i've been suffering. a lot. recently. and i guess my brain is craving the "safety" of my trauma. i won't go into details, but i've thought about seeking out people to reenact it, because my body is just constantly bracing for something, and it's almost like i need it to happen to feel whole again. it doesn't feel right to be treated properly. i'm not deserving of a life where people love and respect me. i can't even trust that the people in my life truly think that of me, even with the evidence to prove it's true. i'm not going to do anything to "reenact" my trauma, it's just such a strong craving, to the point my body physically aches and i can't even stand. it's been like this for weeks, i just want a release, and sometimes this feels like the easiest option.

I experienced a lot of sexual assault from multiple people of varying ages (and genders) when I was a child. No clue how little I was when it started, but the physical stuff stopped around 13yo. For as long as I can remember, I’ve self soothed with things involving SA. Up until I was about 11 or 12, that was daydreaming or fantasizing at bedtime about being SA’d. In my head, I called the bedtime fantasizing my “night movies” that helped me fall asleep. Then as I got older, I found out about fanfiction and found myself seeking out non-con and dub-con fics and reading them constantly. Then in my late teens and now into adulthood, I’ve also consumed tons of “dark romance” books and sometimes actually watching or looking at porn with the same themes. Some of my favorite movies and books are my favorites because there are disgusting adult male characters who are obsessive over the fmc, or abusive in some sort of sexual or suggestive way. It’s almost every day that I’ve at least read stories with that same subject matter for years.

When I try to stop, I start feeling physically uncomfortable within a couple of days, and really agitated and more depressed after a couple of weeks. But at the same time, it keeps the intrusive memories around and brings me so much shame. I absolutely hate that I can’t stop seeking it out over and over and over. I know this is something I should bring up with my therapist, but I haven’t been seeing this one for very long and I’m too uncomfortable and just don’t know how to bring it up.

Partly I just needed to vent, but I’m also curious if this is a common issue or if there’s just extra wrong with me lol. Also, if anyone has any tips on how to stop (or how to approach this topic in therapy), that would be incredibly appreciated. I feel like I’m getting to the end of my rope with it, but ignoring the fact that it’s an issue isn’t really an option either because of all of the discomfort it causes.

My partner of nearly five years and I ended our relationship yesterday. We’ve struggled with intimacy issues for a while because of my PTSD being related to SA. This most recent period had been the worst, we didn’t have sex for months because I just couldn’t handle it. And it finally became too much for him.

I’m having difficulty seeing his side emotionally. Logically, I understand. But we talked about marriage all the time and the left we couldn’t wait to build with one another. I keep going back to the “in sickness and in health” portion of the vows. Is this not the same? I was doing everything in my power to get help as fast as I could and heal and it just wasn’t enough.

I just feel so lost. I also can’t help but feel immense guilt and shame that my mental health is what caused all this. I have no idea where to go from here. He was legitimately my best friend and my person. And now I’m back to being alone.

A few days ago I and another family member were woken up at 1:30am by banging on the door. Completely unaware we open it, see sirens, and police are urging us to evacuate.

I didn't see it until I was outside. The neighbor's shed caught fire and the flames were taller than our home and raging. Thankfully the firefighters got it out rather quickly.

Watching it unfold was absolutely horrifying for me. I was in complete shock and fear that the flames would spread to our house. Fire has always been my #1 fear.

They eventually got it out, checked our property, and told us it was safe to go back in.

The fact that we were completely unaware of such a huge danger just right outside and got lucky enough that our house was spared (with some radiant heat damage to the siding). This was my worst fear come true.

The fact that we were completely unaware, but when we were outside and could see and actually hear the giant flames....it has destroyed my sense of safety.

I struggled with that already due to other issues in life but this is something else. I am afraid all the time of it happening again. I tried reaching out to people and got some support. I have no health insurance and cannot go to therapy. I called 988 and spoke to them, not helpful. I went to the local fire station and no one was there at the time.

