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I keep seeing posts on here from people saying "Day 8 of no contact" or "6 weeks no contact, still waiting" or "3 months, do you think they'll reach out?"

Jesus Christ, guys. STOP COUNTING. 😂

Seriously, is this how you want to live? Do you really want to spend the next six months of your life counting the days since somebody decided they didn't want to be with you anymore?

I went through a breakup about a month ago. Couldn't even tell you the exact date at this point. Not because it didn't hurt, trust me it fucking did. But because I made a conscious decision to move forward instead of sitting around keeping score.

Here's something a lot of you probably don't want to hear.

They made a decision. A DECISION.

People don't just wake up one morning and accidentally break up with somebody. In most cases they've been thinking about it, weighing their options, processing their emotions long before you even knew there was a problem.

By the time they walked away, they were already several steps ahead of you emotionally.

And now you're sitting there googling "Does no contact make your ex miss you?" or "How long before a dumper regrets their decision?"

Dude. What the fuck are we doing here? 😂

Now, do you want some consolation? Here's something that might make you feel a little better.

There's a pretty damn good chance they miss you too.

Maybe not right away. In fact, initially they might feel hella relieved. Like a giant weight has been lifted off their shoulders. Remember, they've probably been wrestling with this decision for a while.

But eventually the dust settles. The relief wears off, life gets quiet, and memories start creeping back in. And believe me, they're not necessarily going to remember only the bad shit. They'll remember the laughs, the inside jokes, the good times, the little things they loved about you.

You don't just erase somebody you shared a meaningful part of your life with.

But here's the part you need to understand.

Missing somebody doesn't mean you want them back.

And every time you break this precious "no contact" streak to check in, tell them you miss them, or see how they're doing, you're not resetting some magical timer.

You're potentially pushing them even further away.

They made a decision to distance themselves from you. You desperately trying to pull them back in isn't going to make them suddenly reconsider. You're just reminding them why they wanted distance in the first place.

And if THEY reach out? You don't have to jump at the opportunity like you've been waiting by the phone for three months.

You can ignore that message until you're emotionally ready to handle whatever conversation might follow. You don't owe anybody immediate access to you.

I absolutely hate the term "no contact" because so many people treat it like some kind of strategy to get their ex back. Like if you can just survive another 30 days without texting them, suddenly they'll have some magical revelation and come running back.

Stop calling it no contact. Start calling it MOVING ON.

Because that's what you should actually be doing.

And listen, I'm not saying you shouldn't hurt. Breakups fucking suck. You're going to miss them. You're going to have moments where a song comes on or you drive past somewhere you used to go together and suddenly your stomach drops.

That's normal. Process that shit. Cry if you need to. Be angry. Be sad. Whatever. To be honest you should probably block them or remove them from your socials if you haven't done so already, trust me you'll just be sitting around waiting for them to post something getting upset when you see them with somebody else, having fun without you, or seeming like they're just fine after the breakup. people handled breakups very differently for me it's best to just not see it at all for my own mental health.

But don't build a fucking shrine to your misery and start marking days off on a calendar.

You know what actually helps?

GO OUTSIDE.

Seriously. Go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Put on some music. Call a friend. Reach out to somebody you haven't talked to in a while.

One thing I've noticed is how many people unintentionally neglect friendships when they get into relationships. Then when the relationship ends, they feel like they've lost their entire world.

Rebuild that world.

And speaking from personal experience, after my most recent breakup I started going out with friends again, socializing more, just genuinely enjoying myself. And guess what? I started getting some female attention! 😂

I've even been talking to a woman who I honestly think might be more compatible with me than my ex. Am I ready to jump headfirst into another relationship? Not necessarily. But holy shit, it's nice to be reminded that I'm not some fundamentally flawed person, that my ex wasn't the only woman who could ever love me, make me laugh, or share inside jokes with me.

There's a whole fucking world out there, guys. And you're missing it because you're staring at a closed door.

Find hobbies. Try something you've always wanted to do. Reconnect with people. Make new friends. Do things that make you feel like an actual human being again instead of somebody's abandoned boyfriend or girlfriend.

