Hi Everyone.

Like the title says I am on day 8. I feel like shit sorry to say. I just feel so flat but emotional and sad and not hopeful. I just need some words of wisdom. Does it really get better? I can’t stop thinking about it. When I was smoking I hated my life cuz of all the anxiety. Like I know it’s so bad for me. But why am I so in love with it :( I am terrified to go back to my old habit. This is my third time trying to quit and I can never last more than a month. Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. Thank you to this group it’s the only thing that helps me feel that people are along side my journey

I finally accepted that I'm in an abusive relationship with marijuana, and I am truly addicted. I smoke 8 - 10 times a day for YEARS, recently weaned down to about 4 times a day until I dropped cold turkey. It started as a medical treatment for my condition, but quickly became a recreational crutch where I just smoke the day away. I've been trying to quit but relapsed a few days ago. I haven't smoked since my relapse, but the urge is consuming me and the cycle is starting again.

My entire 20s is a blur, my memory is absolutely atrocious and my dopamine is completely shot. I have no motivation, I rely on uberEats orders and it takes a lot to get me to finish chores. I'm extremely bored easily, I dont engage in hobbies (dropping what I'm doing after 30 minutes). I feel like a burn out.

But that's where I am in a vicious cycle. "Well, I'm already a burn out. I'll always have memory problems, always feel bored, etc. So I might as well just smoke up since I've done this damage". And it sinks me into a depression.

Does the memory issues get better? I can barely learn for shit. I'm trying to learn coding and other upskills, but I can't retain things and have to reread multiple times. I forget the source of things and I feel really, really dumb. Even though I used to be very well-articulated and sharp.

I just need to know. Does it get better? Is quitting worth it? Or did I permanently damage my brain where I cant learn new skills anymore, learn new things and form lasting memories with my loved ones? and I'm doomed to live the rest of my days like this forever.

I'm so depressed and I want to quit so badly, but I feel so invested in this hole that I might as well stay. Sunken cost fallacy and all that.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: forgot to mention that I dropped after going from 9 times to 4 times to cold turkey

Recently hit 500 days sober (weed and alcohol).
Happy to have made it here.
AMA

I have CHS and have known it for a while. I stopped smoking regularly, but have still hit a coworkers dab pen maybe once a week occasionally. Yesterday, I don’t fucking know why, I bought a preroll. This morning I woke up with the nausea and stomach pains. I’m terrified of a full blown episode again.

Going to start going to cannabis anonymous or NA because I need to really stop, I have such a psychological dependency it’s awful.

More than anything, I’m so traumatized by these episodes. I think the anxiety of having a full episode is contributing to my nausea too.

I just feel so shitty about myself and my stupid lack of self control. I truly don’t know why i relapsed and I really hate myself for it right now

Hello everyone! I completely forgot to go on here and write about my 12 month celebration. I’m coming up to 13 months already. Honestly, still doesn’t feel real. Smoked from 12-25 all day everyday, then at 25 I started quitting and relapsing for a few months at a time. I had 5 months 7 months, 4 months, and 9 months but never even got close to the 1 year mark. I told myself this time that no matter how many cravings I get, I want to see what kind of person I become after making it past 1 year. I had insane cravings and depression every 3 months steady with the last time being right as I was about to hit my 1 year mark. I literally contemplated throwing everything away for like 2 weeks but somehow made it. I love the way my mind works so much, the way my body feels, the way food tastes and the way sleep feels right now. I love having clear sober looking eyes and holding conversations with full eye contact, I love being able to know I can safely drive at anytime without any risks, and start planning years into the future. There are so many benefits and I can’t wait to see how much this second year will bring, since the first 12 months are mainly just an on and off struggle! I had to take a lot of time off work during these first 12 months, but I am about to double and triple those lost wages this upcoming year!