I fear this event has deeply traumatized me and I fear what will happen to me. I am not sure how to cope with this or feel safe.

I was in a big city yesterday at a pizzeria and decided to nap on the table for a few hours. It made me feel safer than sleeping at home. I just feel fear in this house, especially at night. I feel like I have to be on alert all the time or sleep when everyone is already awake. The security cameras caught the entire event like a true horror movie so I have literal footage of this. We will be upgrading our smoke alarm systems as well.

I can't get it out of my head and I catch myself flinching and looking at sheds, wood, close proximity houses, sounds, in fear. I don't want to live in this house but I don't know how to find a new home that will lessen my fear of it happening again.

Thanks for reading, any advice is welcome. I wasn't sure which subreddit to post this on

TL;DR: autistic kid above me stims by stomping the floor, day in and day out. How do I not continue to lose my mind?

Why do I feel guilty for even asking??

Upstairs neighbor has an autistic kid with the strength to go with it. When he stims he stomps. Even with damn good insulation (never had any issues with upstairs sounds before) the kid stomps so hard it shakes my ceiling fan (when it's not on, so it's not from an unbalanced fan).

It has been going on for months, but in the last three months, it has grown in intensity and now triggers my symptoms: migraines, rage with no other explanation, increased anxiety, sudden crying with no other explanation, the urge to fight. I've talked to the parent (who gives zero Fs), I've talked to management, I've sourced and cited the lease agreement, but there is no change.

To note, I have experience working with Autistics - which I volunteered to understand my own autism. I know neither the kid nor parent can control the stimming. However, the parent knew the kid was autistic before moving in and specifically choosing the upstairs unit. This was confirmed with the manager who signed him - he specifically wanted an upstairs unit.

At what point do I stop putting my health to the side?

Side note: I have requested a different unit, even though the other resident should be the one to be relocated. As I said, my kids are grown now and I can afford to downsize to the smaller unit - I'm on a wait list for the next available unit (which there's no telling when one will come available). I've also requested, in writing, no person with children be placed above me on account of my PTSD which we now know is greatly affected.

What else can I do in the interim without interrupting my own peace?

I've had many suggest listening to music in ear buds; leave the house and go for a drive; go for a walk... everything that interrupts my own schedule, my routines, and my peace to enjoy my rather expensive apartment. Not sure if it matters, but I don't live in a big city where these things may be considered "normal". And if I were capable, I would choose a top unit so I didn't have to mess with future issues.

I had an "uncomfortable sexual encounter" with a guy I was seeing last year. I'm hesitant to call it SA but my therapist, friends, even his other ex who he did the same to calls it that. I'm still grasping my head around it. Not to downplay my own trauma. I just... Still don't want to call it what it is yet.

But I'm constantly exposed to him. Not even in the gate to get my keys to my student accommodation, his car is trailing behind me. I was paralyzed. His apartment is RIGHT beside me. I can hear him and his "friends" (tbf he doesn't have friends, just people he hangs around) smoking weed on the balcony. I see his car every day with the stupid sticker I got him for Christmas. He's in the college, it's a small rural one so he's not avoidable. Pretty sure I've bumped into him twice in 2 days (my "episodes" consist of guys of s certain height and facial hair morphing into my exs face - so I can never be too sure)

Im finishing up with my ACT therapy which has helped massivly. I'm moving onto exposure therapy where I have to relive the memory over and over again. It would be fine if I literally wasn't exposed to him everyday. If I didn't have to walk past his apartment every single day. If he has fucked off to America for the year that would have been great. I'd be healing. Seeing him just feel so so so cruel. The universe is not on my side for some reason..... Just why???