Your friendships, your hobbies, your experiences, your own identity. THAT is the bedrock of healing.

But there's another thing I keep seeing that I think some of you have completely backwards.

All this advice about going to the gym, improving yourself, getting your money right, becoming a better person. That's fantastic! Seriously, do all of that.

But WHO are you doing it for?

Because some of you are out here imagining this whole movie scene where six months from now you bump into your ex and they're standing there thinking "Oh my God, look how much he's changed! He's doing so well! I made the biggest mistake of my life!"

That's a fantasy you're making up in your head, big dog. 😂

Stop writing fucking fanfiction about your ex's future reactions to your personal growth.

Your emotions don't dictate somebody else's. Just because YOU think you've become the perfect partner doesn't mean they're suddenly going to want you again.

And if the entire motivation behind your self-improvement is getting somebody else's attention, you're still letting that person control your life. You're just doing it with better abs and a new haircut.

Improve yourself because YOU deserve a better life. Not because you're hoping somebody who walked away will eventually notice.

Every time your ex pops into your head and you start wondering what they're doing, whether they're thinking about you, whether they're going to come back...

Tell yourself "fuck that" and keep marching forward.

I'm not saying you can magically turn your feelings off. You can't. But you absolutely can decide what you're going to do with those feelings.

And here's the other thing. Even if your ex DOES eventually come back, what good is it if you've spent the entire time sitting around waiting?

If there's ever going to be a healthy reconciliation, both people need time to grow, change and actually address whatever caused the relationship to fall apart in the first place. Thirty days of strategically ignoring each other doesn't magically fix shit.

And sometimes they're simply not coming back. That's a possibility you need to make peace with.

So stop asking how to improve your chances of getting them back.

Start asking how to improve your life without them.

Because six months from now you can either be the person posting "Day 180 of no contact and I still think about them constantly" or you can be somebody who spent those six months actually living.

And maybe part of the reason you're STILL thinking about them constantly is because you've created this imaginary timer in your head. Every single day you're reminding yourself how long it's been since they left. You're literally keeping your breakup alive by counting how long it's been dead.

That timer doesn't exist. There's no prize at the end of it. No magical day when they come running back.

The breakup already happened. Don't spend the next year breaking your own heart over and over again.

Stop counting the days.

Make the fucking days count.

Sorry I know this is a long post and definitely a bit of tough love but I love reading all your guys's stories and I genuinely feel for you guys but some of you need to hear this.

Got broken up with 3 weeks ago now. It’s been very messy…we haven’t been able to stop crying to each other, seeing each other, having sex, having heartfelt conversations and arguing at times. I proposed staying a night camping in the woods, something we always loved doing together. It was meant to be a really nice getaway to enjoy each other’s company one last time before really letting the relationship “die.” We went yesterday. It was intimate and emotional. We cried a lot. Kissed a lot. It felt like we were grieving the loss of our relationship together.

That’s the end of this chapter in my story, and the start of the next.

