tired of being criticized instead of offered help/support

[u/dopestwitch]

I received my diagnosis as a 30 year old and the assessor went on a long speech about how I CAN work, I CAN overcome my inability to drive, and how it's horrible for my mental health to not be working. I mentioned that yeah I'd like to work up to being able to try doing a stocking job of some sort. And he said yeah but thats not long term and ''no one'' works a stocking job for more than 10 years and I need to work on figuring out a career. This all happened right after he diagnosed me with Autism level 1. He also said I *might* have ADHD but everyone is a little ADHD these days. That felt so inappropriate and unprofessional. It's also so untrue.

My whole life I've heard that same speech from other people. I used to be criticized by my older siblings, my aunt, other family members regarding how much I struggled in school, how I still hadn't learned how to drive, how I was struggling to work, etc. On top of the undiagnosed autism I also had a lot of trauma from living in a very unstable home for a little bit in middle school among other things. No one ever offered to help - no one ever asked why are you struggling - they would just call me lazy and tell me horrible things about myself. And then I was thinking about now as an adult how so many brief encounters with people have resulted in them telling me I need to figure my shit out now and if I don't I'm a horrible person and what's wrong with you why dont you have a career job yet etc. I feel defeated. Like man I've been trying and fighting my whole life to figure out why I struggle so much, why traditional methods of self improvement and self help just dont cut it for me, why I'm so self aware and try SO hard to do the hard things that everyone else can do but I just can't. And I just want to be normal. and do the normal things and take care of myself but I don't know what I'm doing. and I thought the autism diagnosis would help but instead, again, I'm shamed for what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm never going to figure it out and I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever. I can't drive, I didn't even graduate high school because it just got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and even doing school work was impossible to start and finish. Ive had the worst sleep routine my whole life - never sleep. I have horrible PMDD that ruins me for weeks. I can't even work and struggle with the process of looking, interviewing, etc. I'm struggling to put into words how I'm feeling so I'm sorry if this isn't the most articulated of posts.

[u/Helpmeeff]

Yikes that is 100% a problem with a very unprofessional assesor and not with you! You can work any job you want, or no job at all if you can figure out a financial alternative. Your worth is not determined by your labor. Do what feels good to you, regardless of what small-minded and ignorant people say about it

[u/MiniTinyBallerina]

I feel like I wrote this myself. I’m the same age as you and I also have PMDD. I can’t keep a job, and constantly have people lecture me about how much of a screw up I am and how I just need to “try harder” or “push through”

Feels like almost every encounter I have with other people is them lecturing me about what I should be doing. And how I’m a burden to my family, and that I just think I can’t do these things and I’m holding myself back like we’ve tried for well over a decade to be “normal” their “advice” isn’t working.

On the pmdd thing I know exactly what you mean mines starts during ovulation I get a few days of peace before slowly spiraling out of control. The older I get the worse it is the mood swings and other bizarre symptoms I turn into someone I don’t even recognize half the time

Interviews and masking and having to be on is getting harder and harder and I don’t have any advice but your post truly resonated with me and I wanted to offer comradely.
https://giphy.com/gifs/VIKa3CjZDCoymNcBY5

[u/The_AH_12]

Fucking hell, I get it and so much do I relate. It's just like. Jesus Christ. Every second of every hour of every day, I'm a round peg being clumsily jammed into a square hole. But also being ruthlessly criticized for it. Also, god. I'm just so tired. It sometimes feels like some type of facility would be a better fit, but I know it would bankrupt me, and also my family (.... and friends?) who would never fucking visit me anyway lol. I've reconciled it by like. Yeah. I'm not from this planet, not for this planet, and certainly not welcomed on this planet. So unfortunately onwards we fucking plod, huh.

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