Why do people self harm?

i know its weird, but its true. i want my boyfriend to cut me. i want him to cut deep into my skin. i want him to agree to that.

i posted a video on tiktok a while ago. it was a vent video, basically saying id do anything that youd say (you being like my bf or absolute best friends).

i was looking at the comments, and one asked if this guy was weird bc he wanted his gf to cut him. i said no, and got to thinking about it. i wonder what it would be like to get cut by my bf.

some time goes by, and j occasionally think about it, and it seems like something id try.

one night, i get very high with my bf, and bring it up. im a bit hesitan, although j eventually ask. he says he wouldn, which im not shocked. he hates that i cut myself, and would never do any harm to me if he had the possibility.

the problem is that i still really want him to, and i want to try and convince him to, really badly, but i also dont want him to think that im crazy. i want him to do it very badly but i also dont want to make him uncomfortable, or for him to tell my mom anything (because he told my mom that i wanted to kill myself about a month ago).

i want to ask him, and i want him to say yes, but i dont want him to think that im insane or that i need help, because im already in therapy, but i dont want him to think i should be sent to a mental hospita.

I came here to see if I should get treatment for my self harm, but the more I read, the more comfortable I feel. It doesnt look like the way it sound in some of the other posts. Im sorry if you read this. This is just a waste a time for me honestly. Wow I really want to erase that. I am posting this not for a seek of help, but as a test to prove that I can really accept help

i haven't cut for about three months. but i had to make the decision to put my cat down today, and all of the guilt keeps building up like crazy. all i want to do is turn that guilt onto myself. i've hidden my sharp objects but it's like my body is itchy, urging me to go get them, and i don't know if i can keep resisting.

EDIT: i couldn't do it, i relapsed. i hate justifying doing this to myself but i genuinely just can't picture an alternative that would make me feel the same.

I fucked up today, cut a lot deeper than expected, down to fat, and I have to shower tomorrow so I look presentable by the end of the week. Wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't taking really long hot showers to wash my hair. Will an hour-long hot shower be detrimental to the healing process of a fresh deep cut? It's too wide to cover up with bandaids so I had to resort to bandages, and those are useless in the shower. Don't have anything else on hands to cover it up with. I don't care about pain, I just don't want to actually harm myself any further. It's my first time reaching fat and it was accidental too, I don't know if I should chill out until it starts stitching itself together or I can go ahead with the shower.

My mental health keeps getting worse, and I've reached a point where I'm starting to believe that I deserve to hurt myself.

I've hurt myself before by punching myself or picking at wounds and scabs, preventing them from healing properly.

But lately, a part of me has been wanting to go further than just hitting myself. And the thing is, I don't want that. I don't want to hurt myself more than I already do, but somehow, a part of me still wants to.

I know it might sound stupid, but hurting myself somehow makes me feel better. It calms me down, even if it's only temporary.

I had a breakdown earlier, and after hitting myself, I actually felt better.

And I think that's what scares me the most. The fact that something that's hurting me can also make me feel better.

Hi, I just need advice.
I’ve been harming myself inconsistently for 13 years (cutting)
I have pretty severe scaring covering most of my arms and thigh areas, as that’s always been where I’ve targeted.
The last two years I have harmed very very inconsistently compared to before because it seems every time I harm myself I do it so deep that I end up needing stitches, because of that it’s been stretched out to every few months because im scared when I start I won’t be able to stop with surface level. Every time I hurt myself it seems to be worse than the last, I’m just needing advice/words from experience on how people who deal with a similar struggle try to keep themselves from
hurting so much so deeply? I have SH envy, and I have to keep myself from starting a session in the first place because I know if I do it’ll end up being bad. A few times in the recent past I have ended up needing time off work because I hurt myself so bad. I’m in therapy for ptsd and etc. I hope this makes sense. I just need advice on how people slow themselves down in the moment.

I dont even remember why I should stop myself. I just wanna feel something. And I deserve it too. Whats the downside it dosent hurt anyone. I havent cut in years and I miss it so much. No one will even know or care. Whats so bad about. I cant actually think of a reason. Especially if I can keep it in check this time

So recently I've been cutting my wrist and wear a head-band over it to cover it. I've been telling my dad it's for "fashion" reasons. But earlier today, my dad was staring at my wrist and was like "what kind of fashion is this?" As he teasingly pulled it a bit and let go, making it slap into my wrist cuts 😭. Luckily he didn't see the cuts, but I felt a jolt of pain literally shiver down my spine. This sounds kinda dumb but I just wanted to share this experience for no reason.

