I’m 22, and on Thursday my dad is taking me to see a neural psychologist. So then I can finally get a diagnosis.

I read a manga awhile ago called “A Story about a girl who developed selective mutism”

I read it again today.
It’s mostly wholesome. Like the friend that stayed by her side is really awesome.

there’s a part where she says “selective mutism can be cured”. By taking small steps.

That should give me hope. But it just makes me sad. It makes me cry.
My first thoughts are just “No it can’t”.

That line hurts so much to read.

I don’t know why that comic makes me feel sad. Why it makes me feel more hopeless.

I worry that I’m not capable of the small steps.

How does therapy even work? Like if you have to practice speaking, how does that work when the condition is the inability to speak in certain situations?

How would I practice speaking when I physically can’t in the situation?

Especially exposure. Like I feel like I’d fail each one, even the small ones. Thinking about talking to strangers, I couldn’t. In the manga it says some people with selective mutism can talk to strangers. So that explains how she was able to do it.

My therapist already knows that I hate the idea of exposure therapy. But if that’s the only way to cure it then that’s what really scares me.

I wanted to wave bye to my professer, but couldn’t.
Then I felt bad after.

I did to the painting professor though.

I just don’t know how one would even cure this.

I don’t know how to believe things could ever get better. I wish I could be like the people who are super positive about it.

I’m anxious posting this too, but the people in this subreddit are the only people I can relate the with this.

I don’t know when I’ll reply, since when I see the notifications I’m overthinking what the replies might say. Thank you for reading

I am 36M, turning 37 on the 24th, disgnosed with autism and selective mutism. I have aaundry list of other disorders like OCD, but I cannot lost all of them and keep this short.

This year has been hell, and I get no relief when I cannot speak when they expect any normal almost 37 year old to speak. People just get irritated and insulted, thinking I am ignoring them or something. My selective mutism was far worse in childhood, when I would say nothing, even if there were an extreme emergency like a fire or an earthquake. Now I am somewhat better, but honestly I feel like saying nothing when I am being talked to.

This year has been the worst year of my life, and I truly feel like going through another birthday and living another year with all of these problems is just too much to bear.

I just want to ask questions like this occasionally to myself and others - because with anxiety disorders, we can often get very stuck on the negative rumination. But it can be helpful to take time to reflect on the good sometimes, to shift one’s thinking.

This could be SM-related wins or anything else in life you’re proud of and wish to share. even if it feels small or insignificant, it is important

Does anyone else, after starting a job, have that job slowly become a trigger for their selective mutism?

I feel like it's weird, but I don't really have anyone but myself around to discuss these types of topics so I wanted to ask here.

I've been wondering this since after a while of working, I've noticed that I've basically dropped my social amount I can spend there gradually until now it's painful to even speak to people I was fine speaking to a couple months ago. To the point I'll have breakdowns because I just can't.

I suppose it could also be the pressure of working harder or doing more since I'm slower than most. Especially with my boss making it their life mission to get me to "speak up" to people- even though I've told them about my diagnosis. Though, it could also be as simple as it being a social space, because those have always been a trigger for me (interacting with my social anxiety), though it's weird it's gotten worse.

So, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

And if you have, I'm curious how you either cope with it or do something about it.

So to be clear, my inabiltiy to talk IS an involuntary mental/physical block, not a choice. But I think one of the many things that contribute to that involuntary paralysis is the fear that people will think I'm "normal" and therefore won't need any guidance or help once I'm able to speak out loud.

Along with having SM, I am generally just a very slow processor (I'm autistic) in social situations. I often need a long pause just to gather my thoughts and figure out what I want to say next or how I'm feeling. Speaking out loud with someone usually has me rushing to keep up with the pace of the conversation. So even if my SM went away, I would still need accommodations for when I'm talking to people, like more time to think.

Anyone else feel this way? Along with actually having SM, I feel like the nonverbal accommodations I get allow me time to think about what to say, and generally give off the vibe that I am struggling and need help. But that impression goes away if/when I am able to talk, therefore increasing the pressure to also mask my autism and rush to keep up socially.

Kinda was in and still kinda am, in a funk. Cause I was able to make some really good money (ONLINE) the last two weeks.

And it's really great, because money gives options. Even if that's just buying stuff.

But now that's dropped a bit. So I feel idk.

Cause the way I've been making money just has no reliability. And it was SO GOOD. It is good. But there's (again) no reliability. It's good and then it's just non-existent.

IDK- that just messed with me, still is.

Cause that really GAVE me something, and quite honestly I just liked doing it. I'd do the money-making all day. And I LIKED doing it.

