Have been moved to a noisier area of my open plan office and the culture in the new area feels a lot more like the kind of culture I hate: socialise and if you're not constantly socialising 8 hours a day there's something wrong with you.

My previous area I felt comfortable being quiet and focusing on my work and occasionally saying hello to people or responding if someone asked me something. No one ever judged me for that and they were all relatively calm and softer spoken.

The new area, everyone is always talking and they don't seem to even try to do things quietly. Even just closing a drawer or setting something down on a table is done with complete disregard for how much noise it makes.

I don't want to go into more specific detail for anonymity reasons. I'm just very upset as a specific event happened today where I felt singled out for being different and wanting a quiet space to focus.

I've never been able to stay consistent at the gym due to my fear of being perceived. I told myself i'd go if they had a women's section and now they do, and I still don't go.

I'm going abroad in April and want to feel comfortable in the clothes I wear. I can't tell you the amount of memberships i've bought just to not turn up. I even bought a walking pad but don't use it, and it annoys me like crazy. Does anyone have any advice?

Before burnout, I struggled with work-related demands, especially calls, messages, meetings, and the constant expectation of being available. But I could usually suck it up and push through.

Since burnout, I can't anymore. I work from home part-time, yet even knowing I have a call scheduled or receiving a message from a colleague makes me feel irritated and overwhelmed. I just don't want to interact with anyone.

The thought of losing my job actually brings me a sense of relief. Not necessarily because I never want to work again, but because I desperately want the pressure and expectations to disappear.

Sometimes I think about how difficult it is to live with an invisible disability. People can't see what you're struggling with, and you may look perfectly fine on the outside while everyday demands feel unbearable...

I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way, and I can get caught in a never-ending spiral of these thoughts...

If you say you are too busy to do X (visit, call, text, etc.). And you are not too busy to do X, you just don't WANT to do X, then, good god, just say it. This whole thing of "my weekends are scheduled out nine months!", " I have about 5 minutes to call or text ever in my life!", "If I ignore something urgent far out until the point that it's solved or irrelevant, + 3 months, I just. Wow. My schedule was packed".

Like, yes, busy, yes, little time. Yes might need more than a day/week/month. But beyond a month? We really had not a second beyond a month? But somehow it's also offensive to think, ah, okay, after a frankly implausible amount of time for a dental assistant in Indiana with a long-term, long-distance boyfriend, one cat, and no kids to be to too busy to so much as glance at their phones, perhaps they do not wish to speak to me.

Just tell me what the fuck you want. Do you want me to get lost? Do you want to talk. Are your Facebook missives about friendship true or theater. Like, I would comply. Just tell me what the FUCK YOU WANT !!

I feel like I messed up so badly because I'm an idiot and now I'm melting down.

The thing is, I know deep down the it doesn't really matter what I'm melting down over, it's not actually a big issue but it I cant help it

I let people down and I hate that and I don't want to use my autism as an excuse

The bigger issue is that I'm having another meltdown its causing me stress and more problems than the thing I'm crashing out over... but even knowing that I cant help it I ended up crying. im trying my best but it's not good enough

Any advice on how to avoid melting down and any support would be nice

Hi!

So i have never been diagnosed with autism, and I’m not sure if i have it or not, but i have significant sensory issues which have gotten significantly worse with age. I’m 23, and can no longer stand the feeling of so many things!

I recently bought some nice new soft towels and i cannot stand the texture against my hands or body. My hands are the most sensitive, it’s at the point where i can’t rub soap/sunscreen/cream onto my or anyone else’s body. I struggle to even wash my hair because i hate the feeling in my hands.

Does anyone have suggestions or tips? anyway to reduce this? it’s making my life so difficult 😭

I can’t handle doona covers anymore so i’ve gone to a comforter, i hate the fitted sheets crumpling up under me at night. Everything is like 10x harder than it was when i was a kid. God even putting clothes on now is difficult, as i struggle to pull pants up and rub my hand along the edge to straighten them at my waist.

I’ve tried different towel textures and different items to wash my body with like gloves and loofas but i hate them all. I’ve got a scalp scrubber for shampoo but my hair is so thick and rough that it doesn’t work well i need to use my fingers to get to my roots.

