The encounter I had with him was just supposed to be a hookup but when I didn't feel ready to meet him and wanted to chat more, he manipulated me into it and acted angry, I didn't want to anger him so I went to see him that night. He took pics of me during "sex" without my consent even if they didn't show my face, and kept love-bombing me. He was really obsessive and pushed to get closer to me so I blocked him after.

For a year now, I've been lurking his profile because I found it on those apps we met on. I did it out of curiosity and hatred, but I was also relieved to see he has been in 2 relationships since then. After some digging, he apparently cheated on the first one I saw. He even did something odd as they broke up but none of this surprised me.

I believe me lurking his account on my old account may have had him find my new one, since I linked my new one on my old one. But I found his account in my searches on my new one already at some point, maybe the algorithm links your accounts? Not only did he follow me but he liked my post. Either way, I blocked all his accounts on all of mine including his current girl. There's another one I saw in my searches the other day with a threatening username, I blocked it just to be safe.

From our first encounter to this one, it feels he prefers me over other women, which makes me really uncomfortable. I regret never documenting our chat and the recent interactions, I didn't realize it was rape 'til years later and the recent interactions really scared me.

When I was 14yo, a police officer took me home to his house . He made me comfortable and gave me wine, and offered me cigarettes, which i didn’t normally smoke at all, but I had some because it was exciting. We watched narcos on the tv, he was a single man and we had talked online for a long time. He lived 2 hours away from me and I went to see a concert in the city he lived. These weren’t pleasant experiences because I was a confused little girl who was eager to please and hadn’t experienced this level of attention ever. But this is not what bothers me most. I saw him as a father figure/ mentor and he was in my life online through until I was 21, when I got my fist boyfriend and my boyfriend made me realise how much I had been manipulated. And I felt stupid..because it hit home that he did this to me, because I was VUNERABLE, = less of a value in society and I was “easier “. Here’s why. When I was between 14-19 I thought I knew it all but I didn’t have any different experience to compare to. I didn’t realise what was happening to me was wrong. I think it’s important to share that I live in the countryside near the beach up on the hills. We don’t have neighbours , as many of the people around didn’t either and family are hours away. I was a lonely child,it was wrong and I lacked the ability to emotionally comprehend my experiences. Now I live a completely normal life and am unrecognisable- (I live in Kent and no one would imagine the experiences I’ve been through when they meet me today and no one does know. I never envisioned myself where I am now as a “normal” “healed” person in university, in the cheerleading team, sociable, CONFIDENT and liked :) but it makes me see HOW VULNERABLE I was, because back then I was traumatised child, depressed, confused- I spent time in a psychiatric ward and a children’s home, I had some awful, traumatic experiences while in these centres that added to my illness. I didn’t want to be alive and I never thought I’d make it past 18. However…I was an easy target- and that makes me angry.
Therefore, until I was 21, the only experiences I’d ever had of sex were of being molested. Used. It was a performance that made me feel dread and self consciousness. I remember vividly being photographed on a green motorcycle topless with my arms up by a man. I was tied up and videoed begging not to be raped. I had poppers poured down my throat and put in a boot. I was under 16.

Earlier, I was completely innocent until a boy in school molested me. I was 13, I had never seen a p3nis before, I was my first ever sexual experience- I was pinned to a wall and molested, I didn’t know what to do he pushed me towards the ground saying put it in my mouth . I pushed him away. I only talked about that for the first time when I was 20- and it made me realise how that experience of abuse shaped me, into the perfect mould to be groomed. LESSON: Kids who get sexually abused are easy targets to groomers. TEACH AND PROTECT YOUR KIDS.

With no alternative experience to compare to or other than porn which was violent, loud? Fake?.. on the internet I learnt from this that that was how s3x was like . And that’s what I should expect: molestion . I never ever had an ounce of pleasure because I had no idea how curious young explorative sex could be. I thought being wet was an orgasm. I had my first orgasm at 21, BY MYSELF, and since then I felt like I understood it. And I mourned for the years I lost being abused.

It shaped the way I interacted with people. It shaped the way I interacted with men. It shaped what I expected of men. I thought it expected of me. I was unaware of my conditioning. Some of the things I did as a *child* are hard for me to think about now. I feel ashamed & sad. But I have compassion and I forgive myself for my conditioning, because I did not realise there were other ways of being. I didn’t realise I was not normal. I spent years confused. My psyche was fragmented. Someone looking in could call me all sorts of names. I want you to learn this is what you do when you violate children.