I’m sure I’m looking at the past with rose tinted glasses but man 2021-2023 I was so happy. I was working 20-30 hours a week as a shift leader at a restaurant, was an A/B student in my senior year of high school as well as first year of community college. Was in good shape and had a plethora of friends I was close with, and I still had time to enjoy to myself as an introvert at my core. Life was so good.

During those two years I started using marijuana gummies once a week or so and that was where I got hooked, but still responsible about it. Alcohol was always overrated in my opinion, I enjoyed the lower inhibitions from it when I’d go out socializing but combining weed with my alone time was actual heaven on earth to me. I also started experimenting with it around the time I was finally gaining confidence to enjoy my nerdy hobbies without feeling like a loser, I could never fully enjoy my hobbies even when I was alone because it just made me feel like a loser anyway. But now I have confidence in my interests? And you combine that with a drug that is a match made in heaven for me? Forget it. I would go get myself some greasy fast food to eat while my edible kicked in and once I was in my room with my door shut it was like my own little paradise. Good food, funny YouTube videos, fun video games, trippy music with noise cancelling headphones, all with my miracle drug. Again, this was my paradise but I kept it responsible, only about once a week or every other week

Then came along summer 2023 and I was riding the tallest wave. Had just wrapped up my first year of college with great grades and a good amount of cash saved up in my bank account. I grew up in an upper-middle class family so money wasn’t a concern for me either way but I had saved up so much for myself that I decided to take the summer off and live off it for a couple months while I wait for school to start up again. During those couple of months I used weed more than I usually did. I’ve got nothing going on right? Gotta fill the time somehow. So my once a week usage turned into 2-3x a week, mixed in with a few times I’d be smoking joints with friends

At the beginning of August I moved in with a few friends I met during my first year of school and was super excited to gain some more independence as I became more accustomed to adult life, all of my roommates were pretty heavy weed users, at least much more than I was. And us smoking joints in random mixtures of the 4 of us became a nightly thing depending on who was home. We’d then order food or play games or do whatever college students do, after a few hours of fun my social battery would be drained and I’d go to my room to be alone with my music or videos for the night, but not before going out to have a few hits of weed from a pipe by myself. By this point I was smoking around 5 nights a week and 2 times each night.

Just a few weeks into living in the apartment I noticed something weird happening, I was getting more socially anxious when I’d be smoking with my friends, I’d randomly get in my own head with thoughts like “Don’t be awkward” Or “Make sure not to draw a blank”. I was always a bit socially anxious around people I didn’t know well and even around my close friends and family I never felt 100% comfortable which I believe stemmed from me not having confidence in my own interests and personality for most of my life up to that point.

These awkward interactions kept popping up when I’d hang out with friends and over time my social anxiety around everyone just kept building over the following half a year or so (I could talk about the incidents during this time of my life for a LONG time, but this post would be 10x longer than it already is). This was truly the worst period of my life as my day to day life was increasingly consumed by my anxiety. It also didn’t fully connect in my head that the weed was not helping until many months in. I literally became a shell of my former self and felt like the biggest weirdo alien on the planet. I’d be nervous talking to my roommate in the kitchen, talking to the cashier at McDonald’s.

As soon as my lease was up I moved back home to my parents and I feel like I’ve been literally traumatized from the anxiety and possibly OCD experience over the time I lived in that apartment. I know this may seem like I’m being dramatic but the self deprecating thoughts and overwhelming anxiety really shook me to my core. It’s now been over 2 years and I’ve kept minimal contact with those friends. I know that they still want to be friends from the few times I’ve been in contact but these past 2 years living at home (and still living off all the money I made in high school lol) have been stagnant. I’ll occasionally play some videos games with friends I met online (completely different friend group) but I haven’t hung out with anyone in person since I left the apartment.

Still addicted to weed, still barely working, still eating like crap, all these habits I picked up as weed became a larger and larger part of my life. I’m still incredibly socially anxious but not at the nightmare level of anxiety as when living at the apartment

This post could have been much much longer but I figured make it any longer and people probably won’t even be read at all let alone commented on. Anyways would be cool to hear if anyone else can relate to this pain or share their own story. Feel free to ask any questions, thanks for reading :)

I am in a holding pattern of 9 months off, 2+ years on for some time now.