I get sensations.... In a certain area. They go away but come back especially when I'm exposed to him. I've also heavily dissociated since the incident and nothing feels real. Time just goes by. I'm living through life not IN life if that makes sense? I try and thrill seek by doing adventurous shit but nothing gets me feeling alive. I genuinely feel dead, like a walking zombie. I don't think it's my anti depressants. I was on Sertaline and that made me numb. I'm in Effexor and it's numbed my anger oddly. A higher dose makes me feel anger again so I'm unsure. It hasn't made me numb like this though since I was on it a year before the incident.

But yes I feel dead. I have what I want. Friends, independence, full time college, my own room away from my parents home, a car, booked a driving test, going out partying, being social. I have what I've always wanted since I left school. Granted I'm 23, some 18 year olds already have done this. But I don't care, I thought I'd never. But still, I feel like nothing is real. I did have this feeling when I left school and was treated as if I had PTSD by my therapist but she couldn't diagnose me (I was heavily bullied and my uncle died of covid in my final years of school) and it was only September last year I got out of that haze. Only for 4 months later to be right back and somehow worse. Enough for my phyciatrist to diagnose me with PTSD.

I smile, I laugh, I try to act as bubbly as I can. But I feel like a walking corpse. My brain feels foggy. I HATE that I'm left here feeling like this while that rat bastard gets to smoke weed on a balcony and act all cool. His punishment? My friends don't talk to him. I know it kills him, he's desperate for approval - not from lovers but from who he considers friends. But that's it. Maybe he looks rougher, a remark a few people have said. But I don't even know if he remembers me. The whole chasing and dating lasted 6 months and I knew him a year prior. I don't even know if I cross his mind at all. I probably don't. I don't even know if he feels guilty, he knows what he's done. I can't report, I've no evidence and besides, we know what happens there's no point. In a perfect world maybe. But recent news stories solidified my decision. I probably shouldn't be mad at him then, I don't know. I'm just ranting here.

The last two days my "it is what it is" has turned into "Why am I punished by the universe and not him?" Why am I left feeling dead, getting unwanted sensations of where he violated me, and night terrors? Why why why

Just ranting. I'm annoyed, no not annoyed. Fuming.

Hey, I (35f) was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago after neuropsych testing. I put off getting treatment because I didn't believe the diagnosis since I had not had any recent big traumas.

As of late I am doing very poorly and trying to find treatment which has been difficult. I have been in talk therapy at least and am trying to unpack things.

I think i have had ptsd since I was very small. As a teenager I was treated for depression and anxiety but nothing ever really worked and the meds made me worse.

Is it common for doctors/psych doctors to not pick up this in younger people?

Also, I have propranolol but my blood pressure already runs on the lower side so I don't take it much. Does prazosin work similarly or is it less likely to drop my blood pressure?

Been diagnosed for years now but I still question my trauma. My symptoms are almost identical to those who have survived SA, but technically/legally no SA happened (don’t want to get to graphic but there are some analogs/ legal loopholes). I was just a kid and processed things differently. How do I explain the nature of my trauma without either triggering myself trying to clarify or feeling like I’m appropriating someone else’s trauma?

Goofy name for them I know. A while back i was groomed by a professor and it severely messed with my head. Ive recently been remembering parts of that era of my life and realizing just how bad of shape I was in back then, but something jumped back into my memory today.

I called them daymares. Like a nightmare, because it was so real and uncontrollable to me. I would often have these incredibly vivid, often graphic flashback like internal sequences of him doing some incredibly vile things to me.

It never got as bad as what my mind cooked up and I genuinely wasnt just sitting around thinking about what ifs constantly- but I would be so disturbed by the intrusive thought that had just popped into my head that I would be out of it for days, sometimes weeks.

I thought I sorta "grew out of it" as that was almost three years ago now, but my boyfriend gently pointed out to me earlier as I was telling him about this that I still have my "daymares". They're not of my old professor anymore, but usually of random men and usually just as graphic. I suppose I got used to them in a way so they disturb me, but not quite as often aside from some light paranoia or occasional insomnia episodes.