Police officer is no longer in my life, no one who abused me is. Love and healing to all. I’ve never told anyone this :)

The first time I was s'ad it was by my older brother's best friend making up a game for him and I to play when my brother wasn't around and he would touch me. When we moved away I thought I was finally free from that, and I don't really talk about this a lot.. I was s'ad by other kids, mainly friends, I was shown porn at a young age.. it really messed with my head, and I don't think I know how to heal from it?

I just really need to get this off my chest because I feel so isolated and overwhelmed.

About two months ago, my dad had some business partners over for dinner. After dinner, one of his partners asked if I could go with him in his car to his house nearby to help him carry back some files and items. My brother wasn't home, otherwise he would have been asked instead. I went with him, but when we got there, there wasn't much stuff at all—certainly nothing he couldn't carry himself.

On the drive back at night, he pulled over near an empty plot a few blocks from my house. He offered me money, saying he knew my dad was strict and that I could use it for whatever I wanted. I politely refused. He kept insisting, then said I could use it to go on dates with my boyfriend. I lied and said I didn't have one because I was terrified my dad would find out if I said yes.

When I denied having a boyfriend, he snapped. He got extremely angry, started screaming at me, and said I was lying. He began making inappropriate comments about my body and saying every guy at my college must want me. Then he grabbed my arm extremely hard, pulled me toward him, and groped me, saying "good girls shouldn't lie." I was terrified, screaming, and trying to push him off me. After a few minutes, he stopped and drove off angrily.

When I got home, I collapsed on the bathroom floor crying. Later, I saw a severe bruise on my arm where he had grabbed me so tightly.

I grew up in a very strict, orthodox, and misogynistic household, and I experienced abuse as a child that I could never speak about because I knew my family would blame me or restrict me further. But the next day, I gathered every ounce of courage I had to tell my dad that his partner grabbed my arm forcefully and showed him the bruise.

My dad initially said he would talk to him. A week later, when I asked what happened, my dad told me the partner "apologized for getting the wrong idea" and claimed that I was the one "hinting" and giving him "seductive looks" during dinner. My dad dismissed it as a simple "misunderstanding" and promised they wouldn't be invited over again. But last week, my dad invited them over to our home anyway.

I feel so hurt, unsafe, and completely invalidated by the people who are supposed to protect me. I just needed a safe place to share this and put it out there because keeping it inside has been tearing me apart. Thank you for listening.

I want to vent, can I have your support?

Inever trusted her, when I got assigned to her, I contacted a different charity elsewhere. I had sessions with her mainly because I wanted to be referred to counselling.

She works for a charity for victims of trafficking, sexual violence and domestic violence.

I went to this charity because my family members and others followed me interstate to sex traffick me again (under sedatives and other drugs). Kind of Gisele Pelicot. A lot of women and other men helped them to bully me, a lot of people out there would sedate and traffick us.

I reported them so they were getting revenge, trying to off me.

This support worker saw me for just two months before I interrupted.

She wrote lies in the notes trying to depict me as psychotic to get me unlawfully sectioned.

She wrote lies to block access to counselling.

She tried to coerce me aggressively into giving her information about lawyers and legal proceedings. When I say aggressively, I'm not being sensitive: she was being overtly abusive. While coercing me, she started exchanging emails with someone???

She laughed about me when one of the criminals (investigated) drugged my food with a dissociative drug in the past. She was basically gossiping about something I didn't even disclose? (The episode with the drugged food). She kept talking about it with mockery despite I forgot that episode or didn't fully realise at the time.

The last time, when I told her I ended up in emergency department because I found the previous session retraumatising, she put her arms up in sign of victory and all smiley said: "Oh I retraumatised you?! 😁😁".

Other things.

I reported her to the charity. The manager said she might need more training. Then she said something that sounded like I didn't like this person? Am I supposed to like an abusive person? In a charity that claims to help victims of abuse?

This support worker still works there. She doesn't support victims of rape: she supports rape culture and rapists.

The charity is Cyrenians in Scotland.

