a rough time. Every time we break no contact it hurts. It hurts that she wants to be friends after lying and betraying me like that. I just don't want to think about her anymore. I blocked her a few weeks ago after getting the last of my things back.

I gave her back her things through her mom a couple months after leaving, but I kept a bunch of gifts she made. She's a super talented artist, and I loved a lot of the pieces. As time went by, I started hiding everything I ran into in a box in my closet. It's the only thing left of her in my life, but I don't want it anymore. It's like a stone in my heart.

I'm struggling to know what to do with them. They're not really something a random person would want, so donating or gifting them doesn't make much sense to me. But they're valuable because they're someone's creation and expression, and they're good. I can't stand the thought of just throwing them in the trash. I don't want to talk to her to ask what I should do, either. I think the best thing to do would be to return them. But I don't want to be inconsiderate and hurt her.

The dynamic has been I'm closed off to her but she isn't to me, so every time I reach out she's receptive, but not the other way around. It's gotta hurt that she wants to be friends and I don't. I think getting the box will hurt her. But I think it's the best option. I also don't know if I should include a note, how friendly/loving/honest it should be, or just say nothing. I also think about the note because I don't want her returning things to me, she can throw them in the trash for all I care. I don't want anything around me that reminds me of her. I do miss her like crazy, I would love to have her in my life, but I need to close the chapter. It just hurts too much to see her happy with someone she left me for while I'm still a mess, with a bunch of health issues since the breakup, with less friends and income than before.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, I'd appreciate any insights. Thank you for reading <3

Hey guys,

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been dating on and off for 4.5 years now, currently broken up but living together. When we started dating we had both just come out of long term relationships and had barely a month of being single but we were still talking to each other and have been friends for a year before we started dating.

For the 1st year we were in the same city altho living a few blocks away, would hangout everyday almost and I barely remember but things have always been quite volatile I believe. I always remember there being intense fights and quick reconciliations.

2nd year was a long distance relationship where I feel like things got bad because he had been talking to another girl the whole time and I wasn't aware of it for the whole year.

3rd year: I moved to where he was and I found out about the infidelity and a whole lot more of him lusting over other women that completely broke me. I tried to see past it, tried to understand him and remained in the relationship still. throughout this year things I felt like he was inconsistent with love and come to think if it that has been an issue since the beginning. We in medium distance at this point and we always went out together and explored the new place we were living at.

4th year: We fully moved in with each other and I slowly started noticing inconsistency again. I find out he had been on dating apps when he went on a work trip and potentially also a gay bar or atleast he was curious because I also saw he made an account on Grindr. I confronted him about it and we argued and he gave me a bs reason for why he was on the apps (he wanted to explore the apps and see how they feel on his new phone, yeah sure) and we broke up for 3 months. He told me he cannot imagine a life without me and wanted to get back, I clearly stated my boundaries around the infidelity and he had worked on them with a therapist as well.

5th year: We still live together and were planning a future together, I again feel him being inconsistent and he tells me it's work stress but I keep asking him why does basic affection have to be missing even if work is overwhelming and I feel like we are more of companions than romantic partners. He tells me he doesnt know and we ended up breaking up 15 days ago again and he told me he doesn't ever want to get back with me because its a pattern and a cycle that keeps repeating in our relationship.

I feel like he is being avoidant of the actual problems and doesn't want to work on his part when I have forgiven him multiple times and tried to make things work between us. I also feel like Im anxious and attached with him and don't give him space when he needs it. We've had a LOT of really good moments and we are really good companions and we also really love each other, atleast I do and I feel like he does too at this point. I'm truly not sure what to do with this and how to navigate. We still live together altho we have set boundaries and barely see each other, we can't move out due to financial and logistical constraints. He truly is busy I also cannot seem to let go of the things in the past and every inconsistency makes me think he is being unfaithful. We still hangout sometimes over the weekend or if we see each other in the house. Idk what Im doing or where I want things to go. :(

She said that her ex came back and that her feelings have faded..

Struggling to unfollow/block her on everything that might be bcoz there's a fear that if I do so I would forget everything about her.

No question I genuinely loved her. So it's preety F hard for me

Thers is also a part that says she didn't choose me so why should I and it's all their is these two thoughts fighting over and over inside me

Guys I'm pretty conflicted here please share ur thoughts so I can get an insight on this..

Thank you.

