Ever since college, I poured ten years of my life into our church. That community was our whole world, and most of the people we considered our closest friends were from church. I put ministry service and honoring leadership above my own well-being, giving my heart, time, and money whenever anyone needed help. But when my husband fell gravely ill, that entire community vanished.

​They promised to set up online prayer sessions for us since he couldn't have hospital visitors, but it was all empty talk. No one followed through. Not a single one of these supposed "close friends" sent even a simple text of encouragement while he was fighting for his life. My husband spent years showing up for these people, yet when he needed them most, they couldn't even be bothered to call him or pray for him. He was truly too good for this world.

​And now that he’s gone, the abandonment just continues. People reach out asking for painful details about his passing, treating my trauma like curiosity, but no one can be bothered to actually comfort me. Some make plans to take me out—promising to be there—only to cancel last minute and completely ghost me afterward.

​I understand people don't always know what to say, but being let down and abandoned over and over again hurts deeply. Our church community walked away when we needed them most, and navigating this grief with the betrayal of our friends and especially without the love of my life feels so heavy and unbearable.

Everything i do i just miss her. We were about to get a house together, we were about to go on holiday. We hadnt done anything in years. I cant be alone in this life but i am now. When i picture the endless days and nights of loneliness and longing for her i know i just wont be able to sustain it.

She was so unique and special and she was mine. She loved me and cared for me and the best bit was just about to start. Now nothing just a reset on life. How can i possibly keep doing this

Just the other day I was talking to a colleague about our area's of practice and they mentioned an interest in end of life care and more generally the philosophical implications of facing a terminal illness. 9 months ago My partner died of cancer at 24 years old after less than 2 years of treatment. in the last 5 months of her life I saw her go through it all, I was often her sole confidant, and spent many sleepless nights comforting her as she tried to come to terms with her imminent death.

And throughout the conversation I just stood there, smiling and nodding, asking polite questions. It wasn't my colleagues fault as they didn't know, I new to the clinic and have been trying to keep the grief side of things under wraps as it jeopardized my last position.

I felt disgusted with myself afterwards. As if the ease at which I can pretend that everything is OK is some sort of betrayal to her memory. Or maybe it feels like I'm putting a need to socially fit in above responding to the loss of the person I loved most in a genuine way. I found myself wishing I had broken into tears, or just walked off, or even simply diverted the conversation.

I've been socially masking my entire life, I was bullied as a kid and tend to heavily control my social interactions with the aims of fitting in. Could be an autism thing but I've never been diagnosed and don't really care. I think I just don't know how to stop anymore.

I’m not sure what to expect. The kids and I plan to get together.

Anything surprise you at the 1 year anniversary?

Ever since my husband died five years ago, I try not to pay much attention to my birthday, since birthdays were a big thing for us and we absolutely SHOWERED each other with gifts, and there's no way to duplicate that, post-him. So a hug from my kid and dinner with him and/or my friends is great.

So it's been okay, I guess, without him all this time (meaning, I've accepted those halcyon days of birthdays being a Very Big Deal are gone) - I know not to expect flowers, thoughtful gifts, and so forth, and tend to purchase flowers for myself each year (those are already on order; I always treat my self to something insanely impractical, as he always did), but:

No one has remembered it this year - at least with respect to the actual day. The flowers I sent to myself will be the only acknowledgement that day. Not even my son, who tries his best to keep me in mind, is going to be available that night even for dinner.

Until this morning, I was totally fine working on my birthday and just letting it go till getting together with friends Friday and with my in-laws Saturday, but I'll admit I'm now starting to feel some kind of way about my actual birthday being a nonstarter.

This is not a pity post. If I told everyone I want them surrounding me, they would!

It's more to announce to the world that on my 53rd birthday, I'm going to uber myself to my favorite restaurant, have many of my favorite overpriced specialty martinis, pour myself into bed, and try not to miss the times such endeavors were followed by birthday sex and cuddles. I will try to remember to post a selfie of me raising my glass that night!

It’s been four years. I feel like I take one tiny step forward and many, many steps back. I was doing a tiny bit better and then my dad became ill. In less than a year and a half he deteriorated tremendously and passed away just a month ago. My once shaky ground after the loss of my spouse is now nonexistent. Since then my house has had random expensive things to fix affecting my very fixed income. All of it is compounding and making me feel like a live wire. The grief mixed with tremendous responsibility of raising teens and all of the other life stuff is just so much. My mind can’t settle. What do you do to center and calm yourself when it’s just too much? I’m constantly anxious.