So context. I was friends with this girl called Olivia who I met when I was in primary school we’re both 19 now so we were friends for years I fully trusted her. She was staying at my house one night and she mentioned this boy she had been friends with for the same amount of time as me so I was curious as I’d never heard her mention him before. She said his name is Luke and showed me what he looked like. I instantly said “yes he is the one I want” so she FaceTimed him and introduced me. She told me he had a girlfriend so I was like okay okay I’ll just be friends with him since she said he was a nice person. Clearly he can get along with girls just as friends too because he’s friends with Olivia right?. He was also friends with Olivia’s ex and she wanted to go round to his house but didn’t want to go alone so I went with her. The first time I met him I didn’t really talk to him I was too nervous so I started playing block blast. Olivia told me to go sit next to him so I did and he was playing it too. We talked and instantly got along but so much fricking drama happened after that night. We ended up sleeping together and the next day his “ex” starts spam calling him and you know what he said to me.”I have to talk to her because my family will go mad at me if I don’t” he is a Mormon btw. And I still don’t know if he broke up with her when he said or not. Anyway after that drama I didn’t wanna risk it so I ended things with him and he begged me to stay but as he was doing so he was also tryna put his fingers somewhere he shouldn’t on me( that should have been the earliest sign) but I just pushed him away and went home.( I forgot to add him and his friends were playing skeleton sound Effects from Minecraft on the speaker so Olivia tells them to stop being nasty and I’m confused so she tells them to tell me and Luke says to me it’s because im skinnny.. there all laughing at me after this apart from Olivia) A couple of months later I’m out in my local bar with Abi my best friend and as I’m at the bar I get a tap on my shoulder. It was luke smiling at me. I instantly turn back around because I can’t comprehend what is happening after months of not seeing him. Months of missing him so badly( I didn’t tell you all the small details about why I fell in love with him because he doesn’t deserve the good in this story). He taps me again so I turn around and say what. He says can we talk so I say he’s got 5 minutes. The thing with Luke is he seems like such a genuine person he could actually convince you killing someone is the right thing to do that’s how much power he had in my brain. After 2 minutes of talking I was laughing with him telling him everything that he’s missed in my life and some how we’re back to friends again. But not like before. A couple more weeks pass and I’ve seen him a few times out with different girls each time. It hurts but I ignore it. On 29th of January I went out with Abi and Mia and we see him towards the end of the night. Mia goes and speaks to him 1-1 outside the club and I could tell he was flirting with her but he was so so so drunk. They come back over and mia says they want her to come to an after party but she won’t go without me so Luke is begging me to come I specifically said to him i will only go if he does not go near Mia and he promises me he won’t … we make it there and it’s mid I’m sober and I don’t even want to drink anymore while Luke is getting more drunk I won’t go into detail but stuff happens and I don’t want it to happen his friend Kacey who is at the party sees this and tells me to take Luke into his room. I don’t know if he could tell I didn’t want it to happen because I was pushing Luke away or he thought I wanted it 🤷‍♀️.i take him into his room and tell him to stop touching me. He starts being sick in this red bowl next to his bed so I start getting his hair out of his face and holding his head up so his face doesn’t go into his own sick. After that he starts crying saying he tried to off himself and no one loves him. I tell him I love him for the first time ever and he says I’m not enough and it broke me there and then . Let’s just say after that for hours he raped me and laughed at me while I cried. In this moment this was not the Luke I fell in love with I saw a genuine monster. The next day i went on holiday and 50% of the holiday I slept to try pretend it never happened because my Luke would never hurt me like that right ?no he did. It’s September 11th today and I’ve reported him to the police (I’m not pressing charges right now) and I’ve spoken to Luke on the phone. He claims he can’t remember what happened at all so we planned for a phone call when we’re both free so I can explain to him exactly what happened and so I can hear his side I don’t know why I want to know but I just do. Soooooo guys what should I do

For context, was doing really good for about a week and a half. No urges, no purchases, nothing. Deleted my plugs number and everything.

I thought I only had a problem with coke, but looking deeper I definitely have a problem with any substance as I am the type of person that will pick one thing up and keep going until I really feel the affects (can’t stop). I went out with my friends on Friday and planned on only drinking a little. Anyways, met up with someone who I considered a friend. I was extremely drunk, but nothing concerning, just having a good time. He took me to the bathroom and said “you want some coke and ketamine?” I was so drunk, but still managed to say “No, I need to be sober.” He ended up just convincing my drunk mind that I would need the coke to be more sober as I was “too drunk to function.” I can’t argue with that. It’s my fault for even taking it and saying yes, but here’s the thing. I don’t think he even gave me coke, I think he only gave me ketamine. I say this because minutes later I’m falling over and barely able to stand. He tells my friends he’s going to take me back to his friends place.

