We’ve been together for three years and moved in together a few months ago - I’m 36F. He’s generally really open with me, and we don’t have any secrets and he even gives me his phone passcode.

He leaves home around 5:30am, and I sometimes watch him walk towards the station from our window. I noticed that mosr mornings, he disposes of something into a public bin about 50 metres away from home. It’s already scrunched up in his hand when he leaves, rather than something he takes out of his pocket along the way. It’s not receipts, cigarettes, dirty tissues, food, etc as he’d have no problem in using our home bins for those.

I’m confused about why he carries it outside instead of using our bin. He isn’t embarrassed about throwing away unhealthy food or intimate tissues at home. From how he holds it, it’s not food.

I have no idea what the mystery item could be.

TL;DR: My boyfriend regularly leaves home holding something scrunched in his hand and immediately throws it into a public bin. It’s not simply rubbish from his pockets; it’s deliberate and pre meditated. Why doesn’t he use our home bins. What is he hiding?

I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for 1 year and nine months. We moved in together when I graduated high-school and things haven't been going very well. I'm exhausted. I have alot of flaws as a person, im extremely forgetful im often late or I sleep in accidentally even if I have 6 alarms set, im horrible with finances and often I barely can keep track of where my money is going, as well as being bad at communicating. All of this and more im not comfortable talking about has caused alot of problems in our relationship. We have fought he has threatened to kick me out and alot of other things.

Recently I've been doing better with nearly all of my flaws but I feel like nothing has changed. Im still sad, we still barely spend any time together unless it's movies or video games. I feel unfulfilled even though I've been doing better and improving, it feels like it doesn't matter to him. Like he only sees when i mess up and doesn't see when im doing better. I think we are both depressed and don't know what to do about it. We both show it in different ways I think. I feel like I don't know how to help when he gets sad and I think that frustrates him so he ends up pushing me away. Im so so lost. He's right next to me but I feel so alone.

He's my best friend and the love of my life and I can't lose everything we have together. Please ask questions if anything i said is confusing or you need more contexts. How do I help us be more happy? This is my first post on reddit so let me know if i did anything wrong.

TL;DR; : My Boyfriend and I are both depressed and I don't know how to talk about it or bring it up in order to make things better.

We’ve been together two years, and a year and a half of that has been long distance. We met working in the same lab. I’m a neuroscience PhD student. After working together every day, realizing we had so much in common, and the attraction getting hard to resist, we started dating about six months after meeting. He started ophthalmology residency in Texas a few months ago, and I’m still in California finishing my final year of grad school. At first the distance didn’t feel too bad, but it’s gotten much harder the longer he’s been in residency.

The past year has also been rocky for us. We’ve been arguing a lot. The arguments are usually dumb but repetitive, and I won’t put it all on him. It’s mostly been him being insensitive and me being insecure. It got to the point where we went to couples therapy. I’m worried that a year of fighting has worn down how he feels about me, and that it’s part of why he’s pulling back now.

I’ll also admit I need a lot of reassurance, maybe too much. I can see how that has annoyed him, especially now that he has so little time and energy.

Recently he told me on the phone that I haven’t done anything to make him love me less than when we started dating, but that it doesn’t feel like a real relationship anymore. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to let go, but he needs to see me in person for this to work. He also told me he’ll never stop loving me even if we break up. At one point he said he feels like we’re drifting because of the distance.

Looking back, I think he may have been love bombing me in the honeymoon phase. He talked about the future constantly. Now he barely does. He still really wants me to move to Texas to live with him, but when it comes to marriage and kids, he seems unsure whether he wants those things at all. He’s told me he won’t propose unless we argue less. I can’t help thinking he’s realizing I’m not the one and just isn’t saying it. Although I have asked him to be honesty and if he has subconsciously decided I'm not the one, but he says he hasn't. I asked him if me being with other men bothers him and he said of course it does.

What happened today: It was the busiest day of his service. He texted me good morning, then didn’t text back until around 4:15, the longest he’s ever gone. I know it’s not a big deal to some, but for a year and a half I’ve been used to consistent responses. I saw he’d been active on Instagram and I accused him of not being interested anymore. He said he was going nonstop, needed his break, shouldn’t have to justify it, and that I’d be embarrassed by my texts if I knew how busy he was. We smoothed it over and he thanked me for checking on him, but he didn’t make an effort to talk further, which again is out of character. This past month our calls have dropped by half, and he doesn’t text as much either. Later that night I sent messages saying I felt like we were breaking up, that I felt unwanted and lonely, and begging for reassurance. He just put his phone on DND. He has never gone to bed without saying goodnight and I love you, and tonight he didn’t.

Is this the distance and residency wearing us down, or has he fallen out of love? Did the past rocky year push him away? Are we just incompatible? How do I handle my anxiety and need for reassurance without pushing him away? If you’ve dated a resident long distance, how did you make it feel real?

TL;DR: Two years together, one and a half long distance, after a rocky year. He just started residency, says he loves me but it doesn’t feel real, has stopped talking about the future, and has been pulling back. Is this the distance or is he falling out of love?

Me (24F) him (26M) have been married a little over a year. We haven’t send each-other in over a year since we got married. He got deployed and it turned from a 6 month deployment to a 9 month deployment. He’s been back since June. I still haven’t seen him. His reasoning is he used most of his leave before we got married to see me and financially is too much money. We’re long distance 1000k+ miles apart.
Since being deployed our communication went from constant calling, texting, discord calls, etc to essentially nothing. I’ve spoken to him maybe 6 times on the phone and our texts are now “good morning” “goodnight” “wyd” that’s it. I’ve tried to tell him I’m lonely, we need to fix our communication cause this relationship isn’t working for me, something needs to change and yet nothing has changed. He keeps saying it’ll get better and he’ll promise to call but then something comes up multiple times until I drop it.
I will admit we rushed into this marriage getting married 8 months after meeting but he used to make promises and follow through and made me feel like the most important person in the world.
Idk what to do anymore and I’m tired of being loyal to a ghost. I asked permission to kiss girls at bars just to see how he’d react and he agreed without asking why or getting offended.