And now I'm just unable to. And there's really no other way to do this online that even exists. So that's the part that stings.

...

Buying Music, buying Games, etc. But like- if I can't make anything. There goes that.

It'd be so nice if I could just make money online, cause it'd evaporate that worry. IDK- in a way (and not too seriously), I even think like what's even the point anymore?

Cause in a lot of ways that was just keeping me occupied. Is it really even about the money? Idk. But that gave me something. And I actually liked doing that; making money online.

If I could actually make money online, it could get *THAT* off my back, right? But if I can't, then that's back to haunt me. And that's the part I really hate.

Cause there is no accommodation. It's like "go fuck yourself". When it comes to anyway we can actually make money in any way which feels just "fine". Is how it feels.

And maybe I should just go and do that. But also I kind of don't want to do that. And by "fuck myself", I mean kill myself. Cause the line is very thin. T

Things are good, they're looking up. And then actually, no things were never looking up.

Cause when I was bringing that money in the last two weeks. It was actually really good. And AGAIN I LIKED doing it. And now it's just gone. I was feeling good. And I didn't HAVE TO make the money, but I wanted to. And I did.

I made about $2100 in the last two weeks. And I'd probably be lucky if I made $50 in the same timeframe I could get $100. Which is a 5 hour time frame. It's just very disheartening.

...

And even despite all that, I still went and spent like $380ish on a 3DS and accessories. Because.

And I had actually spent over $1000 this week.

And it's not that I need the money. I more just liked doing them. And the money was just a plus. Cause I do not plan to spend $1000/weekly going forward. That's just how the week went.

But also without that increased rate (of income), the prospects of what I can do, really lessens. Maybe I had this idea that I could save enough to go and see Olivia Rodrigo in late November. But that's kind of a dead idea now. No way I'd make that kind of money now. And I wouldn't want expensive tickets either.

Because despite my expensive purchases, I would have STILL easily been able to make the money for that to be a real possibility and EASILY too. Cause I think I'd really only need around $1000, I wouldn't plan to spend more than that.

And my mind is so "day to day", that I can't think too far forward. Cause in a weeks time I could be back to rolling in the way I make money. I just can't know that I will be.

I will get back to making the money online. I will. Probably today. But it will not be as good. Cause for those 2 weeks I was actually trying to make $100/day. And it was easy. There were days I literally made $200+. And that was insane.

I just hate the feeling of not knowing.

...

Anyway- that's it. I had something good going, but actually no. That's how it is. I guess.

And I don't think I'd actually kill myself. I just think about it. I just want this all to end. Or at least to ACTUALLY have a standing/place I can rely on being there day to day. And right now I do not possess that. And that's what sucks.

Like; a certainty.

Me 20yo: I want to go out, finally check out the nightlife, I'm feeling confined to go out somewhere by myself

My sister: "OmG dO yOu WaNt To GeT R**eD?! Do you even know what happens to people when they go out!

I'm sorry but wtf. Like yeah, no shi that bad people exist, it's not my first day on earth. I'm 20 years old I can take care of myself just fine, i've taken care of creepy situations on my own before. Also that's such a weird thing to say. And I told her that I ain't a child she was like "okay, if you want to get r**ed then go ahead" like?? So weird.

I live in a capital city, I go outside every day, I have gone out after dark before. I'm not saying that I don't think these things would ever happen to me, but she was being like very weirdo about it, and not even in a protective way at all.

There was a situation a while back, where I was gonna wear a crop top outside and she was all judgy and weird "okay, just don't cry when some creep SA you" like??? Wtf who even says that!?

Anyways, I'm going to a Halloween party on the 31st and dressing up as an androgynous gothic vampire. 😌 Nobody can dull MY sparkle!!

And overall, I think she's just jealous of my newfound confidence, which doesn't go well with her controlling neurotypical personality.

I was just attending an online class and listening to the teacher, then I suddenly started feeling sad.

I kept thinking about how other people can use their microphones, while I can only communicate through the in-call chat.

Irl, I'm really lonely.

I'm just glad we're allowed to turn off our cameras, so I can cry behind the screen without anyone noticing atleast.

So I’m not selective mute, but from kindergarten to junior year of high school, I have had a difficult time speaking in front of certain people. The reason for this wasn’t shyness, it was because people used to overreact whenever I talked or interacted.

In kindergarten, I interacted very well until it was playtime, when I was frozen in silence and just stood there doing nothing. Everybody thought I was selectively mute, until the class played a game and I won. I was calm when everybody clapped and cheered, but then one of the adults shouted the word “yay” and I completely lost it, crying and a hysterical mess. That was when people knew that it wasn’t selective mutism, as these meltdowns would happen every time somebody said the word. I did end up getting diagnosed with autism later on.