We broke up in jan , talked a few times after that but mostly no contact , my birthday in early sept , we reconnected and since then weve been talking

It feels like a moral obligation to stay as her family's extremely shitty , they make her cry so had , her parents her brother she has no one , and honestly, i really do love her its just sad to see her in so much pain , but i also have extremely important studies and while shes gere i spend alot of time talking to her giving her company , its not just becuz of her , i also wanted to do that but the urge is becuz of her and i cant afford it but it also feels really bad cutting her off cuz shes got no one.

While also she says stuff like she doesnt like me and we can never be like that but idk man , i just wanna be free , i love her but i also love myself now. I dont want to be stcuk on someone who doesnt love me . I could have stayed if there was something for me but i cant do this to myself.

I know I’m an idiot, let me start by saying that.

But, my ex and I were together for 6 years and we have only ever really been with each other. He left me, we were no contact for a month, and recently he reached out to clear the air about some rumors our friend was telling everyone.

Since then, we’ve met up to talk, and we’ve had this lingering, dumb conversation about how much easier it would be if we were just hooking up with no strings attached. We joked about it, then it wasn’t a joke anymore.

He came into my apartment to see my pets again (they missed him 🥲) and one thing lead to another.. yeah. I thought it would be more heartache-y and sad, but weirdly, I felt better? Like, I feel like I just got it out of my system now.

I know this might blow up in my face but has this worked for anyone before? We’re sort of pretending we’re just strangers hooking up, and I feel like that’s working?

I don’t know. Or are we just idiots?

So I need some advice. Tonight, I just found out that my ex cheated on me with another girl while we were still together.

For context: Me (30), him (27), her (23)
We broke up 3.5 months ago. He got overwhelmed with the relationship because I kept asking for assurance because ai felt off and my gut is telling me something also because of og how he is acting up. We were fine before this. We were together for 9 months. In the first 6 months it was a “situationship”.. no fights at all. It was good and easy. We get each others. I never chased.. I was a bit reserved and detached.. but I do like him. I have feelings for him. He wanted a relationship.. he kept trying to prove himself.. always seeking my validation and wanna be with me. I reciprocated.. I let my guards down… we got into a relationship. A good 1 month tbh. Then he started to change..became distant, busy and I can just feel the wall between us. I got confused. From secured to anxious. He kept giving reasons like work, life and a lot of things going on. I kept being understanding and supportive (we dont live together). He definitely changed and it was so weird. Then suddenly my friend saw him on tinder and hinge… I confronted.. he said it’s just a distraction.. ofc this did not made me feel good. We had a talk.. he said he was afraid of our closeness.. he was basically gave me a classic avoidant speech of fears of being “rejected & abandoned”. That he can’t take a breakup from me because im everything he ever wanted - im attracted, I have a good career and im very successful, I own a house, I also have really good qualities and character (im kind, funny, understanding, matured and etc) I liked who he was (what he showed anyways). I secretly felt like he’s always intimidated by me and he had a ton of insecurities but I have never judged him as to where he is in the process.. When I pulled away he would panic and try to pull me closer. But It drastically became so toxic. Im trying to tell him to just be honest. I gave him options… does he want to go, explore or he’s not ready and etc.. didn’t take any of these.. he said he wants what we have. Then 2 weeks later 3 days before we go on a date… he broke things off with me.. said that I deserved better and he can’t give me what I need. It was because I confronted him about how I have been feeling like im walking on eggshells and im afraid to trigger him in any way. That I dont feel chosen or that he still likes me. It made me spiral for the things that he did and kept doing. That there is this wall between us that never goes away no matter what. He discarded me and ghosted. After that I went No contact ever since. I did sent him a few messages here and there but it was not to get back. It was when I sent his stuff and a good bye text - no response. No accountability. No apology.

So I have started my healing and moving on. It was not easy but I went full NC. No checking in whatsoever. I went on with my life. I grieved hard for a week and cried. I was super heartbroken and felt like I did not matter. I fought so hard to be better. After that week I decided to pick myself up. I worked harder, workout more, picked up new hobbies, went more with friends, hosted parties and travelled more. I got promoted and bought my dream car- I thrived. He was stalking my socials at these times and even posted some petty stuff acting like he hates me and have resentment because I just “accepted, moved on and was thriving in life”. Then he started to post more post-gym selfies (he doesn’t post a lot or at all) - I did not dare to look at it or open it. I stopped watching his stories after that petty post. I was strict with myself with moving on. My healing was not a straight line. I loved and cared for this man. We had a lot of good memories together. It wasn’t easy.