I want to share my experience in the hope that it might help someone going through something similar.
I was with a girl for four years. I genuinely loved her, and for a long time, we were practically inseparable. Eventually, though, we fell into a routine. We spent almost all our time together, but we stopped going out, trying new things, and creating new memories. In July, she told me something wasn’t right anymore and that she wasn’t as happy in the relationship. I told her I would work on changing some of my habits, for myself as well, and I believed we could get through that difficult period.
Shortly before I left for a short vacation with my family, we spent one last night together. The next morning, she kissed me and said, “Come back soon, because I already miss you.” The day after I left, however, she sent me a long message saying she didn’t want to continue our relationship anymore.
I completely fell apart. During that vacation, I cried every morning and every night, trying to understand how someone could go from saying those words to ending a four-year relationship within a matter of hours.
When I came back, we met. We cried, hugged, and she told me she would always have a lot of love for me. I suggested taking a break, respecting each other and not seeing other people while we figured things out. She agreed, but just two days later, she told me that, as far as she was concerned, the relationship was over. She left me with a sentence I held on to for weeks: “Maybe we’ll find each other again in the future, and things will work out when we’re both more mature.”
That was when the hardest part began.
For about a month and a half, we barely spoke. But on social media, I kept seeing reposts that seemed to be about me: missing someone, love that survives difficult times, and even the possibility of a future together. I don’t know whether they were actually about me, but I wanted to believe they were. Every little sign became a reason to hope, and every bit of hope kept me from moving forward.
In the meantime, I tried to improve myself. I started working out, studying more, working harder, and changing the habits that had contributed to our routine. But I have to be honest: at first, I was also doing it because I hoped she would notice and come back. I was constantly anxious, having panic attacks, and feeling empty. Instead of focusing on my own life, I kept looking for signs that it wasn’t really over.
At some point, I found out she was often hanging out with a mutual friend of ours. I asked her about it, and she told me they were just friends and that they only spent time together as part of a group. I had no concrete reason to believe otherwise at the time, so I tried to accept what she told me.
Later, however, I discovered that there was another guy involved.
One day, impulsively, I did something I deeply regret. I accessed her Google Photos account using access I still had from when we used to share things. I know I violated her privacy, and I won’t try to justify it. I was hurting, but that doesn’t make what I did right.
I found pictures of her being affectionate with this other guy, along with intimate conversations between them. There were messages expressing love and screenshots of chats that made it clear their relationship was more than just a friendship. The conversations I saw dated back to just three days after our breakup.
Since this guy had been working with her since June, I couldn’t help wondering whether something had started even before she ended our relationship. I can’t say that for certain, but the dates I saw made me question a lot of things.
I confronted her. She told me she had started talking to him in September, while the conversations I had seen appeared to date back to August, just days after our breakup. I couldn’t explain how I knew this without admitting that I had accessed her private photos, something I deeply regret doing.
That conversation left me with more questions than answers. What hurt most wasn’t simply that she had moved on with someone else, but the feeling that I might not have been told the whole truth about what had happened.
Eventually, I told her that I respected her decision and that I no longer wanted to hear that maybe we’d find each other again someday. I told her that her future was hers to take care of, and I would no longer be part of it.
She cried, we hugged, and I hugged her back. Despite everything, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. Then I walked away.
The strange thing is that I’ve never stopped considering her an important person in my life. She gave me so much over those four years, and I don’t want to erase all the good memories just because the ending hurt me. I’m disappointed by some of her choices, but I don’t regret the love I gave her.
Today, I’m trying to take my life back. I’m doing things I had neglected, rediscovering who I am, and learning to be on my own. I still have difficult days, and I can’t say I’ve completely healed. But I’m no longer the person who waits for a message every day or searches social media for proof that his ex still loves him.
I don’t know what I would do if she came back, apologized, and admitted she had made mistakes. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to remember everything without feeling pain. For now, though, I don’t want to live waiting for that moment.
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone going through something similar, it would be this: don’t turn a “maybe someday” into a promise.
Someone can genuinely have loved you and still decide they don’t want to be with you anymore. They can miss you, still have feelings for you, and yet choose not to build a relationship with you. Mixed signals are not a relationship, and waiting for someone to change their mind can put your entire life on hold.
Don’t spend your days checking stories, likes, reposts, or searching for clues. I’m saying this because I did it too. Every little sign gives you a bit of hope, but sooner or later, you find yourself back at the beginning. And don’t try to become a better version of yourself solely to make someone choose you again. Do it because you deserve a life in which you can be happy, regardless of who is beside you.
You don’t have to hate your ex to move on. You don’t have to pretend that four years meant nothing. You can be grateful for what you experienced and, at the same time, accept that the relationship is over. You can miss someone without having to go back to them.
I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone else the way I loved her. Right now, I can’t even imagine it. But I’m beginning to understand that I don’t need to have all the answers today.
Maybe the point isn’t to stop loving someone overnight. Maybe it’s to learn, one day at a time, to stop abandoning yourself just to keep loving that person.
I’m writing this because I’ve read stories from people going through the same pain, holding on to every little sign and hoping their ex will return. I understand them, because I know how difficult it is to let go of someone you considered home.
I’m not going to tell you that it gets better in a week, or that going to the gym and hanging out with friends is enough. It takes time, and sometimes it hurts terribly. But please don’t put your life on hold for someone who, right now, has chosen not to be in it.
I don’t know when I’ll be completely okay again, but I don’t want to stop living while I wait for someone to choose me.