I don't even consider it a relapse, but I guess it's been 10 weeks since I cut, and I did it 2 times on my lower hip. It stings badly. I haven't done it on my body in a while, but the thing is, I've been doing all right. I had a conference and have been doing well, all As, but I still feel bad.
I have no real friends, and I feel tired of everything. About 2 weeks ago, I told my therapist about my suicidal thoughts, and she had to tell my family and others. When I was really considering it, I didn't want to die.
I just wanted to get hurt enough to be put in the hospital and get a psychiatric evaluation so they could put me on medication. But I only told her, and apparently telling her sped up the wait list. I don't really consider it self harm , but I know that technically I'm not 10 weeks clean anymore. I almost didn’t do it but I did do can’t really step back right?

I have pretty severe scarring all around my lower leg. Has anyone experienced nerve damage that literally feels as if bugs were biting into your skin? I've never really heard anyone describe nerve damage like the one i experience. It doesn't feel like jolts of electricity like i often hear or tingling, it feels almost like as if somebody was eighter prickling my skin with a cactus but more irritative, or gen like bugs biting. I find it so annoying 💔 it happens pretty much everyday in shorter or longer stretches from minutes to an hour maybe. It doesn't really stop, scratching relieves it for a tiny bit but then it starts up again ugh.

Over the span of yesterday and today I have completely covered my left arm from shoulder to wrist in cuts. Im afraid I may start going to my legs next.
I am in therapy and was clean off and on for two years— my longest being the year I just wasted.
Im no longer able to wear just t-shirts. Im not sure why Ive done this, especially after I was just able to wear them again.
At first it was small and just the shoulder beneath my clothes. It helped me manage the added stress. But I found the urge coming back more intense. I kept adding. The warmth I feel in my wounds is something I’ve never felt from any person, from life. It’s so hard. I want to burn. But I want to be better and that time meant something to me. Im so ashamed that I have to hide again.
My left arm is the only one I cut, because I usually roll up the sleeve of my dominant one, but my legs are the most scarred. I cut my wrist once as an attempt and a few other times just to do so, but those were the only scars and I could turn them in so people wouldn’t see often. Im afraid I might not show my arms again, now, because I didn’t contain it and they will scar everywhere. I don’t mind scars but I feel like a nuisance showing them, even healed, and so much shame.
My life has gotten bad but I stooped to a low im not proud of. And I hate that I missed it so much and want to do it more.

I guess I just wanted anyone to know about this, because I won’t tell anyone. I feel so terrible and ugly. This is not who I was meant to be, but I can’t get out of these graves I dig.

Being off my meds has not helped a lot and I can’t get them redone until November. Im so incredibly ill I don’t even feel human walking amongst people. It’s sending me into spirals. I think about terrible things all and every day. People are afraid of me and the faces i make in thought. I don’t have friends or family to surround me. I don’t have or own anything but my own skin, and sometimes, I don’t feel like that’s mine either. And I know I am not the only one plagued by this and how the world is. I wish it wasn’t this way.
I hope me and everyone else heals. I hope we can be okay one day.

Today, a close friend of mine sent me a picture of her arm, and I noticed she had SH scars on it. They weren't deep, probably just recently healed cat scratches from the look of it, but they were definitely there. I instantly felt really bad because she's like one of my favorite people in the entire world and literally the only friend who I can actually be completely honest with. That includes my mental health struggles... I'm just so afraid that she was struggling and I didn't know about it, and instead I dumped all my issues on her when she probably needed help and support as well. And that's exactly what happened to me with other people. Either way, I don't want her to be ashamed or embarrassed about them. I struggle with SH too, and to me, her scars aren't ugly or weird; they show her strength. I want her to understand that, and I want to support her in the best way possible, but I don't want to ruin our friendship, make things uncomfortable, or make it all about me. Do you have any advice? Thanks.