A week after we broke up, my friend saw him on a hookup app. Im like WOW damn whatever. I let it be. Let him. He had been on that hookup app for 2 months after we broke up. Then 2 weeks ago, I saw him posted this girl on his snap. I felt a little sting because of how fast he got into a new relationship and seemed to act like a “good boyfriend” but I was not intimidated or jealous at all. I don’t mean to be harsh but Im just describing… this girl is a total downgrade. I felt like it was weird the way their photos of hanging outs are like they have been together for a while. I brushed it off and blocked him on snap and ig.

Tonight, a mutual friend sent me some photos. She knows this girl from work. I was surprised to see that they had been together a month we become official. This boils my blood tbh. I didn’t care if he got into a new relationship after me but literally when we were still together? On top of that, he also was on dating/hookup apps between the both of us. It was a shocker to my system and idk what to do. This man was so over the top best actor, performer, manipulative, liar, cheater who lives a double life. I cannot believe it. This person was consistent on day 1 - respectful, kind, polite, caring and matured. But I guess this was all a mask because he is the biggest POS I have ever met.

I have been okay but now im honestly so angry. This person did not gave me the closure that I deserved, treated me badly at the end, no accountability, remorse, regret or shame. He just get to move on happily. I felt so insulted that he rub that in my face that he’s in a new relationship. Like he didn’t care that he hurt me so bad and didn’t care at all that i will see those post (I did not opened. i just saw the bubble post on his chat name on snap). He is so selfish, cruel and a pos.

I was discussing about the timeline with that mutual friend and some of my friends and yes he used both of us, he played us at the SAME time. He texts me while he was with her but he was so present when he was with me like he was so afraid to make a mistake when he’s around me. Im also guessing he would see me then see her the next day. She doesn’t live close so they don’t see each others very often but she comes to visit him. And also after we have broken up and he stayed with her more openly.. he was on dating and hookup apps at the same time. So he’s also been cheating to her the entire time. He is infact still active on the hookup app. Even put a picture taken the night they went out lol

I do not want to get back with this guy ever after that breakup and discard. Im in a better place now but this really shaken me up. I feel disgusted and sick!! Im really wanna confront him about this. I have been nothing but kind to him. I gave him all the kindness and grace, and benefit of the doubt. I even felt bad because I thought it was just him being avoidant and has traumas. But now F him! I dont feel bad at all. I hate him! Im so tempted to tell him I know what he did and how much of a POS he is. I never said anything bad towards him but now I wanna cuss him out and tell him I know everything and just tell him what I feel. Im giving it a day or 2 though. I dont want to think about it first.

Idk if it will boost his ego and thinks im still affected but I also dont want him to think he got away with what he’s done. That he just get to move on and play house and play boyfriend on a good honeymoon phase. It cringe and sickening. And also idk if I should tell this girl. So yeah Idk what to do tbh. I just know I did not deserved it all.

For context, I was 33 when we started dating. She was 26. Probably not the best age gap, but she assured me it would be okay and said she preferred dating older guys. By the time the relationship ended, I was 35, she was 27. I came into the relationship with a 12-year-old son with ASD from a previous relationship who is now 14. My relationship with his mother ended when I found out she'd been sleeping with my friends, so I spent the next thirteen years single and focused on being a dad. I figured I'd wait until I found the perfect person, which is when "she" came into my life. She approached me, and we quickly fell in love. She wanted to settle down, start a family, everything I'd always dreamed of.

I'd always been a light drinker, she was a much heavier drinker. Things quickly escalated and I was drinking much more on a daily basis to keep up with her. I'd keep drinking to a minimum while my son was around, but we'd gotten to a point where we were finishing a bottle of whisky together daily on my off-nights.

Aside from the drinking, it felt like we were a match made in heaven. She's so beautiful, showered me with compliments, said the sweetest things, and made me feel as if there were nowhere more safe than with her. We're both musicians, love going to shows, have a lot of the same interests aside from music, and we complimented each other well. A lot of our friends wanted to see us work out. I loved her with everything inside of me.

She had made a handful of embarrassing mistakes throughout the relationship as a consequence of over-drinking, but I felt it wasn't anything I couldn't move past. I always did my best to accept her the way she was. I was very aware of her being a younger woman and thought things would settle down in time. She wanted a child of her own, we'd made plans to marry in the earlier months of 2027, and had moved in together in the beginning of 2026. In the months just before the separation, she'd been taking pregnancy tests, we were planning for baby names, and things seemed to be going really well.