Anyways, I get back to our friend’s place and everyone is getting ready to swim. I’m in my underwear, but so drunk I can’t even stand up. He takes me to the bathroom and instantly is taking off my underwear and aggressively making out with me. By this point I’m falling over, and I actually fell and hit my head and elbow very hard. I’m still bruised. The entire time I’m crying worried about my friends. Anyways, we get to the pool and I’m just a mess. I’m crying, can barely stand, and being fed more shots. He’s touching me and performing oral and the whole time I’m just crying and telling him I need my friends. Probably 2-3 hours go by and I can finally leave. I book it to the bathroom where I’m calling and face timing my friends. The videos are still on my phone, I’m foaming at the mouth, drooling, barely able to make words out, but some of the texts are clear and say “I need to leave.”

Finally my friends pick me up and I’m just a mess. I’m so ashamed I let that happen to myself, I’m ashamed I relapsed, I’m ashamed about everything.

I just fall asleep on the floor in my living room and wake up to my entire family (who I don’t leave with as I live with my friends) in there. They’re taking me to the hospital. I had hid my addiction from all of them up until that point.

My friends are telling me I need to pursue charges on the guy, but is it my fault? I did the drugs, I drank the alcohol, and I never said no.

I was raped by my dad’s friends son when I was 16 and my dad chooses his friend over me every single time. Now it’s my dads 60th and he wants to invited my rapists whole family. Even when I’m visiting him if his mates coming over he makes me leave. I think I’m just gonna miss the birthday I told my mum if he invites them I’m not coming and she basically said since I never reported it they can’t compromise for me. I feel so alone and humiliated all the time. I don’t feel part of my family anymore.

Me and my boyfriend were having sex and I was enjoying it and it was all okay for a while. Then all of a sudden he pushed me against the floor and held me there (it didn’t bother me yet, sometimes I prefer more rough sex) but then he suddenly pushed inside me really quickly and I’m really small so it takes time for me to fit him in but he went too fast. I told him it was too much and he said he said something like sorry i’m about to finish. I’d told him earlier I wanted him to finish in me but at this point it hurt. He finished in me and then I just laid on the floor frozen and he looked confused and shocked and asked what was wrong and if I was hurt but I couldn’t talk.

I don’t know if this was rape or assault or anything because I enjoyed the sex up until this point and afterwards he apologized and cried and said he was so sorry and he didn’t know how to make up for it and he said that he thought I wanted to keep going because I told him I wanted him to finish in me. He said that he thought I would be disappointed if he didn’t keep going and that he didn’t know I wanted him to stop (sometimes I say that he’s too big to fit sometimes but keep going on my own terms because I can make it comfortable if I give it a little time). I didn’t say our safe word either so idk if I gave off the sign I liked it but the only thing I said was that it was too big or too much. I don’t know what to do.

My younger sister was raped by some guys that she though it was her friends. It happened a while ago but it was very traumatic for her and for our family. She’s in therapy but it’s been hard to move on. It also affected me very much and for a while i couldn’t do anything productive. Now, with this jane doe case it seems that some scars “opened” again. I can’t stop thinking about it and how her story is very similar to my sister’s story. Then, i see online so many toxic comments and i feel so angry and depressed at the same time. I noticed my sister has been sad lately and we know it’s because of this case. My sister realizes how similar both stories are and seeing so many people against the victim has been affecting her. It’s also affecting me since it’s too personal as well.
I can’t cope with it anymore and i don’t know what to do anymore or how i can help my sister. It’s a taboo topic and her therapist told my mom that talking about it might not be a good idea

2 years ago I have been raped by someone I was flirting with. Took me about 6 mounths after this to admit/understand it was rape as it was oral penetration and I didn't know the word "rape" included this.

Of course after this, we slowly stoped talking.

2 mounths ago he reached out to me on Instagram, saying he hesitated to recontact me without mentionning why. As time has passed, I have accepted to talk to him again and we had great discussions. Then, we met in real life to keep talking and everything has been normal. After a week we had a discussion about what happend, he is deeply sorry and it felt like he was very embarassed to talk about it.

Now I'm still friend with him, and I'm really enjoying this friendship but a friend of mine told me he was shocked I was doing this.