TL;DR, is my relationship over

TL;DR: My boyfriend is always late, how do I respectfully talk to him about this?

I (22F) love my boyfriend (23M). We have been together for two years. There is only thing in our relationship that drives me nuts and its his time management. He is always late. Like always. I am the type of person who is always early. My boyfriend has ADHD and I have autism. For the most part, my boyfriend and I have bonded through our similar experiences and habits being neurodivergent and I know that a big part of his time management issues are ADHD related so I do not get mad at him or say anything to him. However, it does bother me. Anytime we go anywhere he is late or he has to go get something from his apartment that he forgot so we have to go back to his apartment 30 minutes away and then leave for where we are going. When he visits my house, he tells me 5pm. He then shows up at 8pm. We are always late for everything we go to.

I am the type of person who starts getting ready for something a few hours before I have to leave. I always arrive early for everything. I am very strict about my time when it comes to going places. There has been multiple times where we have missed out completely on a date idea because he picked me up late.

I feel bad because two weeks ago I got a puppy. I was a little crazy about when we had to leave. I woke up at 5 am to shower and get things together. I woke my boyfriend up at 7 am. He is extremely difficult to wake up in the mornings and I kept talking to him trying to get him to sit up. We had to leave by 8 am because we absolutely had to be at the breeders house by 11am and it was a 2.5 hour long drive. I got frustrated and begged him to get up and he got up grumpily and seemed annoyed with me for a bit that morning. I apologized to him, but I also said that this was something really important to me and it was time sensitive.

I am very frustrated about his time management and I do not know what to do to approach this situation without possibly being insensitive. How do I approach this?

Hey,
TL;DR
I’m 40M and she is 38F, we meet one year ago, we started dating and everything was good, we share the same values, both employed, similar tastes and we already meet each other families as well.
But since the beginning we are somewhat different in the way we show love, I’ve a tendency to do everything for the person, i give and don’t ask for nothing in return and she is more avoidant, sometimes more cold, i was ok with that but with time this is getting worse, we are already living together (at her place) and she asked me to go to my place sometimes because she feel that she’s not spending enough time alone, after she said this and i started packing she changed her mind and asked me to stay.
After that situation, it’s all about her time her plans and her hobbies, she doesn’t spend that much time with me, it’s like I’m the plan when there are no plans, and also almost no sex, and when i talk about that she says that this is normal, but for me, the normal is that we have our hobbies and time alone but also that we share time as a couple, I’m a very calm person, i communicate when I’m not ok, i also cook i clean and try to be sweet with her even when she act more cold, i also helped her a lot with family problems and starting her business.
She also says that it’s not normal to miss me if she doesn’t see me for one week or more, and she talks about the future always thinking only about herself, yes there are times that things seem ok, and she tries, i notice that, but most of times it’s always about her.
The question is, is it normal this type of behaviour after one year and maybe I’m exaggerating? Or maybe we are different on the way we show love?

I’m already 40, i went through a lot already, like most people, i love this person, but I’m confused.

​

I \[21m\] am an asthmatic and can't be around any sort of smoke or vapor from cigarettes or vapes. I started having constant wheezing problems almost everyday ever since my fiance \[21f\] started again and I don't have the money nor do I want to keep getting inhalers. I asked her to start vaping outside instead of in the apartment so I'm not breathing it in and she was defensive but obliged anyway.

About a week passed and just today at 1 in the morning, she's getting dressed to go outside to get hits off of her vape. I'm visibly upset just at her vaping mainly because during the 2 years we've been together, she lied to me saying she was clean but she was vaping the entire time and was always hiding it from me. She said 'Be mad all you want, I'm following the rule you put in place' and to me it sounded like she was trying to say I was controlling.

What do I do in this situation?

TLDR, In summary, as an asthmatic, I asked my fiance to not vape in our apartment and got met with attitude and the feeling of being accused of being controlling.

TL;DR — I’m starting to feel a bit resentful because my boyfriend does not want to move out of his parents house, despite my offers to live together.

Hi everyone, story is the title. Just don’t know how to move forward. We’ve been dating for over a year, and when we started dating he was living with his parents.. and still does.

A little context for the situation. My boyfriend’s family lives in the same state as us and they are very close. My family however is a bit complicated. My dad passed away a few days after we started dating, and my mom lives in a different part of the states. We aren’t the closest.

I love my boyfriend very much, and he has helped me a ton with the passing of my dad and getting me back into my normal routine again. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through the last year without him. However, I’m starting get a bit frustrated with his lack of effort trying to move out of his parent’s house. I have a roommate, and my lease is up soon, so I talked about living together but he does not seem interested in moving out of his parents. He said he will not move out unless he has a better job (he hasn’t gotten any luck yet). Also an important thing to note, is his sister (24F) is moving into their house in a few months. Not that I don’t like his sister, but whenever I’m there I already feel like we don’t have any privacy (I know it’s his parent’s house).

Like I said, my lease is up soon, and I offered to live together and he didn’t seem really interested in that. I’m getting so frustrated because I feel like he’s living in this comfort bubble and not trying to progress our relationship. His parents are close, if we move in together then he can always go back home to visit if he’s worried about feeling “trapped”.