I'm coming up on another cessation (haven't used today).

but I'm really worried about long-term sobriety.

"what will I do?!"
I don't like dr***ing.
I grew up around *other, hard D*** users, and so many people I grew up with are lost to *other, hard, highly addictive, very prevelent ***** that is in the news a lot* including my sister and much of my family.
Part of me is like, "you need a vice"

and I know that it's because that's the major coping skill that my community has, as unhealthy as it is.

and I know I'm lucky to not have fallen into the some of those same traps.
I even feel lucky that I didn't get caught up in the concentrates that I see so many struggling with here. That all I have to struggle with is a penchant for bud. I even prefer the lowest T*C stuff I can find. but. I'm a fiend for it. and being a Never-Not has consequences for me.
I know I need to rely on healthier coping skills.

if not weed, what will I do? How will I find relief? from pain and alienation? from myself? from living in this world with this brain?

I know, intellectually, the answer is holistic. and the answer of what I will do is: to live more fully.

But knowing things intellectually doesn't reduce my suffering.
Duhkha is as duhkha does, I guess.

I welcome any perspectives.

I made it to six weeks today and I'm feeling grateful! I spent the last ten years as a heavy user morning to night. At 20 I truly believed I would smoke till the day I died. Lately I've noticed that even on stressful days, the urge to smoke doesn't always come up. And when it does, it's much easier to set that feeling aside.

This community was really helpful for me so THANK YOU EVERYONE! I know everyone's experience differs but I'll add my own timeline notes for reference.

Week 1: really really tough, no sleep, no appetite.

Week 2: had sleep paralysis multiple nights! very scary dreams. worked out a ton to try and tire myself out

Week 3: appetite slowly returning. falling asleep okay but still waking up a lot from stress dreams

Week 4: ravenously hungry! let myself eat a bunch of my favorite foods as a treat

Day 25: really bad day, almost smoked. went on a walk and devoured oreos at the park and cried, but didn't smoke.

Week 5: less anxious in the morning. weed no longer the first thing I think about when I wake up! still frequent nightmares

Week 6: feeling mentally stronger! more days when I don't think about smoking at all. appetite all good now, dreams are still tough.

It has been a year since I quit smoking cannabis and tobacco joints after heavy consumption for 13 years. I can't conceive even living like this, without smoking, I don't see myself sitting on my balcony and just reading without smoking, or listening to music, I tried and it's just frustrating and depressing.

I would like to make a trip somewhere, but I don't see myself watching things, sitting in places, without smoking and listening to music as I do so. I can't conceive, just being there, not smoking, looking at things.

My only prospect in life is to find the right prescription to recover my cognition and be at least capable of learning things and thinking at a minimal level. How do you manage to live such a life?

For those who are long time cannabis consumers, how did giving it up change you as a parent?

I’m not going to smoke but the addict in me is wondering what would happen if I did right now, just a week in being sober because of CHS.

One of the most insidious ways my addiction has kept me hooked is through the guise of financial responsibility. I'll explain.

In past attempts to quit, I have made the grave mistake of holding on to whatever contraptions I was using to smoke. Bong, pipe, vape, etc. I did not want to throw them out, the logic being, "Well, if I relapse, I'd need to buy another one, and that is not fiscally responsible. I don't want to waste money. So, I should hold onto it just in case I fall back into old habits, and save some money. That is the responsible thing to do."

The irony of saving money while having poured said money into weed was lost on me.

The irony of proclaiming that I quit while holding onto accessories that nobody who has quit would use was also lost on me.

At long last, I finally got rid of my smoking accessories. No more bong, no more pipe - it's gone. It was more difficult to do than it had any right to be, but it's gone. All gone.

I'm interested in hearing what others might have to say about this. Has anybody else had their brain play the same trick? Maybe holding onto a piece, or product, or whatever else... just in case?

