After years of trying (and succeeding once or twice for only brief periods) I finally quit caffeine. This is the longest I’ve gone without it since I started over a decade ago. My intake has fluctuated over the years (between 100 and 500 mg per day if I had to guess), but I’ve almost always had at least one cup of coffee every day since I was a child.
I didn’t really notice my caffeine consumption bothering me until probably about two years ago. While I was studying in college, I thought my constant fatigue was a product of stress and sleep deprivation, but after I graduated and had more time to rest, I began struggling with insomnia. I cut back my caffeine intake to about one cup of coffee per day (a very low amount compared to what I drank in college). This didn’t cure the problem, but it helped, and it made me wonder if I was a little caffeine sensitive. I should have tried quitting then, but I didn’t want to give it up. So, I’d drink a cup of coffee in the morning, have maybe 4 – 5 hours of euphoric energy, and be useless for the rest of the day.
Earlier this year, I began studying to go back to school. I was in the habit of crashing after work since the single cup of coffee would rarely even carry me to 5pm, so I began drinking energy drinks during my lunch breaks. Of course, the insomnia came back immediately, but during this time I noticed another effect that caffeine has on me: unsociability. If I talked to someone after work, even if they were close friends or family, I wouldn’t be able to make eye contact.
I’ve always struggled with social anxiety. I’ve been diagnosed with autism and an anxiety disorder, but I’ve had neither resolve nor faith in the medications I’ve been prescribed. I accepted that I’d always feel a little uncomfortable no matter where I was. When I started drinking energy drinks again, the feelings that made me want to self-isolate became so much stronger. To make matters worse, my anxiety seemed to clearly produce executive dysfunction. I became a lot more stressed and completed little more work.
Noticing how much more stressed I felt with the extra caffeine, I decided to try quitting. I won’t lie; it was hard for me to get off it. Over the course of a month or two, I tapered myself down to drinking about 20 mg of caffeine per day and quit from there—and still experienced headaches for a few days.
I want to mention up front that I don’t think everyone needs to quit caffeine. I know a lot of people who have >300 mg of caffeine every day and don’t seem to suffer any ill effects. But I did, and now that I’m caffeine free, my face has gotten much clearer. I’ve had an easier time exercising. I’ve had an easier time focusing.
The greatest part of the whole thing is that I’ve become much more social without even really trying. I’ve been able to talk to and joke effortlessly with my coworkers. I was able to confront my best friend’s ex about something shitty he did—usually I’m much too nonconfrontational for things like that.
On a whim, I downloaded a dating app. I’d used it before but the people I talked to usually ended up unmatching. Self-contempt is unattractive, I guess. But over the last week, I’ve had a couple fun and successful dates. That might not seem like much for a lot of people, but I never thought I would feel as comfortable on a first date as I have multiple times in the last week.
A lot of peers called me weird in high school, and even in college. Sometimes to my face. I guess some people assume the worst if you struggle with talking or making eye contact.
I’ve been wondering what kind of life I’d had if I hadn’t been dependent on caffeine. I feel like a totally different person. I’m much more confrontational and confident, and I finally feel in control. Instead of 4 – 5 hours of euphoric anxiety followed by a crash of nonverbal anxiety that lasts the rest of the day, I just feel alive.
I need to add that I’ve been exercising during the time I’ve been quitting (I’ve been running a few times a week for a few years now) and I think it’s helped with withdrawals. On the other hand, I’ve also been drinking alcohol and smoking more, and sleeping a bit less (a friend of mine is getting married soon and we’ve been partying a bit too much, lol). I’m mentioning these things to kinda give some background on my health/habits outside of quitting caffeine, but maybe finally being able to relax has also made me less scared of “unwinding.”
Anyway, I know this was super long-winded, but I just wanted to vent somewhere. I can’t promise that quitting caffeine will do the same thing for you, but if you relate to what I’ve been ranting about, I think you should give it a shot. Let me know if y’all have any questions! :)