I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feel some sort of resentment for how he’s living his life. What should I dooooo

It’s been around 3 years since my relationship ended, but honestly, I still feel like I haven’t completely moved on.
The breakup hurt me badly. I went through a really difficult period, spent years in counselling, and eventually had to take psychiatric medication. Even now, I still think about her often, and sometimes those thoughts bring back so much stress.
After our breakup, she got into other relationships, while I stayed single. Those relationships eventually ended too, and somehow we started talking again.
The confusing part is that whenever we talk, everything feels so good. It feels familiar, comforting, and for a moment, it feels like nothing ever happened between us. But then she suddenly becomes distant, replies with dry messages, or disappears. After some time, she comes back and gives me that same feeling of love and connection again.
And I get pulled back in every single time.
We’ve blocked each other and unblocked each other countless times. No matter how many times I tell myself that I need to move on, somehow we end up talking again.
There’s also a lot of history between us. Our families got involved during the breakup, and there were some serious fights between her and my family. I was going through an extremely difficult time back then, to the point where I was almost completely out of it. A lot happened, and the damage wasn’t limited to just the two of us.
I still love her, even after everything that happened. But I also feel like we both know that even if we love each other, things might never work out again because of our past and everything that happened between our families.
I’m stuck between two things: I don’t want to lose her completely, but I also don’t want to keep hurting myself by holding on to someone I might never be able to build a future with.
Three years have passed, and I feel like I’m still going around in circles. Every time she comes back, I feel hopeful. Every time she pulls away, I feel hurt all over again.
I don’t know whether I should completely cut contact, block her and never look back, or keep some place for her in my life because I still love her.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you finally break this cycle? How do you let go of someone you still love, especially when a part of you keeps hoping things might work out someday?
I genuinely want to move forward with my life. I just don’t know how to stop going back to the same person.---

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Hi. I am a 33/M dating 31/F for 5 months. We dated through high school as well. I’m wanting to know: what would you do?

We reunited and while we have our pasts/problems, our relationship really does have the momentum and potential to be unstoppable. Communication, flirting, sex, confrontation… it’s all pretty healthy. The snag for me is this friend she communicates with. He lives states away. She has never met him. They are friends through an internet game from like 15 years ago. They play the game. They share funny reels on social media. They text. They call and talk for hours. She assured me it was platonic and just an old friend she could yap with and nothing more. Fast forward and I’m finding that she hides conversations with him. I work for 24 hours then I’m home 48. They have conversations on the phone when I’m at work. On dates I have found her taking pictures of things to send him. I told her it would piss her off if I was doing that with a girl. She got extremely defensive. Then sadly said she won’t talk to him anymore. I told her that wasn’t what I wanted I just wanted to discuss their relationship and my boundaries. Fast forward again. I did the scumbag thing. I looked at her phone. I read all of their messages. I don’t knock anything that was said before our relationship, btw. HOWEVER. She blatantly told me they are not into each other and there is no attraction. Their messages are obvious. There is. They never cross the line completely but she blatantly asks him to come here. He outright calls her beautiful, pretty, hot, a baddie. And they talk about sex. With other people, but it’s like he is bragging. And he has given her money a couple of times. She spoke to him immediately the day after our fight about their relationship.

You’re in my shoes. What do you do?

TL;DR. She talks to a guy in intimate ways and say they are just friends.

I (26F) recently started a new job in an industry that is quite new to me. To avoid giving away too many details, the workplace is very small (5 staff incl. me) and I am the only person who is not college educated (I am studying currently, not the area that aligns with the work the business does). I have been hired to do background admin/finance stuff, and everyone else does what the business does (I hope this makes sense).

I arrive on my first day and little did I know but one of my old school friend’s exes (M26) works here already. His relationship with my friend was toxic and ended on very bad terms. During their relationship there was a lot of reciprocal cheating and they were ultimately just not very nice to each other. Around the time they broke up, I also found out that this friend was not actually a fan of me and spoke very negatively behind my back, including to her boyfriend (my now colleague). She tended to do that about everyone though, so I heard a bunch of things about him from her as well that wasn’t very nice. We are no longer friends or in contact and I had put all of that behind me.

Anyway, this was several years ago now when we had just left high school, so I came into the role I was wanting to put all that aside and just focus on us being new colleagues. Unfortunately it seems that he has not gotten over it and is continuing to treat me as if all of this went down yesterday. He never speaks to me unless it’s completely necessary (will go so far as to pretend he didn’t hear me when I ask him something), but will go out of his way to greet everyone else in the office personally otherwise and chat it up. The other day he verbally invited everyone to come with him to get a coffee except me. He also has made jokes at my expense in our team meetings and has insinuated that I am not very intelligent because I am not college educated (yet). I have spoken to my boss and he said that he will have a chat with him but it doesn’t seem to have made an effect- and honestly I didn’t expect it to. To make it worse he’s pretty popular within the office and everyone likes him. As the new girl I feel like I’m rocking the boat when I make complaints and it does feel like I’m being dismissed due to this rapport he has with everyone.

Is there anything I can do? I don’t really want to have to talk to him and I can feel myself having to drag myself to work because I really don’t want to see him. Should I just cut my losses and find something else? This is also the best paid job I’ve ever had by a country mile and leaving will mean a significant pay cut. Everyone else in the office is fine and easy to chat with, it’s just this one guy. When I spoke to my boss the response was sort of just “well, that’s just what [his name] is like…”

TL;DR: Started a new job with a guy I knew from a while ago who is holding a grudge from high school days. It’s affecting my work and my mental health and I am unsure what to do.

I (21 F) need help approaching my boyfriend (23 M)

Ive been struggling with chronic depression since I was a preteen. Ive been able to kinda drown it out or ignore it a lot better since then, but I still struggle heavily with it. Recently its gotten to be pretty bad and im not as good as hiding it as I used to be. Since my boyfriend and I started dating around 5 months ago I’ve been extra cautious to not try to act all sad around him, especially since he just lost his dad and I know he’s been dealing with his own mental stuff. He’s also known me for 8 years prior to us dating so it’s not like this is just a clean slate. I also haven’t really mentioned it to him because everytime I tried it kinda felt like he didnt want to hear it. We got into an argument yesterday and he said “You’re sickening as fuck just like your mom”. Since I was a child I always promised myself when I grew up I would be nothing like her so hearing that really just broke me down. As I mentioned earlier I’ve already been struggling a lot recently so this was the straw to break the camel’s back honestly. Ive been at his house all day because I needed to grab some of my stuff. He keeps getting mad at me for being “weird” and for crying, I also don’t think he realizes how badly what he said hurt me. Im really not good at articulating my words in times like this and I just want to talk to him about this. Any advice on how to bring this up to him without causing another argument?? thanks.