My husband passed away 10 months ago. Next week will be the 1 year anniversary of him being diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He had been sick, 6 months prior to that and had struggled getting a diagnosis or being well. I new immediately that he was not going to make it. He was in the hospital 2.5 months on hospice 2 weeks and gone. I live in utah... my son & family recently moved in with me and needless to say its been a sh*t show. I know at 30 i did not know what my mom went through when my father passed. My son has no clue. In the next 6 months I want to buy myself a little cottage somewhere. I want him to keep our house. Its big, big yard and good for families. I refinanced it during covid. So the interest is 1.9% there is only 6 years left on the mortgage. I had been a empty nester for 10 years, the 10 months i lived by myself i now know we're amazing. I did not appreciate them. My grandkids are not angels. Needy & cryie is an understatement. They are 2 yrs & 2 months old My daughter in law has her hands full. Like the title says, I want to move some where. Ive always lived in utah.. I was married 30 yrs. I traveled some, but always with my husband. I don't enjoy it by myself. Ive looked in Wyoming, Nevada, California... I might consider Oregon or Washington.

I am looking for suggestions. I don't want expensive, but i don't want to live in the dump either.

I went to my sweet Caroline's grave today in memory of her and played "How Can I Live (Spanish Version)" by Ill Nino. Then, I went to our favorite restaurant in Wylie, TX (downtown) called La Joya. I took a small sip of Horchata in memory of her since this was her all-time favorite drink.

This is for you my sweet Caroline! Happy heavenly wedding anniversary! Te Amo!

"No puedo vivir,

No quiero mentir,

Tú eres parte de mí!

No puedo vivir,

No quiero mentir,

Tú eres parte de mí!" - Ill Nino - "How Can I Live"

#HowCanILive" #IllNino #SweetCaroline #RIPSWEETCAROLINE 1980-2026 #Grave

English translation:

"All that lies in me,

All that dies in me.

How can I live without you?"

💓🪽🎼🎵🎶🎚🎛🎸🎹🔔💍

Found this beautiful song and just wanted to share it with you all

https://youtu.be/1Y-WN4BhtIk?si=tJhz6d0kx8KE--e2

That’s what it feels like. An amputation. Not a break. Yes my heart is broken but when people talk about healing I understand and I do believe it will get lighter at times, but honestly my husband’s death feels more like an amputation. He will always feel gone and I will finds ways to live with one less limb but it’ll always be one less limb. Right now it doesn’t feel like healing but more like learning to live with the loss. It’s funny because my husband and I are/were very independent and went on trips by ourselves or are own set of friends so it’s wild to me how much my heart depended on him. He was the only person who saw me and loved me. And I for him. We always wanted the best for each other. I’ve experienced that kind of love with him and provided that kind of love with him and now it’s in the rear view mirror of my life.

Hi everyone. My husband committed suicide 1 month and 1 week ago. I have a 1.5 year old and am 7 months pregnant. I’m also only 26, and cannot find anyone around my age who is in the same boat as me. I just want to make some friends and have someone to talk to about navigating this nightmare

She died all of the sudden on July 27, 2026 in a Walmart parking lot while we were traveling. We got out to go in before they closed and she got out of the car and said I don’t feeling so good. She grabbed my arm and said I can’t breathe. I said there is a wheel chair over there let’s get it. About 15 feet away. She said no I am dizzy I can’t breath I said ok let go sit back down in the car would have been 6 steps to get there she said help I can’t breath and started falling back say help I got her by her shirt on her stomach so the concrete didn’t impact with her head. Her butt did she fell and screaming she can’t breathe for me to help her and told me and our dog please don’t leave me she begged me. I screamed for help. This kid I remember I begged him to call 911 he did they were there fast we were 2 min away from the hospital. She kept begging for oxygen the paramedics seemed to move slow they asked her her name and she said what it was and said my last name should me which is mine but I haven’t changed it yet. Those were the last words would ever hear from her. They talk me to meet them at the hospital. I did thought it was taking a while since she was o my two min. Away. Here comes people screaming this talk man on a bed as they push it through the doors he was trying to save someone. He was doing compressions. I then saw who it was it was my wife I let out this scream it was horrible. They were run k g to open the doors in the emergency room. They came out a while later and said we are sorry she didn’t make it. She was only 40 I am 53. All the sudden she is gone m. She was gone as soon as I got up to get in my car because they were coming with the ambulance I told her I would never leave her. I told her I loved her. It wasn’t enough. Then her family hated me for no reasons. Couple weeks later they come beating my door . Now they say I killed her l. I have no support. She died of cardiac arrest to to diabetes. He family always hated me and has done so much damage to me as a person. I have PtSD as well. I keep reliving this. It won’t stop. I am by myself. I have two kid in the military no contact from them is why we were traveling to go see one of them. It didn’t happen now I am an alone with one my youngest son 18 years old and we have no family, no friends just us trying to keep it together. I don’t have help and I am falling apart.