My biggest issue has been when people bring up my past, especially if they’re overreacting. I struggle a lot with explaining what exactly happens, so I’m just going to put it in a list below.

Examples of things people have said/done when I’ve talked or interacted well:

•Junior year of high school, I started raising my hand in class. A friend of mine heard about this, began to clap and say, “I’m so proud of your character development bestie, you were not like this in middle school.”

• Just before I graduated high school, I made my first friend who was “like me” (he has some intellectual disabilities and shares similar interest to me). I invited him over for the day, and afterwards my mom said in a very surprised voice, “That was the most I’ve ever seen you interact with someone! I know you like to take your breaks, but you literally hung out with him all day! I never see you this chatty with friends.”

• After starting college, I finally got to meet people who didn’t overreact when I spoke up or interacted well, so I finally let myself speak to people. My dad found out and told me, “You’ve grown by leaps and bounds since starting college, you were very shy in middle and high school and never advocated for yourself” (I really wish he would’ve paid attention my junior year).

• As a kid, whenever I talked, my mom would reward me. One time, she showed up with a giant reward, and said “You met a really big goal” (literally all I did was ask to start over in the school spelling bee). When I told her rewards weren’t the best way to go, she said, “but look at how far you’ve come! You actually talk now!”

• In middle school, my special education, teacher mentioned how I only talk to her when I write to her (not true). I asked her when I could stop writing in the journal, and she said, “Well, when I ask you questions, you only give me like one word answers” (because I hated her and the other kids excitement when I did speak up). I couldn’t really explain it at the time, although there was one time when I did well on a test and she got excited, and I ran away from her, I think that’s when she really understood.

Has anybody else been through something like this? Sorry for the long post.

I am autistic. I made this post and someone suggested I look into selective mutism. What do you think?

So my best friend and i have been lond distance for about 4 years now and havent been able to meet up in that time (we are both very chronically ill so it makes it very hard).

Ive been struggling with selective mutism since i was about 12 (im autistic too) and this year have been working so so hard to overcome it. I did my first ever phone call and i started talking therapy. Im so proud of myself.

But this week my friend said something about my voice that has made me even more insecure. Im from the south of the uk and she is from the north so obviously we have different accents. We were talking about accents and she said i sound like that one tiktok meme/audio of a common British woman going 'awright mait im bri'ish'. Im already incredibly insecure about my voice and accent, and then she said that and i feel like it has set me back so much. I now dont want to talk at all in case people think i sound like a cockney caricature (im not even from london).

She felt bad about saying it and i said its fine. I just feel really embarrassed and hurt.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some honest advice and perspective from parents who have been in my shoes, adults who grew up with Selective Mutism (SM), or professionals.

My 5-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Selective Mutism. She is chatty at home. But in social settings, or school, she couldn’t talk with adults or strangers.

My biggest struggle right now isn't just managing her condition. It's managing myself. I am really having a hard time truly empathizing with what she is going through. I catch myself getting frustrated, and constantly trying to nudge her to talk ("Just say hi," "Tell them your name," "Use your words").

I struggle to connect with her fear, and my urge to force a response takes over, which fills me with guilt afterward.

For those of you who have experienced SM firsthand, or parents who used to feel the same disconnect:

1. How would you describe what SM feels like from the inside? What is actually going through a child's mind/body when they freeze?

2. How can I shift my mindset? What mental frameworks or daily practices helped you build genuine empathy instead of reacting out of frustration?

3. What can I do in those high-pressure moments? Should I treat those as chances to practice speaking?or should I stop myself from pushing her and instead make her feel safe?

I want to be the supportive, safe space my daughter needs right now, but I need help breaking my own habits and seeing the world through her eyes. Thank you so much in advance for your insights.

I have selective mutism.

If you don’t know it’s a complex anxiety disorder where a person who can speak normally in comfortable settings is consistently unable to speak in specific social situations.

For me, I can speak normally around my family.. but at school I can’t speak comfortably or as much as everyone else.. everyone thinks am weird. Probably.

My classmates are really loud and they keep teasing me to get some reaction out of me. The teachers are rude to me as well. Some of them just ignore me totally. my homeroom teacher is making it worse. I know Shes trying to help but she is not helping AT ALL. she forces me to sit in the front row and keeps calling me out for beinf quiet. She keeps telling others to talk to me as well.. it makes me uncomfortable.

My only friend that I felt comfortable enough to talk to left recently.. so now I have NO ONE to talk to. I’ve been in this school for 2 years now. This will be my third and last year so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I have only 8 weeks left but it feels so long..
It’s really exhausting..

