r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.
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It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.
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--- Note ---
This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.
If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.
r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.
Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.
To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.
Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.
Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.
That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.
r/AutismInWomen • u/binguslovrr • 11h ago
it’s genuinely just so annoying 😭
like, don’t get me wrong, i LOVE food. i love little treats and snacks. but HAVING to eat??? having to plan out multiple meals EVERY SINGLE DAY and having to make sure they contain all the right nutrients? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??!!!!!???!!
i wish i could photosynthesise and just eat whatever whenever i felt like it
r/AutismInWomen • u/LeekOk8810 • 8h ago
r/AutismInWomen • u/No_University_3580 • 3h ago
I could barely watch myself. Parents don’t get a guidebook and sure, I practice forgiveness for my sanity. But as an adult, how much of an idiot are you to not address this with your child and seek help of professionals/teachers? And to only make it worse, by ignoring teachers concerns, saying “she’s just shy”. And saying we didn’t know what autism was back then. Okay, but you could easily tell your child was not adjusting like other children. Just because you didn’t have a word for it, you chose to ignore it.
r/AutismInWomen • u/No_University_3580 • 9h ago
I asked if anyone has been depressed since childhood. And while I remember the feeling, I can’t remember anything specifically about childhood.
A couple years ago, I admit I went to a professional clinic for ketamine therapy. I did 9 sessions. I remember coming out of the sessions with tears on my face, telling the nurse I’m crying because I remembered being a child.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Apart_Plum_2609 • 5h ago
I have friends id put clearly in the Leslie knope autistic category. I myself laugh hysterically at every April ludgate finest moment because I am her, she is me. Which are you?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Sylph_Co • 18h ago
I am moving to my husband's home country across the ocean, and unfortunately my massive collection can't come with me.
We are preparing for the great plushie sort of 2026. We will be sorting them into ones to store at my parents house to hopefully bring on future visits, donations, and unfortunately ones that will be thrown away. Wish me luck!
r/AutismInWomen • u/Dismal-Hotel-8457 • 17h ago
Does anyone experience hyper awareness to the max? For me I feel like I literally can’t function without being hyper aware of every single thing I’m saying and every movement I make, especially in social interactions. It’s confusing because I look around and it seems that everything comes so naturally to others and it never seems to come to me.
I overthink every word the second it leaves my mouth, I’m constantly aware of my face and the faces I’m making, my eyes are darting around ALL THE TIME to observe other people. I feel like a machine, yet at the same time I feel as though I’m the only person who’s actually conscious.
r/AutismInWomen • u/dopestwitch • 11h ago
I received my diagnosis as a 30 year old and the assessor went on a long speech about how I CAN work, I CAN overcome my inability to drive, and how it's horrible for my mental health to not be working. I mentioned that yeah I'd like to work up to being able to try doing a stocking job of some sort. And he said yeah but thats not long term and ''no one'' works a stocking job for more than 10 years and I need to work on figuring out a career. This all happened right after he diagnosed me with Autism level 1. He also said I *might* have ADHD but everyone is a little ADHD these days. That felt so inappropriate and unprofessional. It's also so untrue.
My whole life I've heard that same speech from other people. I used to be criticized by my older siblings, my aunt, other family members regarding how much I struggled in school, how I still hadn't learned how to drive, how I was struggling to work, etc. On top of the undiagnosed autism I also had a lot of trauma from living in a very unstable home for a little bit in middle school among other things. No one ever offered to help - no one ever asked why are you struggling - they would just call me lazy and tell me horrible things about myself. And then I was thinking about now as an adult how so many brief encounters with people have resulted in them telling me I need to figure my shit out now and if I don't I'm a horrible person and what's wrong with you why dont you have a career job yet etc. I feel defeated. Like man I've been trying and fighting my whole life to figure out why I struggle so much, why traditional methods of self improvement and self help just dont cut it for me, why I'm so self aware and try SO hard to do the hard things that everyone else can do but I just can't. And I just want to be normal. and do the normal things and take care of myself but I don't know what I'm doing. and I thought the autism diagnosis would help but instead, again, I'm shamed for what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm never going to figure it out and I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever. I can't drive, I didn't even graduate high school because it just got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and even doing school work was impossible to start and finish. Ive had the worst sleep routine my whole life - never sleep. I have horrible PMDD that ruins me for weeks. I can't even work and struggle with the process of looking, interviewing, etc. I'm struggling to put into words how I'm feeling so I'm sorry if this isn't the most articulated of posts.