This probably sounds stupid but i just relapsed after like 12 ish days (maybe detailed descriptions of stuff later in this?? It could be triggering) and it feels like it wasnt worth it. Like i shouldve done more

Afterwards i did what i usually do (put tissue on it, let it do its thing) and i had a thought of like “oh i should see what it looks like” so i lifted it to see like how much i bled or something??? I lifted the paper and it ended up being more cuts that bled than i thought. The look of it made me feel so accomplished and i loved how it looked. It makes me also feel like i didnt do enough, like i shouldve covered my body in cuts as nice as those. I feel stupid and that im like one of those people who fetishize it or something but i dont know why i just really like it??? I know this is a vent post on a forum for it but i feel weird for saying that i love it 😭 sorry in advance to whoever reads this

not that thats a good thing but it was just bound to happen. i used to do it on my legs so i could cover up easily but i was in a desperate situation where i felt the need to cut myself to calm myself down and it honestly helped but now i have scars on my arms and i have to work tmrw. the scars will probably be there for a few weeks so its hard to hide. anyways, after this whole situation i have come to the conclusion that my first diagnosis of bpd is actually correct, im not just bipolar. im worse. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Cannot get deeper and just accidentally triggered myself and now they look even more little...

Can’t remember the last time I cut myself before starting again. I have been shown again and again and again that I am a replaceable, forgettable, unlovable waste of space. All I’m good for is my career. In the past few days, I’ve completely marked up my inner arm and ankle. I bought a discrete craft knife to keep in my desk at work. It’s really bad, I can feel myself needing to do it more. I don’t know why. It almost never feels deep enough. Not sure what to do except keep doing it, my body is worth nothing anyway.

i unfortunately relasped today after being clean for a year and seven months. these past 3 months have lowkey been torture for me and i cannot have one good day without something happening. i dont really know how to feel exactly. it feels like a weight off my shoulders in all honesty. the only reason i stayed clean to begin with was because everyone around me was telling me that i should, and also because where i do it is pretty noticeable (the forearm and wrist of my left arm) and the pity looks i get are pretty humilating. but now it's just like i can relaspe whenever i want without having to worry. esp because its the colder seasons and i bought a bunch of long sleeves and sweaters off depop.

I've been clean for about 3 months now and I want to relapse so bad, I think about it all day while I'm at work. It's not even like I'm particularly miserable like when I first started. It's just weird seeing my scars heal, I feel like I "deserve" them or that I'm just supposed to have them and feel weird without them. I don't know, it might just be the cold season relapse finally sneaking up on me. I thought I was doing so good, but I keep daydreaming about slicing up my legs and carving symbols into my skin. I want to get clean, but it feels like there's a part of me that loves being miserable and has romanticized being at my worst and I hate that I want to listen to it.

Every year around this time I normally end up cutting. I know it's connected to my past and when my family finally split up. Not to mention like most of my major horrible life events happening in fall-winter. Part of it is I feel like if I stop, I'm letting go of all of the reasons I would cut. It feels like finally letting everyone win, and conforming to normal society. And when the fresh cuts fade, I just wanna go again and again and again. It genuinely consumes my thoughts. I could be with the person I'm seeing all night on a call, and all I can think about is how much I wanna do it again. I miss feeling present but I don't want to let go of everything, I don't want to forget what they've said and done to me.

I’m 27 and have self harmed on and off since I was 15. I managed to keep it a secret this whole time since 98% of it is on my upper thighs and being extremely careful. For the past few years I’ve been mulling over telling my family, I feel guilty for keeping it a secret for so long. I never wanted to hurt them or them see me differently and that was a big part of not telling anyone - plus I didn’t want to stop for a long time.

Part of me thinks I could tell my aunt and uncle first and then they could maybe help me break it to my parents and so on. I’m just tired of hiding, watching what I’m wearing, and pretending everything is okay (even if I’m drastically better than before) all the time. I want my sister to know she can come to me and talk if she ever has urges, but I don’t want to be the reason she tries it either.

I know I need to figure this out with a therapist I just don’t have one right now. I feel like if I could show my scars it’d be liberating (albeit the most terrifying thing to do)

Sorry if this sounds weird I’m a bit tipsy
PS does anyone get light headed when cutting? Blood never bothered me before but now that I’m getting older I think I’m turning into my dad. I relapsed tonight after over a year clean and I thought I was gonna pass out ahah