r/leaves • u/Whole_Vacation5831 • 10h ago

Good things happen when i'm sober

Weed and carts have become an issue for me several times over the past few years since I started smoking. Most recently, I got trapped in the cycle of smoking every day for the past month. Because I have quit several times now, I felt more equipped to deal with the discomfort of it all this time around.

Once again, I am sobering up and now, even after only 3 days of not smoking, the difference between how I am socially and how optimistic I feel is like night and day compared to the last few weeks. Today I had a fantastic day, and spoke more to my co workers and friends than I have in what feels like ages.

As social anxiety has been a big issue since I first started smoking, I was thinking 'wow, lucky me, so many people are talking to me and im actually enjoying my day at my stupid retail job.' Then, after some reflection, I realised that I am the reason my day was so good. I was being outgoing and open, and putting myself in positions I would avoid in the hangover-like state you experience the day after being high.

I feel like once the fatigue of addiction is lifted, almost instantly I regain the ability to connect. I can approach people again and my humour comes back. Im smiling and laughing again. It feels like my brain can start conversations again and the mental sludge of overthinking and shame are gone. I feel less like a failure. I can speak to friends and family early in the morning because I don't feel as hollow and my eyes don't look as gaunt.

Im still anticipating some rough times as my emotions stabilise and I can sleep properly again, but it makes me wonder why I even went back to it in first place.

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u/RecordingValuable313 9h ago

Congrats man :) remember you deserve good things

1

u/Whole_Vacation5831 9h ago

Aw thank you

1

u/Emergency-Big9411 9h ago

the mental sludge is the perfect term for it, that fog where you cant even string together a basic sentence without feeling like an idiot

3 days in and already feeling human again is huge, keep riding that wave

1

u/Whole_Vacation5831 9h ago

Yeah, I think it's because last time I quit, I had been smoking daily for like 1.5 years so maybe its a bit easier this time. I am very surprised haha. Also yeah, the sludge is tough to deal with :/ happy its gone