r/AutismInWomen • u/ranch_daddy • 11h ago
Theres a lot of posts on here about how stressful and mentally disturbing becoming a parent is, but I've seen few about the good experiences of motherhood. It's starting to make me think having a child would ruin my life. Do any mothers on here have positive things to share?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Rueboticon9000 • 8h ago
I'm sincerely considering going for eval soon, because I cannot keep living like this.
I feel like if I don't give my mind a framework to exist in, I'll eventually lose it. That framework could be a really challenging book, or a project (once I commit to one, but I also have a graveyard of abandoned projects).
I even started a group for fellow spooky ladies in my area over a year ago, and I applied all the social lessons I've learned from the previous times I tried. I even felt like I fully belonged when I was the social glue that helped the group coherent. But now since the group coheres and ia doing well, I am near-constantly up against a wall wondering if I belong. The spectrum of "spooky" in this context is from a love of weird silent film to the goth subculture to horror movies. But then there's me, feeling like Mole from Atlantis: The Lost Empire (and I mean this in a positive way in this context for the love of learning but also very lonely) in how I constantly dig up new things I want to learn about, and these are things like horror theory and the history of Halloween.
I've even described my mind as a laser beam that is always going while I'm awake. When I have something to point that mental laser beam at, it feels good. When I don't, I feel truly like my mind is an engine that will keep running until it runs out of gas and oil and implode.
Is this a common feeling for anyone else here?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Br0KeNPixY • 13h ago
Last night my husband and I were cuddling and he was being his normal loving self talking about all the things he finds sexy and attractive about me. He then asked me what I find most attractive about him and I paused in panic. What answer was he looking for? A specific physical attribute? What physical attributes of his do I find sexy? Then I realized I paused too long and said his personality. He then clarified and said he meant physically. Further panic ensues and I blurt out, "Nothing really."
Now let me say that "nothing really" is wholeheartedly inaccurate. The reason I panicked is because for me, it's deeper than physical and I didn't have enough time to process all my thoughts. I don't just find his eyes attractive, I love how expressive they are. I don't just find his strong arms attractive, I love the way they make me feel safe and loved. I don't just find his lips attractive because they make me wanna kiss him, I also love how I can tell just what his smile means from a subtle difference in how his lips curl.
We are both AuDHD but obviously human so of course my response was not taken well. He's understandably very upset. I did explain to him what I said above but I don't know if it helped or even if he believes me.
I feel sick and can't stop crying because I love this man more than life itself. I wouldn't still be with him after 15 years if I didn't find him attractive.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Lanaglu • 1h ago
I feel like I messed up so badly because I'm an idiot and now I'm melting down.
The thing is, I know deep down the it doesn't really matter what I'm melting down over, it's not actually a big issue but it I cant help it
I let people down and I hate that and I don't want to use my autism as an excuse
The bigger issue is that I'm having another meltdown its causing me stress and more problems than the thing I'm crashing out over... but even knowing that I cant help it I ended up crying. im trying my best but it's not good enough
Any advice on how to avoid melting down and any support would be nice
r/AutismInWomen • u/Emergency-Bobcat-572 • 11h ago
This is something I've struggled with forever. I love being around people and in community. Whenever I can help it, I'm always outdoors. Even if I'm alone, I like going to parks and reading because I enjoy the (distant) company of other people.
