I am not a funeral director, but have followed and appreciated this sub for awhile. I hope it's OK to share this.

My uncle passed away from multiple, consecutive heart attacks around 9:30 am this past friday. My aunt came home from work and found him, and I got a call around 4 pm. My mom and I arrived around 7 pm, and he was still there, with a sheet draped over him. The funeral home came to pick him up around 9:30, I wasn't able to move away from next to him in time, so I saw them lift his sheet up and even smelled him, and saw some fluid coming out from his head area. His expression was very peaceful, he just looked like he was resting, but his body was really stiff as they moved him and it was really weird to witness. The process of removing him from the home was really upsetting as well, maneuvering him into the bag and all of that. I wasn't mentally prepared to still have him be at home, let alone actually see his dead body, so I'm not really sure how to process this. I have previously watched videos explaining different steps in the whole death care process, so I knew about some things but actually seeing them has been a lot. I am a very analytical person with my feelings, but also really sensitive so I'm not sure how to deal. I have been to a viewing before, when I was little but it was from far away so this is brand new to me.

I've always been interested in how whalefalls provide such an important source of nutrition for animals at the bottom of the ocean. I was wondering if there was a way for a human to be "buried" like this. I'm well aware of creation and spreading ashes, so my question is more like- can a whole human body be sunk into the deepest part of the ocean? Is it an ethical option, or is there too much grossness in a human for it to be eco-friendly? What are the laws around it? Could my loved ones just tie a couple cinderblocks to my body and dump me overboard?

Extra context: I live in California, USA

I have only been working in funeral services for over a year. I have worked services many times and numerous religions, but I still have a hard time speaking in front of families at the podium. Stemming from a place of not wanting to disappoint the families and also worrying about my own performance, even though I know it’s not about me. I tend to wanna apologize if I have a hiccup when opening and closing and feel I make it awkward.

How do you guys navigate this feeling if you’ve felt that way before?

I just moved out of my grandpa’s house and he let me take my mom’s ashes with me. She’s been in this bag for almost 15 years as the anniversary is coming up this month.

I think I’d really like to finally upgrade her quarters lol.
Does anyone know if a 156 cu in urn would be enough? I did the LxWxH calculation based off the size of the bag and it’s about 150 cu in (6x5x5).

Urns are pricey and I’d like to avoid the process of returning the wrong size so just double checking for help. I do plan on taking some along somewhere I find nice enough for her to lay as well.

Anyways, here’s a pic of her with a banana

Im new to this thread and have been reading a lot. Im going to mention how my dad was found and context to the lead up.

My dad passed June this year age 63, he wasnt the healthiest but had been very diligent over the past decade in making sure all his meds were taken, attended all doctors and specialists appts, my dad had 5 heart attacks from age 35 onwards, resulting in a quadruple heart bypass 10 years ago. My dad passed at home unexpectedly, he was found laying on the floor between his recliner and coffee table with 1 arm on the coffee table, now before this for a cpl of weeks my dad had fallen down randomly and had dizzy spells the doctors were trying to work out the cause, we never got to the cause as he passed while they were trying to figure it out. Part of me still stresses that he fell down and knew he had and was trying to get back up again, we estimate he had only been gone maybe 10 minutes or so before my cousin found him. Dads coffee was still warm, and dad was so excited my twin nephews were having a sleepover with him that night as he called me the night before to tell me, as my dad lived with me and I was away that night. His GP wrote his death off as a cardiac event, so coroner didnt perform an autopsy, which I requested be done but because doctor said basically given his history it was a heart attack...it may have been but I just dont know because of how his arm was on the coffee table....I know May sound silly...but it was just so sudden, apart from falling down and getting dizzy he was fine, his usual self, my sister and I did find paperwork on how to live with heart failure which we hadn't seen before, I dont really know exactly what answers im looking for, im just so lost without my dad :( and I worry so much that he was aware he was about to die and was alone as he passed :(

Trigger warning ‼️ I will be explaining how my dad was found.

My dad was 75, and he passed on Friday. My mom said the whole day Thursday, he complained that he was nauseated which wasn’t normal for him. He had been having problems with constipation for a long time, and was hospitalized because of it in July. He slept off and on, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary when he wasn’t feeling well. My dad had COPD, cancer (a small amount in his lungs that they could not operate on and it was stable, but before this he survived cancer three times), three heart attacks (the last one in 2009), low iron, and low blood pressure. His oxygen levels would dip at night, so he was on oxygen at night. Over the past year, he lost so much weight even though he was eating and eating more than before. They put a GTube in and he was tube fed along with eating meals a year ago. He gained a pound back about two weeks ago, and he was looking so good. His color was better. BP and Iron were coming up to reasonable levels with the help of medication. I saw him Wednesday. He looked good. Thursday he wasn’t feeling well. Friday morning at 7:30 my mom called my husband and told him to get me over there. My dad passed. EMS was hard on my mom because she didn’t do CPR, but my dad was cold and had no color. She found him with his legs hanging off the side of the bed like he started to get up, and his head closer to the corner of the bed across from that. His oxygen was not on. She told me that when he went to bed at 10:30, his oxygen was on. I’m scared that he was getting up because he knew something was wrong.. but when she found him, he was peaceful. Eyes closed, mouth closed, looked like he was sleeping. Was he getting up or starting to lay back down? Was he in pain? These things are haunting me, but even if it hurts, I want closure. I think they’re going to say “natural causes” whenever we get the death certificate back.

I’m curious what funeral professionals think about this. I’m looking for insight into whether this is something you encounter, rather than legal advice.