I guess I was just wondering if thats a thing anyone else has ever experienced? I asked around and all of my friends seemed as horrified as my boyfriend was to hear that this is something I treat so casually these days. I figured a subreddit of people who cope with stuff like this on the regular would get it.

My name is Timofey. I'm 20 years old, and I'm struggling with severe PTSD. I live in Ukraine, in a city about 20 km from the front line.

At the beginning of the war, I volunteered alongside emergency rescue services to help people affected by the attacks. One day, a missile struck a residential building, and we helped people escape from the wreckage. That was my first war-related trauma.

I saw people who had lost limbs. There was blood everywhere, and people were horribly injured. Some were crying, others were screaming. It's difficult for me to talk about what I saw. Sometimes, it feels as though none of it even matters, but those images have stayed with me.

I was only 16 years old. And that was just the beginning.

After that, my family and I temporarily moved to another city where it was safer. However, because my parents couldn't find work there, we eventually had to return home.

As for the constant shelling of my city, I hardly even talk about it anymore. It's become so common that it almost feels normal, even though it shouldn't.

On one occasion, my girlfriend and I were out walking when a missile struck nearby. A fragment flew past my head. I remember us running away and laughing, but it wasn't real laughter. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes, when you're terrified, you react in ways that don't make any sense.

And then, very recently, I experienced another missile attack.

I was at work in a small, single-story building when one missile struck about five meters away from me. Another landed roughly twenty meters away.

I suffered what seemed to be a mild concussion, followed by a deep emotional crash.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I've withdrawn into myself, and I've lost the ability to enjoy life. Every day, missiles strike somewhere near me. My house shakes from the explosions, and the blasts are deafening.

But I don't feel afraid anymore.

I don't feel anything.

No happiness. No sadness. Nothing at all.

It's as if something inside me has simply shut down. I know I should feel something, but I can't seem to reach those feelings anymore. I feel disconnected from myself and from the world around me.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to get it off my chest. Maybe I'm hoping to hear from people who have experienced war, trauma, or PTSD and might understand what I'm going through.

If you've lived through something similar, how did you cope with it? Did you ever manage to feel alive again?

I think I just want to know that I'm not alone in this.

Something happened in my bed years ago. Now I have a hard time sleeping in it. I'm on Prazosin for nightmares, but therapy last week triggered a nightmare and since then, I've been having four or five vivid dreams a night, waking up constantly. I slept on the floor against my bedroom door last night and that helped a little, but I scared my roommates really bad and I don't want it to happen again. The thought of taking my meds and sleeping in my bed sounds unbearable. I don't see my provider until next Monday. I have a weighted blanket, stuffed animals, I sleep with lights on, I like noise from YouTube playing, and my dog sleeps with me. But it's still not enough to calm down. I don't know what to do besides talk about in therapy tomorrow.

It has nearly been 4 months since that day, me and my friends were chilling, it was summer and vibes were good. I was good. I was a devout virgin and wanted to stay that way until i was going to marry someone. But that day my friends smoked grass and wanted to go to an w*ore house. I had my doubts to go with them but i still went. In my mind i only wanted a handjob quikcly than go. I went there because i think i wanted to be apart of it ig bc my friends went. I didnt even have money enough but they gave me. I told her that i dont want sx and she agreed. But fast forward i accidently went down and licked her yk for 5 seconds. By then i just wanted to go home because i was disgusted by it. But she took my d and just put it inside even when i told her i dont want to. Since that day ive been crying almost everyday throwing up etc. lost maybe 20 pounds or so. And i feel like a pig. A disgusted man who went there and since then ive been replaying that thought everyday since , 24/7 even having dreams about it. I used to be an happy teenage boy before but now I’m all depressed and i just want the pain to go away even if it can’t. Idek why I’m writing this maybe I’m expecting to feel better but it won’t. If you feel like that u have good mental health please don’t do something that u would regret trust me.