The older I get, the more I am starting to hate people though. I'm coming to terms with the fact woth I'll be judged for my autism forever. There's nothing I can do to change it. People will always hate me off rip for something I can't control. The twatment of autistic and disabled people in general disgusts me. I look at that and I think of how much I hate people. We're inherently tribalistic and discriminatory as a species and that will never change. It's like a permanent stain is on me.
I feel so depressed about it. I have to learn how to mask and interact with people and its making me exhausted. Other people don't put half that effort in and they can just coast by. They just breeze through life. My livelihood is directly tied to how much I can interact with people socially. It's not even that I don't want to. Beneath all the social anxiety and misunderstanding social cues, I know I'm extroverted. If I weren't autistic, my life would be so different. But I just can't seem to learn how people work no matter how much I try. Everyone is nice but distant to me. I haven't had a close consistent friend in years (if ever)
It feels like being in an abusive relationship. I crave social contact but I'm humiliated, ignored, or mistreated often in social situations. There's nothing I can do to change this. It's just how I am and how people are. If I were neurotypical, I'm not sure I'd be so different either. And I won't lie and say that I've never behaved inappropriately or that I'm not annoying. I can understand why I get treated the way I do and I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to stop it.
Does it ever get better?
r/AutismInWomen • u/ruby_red_1 • 2h ago
I’m almost 32 I never married. I still live at home. I can’t move out cause I can’t handle full time work cause of other disabilities.
Im gonna be stuck at home forever. F my freaking life.
I’m living my worst nightmare. I’m also bipolar and schizophrenic. So I don’t expect a bright future.
I lost my faith in God and people. Nothing matters.
I work part time in a good role in healthcare caring for people. But I’m falling apart on the inside.
r/AutismInWomen • u/sourgrrrrl • 12h ago
It's not about religion for me, I just hate how much thought goes into something so silly. Most open offices I've been in have at least one resident loud sneezer who does it so often people don't even acknowledge. At my current office though, everyone sneezes so much for some reason and my lack of saying it seems to be noticed.
I got out of the habit like 15 years ago. One of my college professors would get so annoyed when his lectures were interrupted extensively by a chorus of blessings after one person sneezed, and ever since then I haven't been able to unsee it as something humans do based purely on peer pressure/arbitrary norms that if you don't follow, you're seen as rude. I told my family and they got on board, so it's really normal for us to sneeze and just carry on. However, that social pressure hasn't gone away for me. Even when I try to resolve that I will say it simply to show some care for social rules and not offend people, I get so wrapped up in the details that I go back to none at all.
One person always does at least 3 sneezes and doesn't love the over acknowledgement from others, but seems to think I'm weird too for just ignoring. Another does yell-sneezes that startle me so much every time there would be a weird delay in me saying it. The others are normal but it's every single day. Sometimes they don't say anything and I don't know if it's because they like my approach or if they are afraid they will offend me by saying it? Because other times they seem to say it pointedly, as if in protest of my silence.
Finally, if I say anything to a sneeze I am more in the habit of gesundheit thanks to a childhood friend's family and also my ex I studied German with, but saying that instead also seems to get some odd responses and people maybe assuming I'm protesting the religious aspect, which isn't the case. So I largely just stopped! I still do if it's like my grandma or someone I feel the need to be extra polite with, but my coworkers are a bunch of younger guys who have questionable conversations in my vicinity all the time.
r/AutismInWomen • u/RaspberryPrudent7765 • 36m ago
Before burnout, I struggled with work-related demands, especially calls, messages, meetings, and the constant expectation of being available. But I could usually suck it up and push through.
Since burnout, I can't anymore. I work from home part-time, yet even knowing I have a call scheduled or receiving a message from a colleague makes me feel irritated and overwhelmed. I just don't want to interact with anyone.
The thought of losing my job actually brings me a sense of relief. Not necessarily because I never want to work again, but because I desperately want the pressure and expectations to disappear.
Sometimes I think about how difficult it is to live with an invisible disability. People can't see what you're struggling with, and you may look perfectly fine on the outside while everyday demands feel unbearable...