I cant even deal with so many sounds, i can’t vacuum as i can’t handle the sound of it scraping the floor. certain noises are super sensitive to me, when things are loud i almost go into shut down and start overthinking as the noise stresses me out.

Im truely exhausted. Everyday is so hard.

Please some life helping tips, im getting scared as its getting worse and worse. My hands are barely functional at this point 💓🙏🙏

I had car issues a month or so ago and on Monday my interior passenger side door handle stopped working. The car still locks thankfully but you need to open the door from the outside. So another thing that needs to fixed.

One of my teeth broke in half and I have a huge fear of the dentist. But that's also another thing that's going to cost more money 😭

I have a budget and I work hard to stick to it, but it seems that the moment things have settled and I try to actually save some money - BAM! Car trouble or something else gets broken or the kids desperately need something for school. It seems to be nearly every week something happens.

I try so so hard and I just get stuck and my anxiety goes through the roof and I feel like just hiding away from the world. 😕

How do you cope and get through the tough and stressful times?

therapy is an unusual social situation because you are supposed to talk about personal stuff with someone you don't know. and there is not really a script either, so it is hard to know what to share and what not to share. i'm usually kind of quiet in therapy and don't initiative conversation at all, i mostly let the therapist talk and i answer his questions. but the thing is that sometimes when he asks something and i don't know what to answer, i just say something even though i don't really mean it!! or other times just blatantly agree even though i don't really know if i actually agree or not. this happens in personal life (with friends and colleagues) as well but that doesn't feel like as big of a deal cus it is what it is, and in that case the purpose of conversation is just to be amusing and have a good time. but i don't want to lie in therapy because i know that won't help me. but it happens without me even thinking about it. idk what to do

I’m almost 32 I never married. I still live at home. I can’t move out cause I can’t handle full time work cause of other disabilities.

Im gonna be stuck at home forever. F my freaking life.

I’m living my worst nightmare. I’m also bipolar and schizophrenic. So I don’t expect a bright future.

I lost my faith in God and people. Nothing matters.

I work part time in a good role in healthcare caring for people. But I’m falling apart on the inside.

Hi everyone, I’m 30ish (f) and have found myself in a repeating cycle of burn out over the years. I’ve worked for several companies as a scientist/ data scientist and find that I always start a role with a lot of enthusiasm, overdeliver, build a positive reputation as a highly capable person among my colleagues and then when I’m given more responsibilities I start doubt myself, or push too hard or my challenges start to make an appearance (e.g cognitive short cuts and incoherent speech) as the mask starts to slip and certain strategies (e.g overpreparing, writing scripts) start to fail me. While the ADHD side of me is always chasing novelty and is keen to involved in a bunch of things to keep the motivation up - the autistic side really hates the lack of certainty: unpredictable last minute requests and increasing demands on my nervous system (e.g can you do this last minute presentation?).

I have no idea if that makes any sense but now I’m back to square 1 - feeling burnt out and barely functioning and am asking myself - is this it??? Is this how it’s always going to be??

Part of me is thinking about completely quitting the profession and starting afresh.

Is there anyone else out there feeling this this? Also any advice on breaking the cycle?

I could barely watch myself. Parents don’t get a guidebook and sure, I practice forgiveness for my sanity. But as an adult, how much of an idiot are you to not address this with your child and seek help of professionals/teachers? And to only make it worse, by ignoring teachers concerns, saying “she’s just shy”. And saying we didn’t know what autism was back then. Okay, but you could easily tell your child was not adjusting like other children. Just because you didn’t have a word for it, you chose to ignore it.

I am late diagnosed (last year at 28) and something I’m really struggling with is intimacy with my husband. I’ve almost developed a total aversion to it. It just feels like another thing I have to get done. I have 3 kids, a 9&8 year old who I homeschool (9yo is also autistic and ADHD) plus a 2 year old who spends most of the night co sleeping, so I quite literally never get a second alone. I spend an hour rocking my 2 year old to sleep, while he strokes my face (he needs sensory input to sleep) and then I’m expected to go out to my husband an want to be touched sexually. It genuinely makes me skin crawl. We used to have a very healthy sex life, until I got pregnant with my 2yo. When my son was 19 months I had to take on the 8 year old unexpectedly, literally overnight( step daughter) full time. So I gained 2 whole kids in the space of 19 months, one of which was completely unplanned for. My husband was very patient to begin with, but now he is asking about it every single day, we can not spend any time together without it being mentioned. I do it a couple of times a month but I hate it, I spend all day dreading it when I know it’s going to happen. I love my husband, why do I hate him touching me? I feel so guilty