Just trying to better understand how relationships work, please leave your experience/story below!!

No contact is the ultimate way to show respect and love to someone who decided not to be part of your life anymore

Is there anybody in this subreddit who can tell me their stories of how they felt after being broken up with from their first love or a dismissive avoidant and how after they found the person they spent the rest of their lives with? These are the only things really keeping me going currently.

I miss intimacy so much. My ex and I broke up a little over a week ago. Even saying ex makes me sick. It was a really bad breakup and I am feeling like a junky rn.

I miss being intimate with him so much. It was so good too which makes everything worse. Thinking about him with anyone else makes me feel so sick and gross. Someone else being in his arms where I’m supposed to be. Idk if he’s moved on already which I hate. It’s not like I’m just stewing, I’m trying to stay busy but it’s so hard.

I want to go home to him and cuddle into him and smell his armpits. I want him to hold my hips and pick me up and kiss me. This whole situation is just so hard I need time to pass quicker. I want to talk to him just one more time.

I already know when I do move on and let myself be intimate with someone again, I’m going to be so sad, especially if it’s bad. Like I can’t have bad sx I hate it so so much.

Why did he have to leave me out of nowhere? Everything was so perfect and fine and there’s no sign of him ever talking to me again. We would have had such a beautiful life together this is so horrible.

We may never get to have kids together. You may never come back to me, but so help me God if you use our baby names with some other b*tch.

It’s been two months since we broke up, and I’m slowly starting to accept that he might never come back.
We were together for six years. I’m 30, he’s 33. He told me he still loved me when we broke up, but he was exhausted by our relationship and had made up his mind.
Since then, he’s occasionally liked some of my Instagram posts. I’ve reached out a few times to ask how he’s doing, but our conversations have never really gone anywhere. He doesn’t seem particularly interested in talking to me, and I’ve noticed him following lots of new people on Instagram.
I’m starting to feel like I’ve lost him for good, despite everything we shared and the fact that he told me he loved me. It hurts so much to think that, no matter what I say or do, I can’t change the way he sees me anymore. He’s made his decision, and I have no control over it.
I cry because I miss him, but also because I’m beginning to believe that he’ll never come back and I’ve lost him as a person. I’m also sad because i feel like he doesn’t care anymore about me. I feel forgettable after all the love i gave to him.
A part of me keeps hoping he’ll change his mind, but he has a lot of positive qualities and will definitely be able to move on faster, never questioning his decision.
I’m trying to accept that it’s over, but I honestly don’t know how to navigate this grief. Some days, the thought of never seeing him again feels unbearable. Other days, I tell myself that eventually, this will pass even if this means being alone
I guess I’m writing this because I need to hear from people who have been through something similar. Have you ever had to accept that someone you thought you’d spend your life with was never coming back? How did you get through it? Did things ever get better, even when you couldn’t imagine them getting better at the time?
How are you all doing? Please share your stories with me. I could really use some perspective and a little hope that, eventually, this pain will become easier to carry.

It’s been a month and a half since I got dumped, and I’ve been in no contact ever since. I immediately deleted all our pictures together, our conversations, and got rid of the things that triggered me. And honestly, it helped, and it’s still helping.

I still think about her sometimes, but I don’t want her back anymore. I don’t miss her the way I did a few weeks ago. Right now, all that’s left is an open wound that’s finally starting to heal.

I miss the warmth I had for three years, but I’ve learned to give some of that warmth to myself. I’ve started opening up to people, meeting new people, and even building a closer connection with someone new.

Life goes on, and I just want to ask you all not to waste yours on people who didn’t choose you. I no longer care whether she regrets the breakup, whether she feels nothing at all, or whether she’s already with someone else. That’s no longer my battle, and it’s no longer a part of my life.