There were instances throughout the relationship where I had to forgive her for significant mistakes, but I excused them as alcohol-related one-offs. She accused me of SA one drunk night, she fell down the stairs and landed on my dog (causing him to walk for a few days with a limp), she embarrassed herself in front of my son, and I'd excused it all as something she'd soon grow out of. She regularly had alcohol-induced amnesia the following days, so I'd have to make her aware of the things that happened while under the influence. She always apologized and said she'd try harder. She said things would change once she became pregnant, so I was admittedly looking for that day to come. I loved her very much, so I'd have made excuses for nearly anything. Now I feel like little more than an enabler.

Eventually, things became tense as a result of the constant drinking. She'd started calling me names at night like "loser, fucker, asshole," those kinds of things. I became more distant and quiet, even while sober. We fell into a routine where I'd wake up hungover almost daily, go to work, come home, and we'd be drinking again before dinner. I'd asked innumerable times for us to slow down and consider sobriety, but I just couldn't make it happen.

My son's birthday was coming up and I'd made plans for us all to go out and spend the day together once I'd gotten home from work. We were going to a movie, then dinner, then to do whatever he wanted to do. I thought it'd be a nice way to further ingratiate her into our lives. She was drinking by the time I got home from work at 3:00pm and I asked her hold off until at least later in the night. She ignored me and kept drinking. We went to the movie where she ordered more drinks. She was drunk by the time the movie was over, picked up on the fact that I was upset, became upset herself, and I made the decision to just take us home.

We got home and I started making dinner. She went upstairs and continued drinking. I announced the food was ready and my son came to eat. She waited until he was done to come down and make her own plate. I noticed she was extremely intoxicated and asked if she was drunk. She couldn't speak without a slur, so I asked once more for her to stop drinking for the night. She responded by shouting "fuck you." I wasn't okay with this type of argument happening while my son was home, so I made it a point to focus on him for the rest of the night. She went to my room and lied down in bed, continuing to drink from our bottle of whisky.

My son's bedroom is just next to mine, our doors separated by maybe six inches of drywall. It was time for my him to go to bed, so I was making sure he got in his bed and turned the lights out. As I was telling him goodnight, I hear "sounds" coming from the other room. He asked what was happening and I told him her stomach probably hurt. I knew what the sounds were and my blood ran cold. I told him to stay put and went to my room where I found her doing "things" to herself, with the door completely open. I quickly closed the door and told her what was happening. She became upset with me as if I'd done something wrong by informing her of this. I grabbed my pillow, left the room, closed the door, and slept on the couch outside our rooms.

The next morning, she was very hungover. I had to tell her what happened, which is when she started crying. I told her there were two options. We get sober and go to therapy, or we end the relationship. I was sure she'd accept the first option, but I was wrong. I went to work, came home, and she was gone. I stopped drinking and consuming THC the moment she left, and I've been sober since. She turned off her location, took the things she needed, and disappeared. When we spoke a few days later, she blamed me for "making her spiral" and told me she was jealous of the relationship I had with my son. She went to stay with friends and proceeded to continue drinking, telling them I'd been horrible to her throughout the relationship. She'd convinced them that I'd psychologically abused her in order to make her insecure and subservient, which couldn't be further from the truth. I only ever tried to make her feel loved and special. Because to me, she was the most special woman I'd ever met. I'd have lived through any hell in order to be with her. She told me her friends hated me - that they didn't want us to be together.

I spent the next three weeks pleading with her to change course. I apologized and took ownership of things I felt I hadn't even done, which I think she really enjoyed. She led me on, let me take her on dates, but told me she just wasn't sure. Eventually, just before I was supposed to take her out to dinner one night, she told me she doesn't think she wants to continue moving toward a relationship with me, but still wanted to go out to dinner. I told her I couldn't be spending time with her if we weren't on the same page - it hurt too much. She said "okay," and ghosted me completely.

I spent the next few weeks unable to sleep, becoming paranoid about what she was doing. I'd message her constantly with no response, and had a spiral of grief the likes of which I'd never personally experienced. It's been nearly two months now and I still think about her all day, every day. She's moved on, and based on her social media, seems happier than ever. I still can't sleep without ZzzQuil Ultra. I still can't dream of anything other than her, which is exacerbated by the fact that I'm not drinking anymore. I can hardly do anything other than miss her.

