r/Unclejokes • • Feb 02 '23

Joke subreddits

54 Upvotes

find the right type of joke for you

r/3amjokes for those jokes that come to you when you've been up too late and now are extremely funny

r/cleandadjokes the dad jokes that are pg-13


r/Unclejokes • • 1d ago

An old man tells his doctor,

45 Upvotes

“I’m 85, and my girlfriend is 25. We’re getting married, and she’s pregnant.” The doctor says, “Let me tell you a story. A friend of mine went hunting, grabbed his umbrella instead of his rifle, and came face-to-face with a bear. He pointed the umbrella at it, pulled the trigger, and the bear dropped dead.” The old man says, “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the bear!” The doctor smiles and says, “Exactly.”


r/Unclejokes • • 4d ago

What cereal does a white supremacist eat?

63 Upvotes

Special KKK


r/Unclejokes • • 5d ago

Gathering relatives to play Russian Roulette

35 Upvotes

A mind-blowing idea for family game night.


r/Unclejokes • • 6d ago

Kids today aren't built like they used to be.

65 Upvotes

Back when I was a kid, we could throw down for a few minutes before anyone got hurt.

Nowadays, these kids are down after like one of my punches.


r/Unclejokes • • 10d ago

My girlfriend was mad I was wearing her clothes.

17 Upvotes

It’s not my fault I look better in them than her.


r/Unclejokes • • 12d ago

What's the difference between jelly and a woman?

38 Upvotes

I'm not spreading and eating jelly on my bed later.


r/Unclejokes • • 14d ago

What’s fancy in Britain but trashy in the U.S.?

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22 Upvotes

r/Unclejokes • • 19d ago

Please keep my uncle in your thoughts and prayers

106 Upvotes

We just found out he’s addicted to Viagra.

My Aunt has been taking it pretty hard.


r/Unclejokes • • 21d ago

There's a fly buzzing along above a stream.

73 Upvotes

There's a fish under the surface, trailing him. The fish wants to eat the fly, but the fly's too high up. The fish knows that if the fly lowers its altitude--probably half a foot or so--he'll be able to jump out and snap him up.

There's a bear on the shore, watching the fish. The bear wants fish for dinner, but the fish keeps darting around, following the fly. The bear's waiting for the fish to jump out of the water so he can grab him.

Across the stream, about a hundred yards down, a hunter has the bear in his scope. The bear's standing behind a thicket of dense shrubs, and the hunter can't get a clear shot. What would really help would be if the bear would lunge out from behind the shrubs to grab the fish.

The hunter brought his cat with him. The cat's been eyeing the hunter's sandwich all day. It's been a slow day hunting, though, and his owner has kept his sandwich in close reach. The cat's been waiting for the hunter to shift his attention so he can nab the sandwich.

Sure enough, the fly finally drops down that half foot.

The fish jumps out of the water, eats the fly. The bear plunges out from the shrubs and grabs the fish mid-air. The hunter aims at the bear's torso and fires three rapid shots. The bear drops. But instead of grabbing the hunter's sandwich, the cat gets startled by the gunshots and falls into the river.

The moral of the story is: When the fly goes down six inches, the pussy gets wet.


r/Unclejokes • • 21d ago

Do you smoke after sex?

51 Upvotes

I don't know. I've never checked!


r/Unclejokes • • 21d ago

I heard that Phil Collins once had sex with a princess.

84 Upvotes

He said, “I can feel it coming in the heir tonight.”


r/Unclejokes • • 22d ago

They say 1 man in 10 is gay...

181 Upvotes

... but surely 1 man in 1 other man is also pretty gay?


r/Unclejokes • • 22d ago

Which pirate was the most popular with the ladies?

52 Upvotes

Long Dong Silver


r/Unclejokes • • 23d ago

what did the feller say to the magical talking tree?

42 Upvotes

you gotta dialogue


r/Unclejokes • • 24d ago

BJ's Wholesale is the biggest false advertisement.

23 Upvotes

I immediately bought a membership because I've been paying retail this whole time.


r/Unclejokes • • 24d ago

Did you hear about the gruesome murder at the Waffle House?

43 Upvotes

When they discovered the man's body it was scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, peppered, capped and topped.


r/Unclejokes • • 25d ago

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

115 Upvotes

I've never had a dick jellied down my throat.


r/Unclejokes • • 25d ago

Why was the lebians face red?

0 Upvotes

Because her girlfriend was on her period


r/Unclejokes • • 28d ago

A guy pulled up to a hooker in London and asked: “How many pounds to fuck you?”

119 Upvotes

“That’s up to you, but I ain’t got all night.”


r/Unclejokes • • Sep 13 '26

What do you call three prostitutes in their underwear?

86 Upvotes

Panty hoes.