it’s genuinely just so annoying 😭

like, don’t get me wrong, i LOVE food. i love little treats and snacks. but HAVING to eat??? having to plan out multiple meals EVERY SINGLE DAY and having to make sure they contain all the right nutrients? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??!!!!!???!!

i wish i could photosynthesise and just eat whatever whenever i felt like it

I am moving to my husband's home country across the ocean, and unfortunately my massive collection can't come with me.

We are preparing for the great plushie sort of 2026. We will be sorting them into ones to store at my parents house to hopefully bring on future visits, donations, and unfortunately ones that will be thrown away. Wish me luck!

Does anyone experience hyper awareness to the max? For me I feel like I literally can’t function without being hyper aware of every single thing I’m saying and every movement I make, especially in social interactions. It’s confusing because I look around and it seems that everything comes so naturally to others and it never seems to come to me.
I overthink every word the second it leaves my mouth, I’m constantly aware of my face and the faces I’m making, my eyes are darting around ALL THE TIME to observe other people. I feel like a machine, yet at the same time I feel as though I’m the only person who’s actually conscious.

I'm looking for an something to put on my water bottle that cant be as easily lost or draw as much attention as my trusty Little Ouchie (LO) grippie.

For context, I pain stim when I'm overstimulated or anxious. I'm heading on a weeklong beach trip next week with extended family, many of whom I still have to mask around. There will also be small children -- said only because they will 100% want anything I'm fidgeting with if it looks like a toy. And as a AuDHD girlie, I just know it's a matter of time before I put my LO grippie down and lose it forever.

I've considered attaching the LO to my water bottle handle, but my preferred bottle is a Owala, so I use the handle to lock it.

Was thinking something like the stickers in the pic but with harder points than I imagine silicone can produce.

Alternative suggestions welcome! Just trying to avoid picking blisters on my fingers that could potentially get infected by ocean / pool water.

TIA!

I asked if anyone has been depressed since childhood. And while I remember the feeling, I can’t remember anything specifically about childhood.

A couple years ago, I admit I went to a professional clinic for ketamine therapy. I did 9 sessions. I remember coming out of the sessions with tears on my face, telling the nurse I’m crying because I remembered being a child.

uhh i am isolated in my house 25 with no friends

Last night my husband and I were cuddling and he was being his normal loving self talking about all the things he finds sexy and attractive about me. He then asked me what I find most attractive about him and I paused in panic. What answer was he looking for? A specific physical attribute? What physical attributes of his do I find sexy? Then I realized I paused too long and said his personality. He then clarified and said he meant physically. Further panic ensues and I blurt out, "Nothing really."

Now let me say that "nothing really" is wholeheartedly inaccurate. The reason I panicked is because for me, it's deeper than physical and I didn't have enough time to process all my thoughts. I don't just find his eyes attractive, I love how expressive they are. I don't just find his strong arms attractive, I love the way they make me feel safe and loved. I don't just find his lips attractive because they make me wanna kiss him, I also love how I can tell just what his smile means from a subtle difference in how his lips curl.

We are both AuDHD but obviously human so of course my response was not taken well. He's understandably very upset. I did explain to him what I said above but I don't know if it helped or even if he believes me.

I feel sick and can't stop crying because I love this man more than life itself. I wouldn't still be with him after 15 years if I didn't find him attractive.

I received my diagnosis as a 30 year old and the assessor went on a long speech about how I CAN work, I CAN overcome my inability to drive, and how it's horrible for my mental health to not be working. I mentioned that yeah I'd like to work up to being able to try doing a stocking job of some sort. And he said yeah but thats not long term and ''no one'' works a stocking job for more than 10 years and I need to work on figuring out a career. This all happened right after he diagnosed me with Autism level 1. He also said I *might* have ADHD but everyone is a little ADHD these days. That felt so inappropriate and unprofessional. It's also so untrue.