I am in the wrong ? I believe in forgiveness, even if I don't really forgive him, I accept his excuses and to move on somehow.

I am a bit confused.

I'm just looking for help and advice, feel free to ask me questions.

my friend came onto me recently while we were hanging out , he started kissing my neck & rubbing me all over and it honestly turned me on surprisingly because im mostly only into women . we were doing stuff for a bit then he asked to have sex and i initially said no because i knew it would hurt but he kept asking so i said fuck it we could try but if i say stop then stop and he said ok . i was drunk af so i dont remember nearly anything at all from before what im about to say next but i think i liked it for a second and then he put me in a different position and started going super hard and fast from the back . i couldn’t even get the words out at first but i told him to stop and tried to get away but he started pulling my hair saying stfu bitch . i thought it would be over soon but it wasnt . then i heard a different voice moan that didn’t sound like his , he has a super deep voice and the voice was a lot higher . i tried to turn around to see where it came from and he started pushing my face into the seat and the car door but he said it was him . i kept trying to turn around to check but he never let me move my head at all he kept holding it down . i was already freaking out from having to have sex against my will but i started panicking even more because i was scared he had invited someone else without me knowing and thats why he wouldnt let me turn around . i try to ignore that part because im sure i will never find out but i know what i heard . i was crying super hard the whole time and he didnt care at all i dont understand . we have been friends for 8 years

during the summer i (18f) ended up having a fling of sorts with my coworker (23f). during this, there would be times where i would be high or half-asleep and she kept doing stuff to me. there was even a time where i told her to stop because i had to go home and she kept going. i told her all of this was ok because i still liked it. i have so much regret. she ended up opening up to me later on how she had an ex that accused my ex-fling of taking advantage of her while the ex was drunk but how she has changed and how she never wants to hurt someone like that again. i feel disgusted because i told her it was all ok and i kept seeing her not realizing she took advantage of me several times.

just two weeks after i had to block her, she got with our other coworker, who my ex-fling rejected prior because she wanted to be with me. i thought she was my friend until i told her about how my ex-fling would told me how easy it felt to be with me compared to her and how she also took advantage of me several times. they are still dating and i’m plagued with the image of them everyday.

i’ve been telling myself the worst punishment they have is them being themselves. they’re both working at low-paying jobs and are addicted to yarts since middle school and i’m hoping they just keel over sometime soon; but it isn’t enough. they’re still happy. i’m the one suffering with the consequences of both of their actions and i’m so depressed everyday. i’m in my first year of college and i’m supposed to be having fun, but i’ve been unimaginably depressed, stressed, and anxious. i want justice, but at the same time, what will that do? it won’t reverse time. i feel tainted and ruined.

Fui molestado durante três anos na minha infância. Sempre achei que consegui sair bem dessa e que não teria traumas dessa situação. Depois, percebi que na verdade sempre estive muito ferido pelo o que aconteceu e isso molda minha personalidade até hoje. Trato em terapia, mas comecei a perceber que ultimamente estou projetando meu abusador em um menino com quem me relaciono. E toda vez que durmo com ele, tenho sonhos revivendo os abusos. Me sinto mal porque isso não é justo para ele, apesar dele não saber. Ele me dá bastante presentes e me trata muito bem, e acho que é por isso que eu inconscientemente relaciono à dinâmica do abuso. Era sempre um monte de doces seguido dos abusos. Nessa relação, geralmente ele me compra várias coisas simplesmente por me querer ver feliz, mas quando há um pedido de relação sexual em algum outro momento do mesmo dia, me sinto obrigado a ceder porque "olha o tanto de coisa que ele fez por mim". Não precisa nem ser sexo, um simples pedido de massagem nas costas me lembra essa dinâmica de ser "comprado" através de atos bondosos. É um tanto involuntário esses pensamentos de comparação entre os dois, mas isso afeta nossa dinâmica sexual porque fico com nojo quando penso e comparo as coisas. Tudo vira gatilho e isso está me matando. Ele sabe sobre os abusos, mas não sabe sobre esses gatilhos e pensamentos que venho tendo. Como eu chegaria e falaria "Você me lembra o meu abusador"? Não consigo imaginar nenhuma relação durando depois disso. Até o tecido do short dele me lembra... Isso está me matando!! Vocês também passaram por alguma projeção involuntária assim?