Hi for context I’m bio female and I am dating a bio man. Almost every past relationship has been traumatic and I’ve been raped and abused and sexually assaulted ect. Fast forward to now even though we’ve been together almost a year almost everything still makes me panic. We hardly have sex or much involving the idea of it and we spoken about it but I’m trying to get over or though everything and not have this ruin our relationship. Any advice?

he doesn’t even care about me anymore, he wanted to do it so badly and even told me how “safe” he wanted to make me feel. he doesn’t talk to me anymore, I feel so gross.

Hi everyone,

I recently survived a stabbing attack that left me with serious, life-threatening injuries. I'm recovering now, but the whole experience has been difficult to fully process.

I'm curious to hear from others who have been through something similar.

How did you deal with what happened? How long did it take to feel like yourself again, both physically and mentally? Did the experience change the way you see life?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

Hi all! Diagnoses are CPTSD (chronic) & bipolar. I have not slept well in 6+ years & just got out of a 6 month long manic episode. Because of this my psychiatrist just prescribed me Seroquel (25). I took it last night & wow is all I can say. Slept for 10 hours straight, no cold sweats (I soaked the sheets every night), and ZERO neck, jaw, or shoulder pain. I have woken up in pain every day for over a decade. I never attributed ANY of the above to CPTSD. Now, I'm left believing it has been CPTSD the whole time - like I have constantly lived in hypervigilance. Anyone else have a similar experience?

I thought that over time and with regular therapy, I would have less emotional turmoil in regards to my trauma.

Instead, three years later, it is continuing to worsen. I think the issue is that my brain is realizing that this is permanent. I can't change the past. There is no way to fix this. I'm not okay accepting it, even though it is something we have worked on in therapy, because accepting it feels like accepting injustice. It feels morally wrong.

But I don't know how I'm going to continue day by day like this

I have other mental illnesses, but they are fully under control. I've never had trauma until 3 years ago, and I just don't know how to cope with it.

I’ve been prescribed both Prazosin and Lamotrigine to help me sleep and manage mood swings- they’ve already started working in this regard, but the low blood pressure Prazosin is bringing on is almost unbearable, and quite scary at times. Heart palpitations, dizziness, short term confusion, all attributable to the medicine but difficult to be free of worry from when my blood pressure already runs low. What helps?

Before this starts just know that I am going to Therapy and I will be bringing this up to not only my Psychiatrist but my therapist. (Kind of an update or part three to my last post.)

Also I did post the symptom part of this on r/askdocs but haven’t received much of anything back

So to be very clear in my last post that I am calling this an update to I spoke specifically about the Gynecologist in this post, I wanna make it clear that. Yes the Gynecologist is a huge part in this. however, the hypothetical PTSD I am speaking of affects all doctors.

I also am going to keep the story kind of vague. Y’all are not a Medical sub Reddit and I don’t want anyone to think I’m looking for medical advice here maybe your own personal experience or your opinion. Or maybe just a place to rant.

TL;DR: I’ve struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks surrounding doctors, especially gynecologists, for years. Two weeks ago, I had an upsetting urgent care experience involving an injection I felt uncomfortable consenting to, and I left feeling like I hadn’t been given proper informed consent. Since then, my anxiety surrounding medical care has become significantly worse, alongside physical symptoms that have affected my ability to work. I went to urgent care and the ER, where extensive testing came back normal, but I still don’t know what’s causing my symptoms. I recently started wondering whether PTSD could explain some of my longstanding fear of doctors and the worsening symptoms following this experience. I’m bringing this up with my psychiatrist and therapist, but I’d like to hear from people with PTSD about whether any of this sounds familiar to their experiences.

So a bit of background, this is also relevant to my last post if you read it. I have had panic attack attacks and extreme fear of the Gynecologist essentially since I started going. In my post I talk about how I can have panic attacks about the Gynecologist up to once a week. It’s affecting my life my work, my relationships. I can have intrusive thoughts not just about Gynecologist appointments. It can keep me up at night and I have had dreams or nightmares where the doctor is the “antagonist”.