I was looking forward to a family, a life, and a future with this woman I'd fallen impossibly hard in love with. I know I made the right choice by delivering the ultimatum of sobriety, but can't help but wish I could have done things another way. I'm worried I'll never find another person like her, and I can't help but hate myself for it. Other women have tried talking to me since then and I can't bring myself to entertain any of them - I just wish I could have her back.

Am I an idiot?

I know you well enough to know you somehow justify this behavior to yourself and your journal. I hope that's enough satisfaction for you in the long run.

For so long I wanted you to know what effect you had on me, and I finally realize if you don't care what effect you had... why the hell should I.

Best of luck. May karma be half as strict as we've heard. because even then you'll have a rough go of it.

It’s been around 3 years since my relationship ended, but honestly, I still feel like I haven’t completely moved on.
The breakup hurt me badly. I went through a really difficult period, spent years in counselling, and eventually had to take psychiatric medication. Even now, I still think about her often, and sometimes those thoughts bring back so much stress.
After our breakup, she got into other relationships, while I stayed single. Those relationships eventually ended too, and somehow we started talking again.
The confusing part is that whenever we talk, everything feels so good. It feels familiar, comforting, and for a moment, it feels like nothing ever happened between us. But then she suddenly becomes distant, replies with dry messages, or disappears. After some time, she comes back and gives me that same feeling of love and connection again.
And I get pulled back in every single time.
We’ve blocked each other and unblocked each other countless times. No matter how many times I tell myself that I need to move on, somehow we end up talking again.
There’s also a lot of history between us. Our families got involved during the breakup, and there were some serious fights between her and my family. I was going through an extremely difficult time back then, to the point where I was almost completely out of it. A lot happened, and the damage wasn’t limited to just the two of us.
I still love her, even after everything that happened. But I also feel like we both know that even if we love each other, things might never work out again because of our past and everything that happened between our families.
I’m stuck between two things: I don’t want to lose her completely, but I also don’t want to keep hurting myself by holding on to someone I might never be able to build a future with.
Three years have passed, and I feel like I’m still going around in circles. Every time she comes back, I feel hopeful. Every time she pulls away, I feel hurt all over again.
I don’t know whether I should completely cut contact, block her and never look back, or keep some place for her in my life because I still love her.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you finally break this cycle? How do you let go of someone you still love, especially when a part of you keeps hoping things might work out someday?
I genuinely want to move forward with my life. I just don’t know how to stop going back to the same person.

My ex (8 years together) asked for a break, and literally that same night he started talking to a girl in California. Within days, they were FaceTiming, gaming, and talking for hours every night until 4–5 AM.

We still live together, I work with his family, and they consider me their daughter-in-law. We’ve gone through six abortions together and built our entire lives around each other.

I messaged the girl explaining our history, how fresh the breakup was, and that I’m literally still living in the next room. She continued talking to him romantically anyway.

He’s become extremely cold toward me since meeting her, and it feels like he’s completely avoiding the emotions of ending an eight-year relationship.

Do you think she’s a rebound or a coping mechanism to avoid grieving? Has anyone experienced an ex moving on this intensely and quickly after a long-term relationship?

We met at work. I wasn't initially attracted to her, but she approached me, and I eventually gave her my number. As time went on, I started liking her, eventually to the point of developing genuine feelings for her.

She introduced me to her two-year-old daughter, whom I also grew to love and care about.

She had financial problems, so I helped her whenever I could. Sometimes, I would even borrow money just so she wouldn't have to walk home from work. I never expected anything in return; I did it out of love. I would buy diapers for her daughter and order Uber Eats for them frequently because there was almost never any food at her house when I visited.

I gave her $350 for Mother's Day because nobody else had gotten her anything. I helped pay for her new phone and bought her birthday presents. Meanwhile, I didn't receive anything for my birthday, which was just two days before hers. I didn't complain about it because I wasn't doing those things to receive something in return.

We lasted eight months.

On the day we broke up, she told me that she had never felt truly happy with me because, for her to be happy in a relationship, she needed a man who could pay at least half of her bills and give her money whenever she asked for it.

One of the final arguments happened when she asked me for $250 during what she described as a medical emergency. I couldn't afford it because I was already behind on rent, but I still gave her $50 out of the money I had set aside for my incomplete rent payment.

She told me that the $50 was useless and mockingly said that once I found out who had given her the money she needed, I would feel sad about it.