TL: DR - Need help properly talking to my boyfriend about my depression without him thinking im just being weird.

I have been with my girlfriend for about two years. At the start of our relationship, we would usually spend a lot of time together, just the two of us. We would talk and hang out for hours, enjoying each other's company and being as happy as possible together. If we ever had issues with each other or with life in general, we would take the time to listen to each other rant on and on.

However, more recently, she seems to care less and less about how I feel in our relationship, and it feels like things have become more about her.

We share the same friend group, and we are all very close. However, as time went on, I found myself spending more and more time around her and our friends, rather than having time alone with her. Whenever I want to spend time with her alone, she always seems to find a way to bring our friends along with us. At first, I didn't mind because I didn't think it would happen that often. But as time went on, we started spending almost all our time together with our friends, making it very difficult to do anything as a couple.

Eventually, it got to the point where I would sometimes choose not to accompany her and would let her hang out with our friends instead, since it didn't seem to make much of a difference to her either way. On the rare occasions when we do get to spend time alone together, it is usually only for a short while before she asks if our friends can join us. This has started to get on my nerves.

Because of this, I decided to hang out with other friends without her so that I could at least spend time with other people and actually enjoy myself. However, when my girlfriend found out, she told me that she was upset that I would rather spend time with other people than with her, even though she is often occupied with her own friends. I listened to what she said, hoping that we could finally start spending time alone together again. But, lo and behold, I ended up leaving my friends just to spend time with her and her friends instead.

Recently, she came out to me as bisexual, which caught me by surprise. She said that she discovered this part of herself after seeing a fictional character from a video game. This made me feel anxious because I started worrying that I wasn't enough for her and that she might develop feelings for other people.

Her attitude and the way she has started acting around me, compared to how she acts around her friends, have also made me worry. Nowadays, whenever I talk to her, she gives me half-hearted answers and often responds with vague things like "perhaps" or "I don't know," which really gets on my nerves.

When she talks to her friends, however, I can see how happy and joyful she is. She seems genuinely interested in what they have to say, listens to them, and gives them her full attention. She has even gone out of her way to help her friends with their relationship problems instead of trying to focus on the problems in our own relationship.

When I try to distance myself from her and focus on myself, she often love-bombs me with a bunch of texts or affectionate gestures to make me stay close to her. However, she never seems to maintain that affection when I actually try to talk to her or show her compassion. It feels as though she gets bored of me after a while without ever telling me why.

She barely talks to me about herself or her problems anymore. This makes me feel as though I might have done something wrong, but she refuses to talk to me about it. It eventually got to the point where I even asked her directly if she wanted to break up. She replied, "No, I don't want to break up," and left it at that.

And yes, I have tried multiple times to communicate with her about how I feel. However, every time I try to talk to her about the problems in our relationship, she either shifts all the blame onto me or refuses to give me a proper answer.

When I tried to talk to her about her friends and how we no longer spend as much time together as we used to, she told me that I simply didn't want her to have friends at all. When I tried to talk to her about the way she treats me, she told me that I was being delusional and overthinking things.

When I talked to her about her bisexuality, she flat-out told me that I was being annoying and that whenever she discovers something new about herself, I always try to make it seem like a bad thing. She also said that I always find reasons to stress about our relationship.

Basically, whenever I try to talk to her about my feelings, my cries for help are either ignored or treated as though I am attacking her.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to keep trying to hold this relationship together when it feels like I am the only one making an effort. I stress about her and our relationship every day, and it feels like I can't think about anything else.

What can I do to fix things and try to make our relationship the way it used to be? Or is it time for me to give up?

TL;DR: I've been with my girlfriend for about two years, but lately, she seems to prioritize her friends over me, and we barely spend time alone together anymore. She acts distant and uninterested when we talk, yet becomes affectionate whenever I try to distance myself. Whenever I try to communicate my feelings, she dismisses my concerns or blames me instead of working with me to fix things. I'm emotionally exhausted from constantly worrying about our relationship, and I feel like I'm the only one trying to make things work. I still love her and want to fix our relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if I should keep trying or let go.

So, to give some context, my fiancée has been having some family issues and I’ve been fully supportive and understanding of that. I made sure I listened to her, advise her on how to move forward in my opinion, and just made sure she was able to let her thoughts and emotions out.

2 days after that, she was on a phone call for roughly 2 hours. Prior to the call she was fine, we were joking around and so on. However, after the phone call she was upset, said that she feels alone and that nobody is actually around for her. I was quite confused but I tried to understand what had happened but she wouldn’t budge. I told her it’s fine, let’s call it a day and tomorrow we can talk all about it.

Moving onto the next day, we were hanging out and I didn’t wanna bring up what happened the night before just in case she didn’t feel like talking about it yet.

So, we were watching a show and we opened a topic relating to what was happening in the show. Long story short, I disagreed with her on a specific point(not important to mention) and it seems like she got upset. On top of that while I was speaking, I told her to stop interrupting me until I finish one last sentence which ultimately made her more upset. I told her there’s no reason to be upset when we disagree, disagreeing is fine, but we can disagree respectfully instead of her getting upset and raising your voice at me over something silly. Which made her even more upset.😅

We continued watching in silence and after a bit I started trying to joke with her and eventually apologizing to her, since I know she’s going through a rough patch with her family.

She insisted that she should leave and see each other the next day.

But, when she got home, she was crying on the phone and telling me how I don’t understand her at all and that I cannot read how she feels without having to always ask. And that I should’ve been more careful with the disagreement knowing she’s already upset. At that point I was only listening to her and just trying to let her know that I could’ve handled our small debate differently knowing that she’s upset, while also apologizing to her again.