Just venting. I had a good day, I wish I could just not think about getting stoned.

Sucks. Hope everyone is doing ok

Weed and carts have become an issue for me several times over the past few years since I started smoking. Most recently, I got trapped in the cycle of smoking every day for the past month. Because I have quit several times now, I felt more equipped to deal with the discomfort of it all this time around.

Once again, I am sobering up and now, even after only 3 days of not smoking, the difference between how I am socially and how optimistic I feel is like night and day compared to the last few weeks. Today I had a fantastic day, and spoke more to my co workers and friends than I have in what feels like ages.

As social anxiety has been a big issue since I first started smoking, I was thinking 'wow, lucky me, so many people are talking to me and im actually enjoying my day at my stupid retail job.' Then, after some reflection, I realised that I am the reason my day was so good. I was being outgoing and open, and putting myself in positions I would avoid in the hangover-like state you experience the day after being high.

I feel like once the fatigue of addiction is lifted, almost instantly I regain the ability to connect. I can approach people again and my humour comes back. Im smiling and laughing again. It feels like my brain can start conversations again and the mental sludge of overthinking and shame are gone. I feel less like a failure. I can speak to friends and family early in the morning because I don't feel as hollow and my eyes don't look as gaunt.

Im still anticipating some rough times as my emotions stabilise and I can sleep properly again, but it makes me wonder why I even went back to it in first place.

In the 750 days since I quit smoking, I got promoted. I got a better job. I got a new boyfriend and then we got engaged. I had a baby. I got in the best shape of my life.

But then due to serious pregnancy complications, and a very traumatic birth I’ve been profoundly depressed and it’s been making me miss smoking. For context, I smoked every day for 14 years, starting first thing in the morning before I got out of bed.

It’s hard to remember the damage it did to my life now that I’m so far out and objectively I know that my life improved dramatically since quitting, but this is the first time that I’ve really missed it. And I’ve been missing it for months since everything has been so hard.

When I was pregnant, it was easier to be like well obviously, I’m not gonna smoke again because I’m not gonna harm my baby. But since she is out and safe the temptation has been a lot worse. Like nothing greater than myself is stopping me like it was before.

I also don’t want to start from zero. I’m proud of my 750 and I smoked daily from 14-28 so half my life and all of my adult life I was high. At 30 I feel like I should be past it but it’s still so hard sometimes.

Hey everyone!

I have been a very heavy user for at least 20 years.

I only used flower mostly but really got into infused blunts in the last 2 years adding them to my smoking sessions.

I truly smoked a lot...I would go out to my car everyday smoking 3.5 grams in one session...grind it up in my grinder and do bowl after bowl in my pipe until it was finished. I was doing this at LEAST 3 times a day.

I couldn't imagine not having any on me, I needed to get high (and/or just smoke weed) from the very first thing in the morning to the last thing I did at night. what a scary thought it is to feel that way.

I came from a incredibly hard childhood, we lost our mother when I was 10 and my father drank.....I mean REALLY drank....we didn't have food in the house, we were at one point homeless for a bit after a bad divorce due to the drinking... The priest at the catholic church near us would do special things to help us, take us out for dinner or lunch, he would take care of us without making it seem like he was. He counciled my dad as best he could...he helped with the interventions and helped find us kids a place to go live as we had to leave twice..eventually having to come back after the people thst took us in couldn't do it anymore..i dont blame them..they didnt sign up for long term..but Dad never stopped drinking...and so we were put back in when we became a burden to families thst took us in . Im not religious but what a saint of a man that priest truly is.

Us kids weren't liked alot of the time. Dad was SEVERELY depressed and addicted..i get that now.

I never got to graduate with my classmates in elementary school as I had assignments incomplete....I never got to graduate high school with my class as I didn't have enough credits. I failed at everything. Nobody except a few people knew what was going on in the house or our lives.

