I keep falling upon comments like this from people who downvote others who are in pain. It's absolutely sickening to me.

There's a huge difference between putting boundaries / not not letting oneself be forced into being everybody's therapist / savior and "nobody owing anyone anything".

As a start, everybody owes everybody else basic respect and politeness. Else you don't have a society anymore but a jungle where everybody feels entitled to inflict pain on others.

Push the reasoning further and then if you see a stranger dying on the pavement, you won't call an ambulance, because "not your business, you don't owe them anything"?

It's ALWAYS people who got life privileges early on who say such crap. It's so tiring to read such platitudes over and over and over again even on subs that are supposed to be peer support. Goes well along the other dismissive quotes such as "you have to love yourself first" and "you need to do the work" notice how vague all these sentences are.

Best way to retrigger trauma survivors and make them feel even more alone than they already do. Sorry I had to get that out, I can't stand people dismissing others constantly, that's one of the very roots of CPTSD, being constantly invalidated creates relationship trauma.

Has anyone else noticed this?

It seems in the last ten years, the general public just seem to be way more judgmental and hostile. Especially to those with mental health issues or anxiety, it makes it difficult to even go to the shops.

I thought maybe I’m imagining it, because I’ve become more aware of my condition and being in active recovery. However, I look at the popularity of ideas like ‘suicidal empathy’ or the hate towards the ‘woke mind virus’, and come to the conclusion that it‘s just more acceptable to be selfish and cruel.

This rant brought to you by a somatic therapy session I'm now crashing out from after I have to process yet again even more trauma. I need to say things.

Like why do I have to "move through it and come out the other side". What is this bullshit? Why should I have to feel everything that's sucked in my life when other people just live lives that are happy? Like this is the best solution we have? Really? Tell the already wound up and traumatized and exhausted person that "it sucks but there's no other way".

Do I get better? I do. But it's never enough. It never seems to be enough to actually catch up with life. I am so tired. All this work for what? To enjoy 1/16th of my existence?

Meanwhile all the recommendations are like find social support, engage in hobbies, find a purpose, etc. And it's like yeah sure let me just skip over all these attachment issues and start forming secure relationships because I can TOTALLY just decide to do that. I swear if I have one more relationship where I just fawn into it, think I'm developing something deeper, then realize I've played myself yet again by engaging in some fake ass paper thin persona and I'm a horrible friend I'm gonna fucking scream.

Hobbies and purpose? Sure let me engage with all that with my non existent reserves of energy after dragging my lifeless corpse through some bullshit job I have to hang onto to survive while everyone around me looks confused as to why I don't just do things. And hey why not sprinkle a dash of perfectionism on top so everything I engage with somehow ties back to my self worth and causes me paralyzing anxiety.

And on top of all that I voice this to people around me who ask me what's going on? And oh no it's too negative, that attitude is going to hurt you don't think like that. GENIUS, so genius I'm cured wooooow this fixed everything why didn't I think of that? Who knew? Just stop suffering from CPTSD. Cuz it's a choice and I chose to feel this way right? Oh yes I do love my dysfunctional life, love it, it's the best part of living. I marinate in this stress and anxiety like a hot mud bath at a spa, I fucking love having my cortisol spike and indulging in the cascading health issues.

I'm no worse than any other human but I live such a miserable existence without love or joy.

Why? Why does it have to be this way for me, because it never changes no matter what I have tried.

Why can't I be loved and have protection and joy? Why don't I get to be a normal human with a normal human life?

Hi,

I wanted to talk about hyperindependence and something that just recently after i’ve been out of survival mode for a while is being a tough battle.

Many of us know hyperindependence and are, but its my pet peeve when people who maybe have not lived your life say, oh u don’t know how ask for help, maybe because ur parents or whoever were not reliable which sure can contribute.

But actually the truth is I did ask for help, no one helped, not once, but many times even when u do the correct thing go to therapy, my first therapists didn’t help at all, I did ask for help, I did everything correctly, but actually no one helped, and as such to survive I had to survive only myself. Which the amount of pressure that puts you in no one will understand except who lived it, I was the one who go myself that doesn’t mean there wasn’t sacrifice I constantly asked myself if I was doing enough every decision was based on survival mode, that same obsession trickles into every aspect of your life. Worst thing of all is that anyone who goes to therapy who is trying their best everything , they are asking for help, they are brave enough that in spite every single time they have been disappointed they still try once more & are scared shitless to be disappointed again, and they try and try and that is resilience. I’m not saying being saved but asking for help.