But, it didn’t stop there. She kept stating again about how she knows me so well that she can instantly know if I’m upset but I can never do the same and always have to reach out to her with confirmation(Hey is something going on?). She says that the closest person(me) to her is always oblivious to how she really feels, and that she can put a fake smile on her face and I would never notice, but she can instantly tell if I am. She said that I treat her like any other stranger would and that she doesn’t feel like I bring anything special on the table when it comes to the emotional side of the relationship. Apparently I’m a bystander of some sort.🤷🏻‍♂️ Which I don’t agree with because I always try my best to make sure she’s always heard and listened to.

Again, knowing that she’s going through a lot with her family, I tried not to take any of this personally and told her that I’m sorry and that I do realize she’s upset and I did not mean to upset her, and that I will try my best to recognize and get better at noticing how she feels moving forward.

She dismissed all of this and told me”actually I need a break, and you’re pressure I cannot be dealing with right now” - I tried calming her down and telling her that I don’t want a break, which she replied that she insists that we take one.

We hang up, and I call her back after 30m, apologizing yet again and asking her if what she said was purely in the heat of the moment or that she actually means it, but she didn’t want to answer.

For me, I feel like asking for a break is not healthy in relationships. Plus, this isn’t the first time she says this. In fact, when I visited her and her family in Italy while I was staying in a foreign country I know nothing about, she broke up with me, and out of frustration I left their place to stay in a hotel. Which she later told me I shouldn’t have done.

She says that women tend to say things like that but don’t actually mean it. I refuse to buy that and honestly, after hearing it multiple times already before marriage, I can see the words “I want a divorce” on her mouth a lot too, and my head keeps telling me that this won’t work out.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. If you can share any insights I would much appreciate it.

---

**TL;DR:** My fiancée is going through family stress. After a small disagreement, she told me I never notice how she feels without asking, and asked for a break. It's not the first time: she broke up with me during a visit to her family abroad, then later said she didn't mean it. Is this a red flag before marriage, and how do I deal with "break" threats every time she's upset?

I’m 21F, and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for over a year, and we’re seriously considering marriage.

Before I met him, I had sexual conversations and exchanged explicit photos and videos with around six men online. I never met any of them in person. I regret those experiences, and I also initially lied about my past. My boyfriend eventually found out the truth, and I understand why my dishonesty hurt him.

He believes we can overcome this if I’m completely honest and answer his questions whenever something about my past bothers him or doesn’t seem to add up. I understand why he wants answers, especially because I wasn’t honest at first, and I don’t expect him to simply forget what happened.

However, we’ve argued about this dozens of times over the past year. Whenever the subject comes up again, I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes frustrated. I know he’s hurting too, and I feel guilty about my past, but I don’t know how long we can keep having the same conversations.

My boyfriend is a very logical person, while I tend to process things more emotionally. Sometimes I feel that my explanations don’t make logical sense to him, and I struggle to communicate my feelings in a way he can understand. I genuinely want to find a solution, but I don’t know what that solution should look like.
The hardest part is that, apart from this issue, our relationship is wonderful. He has so many qualities I could want in a husband. My parents like him, we love each other, and I can genuinely imagine building a life with him. The thought of losing all of that over this one issue makes me incredibly sad.

At the same time, I sometimes think that if this relationship ultimately can’t work because of this issue, I might eventually meet someone else with whom I wouldn’t have to struggle with the same problem. Then I feel guilty for even thinking that way. I love my boyfriend, and I don’t want to treat our relationship as replaceable. I also know that finding someone new doesn’t guarantee a better relationship.
I’m trying to understand what a realistic solution would look like. I know rebuilding trust takes time, and I accept responsibility for not being honest initially. But I also wonder whether repeatedly revisiting the past can eventually prevent both people from moving forward.

What practical steps could we take to rebuild trust and stop having the same arguments? How can we tell whether we’re genuinely making progress or whether this is a fundamental incompatibility that love alone cannot resolve?

I’d also appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar. If someone you deeply cared about, such as a younger sibling or a close friend, were in my situation, what would you advise them to do? What should I be willing to work on, and at what point should we consider that separating might be healthier for both of us?

I’m not looking to blame either of us. I want to understand what both partners would need to do differently for a relationship like this to recover, and whether it’s realistically possible.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I love each other and are considering marriage, but we’ve argued dozens of times about my past and the fact that I initially lied about it. I want to rebuild trust, but I’m exhausted by the repeated arguments and don’t know whether we can overcome this. What practical steps help couples move forward, and how can we tell whether it’s worth continuing to work on the relationship?

We've been dating for a bit over 2 years and recently things have been a lot tougher in general. 2 weeks ago he went back to uni and also got a dog. I'm not sure whether it's the responsibility of a dog thats making him way more sensitive, but it certainly is a lot more intense than it has ever been before.

Generally I am very fine with him feeling more sensitive as I have mostly figured out the correct speech patterns to assure his worries so he can calm down.

The issue comes when I'm trying to do things on my own.

We've had talks about this issue plenty of times. I worry about him a lot and whenever I have plans with someone else or I simply may not feel like calling with him right now he very quickly shifts to sounding cold towards me. He always tells me that he's "just sad" and "is that so bad".

This obviously has me worried even more and suddenly I'm stuck in this space of "should i act selfish and just go on with my plans" or "i gotta scrap my plans so i can take care of him right now, so he doesn't get hurt".

Shortly before he went back to uni it seemed to get better.

Well but now things seem to be back to where they are. I feel like I can't spend time with my friends or just do anything else besides being on call with him because I would be leaving him all alone.

He tells me it's fine for me to do what I want and to hang out with others but then I hear him crying. Additionally i need to prepare to receive coldness when I do end up doing what i want.

We are also long distance, however whenever I am on holiday I try to make it to him, which may be relevant.

I simply do not know what to do in these situations.