We weren't married, not even engaged but he gave me these rings on my birthday he got from some shop and they are made of zinc I haven't taken them off since the day he gave me but now i feel like they are getting damaged and changing colour idk what to with them I also wear his ring on my other hand I don't want to take them off but what if it gets ruined I have no clue how jewellery works. What did you did with the rings? Any suggestions?

It is the ambient warmth of each fry when you touch them

It is the crunch of it when you bite down on it . Each granule of salt waking up your tongue

It is the occasional dip in ketchup, the resistance the tiny tin puts up, and the smile on your face when you put it in your mouth

It is the moment you have finished your plate and start eating mine

All of it, all of those times, they are my secrets now . Miss you so much

So I am sitting in my apartment, everything in boxes and ready for the movers. All of our things, his and mine, ready to leave the apartment he lived in when we met 7.5 years ago, where we lived the whole time and where died in our bed almost a year ago.

The move will be easy since it's into a differ apartment in the building and it's more spacious, more light and it will be genuinely mine - and I feel it is a great next move forward for me.

I did expect it to be hard emotionally (no surprise here) but what hit me is how lonely I feel doing this step alone. Like sure, I do have friends and family, but during this whole fucked up year I realized that none of them are "in it" with me. All of them are living their life, occasionally meeting with me, but just not invested in it being a huge thing for me. No one asking how I feel, if they can help or expressing any sort of interest in how it's going to go.

I wanted to have pair movers to handle the heavy lifting from the start but I felt like I don't want to miss out on the "community" part of moving and having a bunch of people coming to help, so the rest of the things are still going to be here and I asked a lot of them for help with it during the weekend - the unpacking, hanging art, cleaning up. Few did actually respond but most did not and it feels pretty lonely.

Now I feel like I should have moved everything tomorrow and not expect or ask anyone. I just wish he never died so I would never have to found out just how fragile my relationships were when I did not need their support and had his. Fuck this shit.

I want to warn whomever reads this that there may be some strong language coming from me. My name is Cheryl. I lost my husband of 35 years to Lou Gehrig's on November 7, 2024. I have five grown kids (three of whom have Autism). I am broke and trying to work two jobs. At the beginning of this year, I had three functioning cars. As of today, two of the cars were totaled due to my daughter being rearended by two uninsured drivers. Apparently, the laws in my state protect the uninsured drivers, and I am out my cars even though they were paid off. No lawyers want to take property damage cases. Thankfully, my daughter is okay, although she gets frequent migraines. I am sitting in a dealership right now due to my third car threatening to overheat and they annoyed with me for failing to provide the proper details. I know almost nothing about cars. I just want to shout to everyone that I apologize for doing my best to get through this with my limited knowledge and by the way, you know who isn't with me who usually attends to these issues....my HUSBAND! I swear if I hear anything about proper diet and exercise, I am going to scream! My husband did proper diet and exercise, while I smoked and drank and ate fast food like a teenager. I am still here, he ISN'T! Why is that? Plus, the state retirement still owes us a death benefit. They are fighting us every step of the way. The world has lost its mind. I hate living in this universe without the love of my life and my soul mate! The only reasons why I am still here is because of my kids and my pets. I try my very best to stay strong and treat people with patience and kindness. I just want to die of natural causes so that my kids get my life insurance. Unfortunately for me, my heart is strong.

i had almost 3 years with my wife before I lost her, we wanted kids so bad and we were getting ready for it, but I guess life happened, how it is for you all the ones did not have enough time for kids.

cause I just regret a lot and idk if I wanna have kids without her

So two nights ago I was doom scrolling on my phone in bed. My 5 year old who had a bad dream and two cats were in the bed with me. I started to fall asleep while scrolling, while half awake I heard what sounded like my husband faintly cough in the living room. It woke me right up. I looked at the cats who were staring out the bedroom door towards the living room as well. I waited a minute to see if I heard anything else since I wanted to make sure someone hadn't broken into my home. The cats curled back up so I figured it was fine. Never got a creepy vibe or anything.

Please tell me I'm not crazy. I'm sure there is some logical explanation like your half awake brain is trying to process sounds and messes up and you interrupt them as a different familiar noise instead.

I just hoped he visited us and that was just the noise I was able to hear in my almost dream state.

What does one do when you have such visceral dreams that you just lost your loved one. It’s like my spirit is realizing he’s gone and I am screaming in my dreams

I wake up with chest pains and have to resume morning parent duties.