So it just irks me when people think oh u can’t ask for hep no I did and I do every single time i go to therapy, every single time I trust in people I do.

Anyways sorry to cheer up spirits i am now out of survival mode finally, I do have a therapist finally for past year and half that has seemed to help, it’s still tough learning to live after survival mode but just remember guys, you are the brave one, you are the one thats resilience and be proud of yourself!

I have always over-empathized with my abusers, as well as pretty much anyone I encounter now as a result of how I was raised. My mom was always sad and acted like a victim, so I learned to be very sensitive to her moods and do whatever was in my power to make her happy.

I was talking to a friend that I work with last week about how even when my coworkers are kinda shitty, I can see the psychology behind why they are the way they are and I feel sorry for them. He said, "I don't." We got into a dialogue as to why and I said I felt bad for people who had a shitty life. He responded, "We're all living our own little shitty lives." I know that may sound depressing for some, but I got what he meant. All of us have had our bad periods we had to struggle through and why is any one person's experience more important than another's? It made me feel like it's fair for me to consider myself as much as I do others and have boundaries for how much empathy I give out to others. Just wanted to share because it really helped me.

My father loved it. He used to want nothing more than to know that he was in control of the humiliation I experienced in public. When I looked happy he would tear away things from my life. When I was a child he used to rip toys out of my hands aggressively because they made me happy. When I was a young adult he used to give me lunch money but it was never enough to buy lunch, so I was always left with this feeling of desperation and dependence on him.

I finally was able to get a job and when he realized he got so mad and even took away the small amount of lunch money. I could not work at the job for long because I had to be in school. When I told him he said that you will never get anything from me again. He loved to know that I could not buy food and that I was hungry at school.

He constantly put me in situations where I could not survive staying still, but I was not able to make a move in any direction to make things better.

The last time I saw him years ago, I told him that I really think he traumatized me. I wanted to believe that I could be honest with him. I saw this sick smile on his face. He had finally won, knowing that he had left lasting damage on me.

That time I saw him so many things went wrong. That was the last time I will ever see him.

I can think of countless times when he just screamed at me when I really needed his help. He wanted to see me stranded on the side of the road as a young girl. He wanted to see me sleeping in the streets, and moving into a homeless shelter. He wanted to know that he was in control of my suffering and that he was choosing to let me be in danger and in fear.

All of this started after I stopped letting him molest me. I think he never got over his anger from seeing that I was strong enough to stand up for myself.

Today I got to the point where I can finally let myself see this situation for what it was. It makes me so sick to my stomach. I am feeling those emotions again today, the fear, the desperation, the hurt.

I feel so angry knowing that he enjoyed dominating me in any way that he could. I hate that I ever respected him as a parental figure. I hate that I used to block the bad memories out of my mind and constantly give them a clean slate everyday.

Thank you for reading this. Did others experience this kind of sick manipulation, and life long vengeance from their parents? How do you deal with your anger?

:(

I'm a 30yr old employed female, my partner (32) is not. I made a decent income for one person the last couple of years, with a lot of overtime, so we are actually doing ok. My partner can't hold a traditional job or career.

The people around me make a normal amount of assumptions that my partner is doing as well or better than me. What someone does for a living does come up pretty frequently in work events. If I have to tell them something, I usually end up saying that my partner works from home or works in something they used to do. I hate having to lie about it, I prefer to talk around something if possible.

Day to day my partner lives a very structured but relatively happy life in that structure because they can avoid most of the triggers for their cPTSD, and don't have to cope with working with ADHD. They spend a few hours every day cleaning our home, and then have the rest of the time to do what they want to do. I take care of everything else. We don't have pets or children.

I used to feel it is wonderful they can live a much happier life than me that basically spares them from the reality of having grown up in bad circumstances and being basically unemployable. Another part of me feels like someone else is getting to do nothing, while I have to do everything. I don't completely believe it applies in this case, but seeing other people in relationships where their partner doesn't work, I have wondered if this dynamic is some kind of indicator of my self esteem.

My partner is the one who never lets me spiral or think negatively on myself. I truly don't believe I would be as successful as I have been so far without them. I have cPTSD and ADHD too. It just manifests differently, so I have been able to work around it somewhat. I have worked incredibly hard to mask better and achieve more to fit the boxes of society.

I hate having to lie to people about what my partner does, and not being able to talk about our dynamics in any way. I hate having no financial support. I love my partner and I love the relationship between each other.