So If u also have selective mutism or can relate in any way can u just let me know to see if there’s others like me dealing with the same shit?

Previous post^^

Not a full success yet but the flair felt appropriate for this. i still have sm

Well i’m now in a course outside my town with fifteen other people all around my age and two teachers plus the extra people we visit whenever we go out to places, only been four times out of 24 so i’m still not to far into the course yet but i’ve actually managed to talk to the the teachers and people. it’s still pretty awkward due to the lack of social skills and a bit of anxiety but i’ve actually done it, still got a road ahead but it’s not long anymore and seems way more achievable now.

My goals to hopefully develop more confidence, social skills, less anxiety and stick to the full course. i think that’s pretty manageable and haven’t set any expectations for the confidence and stuff so any improvement is better than where i’m at currently.

Some to note out of what i have experienced so far is i really don’t feel anything at all, i’m not proud of myself or celebrating that i’ve broke a massive barrier i’ve had for 21 years of my life. this could just be me though i have noticed that i struggle with emotions and feeling so it’s probably not related and something completely different but i do understand what i have done so i know i’ve done well i just don’t feel like it.

Still home and not moved anywhere so that hasn’t happened yet but i’d still like too, hopefully in the near future. just felt like i should update the last post just for me or anyone to have a look at, i probably won’t look at this post again though but i will reply to any comments though.

last note. my the thing that worked for me was just doing it, i was scary as fuck walking to the place i had to go just dreading the whole thing but when i got there and was there for a little it was fine, no anxiety no expectation to talk or to not talk. nobody (apart from my teachers because i took them before hand) knows about it so you can try be and act like whoever you want, since i got a course away from where i live it doesn’t actually matter how i am at the course because it’s not effecting me at home so being awkward or embarrassing is fine and progress for finding you feet. hopefully it made some sense and it won’t work for everyone but the only person who can make the difference is you and the ball is in your hand so as horrible and scary as it as you should try something if you can because it’s better than living like this forever.

good luck out there.

Hi! Our 4.5 yr old boy is a chatter box at home and around close family, but around friends and groups he wants to stick to me and is completely silent. The waitlist for a child therapist visit is months long at his clinic. We strongly suspect SM. I grew up pretty socially anxious and ironically in some classes I was the total opposite getting in trouble for talking too much. I still struggle with the same dynamic of social anxiety but not around people and places I’m confident with. so unfortunately I’m sure I passed something of the sort to him. My mom is also pretty to herself and bad at socializing except in certain groups.

He has not started any schooling/daycare or babysitting yet. Any and all expertise is welcome, thank you!

Any, academical, personal relationship, maybe sexual, etc.

I'm 17f in highschool in Canada. Honestly I never spoke in class unless in very specific situations. I tend to freeze when teachers or students try to talk to me especially in academic situations. But I am able to talk when talked to with new people at school when talked to.

The thought came to me because I was thinking of how the rules that exist while dreaming are different from the rules that exist in the waking world, and because SM is situational, it made be wonder if dreams posed a change of circumstance. How talkative are you in dreams?

The default idea in peoples' minds tends to be "find those who talk about things at a regular pace, and treat those who don't want to talk as not wanting to be found". That, I imagine, makes being selectively mute lack the adhesive that allows social relations to stick. So then how do people who are selectively mute identify others who are adjusted towards the pretense of "find friends no matter how much they talk and look for the signs they appreciate you unless they gesture you away"?

Growing up, I was completely friendless because whenever I'm in a group setting, I go totally mute. It's not just normal shyness as it feels like a physical inability to speak, like my body literally will not let me force the words out. In primary school, it was so severe that I didn't speak to anyone at all.

I genuinely thought college would be the turning point where things changed for me. At first, it seemed like it might. I managed to make one friend. She is really likeable, but she also gets awkward around certain people, so we bonded and became close. The issue started when she began meeting more people. Now, whenever we hang out, they are always there. Because it's a group setting, my old habits kicked right back in and I froze up. I just can't bring myself to contribute to the conversations.

Eventually, the others started making "jokes" about how I'm just their shadow or their tail because I'm always trailing behind them silently. It makes me feel terrible. Honestly, I'm pretty sure they only let me tag along out of pity, and because they are forced to tolerate me to hang out with the friend they actually want to be around. Today, I saw all of them hanging out together without me. I can't help but feel sad about it. I thought college would fix this, but it feels like I'll always be that same quiet girl who makes people uncomfortable just by being there. I don't know how to break out of this physical freeze response, and today it just really makes me wish I could be someone else.