This will probably be my last post in this subreddit, so I wish every single one of you peace of mind. I hope you find the strength to pick yourselves up and keep moving forward. It might hurt, and it might be difficult, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

Sending hugs to all of you. Take care, everyone. Goodbye. ❤️

can’t eat, have to force myself to drink and eat. I can’t sleep so I take sleeping pills because I don’t wanna think but I sometimes wake up at 3 am. Cant work so I’ve taken a sick day. I might do another sick day tomorrow. I haven’t showered. Washing my face and brushing my teeth feels like an effort. Walking my dog feels like a huge effort but I’m using the walk to force myself to move my body. I’ve been in bed all day. Doing anything feels hard. I deactivated all my socials so I don’t have to see anything related to him or see any content that i think he might will like or find funny. The waves of pain come and go but they come often and when they do they hit hard. I’m trying so hard not to reach out. I just wanna hug him. The pain is unbearable. I don’t wanna feel like this anymore. Please make it stop. I just wanna feel like myself again.

I wish I would’ve just kept my mouth shut and wouldn’t have been so petty. I wish I didn’t feel so angry. I wish I didn’t lash out. Living life seems pointless

Before you ask, I have no plans on harming myself or leaving this earth even though I don’t feel like carrying on. I know it will pass but everything just feels like agony. An endless agony that will never end. Letting go of 3 years of relationship. What about the plans we made? They definitely won’t happen anymore.

Like the title says. For about a week she declined all my invitations to spend time together, and was very cold in her texting responses. Then on Saturday when I asked her what’s going on she sent me an AI generated breakup text then left me on read. 6 years of history with my best friend is gone just like that.

I checked her Instagram and she started posting again for the first time in years, no pics of me. Pics from the Vegas trip I paid for and took her on a couple weeks ago, and I’m absent from them.

In her message she said she’d been feeling this way for a long time, but she never took the time to sit down with me to talk about her feelings, our entire relationship she would bottle things up and this was no exception. She allowed herself months to grieve and come to terms and I get blindsided. She’d been declining intimacy for over a month as well for some reason or another.

I thought back to something she told me about her previous relationship. When she and I got together she hadn’t formally ended her relationship with her previous partner, she said they hadn’t spoken for about a month when we first hooked up then shortly after they had lunch and formally ended things…I hadn’t considered the implications of that until now. I can’t help but wonder if she was still seeing the poor guy without telling me.

Last night, I had a dream about her. Weirdly enough it was amazing. We were happy and living life. I had a trigger just as I woke up, that I hugged her. In the dream, as I was about to wake, I remember my body telling me to hug her tighter bc I’ll never see her again. Safe to say. I woke up wanted to burst into tears considering we’ve been in NC for 9 months lmao

We broke up about two months ago, and honestly, during the week I’m mostly fine. I work, I keep myself busy, I go on with my life. But the moment Sunday comes around, or I come home alone after a night out, I start missing him so fucking much.
I’ve tried seeing other people, going on dates, putting myself out there, but nothing and no one seems to make me feel the way he did.
I don’t even know if I miss being in a relationship or if I just miss him. Probably both.
I feel like I’m stuck while life keeps moving, and I hate that I still miss him this much.
Does it actually get better? Because right now it feels like I’ll never stop missing him.

what if everything worked out, what if he actually tried little bit harder, what if we were still together

I know sometimes blocking can be seen as a very harsh decision to take but sometimes it can be very healthy for you, remember that YOU are number one in this life, no one else. Remember that you are valuable and should not be played with or taken for granted, in my situation my ex was playing games so i decided to shut it down and block her everywhere but letting them know if they wanted to reach out they could through x and y app.

By month 4 i was totally peaceful mentally, then thats when she reached out and we agreed to have a talk.....2 months after and nothing(also they might be dating someone?) but they still wouldnt totally dissapear from my life, id have days were just seeing them around my circle would just trigger me and set a whole day of distraction and mental fog, it got to the point i HAD to stop this nonsense and look out for myself, and im glad i did it!

This was primarily for me and only for me, it took me a while to take that decision because i didnt want to "hurt" them or seem immature but sometimes they dont help themselves as to confusing us with their reach outs or contacts. Its month 6 and honestly im still scared and i still love them but if they dont love me i know someone who is a better match for me will. Match their interest level and their actions but remember to be mature! dont be like them, be better.