I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way, and I can get caught in a never-ending spiral of these thoughts...
r/AutismInWomen • u/CheleMaBelle530 • 19h ago
I'm looking for an something to put on my water bottle that cant be as easily lost or draw as much attention as my trusty Little Ouchie (LO) grippie.
For context, I pain stim when I'm overstimulated or anxious. I'm heading on a weeklong beach trip next week with extended family, many of whom I still have to mask around. There will also be small children -- said only because they will 100% want anything I'm fidgeting with if it looks like a toy. And as a AuDHD girlie, I just know it's a matter of time before I put my LO grippie down and lose it forever.
I've considered attaching the LO to my water bottle handle, but my preferred bottle is a Owala, so I use the handle to lock it.
Was thinking something like the stickers in the pic but with harder points than I imagine silicone can produce.
Alternative suggestions welcome! Just trying to avoid picking blisters on my fingers that could potentially get infected by ocean / pool water.
TIA!
r/AutismInWomen • u/Randomando_212 • 8h ago
About 6 months ago, I started having romantic feelings for my friend of 4 years (naturally, it took me 3 months to realize it). Recently, I found out that he has a girlfriend, who he just started dating 3 weeks ago. I don’t want to interfere with their relationship, and I’m happy for him, and would be perfectly fine remaining friends with him. (My friend and I are both autistic and in college, if that helps provide context).
The problem is, he randomly spawns out of nowhere and is super kind to me for no reason (like he always is), which makes me feel really guilty. I feel guilty every time I talk to him even though I’m not interfering with his relationship and I’m not flirting with him at all (I have never flirted with anyone in my life, nor would I know how to).
I think part of the problem is that I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him I like him so that he can have that context since he has a girlfriend now (I have a weirdly intense sense of justice regarding honesty to the extreme).
I don’t know how to handle my romantic feelings because I’ve only liked one other person before, 4 years ago. I’d like to crush them into oblivion (my feelings, not my friend) and get over him, but the constant proximity is not helping. Typical advice for when you like a friend who doesn’t like you back is to give yourself space from them, but I see him 3 times a week due to us being in the same club, we have mutual friends, and also I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him because that would be sad and I don’t want to make him sad.
To further complicate things, he’s graduating in December, so I don’t have time to get some space from him, stop liking him, and then go back to being friends, because he will be gone by then. I don’t way to end the friendship by disappearing towards the end of our time at the same school. I would be happy to just be friends, because we have a lot in common and have known each other for 4 years (and I rather like the relative ease of autistic friendships).
Unfortunately, I can’t gauge how good of friends I am with him (or anyone, because autism), so I don’t understand if it would be rude to occasionally reach out to him after he graduates. I don’t know if that would be bad and overstepping because we’re not that good of friends, or if it would be ok otherwise but not now that he has girlfriend, or if it actually would be ok and reasonable as long as it’s platonic (which it would be). We also don’t normally text because we see each other so often that it isn’t necessary and can communicate/send memes through the club group chat.
How should I go about interacting with him now that he has a girlfriend?
Would it be ok to occasionally keep in touch over text post graduation, it is that overstepping?
Do you have any advice (especially autism specific advice) for getting over romantic feelings for a friend?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Zestyclose-Service21 • 11h ago
Hi there! Over the past couple of years I've started to contemplate three possibility of me being on the spectrum.
I think that a lot of the potential traits may have been subdued because I was drinking and now in social situations, without alcohol, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I have no idea how to socialize normally. My brain is constantly on overdrive.
I have had anxiety since I was a kid, but the older I get, the more I'm wondering if that was just a symptom of being on the spectrum.
How many of you felt your symptoms magnify after getting sober?
r/AutismInWomen • u/coldharbor11 • 6h ago
We used to work together when I was in high school, he’s been a casual friend of mine for like 10 years. We used to hang out sometimes, a few years ago, we were both going through hard things and I feel like we had a good casual friendship, he was really supportive. We’ve both had multiple partners throughout the 10 years I’ve known him like we’ve always just been platonic friends. He doesn’t live in the same area as me and we both have partners now so we don’t hang out anymore but I still thought of him as a friend.