I only say all this because while I was outside in my car smoking 3 times a day (over an ounce a week easy)for years I was doing the same thing with a substance as my father was, just a different crutch.

Somehow, I have a beautiful wife and wonderful young kids...I cannot let them feel and see the same things I did over and over again so I Quit smoking weed. I told them daddy doesn't want to go to the car anymore, I want to be with them.

I have been having some pretty physical withdrawl symptoms but I push thru hour by hour...or minute by minute...sometimes its second by second.

I am feeling pretty depressed but understand to a level that I am adjusting back to a normal way.

I tell people all the time that I have more than I deserve.....but its not about me...its about them...so I am trucking on for them...

Any words of wisdom or encouragement from any of you wonderful people would be greatly appreciated.. I would like to have this space be where I can be encouraged when nobody else is around.

Thank you to everyone and please keep going! We are in this together for the long term!❤️

has anyone else experienced their eyes sort of twitching or moving around under their eyes when trying to fall asleep? it’s been going on for like a week now and is so irritating and has only started since i stopped smoking.

Hi guys. I'm on day 10 going on day 11. The first week and a bit went fairly well, a bit irritable here and there and some sleep disturbances. But tonight I'm feeling this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I feel like I could cry. There hasn't been any sort of other life event that could be causing this so I think it's related to the quitting weed and my brain like, recalibrating.

Anyone else get this? Finding it hard to unwind for bed tonight :/

Crazy how at the end of day 0 I literally could not get myslef to go to bed. Fucked up my mental so bad on day 1 that I couldnt even miss the weed that much so I guess that was good. One thing is I never realized how bad my respiratory system has been. I do exercise pretty frequently but every morning I have to cough at least once or twice. Lowkey I think today shouldnt be so bad. Ily guys, wish me luck

So I’m 23F and I smoked for the first time when I was 11, and was a full time everyday smoker of weed and nic by the time I was 14.
I’ve battled addiction my whole life it feels like.
I’ve lived on my own since 16 and used to struggle with other things and drink but I have been 4 years sober from those things.

But I smoked the whole time, never letting up, only increasing. I’m on day 2 of no weed no cigs and I feel so freaking sad I don’t even know what to do. For so long i let myself slide on smoking bc it was “better than what I used to do” but that’s just not enough of a reason anymore. I want to go running, and sing, and not be a slave to a little stick on fire. I feel so dramatically depressed it’s crazy. I haven’t felt like this in my adult life and I’m scared honestly.

I want to prove to my brain that I can do things I set my mind to, I want to live a better life, I want my health back. But right now, I just wanna crawl into a hole and cry.

I quit smoking in October 2025 and have not been able to do my normal activities since I did, instead I am wasting my time doing things I don't care about.

Reading, studying, and even watching movies have become unpleasurable and uninteresting, I can't sit on my balcony and read or listen to music anymore, watching documentaries and debates is impossible since I can't remember anything and my thoughts are very poor, at this point I don't even watch the news anymore. I also stopped working as a biology teacher.

My days are waking up, doing nothing, doing some sport, cooking, trying to force myself to watch a movie, going back to sleep.

I don't understand how people seem to not struggle about that here.

Has anyone else had erection issues after quitting weed? I am at the five month mark now and I am not able to have an erection while masturbating solo. I smoked for 26 years.

Weed has given me crazy anxiety in the head, ive had really depressing thoughts while high.

But ive also noticed its causing me tics. Im not even diagnozed with tourettes but ive always had tics, and weed makes them worse. I also feel pain and am way too aware of my physical body, it feels terrible

I dont really smoke anymore because of these reasons. Has anyone experienced this?

today is my day 1 no weed. i have been a daily cart/gummy user for 3 years now. (growing up i smoked grass daily for 16 or so years, took years off to have a family and just started up when things became legal in nj- giving up good old grass was way different than this) i feel like i am having an out of body experience! i cant eat and i feel so clammy. i know this is normal, i am just so upset that i let myself get addicted to something.