Do i respect my own needs and wishes or should i stay with him to support him constantly. Is there maybe even another option to approach this?

Tldr: My partner is struggling with feeling alone and his sadness around that. I do not know how to help him with that/prevent it without completely neglecting how I need time on my own or with friends.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for a little over a year now. He is my first relationship. I am not his. We struggle with communication due to a precedent I don’t think he’s realized he’s set. I already struggle to communicate how I feel as is, I get very emotional and often have to hold back tears when talking about something that upset me/saddened me. Very early on in our relationship we had a small argument, we both took time to cool off, and he came back to talk to me (though he didn’t seem very cooled off.) The moment I started trying to tell him what I was feeling / what was going on from my end, i started to tear up and get choked up. He said something along the lines of, “Did I come back in here just for you to do that?” and ever since then I’ve just kind of shut down when communication involving my feelings is required. I understand he’s had bad experiences in his past relationships, maybe they did use crying to manipulate him, but I’m not them. It doesn’t help that if i say that he did indeed effect me negatively with his actions, his go to response is “well I just feel like a piece of shit now.” Like what am i supposed to say to that? I’ve tried telling him that the way he speaks to me when he’s upset is in line with how you’d speak to someone you see as a burden or nuisance (for example, if im doing something loud it’s not, ‘hey babe can you save that for later?’ It’s ‘wow our neighbors are gonna hate us.’ Not in a jokey tone either.) He said he will work on that. Yet still communicates to me this way, but complains that I’m not able to communicate with him.
How can I tell him that he doesn’t give me a space to open up about my feelings? He wants me to communicate but he doesn’t understand why I won’t.

tl;dr : boyfriend reacts negatively when i communicate my feelings, but is desperate for me to communicate my feelings. how do i navigate?

Me (20M) and my girlfriend (19F), together for 3 weeks.

At the beginning of the relationship I was completely honest. I told her that once college started I’d have less time to text, and that I’m just not the type of person who texts all day every day. She said that was fine, no problem. She was also toxic at the start, but she was willing to change that. We made a deal about texting and a few other things so we could make it work.

Early on we talked nonstop. I stayed on the phone with her until 4 a.m. countless times — something I’d never done with anyone before — because I was really into her. When we went out on dates I always made the plans for her. I’m not looking for a thank you for that. I just wanted the same understanding in return.

I cut people off for her. I even gave her access to my social media. I’ve tried everything to show her I’m loyal and that I love her.

Now things have changed and she’s constantly saying I don’t text her enough, even though she knew this about me from day one. I tried explaining it again but she keeps hitting me with “you’re unemployed now, you have nothing better to do than text me.” I quit my job because college is the priority right now. That doesn’t mean I suddenly became a different person who wants to be on my phone 24/7.

We had plans to go out. I genuinely wanted to. I told her that morning that I couldn’t make it because I had to go with my family to my aunt’s place (needed the car). Her response was basically that we just won’t go out for the next three weeks then. She is still demanding changes from me and I denied it. I told her I’m exhausted from constantly trying to prove that I’m loyal and that I love her. Right now we’re taking a break.

I know I haven’t been texting or calling as much lately. I still love her and care about her. I’m an extrovert in person, but constant texting has never been my thing. That’s just how I am.

Lately it feels like no matter what I do it’s not enough. The whole thing has just become exhausting.

**How can I decide if we should continue after the break, given that she keeps pushing for changes I already said no to?** tl;dr

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F21) have been arguing almost every day and idk what to do. We are long distance and try to have a phone call almost everyday. Lately almost every phone call has involved a disagreement or me getting upset with him. A common trend is me getting upset because he’s joking about something that’s not funny to me, or won’t stop joking. Idk why I struggle to be lighthearted. I am a very emotional person and feel things much deeper than him. I even get upset that he’s not feeling things the same way as I am. Once I am upset about something it feels impossible for me to move on and then it ruins the rest of the call. Sometimes I end up just leaving and saying I have to go. He tries so hard to fix things and make me feel better but I can’t accept it. Even after he apologizes or tells me he’s not upset with me, I can’t move on. I get stuck in this emotional state. I also struggle to pause before reacting. I always end up feeling so bad after these phone calls happen and realize the things he said are often right.

tl;dr: My boyfriend and I can’t stop having problems and disagreements. How can I work on this issue and stop getting so upset at him?

I (26F) feel like my relationship with my boyfriend (27M) has reached a point where it has no direction at all.

For background: we’ve been together for about 4 years and have lived together for roughly 2.5 years.
For a couple of months, things were pretty calm, but from time to time my boyfriend would bring up the idea of getting his own place or renting a room. It started during a serious conversation we had after he had been acting avoidant for a few weeks. He assured me there wasn't anyone else, but said he just felt overwhelmed and needed his own space. I understood and suggested we plan quality time together while making sure he also had dedicated time for his friends. He agreed, and everything seemed fine.
Then, about 3 or 4 weeks ago, he came home to our place smelling like cat litter. I was planning to change it as soon as I got off work, as I needed to buy new litter first and my work hours aren't very flexible. When he came in, he mentioned wanting to get his own place for at least two months because the smell was too much, saying he didn't want to make me choose between him and my cats. I admit I lashed out and told him that moving out would feel like a huge step backward, and if he did that, we’d break up. After that, I bought some odor eliminating products and changed the litter, and he admitted the apartment smelled great and felt comfortable again.