Basically just my thoughts out. Posting here because folks will be more likely to understand. I hope this doesn't bring anyone down if they are not able to work, I'm very aware there are circumstances where this happens.

I am so tired of this disorder. I’ve been in extensive, weekly therapy for almost a year now.. It feels like I take two steps forward and then ten steps back. I am exhausted. I know there’s so much I’ve been working through and it makes sense.. As my therapist says, I’m good at intellectualizing my pain; just not feeling it, I guess.

I just don’t know how to actually make things feel like they are any better. What do people actually do in order to calm the crap in their minds? I feel like I’ve tried everything.

I'm not talking for everybody here. But as someone of low social status in my country, with no employment or network prospects due to both CPTSD and having had a family that didn't help in any way to prepare me for adulthood, sometimes it feels like trying again, for the 100th time, to get a job that will at best be minimum wage slave work, is just more hurtful to my self-esteem than accepting I'll never have the life I wish I had and giving up.

People who never lived through the shame of unemployment, isolation, poverty, and addiction do not understand that at some point no amount of "getting out there" and "doing the work" will actually do anything.

For most people, even on here, things like a house, a car, a 9 to 5 job, at least some degree of support network are givens. Not for me.

The only thing I managed to achieve is have some good friends abroad I will never see. But it does not replace an irl support network. I've been cutting off all my addictions and it makes it all worse because I just see how bad my life is now.

Putting on a smile, pretending I'm fine, trying once again meds, therapy, job hunting, I did it all many times over and it never led anywhere. I never manage to hold a job for more than one year. I never connect to people irl. Medication helps at first, but then becomes an other addiction. Therapy is just me paying someone to vent, it feels good when I go, but 24h later it's gone.

At this point the only solace I find is in giving up, at least for the moment, and accepting that yeah, it fucking sucks. No, I'm not "not doing enough". I did my best and it never worked. No, I'm not being "too sensitive", anyone in my situation would be depressed.

Maybe somebody else relates to that.

Every morning, especially on work days, I feel this deep, almost primordial despair and anguish. It's like my soul is screaming and existing becomes unbearable. Commuting to work makes it worse unless I'm able to drown it out with books. My job is fine, though the thought of every day being the same until I'm old is making me despair even more. My SSRI lowers the volume on the screaming a little bit but it always persists until sometime after lunch break.

Do any of you experience this and how do you deal with it? I'm just so exhausted.

I love this thread. So much. Every post I read helps me learn more about myself. When I'm really down, I plug in and try to answer a lot of posts to help someone feel heard and because I know just having one response helped calm me.

That there are so many of us and that the current DSM does not include cPTSD, it just infuriates me. We should not be excluded and ignored when it's so obvious and documented that there are TONS OF US.

Thanks to every single person who posts here and who finds help. xoxoxoxoxoxo srsly.

I suspect i just dont ask for info or help even when i should. It can lead to sticky situations. Anyone else experience this?

I don’t like conversations, I can barely tolerate one with people I do like and I just go non verbal or one word answer with people I don’t care about or that I’m scared of or that I dislike. I don’t know what to do. It gets harder and harder to tolerate people. I don’t enjoy spending time with anyone except for one person and even then they wear me out. After every social interaction it doesn’t make me feel better I just dread the upcoming one even more.

I must mask very well because some people believe my mask to be me and think that I want to be close with them. I feel bad because I do like them but I have no desire to be friends or have a close relationship.

I can’t even work because of this, no one would ever hire an unfriendly selective mute person. I get tired so quickly of everything. I hate this and I hate being this way because I know it’s bad and I don’t know how to fix it.

My cat just died. She’s more concerned that I bought his ashes home (because it’s some sort of taboo or something) and she did not ask ONCE whether I was okay but okay. I can live with that. I know what to expect from her. I think.

I’m glad my mum was away when I put my cat to sleep; that I had some peaceful time with my cat before he passed…

But the moment she came back she demanded that I put his things away. It’s only been 4 days since he passed, and 2 since his body was cremated.

I tried to ask her if I could have his things remain as my birthday present (my birthday is this month).

She said no. And as expected she treats my cat’s items as mere “clutter” or “rubbish” to clean up. To throw away.

That’s why I’m moving all his things into my room. But even so they’re not safe.

They’re not safe. She’s not safe.

She’s never been.