My whole life I've heard that same speech from other people. I used to be criticized by my older siblings, my aunt, other family members regarding how much I struggled in school, how I still hadn't learned how to drive, how I was struggling to work, etc. On top of the undiagnosed autism I also had a lot of trauma from living in a very unstable home for a little bit in middle school among other things. No one ever offered to help - no one ever asked why are you struggling - they would just call me lazy and tell me horrible things about myself. And then I was thinking about now as an adult how so many brief encounters with people have resulted in them telling me I need to figure my shit out now and if I don't I'm a horrible person and what's wrong with you why dont you have a career job yet etc. I feel defeated. Like man I've been trying and fighting my whole life to figure out why I struggle so much, why traditional methods of self improvement and self help just dont cut it for me, why I'm so self aware and try SO hard to do the hard things that everyone else can do but I just can't. And I just want to be normal. and do the normal things and take care of myself but I don't know what I'm doing. and I thought the autism diagnosis would help but instead, again, I'm shamed for what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm never going to figure it out and I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever. I can't drive, I didn't even graduate high school because it just got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and even doing school work was impossible to start and finish. Ive had the worst sleep routine my whole life - never sleep. I have horrible PMDD that ruins me for weeks. I can't even work and struggle with the process of looking, interviewing, etc. I'm struggling to put into words how I'm feeling so I'm sorry if this isn't the most articulated of posts.

I love Psyduck, my girlfriend bought this one with headphones for me. It came from very far away and took months to finally arrive at my house.

Theres a lot of posts on here about how stressful and mentally disturbing becoming a parent is, but I've seen few about the good experiences of motherhood. It's starting to make me think having a child would ruin my life. Do any mothers on here have positive things to share?

Hi, so I don't know for sure yet but at 37 I am really starting to think I'm probably autistic. One of the things that led to the discovery was that realizing my auditory stims, which I generally do when I'm upset or trying to do something hard or unpleasant, might be a sign. So, I stopped trying to suppress them.

Turns out there was all kinds of stuff hiding under there. Instead of just the "tsch" I do when I'm trying to get through the last part of the run and this "shoo shoo" sound when I'm doing housework, now there's a whole bunch of humming with the melody of a dog whining if something's the worst. And apparently those "shoo shoo" sounds can turn into a whole private party if I'm coming home kinda drunk after a night out. Oh, and also, the intense face rub I used to do when I was tired as a little kid actually works great to wake up in the morning, so I guess 8 year old me was onto something.

Has anybody else watched your stims intensify after you stopped suppressing them? Did new ones show up?

Edit: Between this subreddit and the subreddit for my chronic illness I have never experienced such kindness and support from strangers online. Thank you for commenting and sharing your own stories, it means a lot.

I have a colonoscopy next week and I'm terrified they'll find I have colon cancer. I have all the of the symptoms and I know it's often misdiagnosed as IBS in women (which is what the ER doctor was concerned about, that or a form of colitis) so I have an extra fear that I'll have it but it will be misdiagnosed. My grandpa who I never got to meet died from colon cancer and I know your probability goes up when there's family history. I've been sick my whole life, I already deal with a debilitating chronic illness, I don't want to worry about cancer now too.

I know that I'm catastrophizing. I am only 25, it's very rare for someone my age to have it. Yet I've always had the worst luck, in my head it makes sense that I would be one of the unlucky people who joins the statistic of having it so young. I am so afraid, I don't know how to cope with this fear, I've always kind of brushed off my health issues because it just was what it was. I could deal with them, it was just my life. I don't think I could deal with cancer too, I don't think I can have the same attitude when I'm scared about dying.

This all started from Saturday night when I had to go to the ER after severe abdominal cramping, constipation and bloody stool. The pain was so bad I thought I was dying right then, I almost passed out. The thought that it could happen again also scares me, I have a ridiculously high tolerance for pain but this was unbearable. I'm just feeling very alone and terrified, if anyone has advice on how to calm this anxiety and stop hyper focusing on it being cancer please share. I just want these thoughts to stop.

This is something I've struggled with forever. I love being around people and in community. Whenever I can help it, I'm always outdoors. Even if I'm alone, I like going to parks and reading because I enjoy the (distant) company of other people.

The older I get, the more I am starting to hate people though. I'm coming to terms with the fact woth I'll be judged for my autism forever. There's nothing I can do to change it. People will always hate me off rip for something I can't control. The twatment of autistic and disabled people in general disgusts me. I look at that and I think of how much I hate people. We're inherently tribalistic and discriminatory as a species and that will never change. It's like a permanent stain is on me.