My father-in-law passed away in California. His sister—my husband’s aunt—was his health care agent. After he died, the aunt told my husband and his sister, the deceased’s daughter, that the funeral home would contact the daughter to pick up their dad’s ashes.

Weeks later, my sister-in-law called to check on her dad’s ashes and learned that her aunt had already picked them up. Neither my husband nor my sister-in-law had been told. The manager has since told my sister-in-law that their aunt specifically instructed the funeral home not to tell anyone the ashes were ready or that she had collected them.

I understand only notifying the authorized contact is this funeral home’s normal policy. But specifically asking the funeral home to keep both the availability and pickup secret from his children feels like a very different thing.

Is this something you encounter? Are there circumstances where it makes sense, or would it raise concerns and prompt you to ask more questions?

Question for my fellow funeral service professionals:

At what point do you draw the line between going above and beyond for a family and allowing the requests to become excessive?
We all understand the importance of accommodating families and making sure every detail is just right. That's a huge part of what we do. But how do you handle the families who continuously ask for more and more, especially when it comes to last-minute changes, repeated revisions, and reworking things that have already been finalized?
Do you accommodate every request regardless of how much additional time and work it creates? Do you charge extra after a certain number of revisions or for last-minute changes? Or do you just smile, make it happen, and hope all that extra effort is appreciated (or at least earns you a five-star review 😂)?
I'm genuinely curious how other funeral homes handle this. I never want a family to feel like they're asking too much during an already difficult time, but there's also a point where going above and beyond starts turning into unrealistic expectations.
Where do you draw the line?

So I’m currently a relatively young SAHM. I have a daughter and I’m pregnant with another.
When I met my husband, I honestly thought I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life. I REALLY REALLY wanted to be a mortician but the pay didn’t seem great and I wasn’t anticipating being financially supported by a husband so early on in life (which I’m so so grateful for). So I ended up just being lost after so many other failed ideas and never going to college.
Now that I have my life sorted out a few years later, I’ve been thinking about what I want to do once the kids are in school and I have some time to myself. The possibilities seem endless now that money isn’t a factor, and I’m heavily considering going back to my idea of mortuary science. Not only is it something I’m fascinated with, but I have a good history in chemistry (I did internships in labs before settling down), and I’ll be helping grieving families in need of it. I really think this is the path I want to take, and my husband fully supports it as long as I’m happy.
However, he did some digging around and thinks I might have to wait a little longer because apparently morticians are frequently “on call” and it might be too much to handle with having young children, even if they are in school.

Do any morticians in this subreddit have younger kids? Are you actually on call all the time? Is it as stressful as what I’m thinking? Please lmk what your experience in the field is like!

What service do you use to text families, and would you recommend it?

Would love to hear what works well, what’s frustrating, and whether you’ve switched providers for any reason. I'm looking for a partner for my home.

Hello,

I know that a Funeral Sales Specialist is not a Funeral Director, but a search in Reddit didn't bring up any subs dedicated that role.

Can anyone please point me towards such a group or even someone I could talk with? I'm investigating the field.

I am located in New York, but am open to other locations as well.

Thank you!

I recently began my apprenticeship as a funeral director and I love my work. I don’t have trouble dealing with dead bodies mentally or emotionally, but I have a very sensitive sense of smell and it really limits what I can do. I can’t even go into the cooler without holding my breath.

Do you have any tips, aside from Vicks Vaporub? Vicks doesn’t work too well for me. How do you get past smells?

Thank you so so much!

Hopefully this is the right spot for this question...

My dog was aquamated, and when I received her after, I noticed teeth in the bag and sizable bone pieces.

I understand now that it's normal; however, I wasn't expecting to find a small piece of fabric as well. I didn't give them a blanket or anything. What could this be from?

I plan on calling the place, but it was 3 years ago (I just opened the bag today to scatter some) but just wondering if anyone has any insight. The teeth and bones took me aback but I'm really puzzled by the fabric.

We just received my dog’s ashes back and I originally selected a scatter tube as I thought we’d like to scatter his ashes but have changed my mind. I’d like to move his ashes into an actual urn but am not sure what kind of bag to use and how to best go about opening the scatter tube without spilling him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi there. 👋 as the title says, I’m a funeral director/embalmer and struggling. I had a particularly rough case last night that has left me feeling haunted. Are there any other FD/EMs that would be up for chatting?

I am in the process of potentially becoming a crematorium operator and have started to apply for jobs around my area. There is one matter of concern that might make them turn me away which is my hair. I dye my hair a lot, usually bright unnatural colours and it changes every few months (currently it is purple) and I was wondering if that is a problem for some people working in this industry. It is not legally enforced to have natural hair colours and I know it just depends on the employers what the dress code for that is, especially when interacting with customers.
I’m completely okay with wearing a wig to “blend in” to the background and not have unnecessary focus on myself, but I don’t want to dye it my natural colour since it’s such a big part of me and the way I express myself.

I’m based in Australia. Let me know if you are a crematory operator and have dyed hair!

Hey!

Has anyone here worked as a medical school embalmer, autopsy tech, autopsy assistant, etc.? If so, how was it and how did you get the job? I’m a licensed FD/EMB and looking to get back in the field, but I don’t have much of a desire to work in funeral homes at the moment.

I’m 77 and trying to make my final arrangements (at this time, I have no fatal diseases) so I’d like to know a ballpark figure on cremation costs. Thanks

Curious as it seems a very outdated practice.
Pre-paid plans and mourner paid.