Im sorry that I hurt you

Im sorry that I didn't help

Im sorry you didn't feel comfortable around me

Im sorrg I messed up

Im sorry I didn't stay

Im sorry I didnr tell the truth

Im sorry you had to walk on eggshells around me

Im sorry you didn't trust me

Im sorry you left

Im sorry we were incompatible

Im sorry that was I scared

Im sorry I didn't use the correct word

Im sorry i didn't have an emotional reaction

Im sorry I did have an emotional reaction

Im sorry we couldn't work it out

Im sorry I wasnt available

Im sorry I was too available

Im sorry I didnt ask

Im sorry I did ask

Im sorry

Im more than sorry

I wish it could have worked out

I want you back but im scared so scared so very scared. And so ashamed and tired.

IM SORRY UM SORRY IMSORRY IMSORRT IMSORY

I miss you more than you could ever know

I am affected by my CPTSD every moment of every day. There is never a moment where my past isn’t in the back of my mind. I could be having the best day out with my friends on a day with perfect weather, but it’s always overshadowed by my trauma.

I am triggered constantly. Every little thing triggers me, and sometimes things trigger me once and never again, which makes it hard to track them. I get triggered by smells, colors, the weather, entire seasons (winter), driving at night, the list goes on and on and on. It’s exhausting to be reminded of it like 50 times a day. I don’t even have the luxury of being triggered because I’m always at work or school. I have go just swallow my feelings, tell myself it didn’t happen and that none of it was real, and go on about my day.

I have no stable sense of self (comorbid DID) and I never know if I’m going to be a functional version of myself, or one that’s perpetually stuck in trauma. My identity often fluctuates based on the things triggering me. I spend so much time in a dissociative haze. Most of the time I can think about the things that happened to me with no reaction, because it really truly doesn’t feel like it happened even though I am 100% certain it did.

I’m just so tired of this. Managing 18 years worth of constant abuse of many forms while juggling two jobs and school is driving me insane. I can’t escape my trauma, not at work, not at school, not at home. The only reason sleep is an escape is because I smoke so much I don’t remember dreams anymore. I just want to live.

I feel like I can’t fit into any one group, and like my trauma is so multi faceted that no one person or group can understand.

TRIGGER WARNING SA/CULTS/DV

I was raised in a religious cult, SAd at 7, underwent horrible abuse for years, then when I was finally kicked out of my house I was homeless for years, got SAd close to 100 times, have been attacked and hit and verbally/emotionally abused. I’ve been hate crimed and had attempts on my life. The list goes on and on and on. A nightmare I could not wake up from. I’m also queer and autistic, and chronically ill, with a great deal of medical trauma going back 13 years. I so so desperately want to find a friend who gets it, or a support group, or ANYTHING, but there’s nothing out there that I can find. Even my very dear husband who is the sweetest most understanding creature, cannot comprehend what I’ve been through. The only people I’ve found that do get it are also so overwhelmed by their own shit that they don’t have energy to spare for my own, which I very much understand, but will still use me as a knowledgeable venting space since I get it, without having the time for the reverse, which is frustrating. Idk.

Most people don’t know what to say, how to react, how to support, nothing, because it’s so far out of their realms of experience that it’s unknowable and deeply uncomfortable to face it. I understand that. I also don’t really trauma dump on people. I’ve tried to have friends and abide by social rules until we’re close enough that I feel like I can lean on them, but as soon as I begin to unveil even the smallest truths of my past they look at me like I’m a circus freak and try to change the subject.

I don’t know what to do. Do I just hide myself? Effectively, I am my trauma. I never once had a span of time where I was not going through deplorable shit, and unfortunately it defined me and formed me. Even my hobbies center around processing it. Music, art, it all goes back to those subjects, it’s how I cope. So then, I have nothing to speak about if I can’t talk about my past, my illnesses, my art. I’m caught in these awful loops that no one wants to enter. I stay inside my house for the most part. I doom scroll. I make art. I do chores, then almost pass out from my POTS. I have panic attacks. I cry.

When I do go out and socialize it can only be casually. People generally know me as a chill fun-loving goofball, and that’s only because that’s the mask I have to put on, and that’s the only way I can get social connection. If I acted how I felt, I would be in a ball of tears all the time, and that’s not how socializing works. At the same time, a lot of people feel deeply comfortable leaning on me and trauma dumping on me and making me fix things for them, which would be absolutely fine if it was a two way street, but it’s not. They don’t want to do the same for me, but they expect me to do everything for them unconditionally, and it’s breaking me. I feel isolated yet used. I feel so internally alone.

I feel like this whole rant was confusing, and I’m starting to regret writing it, but here goes.