I've just recently been diagnosed with asd with adhd and ocd and I'm thinking about getting headphones for Christmas that have the best sound and noise cancelling, I already have AirPods Pro 3 which are my favourite because of the noise cancelling but I want a good pair of over ear headphones. I've heard Sony, Beats, Apple AirPods Max are great but which does everyone recommend and the pros and cons please, tia

It doesn't happen often, but more than you'd think.

Once an American guessed me as a "black European man" which was really funny because it was unprovoked and I have no idea why they said this to me. Only ⅓ was true.

Again, this has happened a few times, none as funny as the last. But I think it's weird to do in general

I think it's because when I'm not being actively happy, I sometimes become very muted/flat tone, this and using terms like mate makes people think I'm a man. It's strange

But yeah, does this happen to you lot as often? Have any one of not been accused of pretending?

I have friends id put clearly in the Leslie knope autistic category. I myself laugh hysterically at every April ludgate finest moment because I am her, she is me. Which are you?

I'm seeking a diagnosis of SOME KIND just to feel like I'm not an alien and I don't think it's "just anxiety" or "just depression" or "just trauma." I feel confident that I at least have ADHD. One of my previous psychiatrists suggested that I get tested for autism, and I finally went in for my assessment today. (Or yesterday I guess, it's midnight lol)

The first part of the assessment was basically asking the general DSM 5 questions and asking about my childhood. The neuropsychologist told me that it wasn't looking like I had either ADHD or autism. And I won't lie, I started crying because I felt pretty confident that I'd come out with some type of... something. I feel strongly that I have ADHD and we went over both.

I then spent the next two hours doing an IQ test and answering questions on a tablet, I was absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausted by that time. I was told that I had a lower IQ score of 81. He then corrected it to 88?? Which is below average. So I left feeling like I wasn't just wrong, but I was stupid, too.

I'll be getting a letter in the mail for my official diagnosis. I don't know if I believe this guy? I mean, I'm a woman, so maybe there's some bias/sexism and I don't APPEAR to show conventional symptoms outwardly? I don't know.

There were a lot of autism-related books on the table in the waiting room. I was briefly scanning over one them that was talking about factors that could cause autism (genetics, environmental concerns, etc, etc.) and one of the things in mentioned was vaccines. I just remember one of the sentences said (HEAVILY paraphrasing here):

vaccines have long been correlated with autism. Some groups have pushed back against the the narrative of vaccines being harmful without providing another reason as to why the rates of autism have increased so much since the 1980s. Compared to (x number) of vaccines that children received in (year), children now receive up to (xx number)

I'm starting to have some big questions regarding this. Is this guy a quack? I don't expect a serious answer from strangers but, what vibe would you get from what I've written about all of this? I think I want to get a second opinion from a female assessor person (for lack of better term)

I found a really good one. He addresses my every concern or need for my meds, it’s so comforting being cared for by him. It helps when you feel people truly get you, and you don’t have to explain so much yourself.

I wish I could see him all the time but it’s only once a month.
Still, I’m so grateful he’s in my life.

We used to work together when I was in high school, he’s been a casual friend of mine for like 10 years. We used to hang out sometimes, a few years ago, we were both going through hard things and I feel like we had a good casual friendship, he was really supportive. We’ve both had multiple partners throughout the 10 years I’ve known him like we’ve always just been platonic friends. He doesn’t live in the same area as me and we both have partners now so we don’t hang out anymore but I still thought of him as a friend.

I’ve had a snap streak with him for almost 3 years, we don’t really talk but would send eachother snaps like once a day. I’ve had him as a friend on facebook for many years. Randomly, the other day he stopped sending me snapchats and then completely stopped opening my snapchats all together. Our steak died which like is fine, we’re basically 30, but it was just a really random change in behavior.

I went to see if he was still my friend on Facebook and I found out that he blocked me. His profile is still up but I can’t see it. It doesn’t seem like he blocked me on Snapchat, but he hasn’t opened anything I sent for like 3 or 4 days. I don’t know why he blocked me on Facebook.