So two weeks ago, I had an allergic reaction to some bug bites first time in my entire life. I had an allergic reaction like that. I went to an urgent care. They offered me a steroid injection. I initially agreed until I became very uncomfortable with the placement of the injection. They were attempting to place it dead center of my glute.

Of course, this was uncomfortable for a multitude of make reasons they wanted me to pull my pants halfway down and also while in the office I was texting back-and-forth with my family and they all had said how they receive their steroid injections more in the hip or lower back and I should speak to the doctor if they intended to give it in the “hip” area or dead center of the glute.

I pointed to my body showing the doctor the two places asking for clarification she’s very clearly appointed to middle of the glute and said the meaty part

I’ve been got to the point where I told her you know what I refuse care. I’d like to leave. I don’t need the steroid injection. I wanna go home.

Suddenly, after I rejected care, steroid pills became an option. There’s a bit more specifics to go into the story, but what matters is by the end of the appointment I felt like I was not given true informed consent. I feel like the doctor lied by omission because specifically I got to the point of crying and asked her if I could go anywhere else and she said no.

I’ve spoken to multiple medical professionals since and they all stated that the place that they intended to inject was unsafe, and I was at risk for damage to my sciatic nerve, which is part of what I looked up during my appointment and why I refuse the injection.

So you’re thinking, why the hell does this matter? How the hell do you have PTSD from this?

So this happened on September 30 and since September 30 I’ve been experiencing

Extreme exhaustion
I can’t move the same amount of weight that I would typically be able to move

I’m becoming winded very easily with typical work

I’m having more frequent and more severe dizziness spells.

And some urinary issues I’m going to the bathroom back to back and some urgency

So I had a theory that either the allergic reaction was still affecting my body or it was unrelated, and I was having atypical UTIs there’s some more reasons why I thought it was this.

So yesterday I went to an urgent care and basically told them the whole story that I had a theory that it was a UTI and I wanted to be tested for a UTI and if it was a UTI that the plan was to schedule an appointment with a urologist because this is probably my fourth or fifth one this year and the symptoms are sometimes very unusual compared to a normal UTI

, you do not have to read this paragraph to understand the rest of the story my last UTI I had flu like symptoms I was nauseous. I was vomiting. I was dizzy, severe stomach pain pains. It was so bad that had to pull over and I passed out in my truck driving to work. When I went to urgent care that time. (I love this urgent care doctor different Office than the one that handled my allergic reaction.) she essentially said that she couldn’t really figure out what was wrong with me, but she also didn’t want to dismiss me. She wanted to do a pregnancy test just in case and I honestly didn’t mind so I let her do it. She must’ve ran a culture on the urine. I gave her because she came back and said that I had a severe UTI, but I didn’t have urgency or burning.

Back to the story

So urgent care runs the test yesterday doctor comes back. I explained the whole situation to him. ( not the female doctor that I love at this clinic.) and he says that my urine came back fine but with the symptoms that I’m telling him he has concerns for my kidney function and he would like me to go to the ER.

I agreed I thought my symptoms were pretty severe and I was glad I was being taken seriously.

I go to the ER. I’m panicked but that’s pretty consistent with how I am in any doctors office.

They start IV fluids on me test my urine test my kidney functions test my blood for anemia, red blood cells and hemoglobin EKG chest x-ray. Pregnancy and a urine STD test because I mentioned some urgency.

It’s a pretty comprehensive list of tests that they did

But absolutely everything comes back normal.

Right before I leave my fingertips start to go numb numbness on my body isn’t completely unusual for me. I have pots I deal with it often, but truthfully, I’ve never gone to a doctor and said hey I’m experiencing random numbness on random parts of my body.