I understand life is much more difficult for others but this is painful
Uggghh

My wife and I, with a few longtime close friends, used to travel, first every two years and then after retirement every year, to a quiet and beautiful island in the caribbean called Bonaire. We stayed for two or so weeks each time in a rental house and over time became friends with the rental manager and her husband. A few weeks ago I saw a FB post from the rental manager that her husband had died. I was sad for her, of course, but I was also puzzled at how little her husband's death surprised or affected me. I guess I had become desensitized to death and loss since my own wife passed away 10 months ago.

Thirty years ago my wife arranged for my mother, who was 85 years old at the time, to move into a care facility near us because she could no longer care for herself. We would visit her every week and take her out for family meals and to drive to local attractions. What startled me over the time she was in that care facility was how little impact the deaths of others at the facility, even those with whom she had become friends, seemed to affect her. But I understand now, since that desensitization has apparently happened to me.

If you're lucky enough (or unlucky enough?) to live a relatively long life you will experience the loss of many of your friends and family. I remember attending a funeral for a family friend at a neaby funeral home and sitting down afterward with the funeral director to discuss all the common friends and neighbors who had passed away. Two weeks later that funeral director himself passed away. After a while, because you and your friends are at the age where death is a natural and expected occurrence, you start taking this as the natural course of events. You become desensitized. I'm at that point now so these deaths, which are still sad, don't have the same effect on me as they used to have. How many friends around my age do I still have left? Nowhere near enough.

Hi everyone-my husband passed on the 3rd after a 3.5 year cancer battle. He was 51. There were peaks and valleys during that that time and we had good times when things were stable for months at a time. There was always the this cloak of impending doom over us. I’m struggling with the ache I have and how weird home feels without him. We also have a 15 year old dog that will likely go soon too. It’s too much loss. I’m 52 and we don’t have kids. Trying to figure out what’s next for me. For now, the ups and downs in each day are wild and all consuming. Focusing on small tasks. Not looking forward to the long days of winter. I feel like I’d like to just sleep from Dec 1-Jan 1. So much dread.

It’s been almost 21 months. At first, I just went through the motions. Felt like if I kept doing everything, kept all my plans, continued traditions and holidays, that eventually I would feel better eventually.

Life is for the living, right?

But lately I’m so angry. How can anyone pretend that everything is okay, how can anyone treat me like I’m supposed to be okay and want to go do things like see a Christmas play or decorate for Halloween (it was our favourite holiday).

It’s not their fault. I’ve been pretending for so long. No one is a mind reader. I can feel the rage in my chest and just want to scream. I am hurting so much and no one but my widow friends know.

I miss my husband. I just want to enjoy my life again.

Can anyone relate?

October 13, 2026

Dear my #SweetCaroline,

-Today is our eight year aniversary of our wedding! This is our 1st wedding anniversary without you, after you went to heaven. It was the best time of our lives together. We had our vows and we said our words that needed to be said up onto the famous words, "Till death do us part!", "I do's!", and-"You may kiss the bride!". It was a blessing from God for you to be my wife. It was an honor and blessing for me to be your husband. It was an amazing journey that we lived and walked together.

-I miss the laughs. I miss the cries. I miss your stubbornness. I miss your silliness that brightened my day, especially when I came home from my day-job. I miss cooking breakfast, lunch (on my off days from my day-job), and dinner. I miss taking you out to eat when I didn't have time to fix things after coming home from work. I miss laying in bed with you, holding your hands, kissing you, and saying "I love you" and "goodnight" after getting ready for bed time. This also including doing video calls with our friends and saying, "peanut M&Ms", "calamari", "chicken noodle soup", and "calculator".

-We were 2 years shy for us to have our ten year aniversary, but, it was only 7 years and 8 months of our marriage.

You became the fire inside of me. I became the fire inside of you. In total, we became each other's flames in each other's hearts! We became one!

Lyrics:

"Come be the fire inside of me,

Come be the flame upon my heart!

Come be the fire inside of me,

Until You and I are one!" - #MistyEdwards

#YouWontRelent

I've decided to jump in to the dating pool and in the process, I met someone that I completely vibe with. In fact, she has a great deal of traits that my late wife had. Maybe I have a type, I don't know but nonetheless this person is amazing and as difficult as it is to process. I might actually find love again.

The catch is that I will have to relocate from where I live. My late wife and I lived in a rather small town where she was very well known. Her mother has been completely awful to me. I've cut off any communication with her but she has "eyes" everywhere. So, as soon as I'm seen publicly dating someone else. She's out to make me look bad.

This overall feeling of being "caged" in this town had me already thinking of leaving. For various, very temporary, reasons. I chose to stay. Now I'm dating this woman and that's the push that I needed to do what I knew all along would happen. I'm leaving. I'm relocating to another town. It's not far from where I live but I'm also a private person. There's a possibility where my MIL and her "eyes" may notice something different but I'll be protected and far enough away where I won't directly be affected by whatever she has to say or do.