A few days ago my girlfriend (20f) confessed to me (20m) that she was raped by a roommate of hers at university while drunk. I am the first person she has ever been with and I was her first sexual experience of any kind which happened only a few days prior. She has contacted the police and an investigation has been started. I have been there for her and done everything in my power to make her comfortable in her own home and feel a bit safer so soon after the event. I do not want to punish her for an occurrence that was not in her control and I'm fully aware that she has been completely honest about everything, but I cannot help but feel extremely uncomfortable around her now. From previous bad experiences partners of mine have claimed they were raped to cover up an act of infidelity leading to some of the most difficult and confusing weeks of my life and countless bad decisions. I just need to know from anyone who has been in a similar situation how they managed to move past it and any other questions or advice would be appreciated.

PLEASE READ, I NEED ADVICE

Okay, I don’t really know where to start, but I’m a 23f and I’m having a hard time with something that happened. One of my close friends had a birthday party at her new apartment. She invited around thirty people, and we all went out after an hour of being at her place. She invited a lot of her coworkers, one of them being this 24m.

I want to preface by saying I’m very clueless when it comes to flirting/relationships/dating. I’ve always looked for a friends with benefits type relationship rather than a committed one. I don’t know how to flirt and I can almost never tell if a guy is flirting with me. I get “accused” of flirting when I genuinely am just adding to the conversation lol. It’s the same thing if I’m done talking to someone and a friend tells me the guy was flirting with me, Im always “surprised”. My brain views it all as basic conversation. I don’t really enter conversations with guys with the intention of hooking up, especially at bars or parties. I just kind of let it happen naturally if that makes sense. When it does, great, if not, also great.

Anyway, while at the bars, I talked with the 24m for a while. He was incredibly nice, and he was a good listener and could carry a conversation. I will say, he’s not the most conventionally attractive, he’s also the same height as me (both 5’10), I don’t really care about these things, but it’s important for later I guess. I was having a great time talking with him the whole night, and he seemed to enjoy talking to me too. When the night was wrapping up, I planned to go back to my friend’s apartment with her and her roommate. The 24m said he was too drunk to drive home, so my friend said he could stay the night if he needed. My friend and her roommate fell asleep on the couch almost immediately, and they said we could sleep in either of their beds. The guy and I are pretty drunk/tired, so we go to my friends bed. We start kissing, he gets handsy, I tell him no sex because it’s my friends bed…obviously I’d never have sex in her bed! He agreed and we just kept kissing. The next morning I left quickly because I wanted my bed, so we quickly exchanged numbers and I left.

Over the next two weeks, we continued seeing each other and having sex. We had sex pretty much every time we hung out, which I was comfortable with and generally enjoyed. I didn’t really care about his looks, even though most of my friends kind of gave me shit for having sex with him because they think he’s “ugly”. I am not someone who really cares a lot about looks, I just liked that he was nice to me. I liked our arrangement— I was clear that this wasn’t going to develop into a relationship. He agreed and said he also didn’t want one. However, he seemed to be developing feelings for me that went beyond a friends-with-benefits relationship. Despite having known each other for only about a week, he asked me to be exclusive. He also invited me to go to New York City with him for New Year’s. I told him I’d have to think about both. I should’ve been honest about the fact that there was zero chance of either of those things happening.

Things were still fine a few days later. He was still very nice and respectful even though I didn’t say yes to being exclusive. Last Monday morning was last time I saw him, I was sleeping beside him in my bed. We were spooning, with me as the little spoon. At some point that morning, while I was still very sleepy, he told me he was horny. He attempted to initiate sex, but I did not want to at that moment. I made a disapproving groaning sound, moved him away with my hand, and shifted my body.

I eventually fell asleep again, although I continued drifting in and out of sleep. While I was in that state, I could feel that he had started having sex with me. At some point, I woke up enough to realize what was happening. I didn’t know what to do, so I just lay there. I didn’t tell him to stop or physically try to stop him. I hated every second of it.

Afterward, he acted as though nothing had happened. He continued touching me and cuddling me as he normally would. I hated that, too, but I didn’t say anything. From his perspective, everything seemed to continue as usual, while I was left trying to make sense of what had happened. I just kind of laid there until I had to shower and get ready for work.