During our breakup call, I couldn't hold back my tears. I was sobbing while she compared me to her daughter's father, saying that even his "bum ass" had managed to take her on dates and buy her things for her birthday, while my "sorry ass" couldn't.

I guess I wasn't cold enough, or "man enough," to stop myself from crying while someone I genuinely loved was saying those things to me.

After the breakup, I stayed quiet. I didn't text her, contact her, or talk about her to anyone at work. I tried to handle everything privately.

Meanwhile, she kept reposting things on Instagram about how terrible men are, how much better off she is without me, and other posts that felt directed at me.

At work, she walks right past me without even acknowledging my existence. She won't so much as greet me, even though we used to share so much. Yet she has no problem greeting and laughing with everyone else around me.

And now, barely a month after our breakup, she posted a video of herself singing with another man at a concert. She even shared the same video to her Instagram story.

I know it's my own fault for checking her Instagram and seeing things I probably shouldn't have looked at. But it still hurts, especially considering that she never once posted me during the eight months we were involved.

What hurts even more is that I haven't seen her daughter in over a month. I genuinely loved that little girl, and I know there's a real possibility I'll never see her again.

I'm not claiming I was a perfect partner, but I genuinely tried my best with what I had. I gave her my time, affection, emotional support, and financial help, sometimes even at the expense of my own needs.

I never expected her to repay me for any of it. I just didn't expect to be made to feel worthless because I couldn't give her more.

I'm struggling with a mixture of sadness, anger, resentment, and disappointment. Part of me still loves her, while another part of me feels like I never want to see her again.

Having to work in the same place makes everything harder.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice on how to deal with this, I would genuinely appreciate it.

Sorry for the long read, and thank you to anyone who took the time to read it.

My ex husband 26m and I 33m recently split after he left me via text message. Honestly life in my opinion had been running smooth and just one moment to the next over text, he vanished… I only saw him for 10 minutes the day he came to pick up his things and never saw him again… 4 years together. 3 years of marriage and living together and just one moment to the next gone. A day later someone on Facebook asked me if he was cheating on me because apparently he was on Grindr hooking up.

It’s been almost 2 months and I still don’t know how to process it. I recently went to the renaissance festival and a friend gave me shrooms. During my trip I forgot to breath and panicked. I reached for my phone and called him only to be sent to voicemail. I remembered he is not my husband anymore and just cut me off. I proceeded to just cry everything I’ve been bottling up for the past month and a half.

I still miss him so much and the house just feels lonely without him…

I loved him so much… 😔😔 I don’t know what I did to deserve this treatment. I begged him to come home at one point and was met with begging unfriended from all platforms and just blocked on the phone.

2 weeks ago I got a message from someone he supposedly was messing with saying he was talking horribly about me on Grindr. Saying things like he was only with me because he felt bad and that I was a narcissist. That I rarely worked (I carried a lot of the financial weight btw and work 110 hr work weeks). I was fat and he was not attracted to me…

Reason for breakup: I asked him one morning who he was texting so much at night. Later he admitted to my sister it was an ex he had kept in touch with for the three years he was with me. He manipulated the situation and said it was me who had been sending those messages on his behalf and turned it all on me… supposedly I somehow had the time to be on his phone pretending to be him and sending messages to see if he was cheating. Only to go on a date 3 days after he dumped me on the phone with this ex of his.

I’m beyond hurt and just wish this sadness would end.

How did you all get through the feeling of a lonely house that is now full of everything that once was?

Like the title says. For about a week she declined all my invitations to spend time together, and was very cold in her texting responses. Then on Saturday when I asked her what’s going on she sent me an AI generated breakup text then left me on read. 6 years of history with my best friend is gone just like that.

I checked her Instagram and she started posting again for the first time in years, no pics of me. Pics from the Vegas trip I paid for and took her on a couple weeks ago, and I’m absent from them.

In her message she said she’d been feeling this way for a long time, but she never took the time to sit down with me to talk about her feelings, our entire relationship she would bottle things up and this was no exception. She allowed herself months to grieve and come to terms and I get blindsided. She’d been declining intimacy for over a month as well for some reason or another.

I thought back to something she told me about her previous relationship. When she and I got together she hadn’t formally ended her relationship with her previous partner, she said they hadn’t spoken for about a month when we first hooked up then shortly after they had lunch and formally ended things…I hadn’t considered the implications of that until now. I can’t help but wonder if she was still seeing the poor guy without telling me.