I know for a DARN TOOTIN’ FACT YOULL NEVER FIND ANYONE BETTER THAN ME
IM LIMITED EDITION
IM EMPATHETIC
I literally would have sleep for dinner to make sure you ate 😴
Hahahaha I took you across the states and to the beaches. No one else will ever do that.

And one thing
The best part.
I supported, and cared for you. When no one else did and you’ll never replace that
You’ll always look for me in other people
And I get to live with growing. While you get to stay stuck and never change.
Because you never wanted to.
I can’t change you.

My ex husband 26m and I 33m recently split after he left me via text message. Honestly life in my opinion had been running smooth and just one moment to the next over text, he vanished… I only saw him for 10 minutes the day he came to pick up his things and never saw him again… 4 years together. 3 years of marriage and living together and just one moment to the next gone. A day later someone on Facebook asked me if he was cheating on me because apparently he was on Grindr hooking up.

It’s been almost 2 months and I still don’t know how to process it. I recently went to the renaissance festival and a friend gave me shrooms. During my trip I forgot to breath and panicked. I reached for my phone and called him only to be sent to voicemail. I remembered he is not my husband anymore and just cut me off. I proceeded to just cry everything I’ve been bottling up for the past month and a half.

I still miss him so much and the house just feels lonely without him…

I loved him so much… 😔😔 I don’t know what I did to deserve this treatment. I begged him to come home at one point and was met with begging unfriended from all platforms and just blocked on the phone.

2 weeks ago I got a message from someone he supposedly was messing with saying he was talking horribly about me on Grindr. Saying things like he was only with me because he felt bad and that I was a narcissist. That I rarely worked (I carried a lot of the financial weight btw and work 110 hr work weeks). I was fat and he was not attracted to me…

Reason for breakup: I asked him one morning who he was texting so much at night. Later he admitted to my sister it was an ex he had kept in touch with for the three years he was with me. He manipulated the situation and said it was me who had been sending those messages on his behalf and turned it all on me… supposedly I somehow had the time to be on his phone pretending to be him and sending messages to see if he was cheating. Only to go on a date 3 days after he dumped me on the phone with this ex of his.

I’m beyond hurt and just wish this sadness would end.

How did you all get through the feeling of a lonely house that is now full of everything that once was?

I'm slowly starting to date again but it is just so tiring. I hate that feeling on my way back home from a date and knowing that they are not the one. Doesn't matter if the date went well or not. They were all nice, it's just they are not the one. I once had great love and I feel like maybe that's all I was allowed in this lifetime. I no longer wish to be back with my ex anymore but I do think they were the love of my life and I am not sure if I will find anything like that again. Will I be able to love again? Maybe yes, maybe no. But the whole process trying to find out sucks all the life out of me.

Today is day 8 and soon to be 9 of no contact.

Wondering how y’all are feeling and those who are further on in their journey, does it get easier?

So my breakup happened about 15-16 months ago and it was my first long term relationship ever 2 years and it started when I was what 18 ish? Man it was rough but I’m fully moved on now, new friends new relationship and genuinely don’t think about her or anything but once In a while when my iPhone shows me a pic of her/us that I probably forgot to delete it just feels like a blur? Like I do remember the relationship clearly and the good and bad times and everything but it also feels like a dream that never happened and I never actually met her? It’s such a weird feeling I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like the proof of her existing is there cuz photos and memories but at the same time it just felt like a dream lol. Anyone else in the same boat?

Everyone talks about grieving the relationship (rightfully so) but I rarely see posts talking about grieving friendships or even your ex-partner’s family members you formed a strong bond with.

My ex was part of one of the most caring, funniest, loving friend groups I’ve ever met. They included me so fast and made me feel so appreciated. They planned the most thoughtful events. They became my new primary group of friends since my other friend groups are busier and it’s harder to schedule with them.

Now after the breakup, I’ve had to grieve losing such good friends. Some of them even messaged me and showed so much care.

Of course losing her and the relationship is what I grieve the most, but part of me does hurt when I think about the fact I lost such a positive group of friends.