I just don’t understand why this had to happen. I don’t even feel that traumatized, it’s more of a gross, sick feeling. I’m also embarrassed honestly. Which I shouldn’t be, but it’s hard because I had to defend him to all of my friends only for this to happen barely two weeks in. I don’t want to tell them. I don’t want to tell my friend who works with him because I don’t want to have her try to deal with it at work. I haven’t reached out to the guy since that morning and he has texted me asking to make plans. I don’t even know how to feel at this point. Like, I feel like I’m blowing all of this out of proportion. Like I wasn’t clear enough or maybe he thought I was awake. He texted me again while I was writing this and the more I type, the more dread I feel— but I just need to get it out. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel traumatized but everything feels different and I really just can’t like understand any of it. I’ve been cancelling on my friends because I just think about it the whole time. I want to tell them, but I also feel like I can’t. I’m a new kdg. teacher and my classroom management has been less consistent, I’m not as bubbly and bright during the school day, and I haven’t been able to keep up with my workload. My coworkers and even some of the parents of my students have said they’re concerned and checking in, that I seem off or sad, and I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know what to do.

​

In my childhood i don't remember exactly in detail but when I(M) was around 7-8 yr old ..now I am 23..but when I was 7-8 my big cousin sister used to play with me girls game during that time she make me plays husband wife role in which she tried to put my hands under her t shirt and told me hug or massage but idk from that time when i realised I started sexualizing her or even attracted to older women more I feel bad about it ...but I feel I got to know about sexual thing at very young age which result into me becoming hypersecual..and due to that I do scared of real sex too idk why but i used to do sexting..guide me

is this rape? and sexual assult?? okay so im genuinely so confused about everything that happened and i need ppl to be honest with me because idk how to process any of this.
im a virgin and i literally wasnt planning on having sex for my first time yet. like i wasnt ready for all of this, but when i was with him i was scared that if i said no or didnt do what he wanted, he would get upset with me, hate me, or not like me anymore. i was scared of how he would react and i feel like that made it harder for me to say no.
i do have kinks and he knew a little bit about them, but that doesnt mean i agreed to everything he wanted to do to me.
things got really rough and he tried to use zip ties on me and i kept telling him NO over and over, like 3-4 times. when i asked him what he was doing, i genuinely thought he was taking the condom off and was gonna rape me. i was actually scared because i didnt know wtf he was about to do.
he was holding my wrists so tightly that i had to push his hands off me. he kept telling me to fight him off and resist him, which was weird asf because i was already scared. he was also choking me with his hands to the point where i couldnt breathe properly, and he kept hitting me really hard over and over again.
when i was trying to get him to stop, he said “i dont care.” LIKE??? that shit has genuinely been stuck in my head because why would you say that when someone is scared and telling you no??
he also said something about me waiting for this to be used, and idk how to feel about that either.
i had a headache afterwards too.
the thing is, i wasnt even planning on losing my virginity like this. i was scared that if i refused to do things, he would get mad, hate me, or not want me anymore. i feel like i was scared of disappointing him or making him upset, and i dont even know how to explain it.
im so confused because this was my first time and i never thought id be sitting here trying to figure out whether what happened was okay or not. i keep thinking about everything and wondering why he acted like that when i was clearly scared.
i genuinely wanna know:
was this normal rough sex or did he cross a serious line?
if i was scared to say no because i thought he would get mad or hate me, was i being pressured?
is it normal to feel so confused after something like this?
what would you do if you were me?
pls be honest but dont be weird or judgmental about it. im genuinely trying to understand wtf happened.

I (18F) was raped in my junior year of highschool by someone I had trusted for a very long time. He was sexually abusive for a long time after finding out I liked him but we had been “best friends” since 8th grade. I was heavily under the influence of shrooms (we were going to do them together but they didn’t work on him due to SSRIs), it was my first time, and he did it anally and vaginally. We broke up shortly after and I had a devastating summer where I realized what he did and my first day of senior year I walk into 5/7 of my classes and see his face. We were also on the newspaper editorial together and I was ignored by the editor and chief, my rapist.
I find myself crying in the bathroom frequently (which is very unlike me. I HATE crying in public) and one day it gets so bad that I can’t calm myself down and I just go to the counseling office. I end up telling her I was assaulted by someone I have 5 classes with, we attempted to move around my schedule but of course we share AP classes that were both registered for. I got my CNA (my school had a vocational training school) during the time I was with him (I SOMEHOW got my CNA 2 weeks after being raped) and I had enough credits to graduate early. With a two week notice. So I did.