I have been very sad. I’ve known him as a casual friend for over 10 years and have always wished the best for him. I feel sad that I’ll never see any updates from him or hear from him again. I thought he was a nice and cool guy. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to message him on Snapchat and ask what happened or if he’ll just block me. I feel like he is sending clear signals he doesn’t want to talk to me so maybe I should just leave him alone.

Just feeling sad and also very confused

What’s been your experience? Can’t tell if I’m just burnt out because I’m autistic and, well, life OR if my brain is simply not cut out for HR. I love listening to employees, making sure they have what they need to succeed, streamlining processes, etc., but the people-y aspect (dealing w/ the bullies of the workplace, politics, etc.) is really hard on my head and heart.

Anyone else in a similar boat?

Hi everyone, I’m new here.

Over the last few years, I feel like I genuinely can’t interact with other women, adults, or strangers. A lot of people describe me as “stand-offish” or off putting, even though I’m not trying to be like that at all.

I monitor my face expressions, how I’m sitting, I noticed I accidentally copy people’s movements immediately after they do it. If they flip their hair, I’ll flip mine. If they slouch down, I slouch down. I don’t even pick up on it until they notice I’m doing it before I do. I also never know what to say, unless I know a lot about something. For example, color seasons and color analysis. I tell everyone I meet about it if the topic comes up, because I’m obsessed. But if they tell me about where they work, I don’t know what to say to that.

I also heavily SUCK at eye contact. Not because I’m anxious, but because I know they’re perceiving me, and now I’m monitoring myself. It also feels profoundly awkward to hold eye contact of any kind, even with my own family. It’s like…I want to be that warm magnetic person. But I feel like I’m just the kind of person that seems unfriendly until someone hangs out with me more than 5 times. Which unfortunately for most of the people that see or meet me, hang outs don’t reoccur often.

When I get annoyed about things, I’m annoyed the whole day and don’t even know how to explain it. I just am. I’m not choosing to be, I just can’t shake the irritation.

My partner has ADHD and knows a little bit about autism and neurodivergence from his own journey, but we’ve kind of repeatedly run into some communication issues/misunderstandings specifically around my masking, burnout, tone, affect, mood and energy.
I’m looking for some easy to digest but very accurate or well represented social media accounts that can better explain why even if it seems like I’m in a terrible mood, or angry, etc etc I truly truly am not. Or how being a high energy, highly expressive person is just not natural for me. Or what burnout looks like.

Does anyone have any accounts they recommend?
Thank you in advanced!

About 6 months ago, I started having romantic feelings for my friend of 4 years (naturally, it took me 3 months to realize it). Recently, I found out that he has a girlfriend, who he just started dating 3 weeks ago. I don’t want to interfere with their relationship, and I’m happy for him, and would be perfectly fine remaining friends with him. (My friend and I are both autistic and in college, if that helps provide context).

The problem is, he randomly spawns out of nowhere and is super kind to me for no reason (like he always is), which makes me feel really guilty. I feel guilty every time I talk to him even though I’m not interfering with his relationship and I’m not flirting with him at all (I have never flirted with anyone in my life, nor would I know how to).

I think part of the problem is that I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him I like him so that he can have that context since he has a girlfriend now (I have a weirdly intense sense of justice regarding honesty to the extreme).

I don’t know how to handle my romantic feelings because I’ve only liked one other person before, 4 years ago. I’d like to crush them into oblivion (my feelings, not my friend) and get over him, but the constant proximity is not helping. Typical advice for when you like a friend who doesn’t like you back is to give yourself space from them, but I see him 3 times a week due to us being in the same club, we have mutual friends, and also I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him because that would be sad and I don’t want to make him sad.

To further complicate things, he’s graduating in December, so I don’t have time to get some space from him, stop liking him, and then go back to being friends, because he will be gone by then. I don’t way to end the friendship by disappearing towards the end of our time at the same school. I would be happy to just be friends, because we have a lot in common and have known each other for 4 years (and I rather like the relative ease of autistic friendships).

Unfortunately, I can’t gauge how good of friends I am with him (or anyone, because autism), so I don’t understand if it would be rude to occasionally reach out to him after he graduates. I don’t know if that would be bad and overstepping because we’re not that good of friends, or if it would be ok otherwise but not now that he has girlfriend, or if it actually would be ok and reasonable as long as it’s platonic (which it would be). We also don’t normally text because we see each other so often that it isn’t necessary and can communicate/send memes through the club group chat.