I mention it to the nurse it doesn’t get investigated really which is fine. I guess I understand they already ran so many test.

I speak to the nurse at discharge and have a little bit of a breakdown. I essentially ask her if everything you checked is fine and what’s your next theory on what’s wrong with me because this exhaustion is affecting my work it’s affecting my relationships. I work in landscaping and work with some tools that can be dangerous. I can’t be having these symptoms while at work.

She was kind, but unfortunately gave me the very generic answer of go to your Gynecologist and get your hormones checked

So essentially, they believe it is stress or anxiety related

On my way home, the numbness progresses. It’s no longer just my fingertips, but it’s fully some of my fingers now like my pinky finger and this is on both hands.

I talked to ChatGPT about it. I know that in no way is ChatGPT a medical professional, but I really didn’t know what else to do at this point. Essentially it said that numbness like that was an emergency situation.

And I was like well I was just at the emergency room and they didn’t help me so I didn’t go back and every time I’ve experienced numbness before I didn’t die

So I bet you’re still wondering how the hell does this all correlate to PTSD? Last night I was looking at what mental health issues are considered disabilities and could receive specific medication and one of the ones that came up was PTSD. Granted confirmation Bias you know.

But when I read PTSD it all just kind of clicked together. I’ve been freaking out about doctors consistently for the last two weeks since this allergic reaction so in my head, I was like well obviously all of these symptoms maybe even the increased anxiety is all related to this allergic reaction

And in a way, I think it is I think the doctors at the urgent care making me feel like I wasn’t receiving. Informed consent is essentially giving me a “PTSD flare”

For a little out of context, because when I brought this up to my mother, she said that one of the qualifications for ptsd used to be a life or death situation and I believe I fit that criteria with doctors not specifically the Gynecologist because in sixth grade I got a tonsillectomy and it was not cauterized properly so I bled into my stomach for about two weeks and I became anemic. I had emergency surgery and two different hospital stays.

What I’m thinking about upcoming Gynecologist appointments one of the memories that comes to mine is being very little in elementary school and having a doctor look at my entire body and being very uncomfortable granted not crying but the fact that I’ve held onto this memory for so long.

I don’t know people with PTSD you tell me do you think it’s related?

Hi! On my own search from healing, I would love to know how your experiences with EMDR was if you had trauma at this age.

I would like to know; did you know your therapist for longer? Did you do a lot of preparation?
Did you use the eye movements or the sounds/buzzers? Or both?
Did you actually remember things or did it help?
Did you get associations?
How did your progress went? Did you got worse right after or better? And how was it long term?

Like I hate thinking about my mom bc it gets me emotional bc it's the warmest feeling in a blizzard of apathy and indifference idk I'm probably either seconds away from passing out or a week at least of headaches and insomnia yay

So I recently told my trauma therapist about how when I think about my worse trauma I like blackout.

And when I mean blackout its like im a sitting in class I think about my trauma even for a few seconds and then it all goes like black. And next thing I know the period is almost over my class is on the next page. I get very disoriented and I have to remind myself that this is real life and what class I'm in. Whenever I try to think about what I was doing during those minutes were I like blacked out its completely black.

I genuinely have zero recollection at all what was happening during those minutes. It's very scary and its been happening for over a year. I recently blacked out a whole entire day which was scary. I blacked out two times last week.

My trauma therapist thinks that it's due to me being under constant stress 24/7 and then thinking about my worse trauma causes me more stress so my body like black outs to protect itself?

Does anyone have similar experiences at all?

First of all my memory is garbage. But sometimes I remember things from forever ago and its almost like I'm "slow" like I don't process things and then later I'm like ohh. But it doesn't even have to be anything bad. Sometimes its just me being confused with a conversation and then a year later I'm like oh thats what they meant? Or even stuff at work like i don't remember doing or saying something and then later I'm like oh yea I did do that.

Is this related to trauma or something else? Can anyone else relate. This happens very often.