Im now in my first semester of college and im failing miserably. I actually have an appointment to withdrawal on Tuesday. I’d rather have Ws than Fs. I’m working a CNA job that sometimes takes 36 hours of my week and I finally met someone that treats me right. Some parts of my life are amazing but going to college is just too much for me. I just can’t seem to adjust and I hate that I’m out spoiled and lazy from graduating early. Thinking about that makes me want to cry.

It still hurts. I can’t help but cry anytime I think about my Senior year. I cried for so long at how disgusting the rape made me feel but I’ve cried for even longer at how hard it made my life afterwards. I can’t seem to want to care about school. I was so excited to start. I used to love learning and the thought of going to college made me so happy. My solution is to withdrawal, and pay everything back before Spring semester starts. I also plan on switching to online because being on campus is exhausting and my commute is over 30 minutes, that’s not including the 30 minute walk to campus. I’m just ranting at this point but I thought I wouldn’t be crying this much anymore. Being raped is so dehumanizing and the damper it puts on you doesn’t even have words that describe it.

How was it like for everyone else to readjust back to life?

Trigger warning !!!!!!

I was freshly 18 I'm going to try to talk about it but I really struggle to. My friend and me were drunk I had very little experience clubbing or being out and I didn't really know what I was doing.

She found someone cute she wanted to go back with but at some point they swapped him out with someone else it was a group of men they wanted us to go back to their villa. I was in a serious talking stage so I went with to idk drink hang out make sure she was ok.

We were in this taxi and this guy starts talking to me he's 21 and we are talking about shows and history. We got back to their place she went upstairs I settled myself on the sofa. The guy sits with me I found a beer at some point and I was drinking it I closed my eyes cause I was drunk and tired and he told me not to go to sleep. I remember we were talking maybe we were flirting I don't know I don't remember. I remember he got closer to me I felt anxious I was like I don't want to do anything im talking to someone, I did want to but like idk also didn't it was scary I'd never been with a man before. I remember I put my legs on his lap and I was kinda rocking them cause I was anxious. I think he took that a sign I was kinda half crying it was weird and I was like I don't know I just said I don't know and then he tried to kiss me and I said no and he said sorry and he tried again and again and I said no 5, 6 times and he kept like putting his lips on me and trying to kiss me and telling me if we don't do it now we'll never get to do it and he kept pushing and I kept saying I don't know and then idk he forced his fingers into me and he was touching me and I was just in shock and I was looking at the other side of the room like what the fuck is happening. I remember I like kinda moved away sort of I fucking buried myself into the sofa, he stopped and I just kinda thought to myself "holy shit I've just been assaulted"

He said he wanted to take it to the bedroom and I remember looking at the door and I basically just said i dont know again haha. And he wanted to carry me and I said no and he kept asking and I finally was like fine I'll go to the room at this point I was just kinda like fuck it ok then like I wanted to? And I was drunk and we did it and it was a confusing blur and I remember barely any of it. We'd stop and then he'd start again and stop and then again and fucking hell I don't know I don't know what I was doing or thinking I didn't think about leaving or stopping it I just kind of did it. I think subconsciously I was aware I couldn't go maybe I was avoiding that reality. Maybe it would have been worse if I had fought back. My friend came to check in on me at one point and I was just annoyed she was there? Afterwards I was like tf am I gonna tell the guy im talking to and I was like I'll just lie and tell him I was assaulted, except I was assaulted so idk what denial was going on there.

Afterwards I was an insane person I went back to my parents and I was moving constantly talking constantly I couldn't sit or think or focus I was in this constant state of intense anxious energy I drove my parents crazy.

I looked at my legs the next day and I had these huge hand shaped bruises on them. I don't remember I don't remember being in pain, I dont know what the fuck was going through my head. All I know is that for the last 3 years I've been unable to talk about it properly without feeling incredibly anxious and I'll get flashbacks and sometimes I cry after being with someone.

Please I need to know if anyone else gets this if they understand if I could get a better understanding of what was going on.

i feel like i let and led my ex bf to rape me. he did it once and then i became kinda obsessed with it. i would tell him over text to keep going even if i said stop but we always had a safe word and he always respected it. but i feel weird because of how one time he said he loved raping me while i was riding him. i feel really guilty because i feel like i made him do this to me but also he SAed me first. i feel so confused and feel like i am broken. i don’t know what to do because i feel like it is all so heavy and hard to talk about unless i am online on reddit. i know something is wrong with me