Regarding finances, I have covered most of the household expenses for our entire relationship. When we started dating, his job didn't pay much, whereas I had a solid salary. Recently, he got a new job in his field and makes $400–$500 more per month than before.
He also took on some debt to help fix my car, with the agreement that I’d pay him back my portion. Recently, I asked him when that debt would be paid off, and he said by November. I mentioned that would be great because we could finally start sharing household expenses evenly.
He immediately panicked and said, "No, no, no, I’m scared of commitment." He then said it would be better if he just found his own place, or even crashed at a friend’s parents' house (which is about 5 hours away). I asked him if he would honestly rather live off a friend's parents house who only offered out of courtesy than split expenses with me. With a smile on his face, he said yes.
We got into a back and forth, and I ultimately told him that if he isn't willing to share expenses, he needs to move out, can't come over to visit, and we will be over.
The next day, he had to board a ship for work, so we haven't spoken in person since. Yesterday, after thinking things over, I started wondering if maybe it is for the best if he lives alone for a while so he can actually experience the effort and financial responsibility it takes to manage a household. He has never lived alone or with another partner before, whereas I have lived on my own and with a previous partner.
Any advice on how I should go about this?

TL;DR:

TL;DR: My boyfriend (27M) and I (26F) have lived together for 2.5 years. I’ve carried almost all the financial responsibility. Now that he earns more and is finishing paying off a loan, I asked him to start splitting rent/expenses with me. He panicked, said he's "scared of commitment," and said he'd rather move out or crash with a friend's parents 5 hours away than split bills with me. Is it time to end things, or should I let him move out so he can experience living on his own?

My girlfriend (F21) and I (M22) have been in a relationship for over two years. At the beginning of our relationship, we were quite sexually active and basically had sex every day we saw each other. This decreased somewhat after a few months, which I consider normal, and it was still relatively frequent.

However, after about a year, it decreased significantly, to the point where I started finding it a little strange. Kissing, making out, and sexting also became much less frequent or almost completely stopped. I then brought it up with her and asked if there was a reason for it, to which she replied that it was probably just a phase.

After that, things picked up again for about a month, but then it became even less frequent than before.

She is relatively shy and reserved when it comes to these things, which means that I was usually the one initiating things or making the first move about 90% of the time. However, she would usually at least hint that she wanted something to happen, which she no longer did. During this period, things also changed in that we stopped having sex in the evenings, which is what I actually prefer, and instead only did it in the mornings, if at all. She sometimes said that she was still too sleepy, so she would basically no longer initiate anything herself, and I had to do all the "work."

After a while, she started making sexual suggestions again, such as saying that we could have sex later or that she would pleasure me, etc. However, nothing ever really came of it. During this time, I also occasionally brought up the question of why things were going the way they were sexually, even though we never really had any problems in our relationship overall and everything else was actually going quite well.

Once again, I was told that it was probably just a phase and that she didn't know why. After I brought up again that it bothered me that she kept hinting at things but then nothing happened, because I would get excited about it only to end up disappointed, she immediately stopped making those suggestions altogether. After that, we really only had sex in exceptional circumstances, approximately once a month.

I also gradually started becoming afraid of making the first move because I was scared of being rejected.

On top of that, she started making negative comments about my grooming and appearance more frequently, for example, telling me that I should get a haircut more often or change my hairstyle. During an argument, she also once said that perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that she sometimes wasn't in the mood for me, considering how I present myself physically. She often becomes very emotional during arguments and says things she doesn't actually mean, although things usually get resolved afterward, and I don't tend to hold grudges.

For about the past six months, absolutely nothing has been happening sexually between us. We usually only kiss when greeting each other or saying goodbye. We cuddle significantly less, and as soon as I hint at something or try to make out with her, she pulls away or says that she just wants to relax and isn't in the mood. This is somewhat difficult for me because I express my love and affection primarily through physical contact.

I hardly ever try to make a move anymore because I'm afraid of being rejected, which now feels almost 100% certain. My own sex drive has also noticeably decreased quite significantly.

Last week, I brought up the issue with her again and asked why things were the way they were, but I received the usual answer. When I then explained that sex also involves a lot of emotions and feelings for me, and that because she no longer wants it, it also makes me feel as though she has, to some extent, lost her feelings for me, she was too absorbed in TikTok to give me an answer.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I can understand that sexual interest decreases over the course of a relationship, and I can also accept that she needs it less than I do. However, I find it quite extreme that after 1.5 years of being together, it has stopped completely. It also makes me feel as though she doesn't enjoy it or that I am the reason for it.

I occasionally try to talk things through because I like to resolve problems in a relationship directly, but I also have extreme difficulty talking about my feelings. At the same time, I don't want her to feel as though she has to force herself to do anything or that she is being pressured into it, which is why I bring it up less and less often.

I also feel that these conversations are uncomfortable for both of us, which is probably why she keeps shutting them down almost immediately.

What should I do in my situation? I genuinely don't know how to move forward anymore, but I also don't have anyone I can really talk to about this.

Small addition:

Even though my story might come across as somewhat negative, our relationship is actually really good apart from the sexual aspect. She is a loving and caring person with a great sense of humor, so I would ask people to refrain from making negative comments about her.

TL;DR

My girlfriend (21F) and I (22M) have been together for over two years. Our sex life has gradually declined and has been almost nonexistent for the past six months. She says she doesn't know why. Our relationship is otherwise great, and I don't want to pressure her. How can I approach this situation and improve our communication?

my bf and i are in an LDR for a year and could only see each other at least once a month. we message each other everyday and would go on calls at least 2 times a week. we're basically updated with each other's lives, even on things we dont talk abt to our family or friends.

im fine with our setup, mostly because i can't do anything abt the fact that we live more than 20km away from each other, so i try to be okay with what we can do for the meantime. i keep myself occupied and distracted by other things that i enjoy doing on my own, and i basically just like my solitude.

my bf does the same, but he says that once he's done with his things, he would feel that sense of longing, especially when weeks have passed after our last meetup. of course i find it sweet, but at the same time, im worried that he might be getting too emotionally dependent on me and might lose his sense of self.

i miss my bf too of course, but i just dont feel it too intensely or would feel like i really need to see him just so i could feel better. im starting to worry if this is a compatibility issue or is it something that some communication and adjustment could fix? pls help:(

tl;dr: my bf and i have been in an LDR for a year. im content with our setup and enjoy my solitude, while he tends to feel more intense longing when we haven't seen each other for weeks. im worried he might become too attached to me. is this a compatibility issue or something we can work through?