I’ve had a snap streak with him for almost 3 years, we don’t really talk but would send eachother snaps like once a day. I’ve had him as a friend on facebook for many years. Randomly, the other day he stopped sending me snapchats and then completely stopped opening my snapchats all together. Our steak died which like is fine, we’re basically 30, but it was just a really random change in behavior.
I went to see if he was still my friend on Facebook and I found out that he blocked me. His profile is still up but I can’t see it. It doesn’t seem like he blocked me on Snapchat, but he hasn’t opened anything I sent for like 3 or 4 days. I don’t know why he blocked me on Facebook.
I have been very sad. I’ve known him as a casual friend for over 10 years and have always wished the best for him. I feel sad that I’ll never see any updates from him or hear from him again. I thought he was a nice and cool guy. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to message him on Snapchat and ask what happened or if he’ll just block me. I feel like he is sending clear signals he doesn’t want to talk to me so maybe I should just leave him alone.
Just feeling sad and also very confused
r/AutismInWomen • u/neurotic-cookie • 6h ago
I'm seeking a diagnosis of SOME KIND just to feel like I'm not an alien and I don't think it's "just anxiety" or "just depression" or "just trauma." I feel confident that I at least have ADHD. One of my previous psychiatrists suggested that I get tested for autism, and I finally went in for my assessment today. (Or yesterday I guess, it's midnight lol)
The first part of the assessment was basically asking the general DSM 5 questions and asking about my childhood. The neuropsychologist told me that it wasn't looking like I had either ADHD or autism. And I won't lie, I started crying because I felt pretty confident that I'd come out with some type of... something. I feel strongly that I have ADHD and we went over both.
I then spent the next two hours doing an IQ test and answering questions on a tablet, I was absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausted by that time. I was told that I had a lower IQ score of 81. He then corrected it to 88?? Which is below average. So I left feeling like I wasn't just wrong, but I was stupid, too.
I'll be getting a letter in the mail for my official diagnosis. I don't know if I believe this guy? I mean, I'm a woman, so maybe there's some bias/sexism and I don't APPEAR to show conventional symptoms outwardly? I don't know.
There were a lot of autism-related books on the table in the waiting room. I was briefly scanning over one them that was talking about factors that could cause autism (genetics, environmental concerns, etc, etc.) and one of the things in mentioned was vaccines. I just remember one of the sentences said (HEAVILY paraphrasing here):
vaccines have long been correlated with autism. Some groups have pushed back against the the narrative of vaccines being harmful without providing another reason as to why the rates of autism have increased so much since the 1980s. Compared to (x number) of vaccines that children received in (year), children now receive up to (xx number)
I'm starting to have some big questions regarding this. Is this guy a quack? I don't expect a serious answer from strangers but, what vibe would you get from what I've written about all of this? I think I want to get a second opinion from a female assessor person (for lack of better term)
r/AutismInWomen • u/StrangeLonelySpiral • 4h ago
It doesn't happen often, but more than you'd think.
Once an American guessed me as a "black European man" which was really funny because it was unprovoked and I have no idea why they said this to me. Only ⅓ was true.
Again, this has happened a few times, none as funny as the last. But I think it's weird to do in general
I think it's because when I'm not being actively happy, I sometimes become very muted/flat tone, this and using terms like mate makes people think I'm a man. It's strange
But yeah, does this happen to you lot as often? Have any one of not been accused of pretending?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Drynapples • 12m ago
I've never been able to stay consistent at the gym due to my fear of being perceived. I told myself i'd go if they had a women's section and now they do, and I still don't go.
I'm going abroad in April and want to feel comfortable in the clothes I wear. I can't tell you the amount of memberships i've bought just to not turn up. I even bought a walking pad but don't use it, and it annoys me like crazy. Does anyone have any advice?