How should I go about interacting with him now that he has a girlfriend?

Would it be ok to occasionally keep in touch over text post graduation, it is that overstepping?

Do you have any advice (especially autism specific advice) for getting over romantic feelings for a friend?

I started this job last year and I like it a lot more than my previous ones. The part making me go insane though is one coworkers. She has criticized my work to high heaven and told me “advice” in passing when we were alone. Like how I was supposed to donate to wear jeans (I didn’t) or how I can’t wear certain clothing (I could) and tried to make me think my lunch time was a huuuge inconvenience (it wasn’t).

When May came around and I stared at another attempt of hers to criticize my work. Sitting there on my boss’s desk. No one else. Just me! Now you might think that the others didn’t make a mistake. I thought it too until I REMEMBER HEARING HER SAY “oh [blank] you didn’t add an email (one of MY mistakes) here, don’t worry about it. I changed it but keep an eye out!”

Like what!?! I was pissed. Again. She’s trying something, again. I have to ignore this issue, again! I just stared and wondered if I should say something or keep my mouth shut. My boss wasn’t there so I couldn’t ask her. As I look up I see my coworker looking at me. I smile and leave because I was furious. I didn’t want to say anything I’ll regret and still, maybe I got it wrong.

My mistake. I get to work at the same time she does and no one else is in the office. As I’m getting ready to work, she comes over to my desk and asks innocently, “Hey, what were you looking at on [boss’s] desk?”

Not wanting to start anything I say, “Nothing much just some stuff.”

“What stuff?”

”I’m not discussing this with you.” You’d think I said I stole her paycheck and kicked her dog.

“Oh you think you can do whatever you want?”

“Did you look through [Big Boss]’s desk too?”

And just stuff like that. I just told her to talk to our bosses if she had concerns. Once they get to work,I immediately talk to them. They assured me I was doing fine and to ignore her. Day ends, but not much changes. She still makes pointless comments and I ignore them.

Until during a meeting my boss was having with some newer employees she says in an annoyed tone “[my name] can you turn your phone on??”

And yes I had my phone on unavailable because I had helped someone at the counter and forgot to turn it back right away. It wasn’t only me, though. My other coworker (her friend) wasn’t taking any calls. And in the moment I said “oh shit, I’m sorry I forgot to turn it after helping at the counter.” Nothing serious.

Now tell me WHY she goes to her friend and asks in an almost sweet tone, “I didn’t say your name, did I?” “Like on accident?”

WTF?!?!? WTF?!??!?? The tone switch was real as fuck and even my autistic ass could tell the freaking difference! For me it’s an exasperated call out, but for friend it’s a nice polite question.

I say Nope, it was clearly me. And it was hurtful how you said it. Now the story is she didn’t mean it like that, she was frustrated and i should go tell [supervisor] like I always do (?) and how it’s a stressful time and it was never like this before [I got here].

I finished the workday trying not to cry and hiding my red eyes. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how to fix it. What can I say to keep my job?

I'm sincerely considering going for eval soon, because I cannot keep living like this.

I feel like if I don't give my mind a framework to exist in, I'll eventually lose it. That framework could be a really challenging book, or a project (once I commit to one, but I also have a graveyard of abandoned projects).

I even started a group for fellow spooky ladies in my area over a year ago, and I applied all the social lessons I've learned ​from the previous times I tried. I even felt like I fully belonged when I was the social glue that helped the group coherent. But now since the group coheres and ia doing well, I am near-constantly up against a wall wondering if I belong. The spectrum of "spooky" in this context is from a love of weird silent film to the goth subculture to horror movies. But then there's me, feeling like Mole from ​Atlantis: The Lost Empire (and I mean this in a positive way in this context for the love of learning but also very lonely) in how I constantly dig up new things I want to learn about, and these are things like horror theory and the history of Halloween.

I've even described my mind as a laser beam that is always going while I'm awake. When I have something to point that mental laser beam at, it feels good. When I don't, I feel truly like my mind is an engine that will keep running until it runs out of gas and oil and implode.

Is this a common feeling for anyone else here?