**TL;DR; I have a genuine question for guys, but girls can share their opinions too.

I have a friend who is pretty and very

talkative(27-28f). One thing I’ve noticed is that when she talks to people, especially guys, she sometimes uses a different tone of voice and accent than usual. She also acts a little childish and makes a lot of cute expressions.

What I find interesting is that she gets close to guys quite easily, and most of them seem to like the way she talks and behaves.

So I’m curious, do guys generally find this kind of behaviour attractive? Do you like girls who act cute, playful, and a little childish, or do you prefer girls who are more natural and mature?

I know everyone has different preferences. I just want to understand what guys generally think about this.

Guys, what’s your opinion? Do you actually find this cute, or can it sometimes feel a bit fake?**

I posted here about a week ago about my girlfriend and me. We’re both 28, have been together for 4 years and have lived together for around 3 years.

Please see my previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1wyaz9p/comment/peu7y1g/?screen_view_count=5

I read pretty much all of the comments. A lot of people told me that the resentment itself was a huge warning sign, that our communication sounded unhealthy, and that I sounded like I had already outgrown the relationship but was struggling to admit it because I still loved her.

Some suggested couples counselling. Others basically told me that there were too many incompatibilities and that sometimes a long-term relationship simply reaches its end.

Well, today things finally reached that point.

We were doing completely normal household stuff earlier in the day and later sat down together to order some things for the apartment. I noticed she seemed a little sad, so I asked whether she was okay. She initially said she was fine. I kept asking in different ways and eventually she admitted she was maybe a little sad but said she didn’t really know why.

I tried to comfort her and be affectionate with her. While doing that, I again became aware of something that has been bothering me for years: I was having to ask her to show affection back to me.

At one point I basically told her that I can’t keep asking her to hold me, kiss me or show me affection. I want to feel like she actually wants to do those things herself.

Her response was that I was only behaving that way because I was horny.

That hurt me much more than I expected.

One of the biggest things I have tried to explain throughout our relationship is that this is not just about sex. I want affection. I want to feel desired. I want my partner to sometimes reach for me without me having to ask for it first.

I tried explaining that, but she repeated that I was just horny. She seemed angry, and I could feel the conversation heading towards another argument.

I didn’t want another huge fight, so I left.

I had some clothes that needed alterations, so I dropped them at a tailor and then just kept driving. I ended up heading towards Kiama because I needed distance from the apartment and needed to think.

While I was driving, I realised I just couldn’t keep doing this.

I called her and told her that things between us were not working anymore and that we needed to separate.

She responded angrily at first and said yes. We kept talking for quite a while, and eventually she said that she couldn’t keep living like this either.

That was probably when it became real to me.

This wasn’t one of us threatening to break up during an argument. We were actually discussing ending the relationship.

I told her that if we were separating, we needed an exit plan and should stop dragging things out.

That is where things became complicated because we live together and finances are involved.

She told me she doesn’t currently have enough money to move out and realistically thinks she may need another 3–4 months. She also currently owes me around $2,200, so obviously neither of us can pretend money isn’t part of the situation.

We had a very long conversation. I stayed relatively calm while she was quite angry. Eventually she said she would move into the living room.

When I came home from Kiama, she had already moved all of her belongings out of our bedroom and into the living room.

I’m not going to lie, seeing that hit me pretty hard.

This woman has slept next to me for around three years. We’ve struggled financially together, moved through different stages of our lives together, celebrated festivals together, cooked together, laughed together, fought together and built all these boring little routines that become your normal life.

Suddenly seeing all of her things in the living room made everything feel very final.

We talked again after I came home. I told her I understand that neither of us can magically find another apartment tomorrow, but I don’t think living together like this for 3–4 months is realistic or healthy.

I suggested that we give ourselves around two months maximum to sort everything out.

I also wanted to email the real estate agent immediately and find out what our options are with the lease, but she asked me to wait until next week. I agreed.

So right now, we have separated but are temporarily still living under the same roof. She is living/sleeping in the living room and I’m in the bedroom. Next week we need to start working out whether one person stays in the apartment or whether we both leave, what happens with the lease and bond, how we divide belongings and bills, and how she repays the money she owes me.

I also want to apologise for not replying to everyone on my original post. I received more responses than I expected. I read almost all of them, including the comments that were pretty brutal towards me.

So I guess the advice I need now is different from my original post.

For anyone who has ended a long-term relationship but had to continue living together temporarily because of finances or a lease, how did you actually do it?

How do you establish boundaries without becoming cold or cruel to someone you still love?

And how do you stop yourselves from slipping back into being a couple simply because being separated while living in the same house hurts?

TL;DR: I posted last week about feeling resentful and like I was carrying my 4-year relationship. Today another conversation about affection made me realise I couldn’t keep doing this. I left the apartment, drove towards Kiama and called my girlfriend to tell her I thought we needed to separate. She eventually agreed that she couldn’t continue either. She has moved her belongings into the living room, but finances and our lease mean we’ll probably need to live separately under the same roof for up to around two months while we make an exit plan.

Starting out I’m a man 21M in a relationship with my girlfriend who’s about 4 or so years older than me, and lately I’ve been having some issues, weve been dating for about 4, almost 5 months, very happily up until the last month or so, where I’ve started a new job at a place I really like working for, I’ve had to get up earlier so I’ve been going to bed early and not wanting to hangout with my partner much on weekdays, which worked for a while up until these last two or so weeks, where she’s been trying to find any way or any reason to get me to hangout.

TLDR: I have depression and haven’t gained much interest in hanging out with anyone, I’ve been putting things like my family above her, because they’ve had things they wanted to do with me the last few weeks aswell, and part of me feels bad, but another doesn’t because I’ve felt oddly free, maybe I’m just not cut out for relationships, just looking for advice or help