My ex told me like 10 times that she dosen't love me anymore, but i don't understand how can you just stop loving someone??

What do you feel for them?

My ex(33M ) and I (24F) recently broke up because I discovered that he had been pursuing an intern from our office . We all work together and I sat next to the girl at work

Turns out he had been chasing after her for almost two years now. We have been together for three years
They went out a couple of times and he had been overextending himself for her in a way that a man does when he likes a woman.

I asked her about this and she confirmed that he had been asking her out for a long time now and she was trying to shut him down politely to not make it awkward given that we work together

We broke up two days ago and I’m dreading seeing his face. Luckily she left the company a month ago

I (18F) dated my ex-boyfriend (18M) for three years. We started dating at 14, so we were both immature and struggled with communication. I have an anxious attachment style, while he tends to be disorganized ( when a person both desperately craves emotional intimacy and is simultaneously terrified of it).

During arguments, I would sometimes become reactive and struggle to communicate my feelings calmly. He would get defensive, avoid accountability, or shut down instead of working through things with me. Serious conversations often felt one-sided, and unresolved issues would build up over time.

Before starting college, we agreed to try long distance. I tried to discuss boundaries, visits, and ways to stay connected, but he kept putting those conversations off because he said thinking about us separating stressed him out. This lead me to feeling disregarded.

He also decided he wanted to rush a fraternity after previously telling me it "wasn't his thing". His reasoning for not telling me sooner was because he didn't want to have a serious conversation about it until he was sure he was going to do it.

I felt blind sighted, and when he told me I couldn't help but cry because the thought of him pledging really stressed me out. He said he didn't want our relationship to limit his college experience, and that his number one priority should be himself. I became insecure about his intentions for our relationship. I suggested taking a break for the first semester so we could both figure out what we wanted. Honestly, I didn't want to breakup I was just trying to give him an out and to see if he was committed to staying together. It was immature of me.

He was incredibly hurt by this, and we became increasingly distant throughout the rest of the summer. Whenever I tried to bring the argument up, he would just shut it down and insist he "wasn't mad about it anymore". After a particularly bad argument, he broke up with me over text, saying we were toxic. He refused to have an in-person conversation or even call me, which left me blaming myself and wondering if better communication on my part could have saved us.

About two months later, he drunk-called and texted me, saying he missed me. The next day, he apologized for how immaturely he handled the breakup, and I apologized for my part in our relationship problems. We started talking again, had some difficult but productive conversations, and eventually agreed to be exclusive again and take things slowly. Things were looking hopeful, and it was clear we still loved each other.

However, my ex has struggles with mental health. Post breakup, and with the adjustment of moving to college, he had fallen into unhealthy coping habits, including excessive substance use. After about a month of things going well, he became distant again. I feared it was a reflection of his feelings for me, and when I asked about it he insisted it was just because he was drained and going through a hard time. Although I tried to be there to support him, I also communicated my own needs and expressed that I was starting to feel disconnected. I asked if we could call more, or if he could maybe be less dry over text, but honestly not much improved. He seemed emotionally drained and wasn't really making an effort to reconnect.

Eventually, I ended things again because, despite improvements in our communication, we weren't connecting emotionally. He tends to handle his struggles alone and shut people out, making it difficult for me to support him. I started to feel drained myself, and I just couldn't handle it anymore.

We're currently on good terms. We both still love each other and believe there could be a future for us, but we agree that we need space. He told me he can't be there for someone else when he's struggling to be there for himself, and that I deserve better than what he can offer right now. I also reassured him that I will always be here for him if he needs me, and he said the same to me.

Ideally, I'd like him to use this time to work on himself, possibly through therapy, so we could have a healthier relationship in the future. But I also know I can't make that decision for him. As much as I want to trust that he is being genuine when he says he wants us to be together, but it just isn't realistic right now, I am also frustrated and hurt that he won't lean on me during the hard times instead of isolating himself. Part of me worries that he's using his personal struggles as a way to avoid admitting he has second thoughts about our relationship.

My question is this: Has anyone ever been on his side of things, when they were struggling with mental health and didn't have the mental capacity to be in a relationship, or is this just a cop out? Is it possible for a relationship to work later after both people have grown and he is in a better place, or am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

I don't want to abandon him when he's struggling, but I also don't want to keep waiting for someone who may never be ready for a relationship with me.