I feel so depressed about it. I have to learn how to mask and interact with people and its making me exhausted. Other people don't put half that effort in and they can just coast by. They just breeze through life. My livelihood is directly tied to how much I can interact with people socially. It's not even that I don't want to. Beneath all the social anxiety and misunderstanding social cues, I know I'm extroverted. If I weren't autistic, my life would be so different. But I just can't seem to learn how people work no matter how much I try. Everyone is nice but distant to me. I haven't had a close consistent friend in years (if ever)

It feels like being in an abusive relationship. I crave social contact but I'm humiliated, ignored, or mistreated often in social situations. There's nothing I can do to change this. It's just how I am and how people are. If I were neurotypical, I'm not sure I'd be so different either. And I won't lie and say that I've never behaved inappropriately or that I'm not annoying. I can understand why I get treated the way I do and I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to stop it.

Does it ever get better?

It's not about religion for me, I just hate how much thought goes into something so silly. Most open offices I've been in have at least one resident loud sneezer who does it so often people don't even acknowledge. At my current office though, everyone sneezes so much for some reason and my lack of saying it seems to be noticed.

I got out of the habit like 15 years ago. One of my college professors would get so annoyed when his lectures were interrupted extensively by a chorus of blessings after one person sneezed, and ever since then I haven't been able to unsee it as something humans do based purely on peer pressure/arbitrary norms that if you don't follow, you're seen as rude. I told my family and they got on board, so it's really normal for us to sneeze and just carry on. However, that social pressure hasn't gone away for me. Even when I try to resolve that I will say it simply to show some care for social rules and not offend people, I get so wrapped up in the details that I go back to none at all.

One person always does at least 3 sneezes and doesn't love the over acknowledgement from others, but seems to think I'm weird too for just ignoring. Another does yell-sneezes that startle me so much every time there would be a weird delay in me saying it. The others are normal but it's every single day. Sometimes they don't say anything and I don't know if it's because they like my approach or if they are afraid they will offend me by saying it? Because other times they seem to say it pointedly, as if in protest of my silence.

Finally, if I say anything to a sneeze I am more in the habit of gesundheit thanks to a childhood friend's family and also my ex I studied German with, but saying that instead also seems to get some odd responses and people maybe assuming I'm protesting the religious aspect, which isn't the case. So I largely just stopped! I still do if it's like my grandma or someone I feel the need to be extra polite with, but my coworkers are a bunch of younger guys who have questionable conversations in my vicinity all the time.

I was diagnosed with level 1 a few years back and it was the most validating experience for me. So many things clicked. I never told anyone except a very select few close friends and my mom. One friend has made the comment “I don’t think you’re actually autistic” a few times. I think it’s bc I’m highly masking due to well, my entire life. I also have trouble speaking up whenever this happens. How to deal w people who dismiss or outright deny your diagnosis?

I could barely watch myself. Parents don’t get a guidebook and sure, I practice forgiveness for my sanity. But as an adult, how much of an idiot are you to not address this with your child and seek help of professionals/teachers? And to only make it worse, by ignoring teachers concerns, saying “she’s just shy”. And saying we didn’t know what autism was back then. Okay, but you could easily tell your child was not adjusting like other children. Just because you didn’t have a word for it, you chose to ignore it.

For those of you who are unemployed due to autism and/or chronic illness, how do you spend your day?

I can only focus on work and projects how people have time for relationships work and taking care of themselves. I'm someone who can only focus on keeping myself alive how can many people do everything and still functional?

I want to dress better, but I have a lot of trouble with it because I associate dressing better with clothing that is very sensory-unfriendly. Stiff tight fabric, too many layers, shoes that make my feet ache.

Since moving into my own home and transitioning to a WFH arrangement years ago, I have no one to impress during the day. I wear loose, soft clothes with no bra. I go barefoot or wear comfy slippers. When I'm home I don't really think about it so long as what I'm wearing is clean and my body is covered.

So now when I need to go out, or when I have guests over, I kind of struggle with the idea of forcing myself into so much discomfort. My current compromise has been just like... loungewear instead of pajamas? A pair of yoga pants, a shirt that fits, maybe a hoodie or sweater if I'm chilly or if I can't bring myself to put on a bra.

What other options are out there? Are there particular brands or styles of clothing that might be more attractive or put-together-looking without making me feel like clawing my skin off? Tips or tricks to styling comfy clothes?

I think the area I have the biggest issue is layers and fit.

I can't do a lot of layers. I see these styling videos and a woman will have a bra, a cami, a shirt, a jacket, and then be piled on with accessories and I would literally cry. Layers make me feel bound up and they rub against each other and get stuck on each other and ugh.

And I know fit is the most important part of looking put-together but I tend to either like (1) high stretch but low-compression things that fit like a second skin, and would only be comfortable wearing without an audience (2) things that are baggy and shapeless and make me look like a lump or (3) basically a standard t-shirt.

It doesn't help that I'm plus size (2x, size 20) and have no idea where to shop that isn't overpriced and poor quality. I get my jeans from Old Navy because they're the only place where the waistband actually hits like it should, but there's so much stretch in the denim that within a few hours they go from fitting to looking worn out.

I don't know. This post is a rambly mess. If anyone has any strategies, halp 😅

I'm sincerely considering going for eval soon, because I cannot keep living like this.

I feel like if I don't give my mind a framework to exist in, I'll eventually lose it. That framework could be a really challenging book, or a project (once I commit to one, but I also have a graveyard of abandoned projects).

I even started a group for fellow spooky ladies in my area over a year ago, and I applied all the social lessons I've learned ​from the previous times I tried. I even felt like I fully belonged when I was the social glue that helped the group coherent. But now since the group coheres and ia doing well, I am near-constantly up against a wall wondering if I belong. The spectrum of "spooky" in this context is from a love of weird silent film to the goth subculture to horror movies. But then there's me, feeling like Mole from ​Atlantis: The Lost Empire (and I mean this in a positive way in this context for the love of learning but also very lonely) in how I constantly dig up new things I want to learn about, and these are things like horror theory and the history of Halloween.

I've even described my mind as a laser beam that is always going while I'm awake. When I have something to point that mental laser beam at, it feels good. When I don't, I feel truly like my mind is an engine that will keep running until it runs out of gas and oil and implode.

Is this a common feeling for anyone else here?

That’s how I feel.

I always have to recover and I’m constantly in a cycle of burnout. Simple things take so much out of me and I’m constantly ruminating, when it’s done I have to go recover.

I have my first thesis meeting with my supervisor and I’m dreading it, after dodging him so many times.

my birthday is coming up and I have the day off work to myself.

due to a range of factors including grief, family trauma, and a demanding in-person job, I have been in a state of burnout for quite some time.

how do you make your birthday feel special when everything feels too hard? or do you just treat it as any other day?

Undiagnosed F15 ​

I'm lucky enough to live in a family that travels, and I've always traveled a lot, even to very distant places.

I am aware that I've already had the opportunity to visit places and have experiences that people don't get in a lifetime, but unfortunately, every single one of these experiences has cost me a great deal of distress.

Because of this, lately—now that I have a tiny bit of independence—I've often decided to stay home, only to be regularly told that "If you refuse to travel, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" and I feel like I'm going crazy.

I've never truly "loved" traveling. It has always been something that gave me more anxiety than actual desire to do it.

I think part of the blame goes to the fact that, every fucking time, my mother—a chronic pessimist and control freak—ended up, in her attempt to make everything go right, turning the whole experience into an anxiety-inducing nightmare and literal suffering for everyone.

On top of that, I completely hate most of the destinations that get chosen.

Not because they're bad places, but because, invariably, we find ourselves surrounded by starving people while we're staying in a fucking resort.

How the hell are you supposed to "enjoy the vacation" like that??

Traveling doesn't relax me. I get anxious because I don't know what to expect (either from my mother or from the place), I feel like shit because I see people suffering around me who I'm expected to cheerfully ignore, I have no privacy, and I'm so stressed that my masking goes to hell and I hate myself when I'm like that.

I find it pointless, insensitive, and I don't think it's worth it, but every time I talk about it, they treat me like a total lunatic.

Yet my reasoning doesn't seem that strange to me. Why doesn't anyone understand me? Is it me? Should I go anyway even though I suffer?

Help 😭

I have friends id put clearly in the Leslie knope autistic category. I myself laugh hysterically at every April ludgate finest moment because I am her, she is me. Which are you?