My boyfriend has alcoholism and broke up with me 7 times within the last month. I guess we're just exes now. The last breakup was disturbing: he called me a bunch of times and said "if you don't answer I'll block you". But whenever I answered the call, I'd say hey, then he'd say hey too but hang up right away, or just hang up before even saying hey back to me. Then he'd text me "leave and don't come back. Block me. Bye". I hadn't block him yet and then he video called me:

I tried to talk to him for like 10 minutes but he would ignore me, and himself wouldn't talk at all. So I texted and said verbally: "I'm going to get ready for bed". So I went to the bathroom without my phone brush my teeth, wash my face, put my PJ on etc and when I got back 10min later he had just hung up on the video call. I texted "why did you hang up?" then he voice called me and asked "where the fuck have you been". I answered, but he kept asking.

The whole evening was just so chaotic. He then hung up and texted again to ask me to block etc. I blocked him and then he texted through the normal message app instead of WhatsApp despite knowing it'd make him pay fees cause we don't live in the same country. He texted a bunch of "hey", an "I love you" and asked me twice to call him. I didn't.

He also said he has a "powerful feeling" that I'm cheating on him but that came out of nowhere and he doesn't have anything to say when I ask him what makes him think I'm cheating. I offered him to go through my phone and track my location as well (we're long distance and were planning on meeting up for the second time in December) but he refused. In the past I also offered to give him the passwords of my apps cause he felt insecure, but he refused as well.

Is this typical of someone drunk or / and with alcoholism? He definitely sounded drunk but I'm not sure it's an abnormal or normal drunk behavior. Do you think other drugs were involved? It felt like psychosis...

Alcoholic narcissist

recently ended a four-year relationship with a 59-year-old man, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’m 48 and have only had a handful of relationships, including a long marriage.
The first two years were incredibly passionate and affectionate. He was handsome, successful, charming, and constantly showered with attention for his looks. Women have handed him business cards that said “I know have a girlfriend but you only live once” etc … I found one from 2007 (!) that he musta saved for his ego. But gradually, he became controlling and critical of my clothing, accused me of dressing provocatively, and disliked me going out with friends. Any minor disagreement or emotional need resulted in two or three days of silent treatment. By the third year, this was happening monthly or more . He also kept track in his notes of when I went out without him and where . He consistently refused to discuss problems or take accountability, shutting down immediately for days if there was a problem .

I also realized how excessive his drinking was. He’s 6 foot seven and 260 pounds and he never seemed drunk. Ive seen him buzzed. He drinks daily, often heavily at home , including whiskey, wine, and tequila. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday night he’s drinking a ton of wine maybe a bottle and then follow it by a glass of whiskey or two or three glasses of whiskey . I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, trashed actually (stopped by his house unannounced on a weds which is when he sees his former stepson, who is also a functioning, Alcoholic, they go out for dinner and a cigar ) which he dismissed because he considers himself a risk-taker. His previous 15-year relationship was with another heavy drinker, and their social life revolved around alcohol. I would say he drinks around 40 drinks a week. His nose is red/ swollen. Red face bags under his eyes but his fan club doesn’t care. Says he’s been drinking like this for over 30 years.

He also has an enormous ego, constantly referencing his looks, money, MMA fighting, and having slept with over 100 women. He genuinely seems to believe he’s superior to other men because of these things. Says he’s “done things other men can’t do”.

I refused to have him move in or take things further, which has seriously pissed him off the last couple years .

I eventually ended things seven weeks ago. I did it face to face at his home respectfully. My only request was that he delete intimate photos and videos of me. He initially lied about deleting them, later admitted he hadn’t, and still refuses seven weeks later, instead calling me selfish and disrespectful.
I’m wondering whether this sounds like narcissistic traits, alcoholism, or both. Can years of excessive admiration, female attention, and praise contribute to narcissism? I’m struggling to understand how someone who seemed so wonderful initially could become so emotionally dismissive and cruel.

recently ended a four-year relationship with a 59-year-old man, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’m 48 and have only had a handful of relationships, including a long marriage.
The first two years were incredibly passionate and affectionate. He was handsome, successful, charming, and constantly showered with attention for his looks. Women have handed him business cards that said “I know have a girlfriend but you only live once” etc … I found one from 2007 (!) that he musta saved for his ego. But gradually, he became controlling and critical of my clothing, accused me of dressing provocatively, and disliked me going out with friends. Any minor disagreement or emotional need resulted in two or three days of silent treatment. By the third year, this was happening monthly or more . He also kept track in his notes of when I went out without him and where . He consistently refused to discuss problems or take accountability, shutting down immediately for days if there was a problem .

I also realized how excessive his drinking was. He drinks daily, often heavily at home , including whiskey, wine, and tequila. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday night he’s drinking a ton of wine maybe a bottle and then follow it by a glass of whiskey or two or three glasses of whiskey . I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, trashed actually (stopped by his house unannounced on a weds which is when he sees his former stepson, who is also a functioning, Alcoholic, they go out for dinner and a cigar ) which he dismissed because he considers himself a risk-taker. His previous 15-year relationship was with another heavy drinker, and their social life revolved around alcohol. I would say he drinks around 40 drinks a week. His nose is red/ swollen. Red face bags under his eyes but his fan club doesn’t care. I’ve only seen him buzzed except the once drunk , he has a very high tolerance , is 6’7 and 260 pounds and has been drinking like this for forty years.

He also has an enormous ego, constantly referencing his looks, money, MMA fighting, and having slept with over 100 women. He genuinely seems to believe he’s superior to other men because of these things. Says he’s “done things other men can’t do”.

I refused to have him move in or take things further, which has seriously pissed him off the last couple years .

I eventually ended things seven weeks ago. I did it face to face at his home respectfully. My only request was that he delete intimate photos and videos of me. He initially lied about deleting them, later admitted he hadn’t, and still refuses seven weeks later, instead calling me selfish and disrespectful.
I’m wondering whether this sounds like narcissistic traits, alcoholism, or both. Can years of excessive admiration, female attention, and praise contribute to narcissism? I’m struggling to understand how someone who seemed so wonderful initially could become so emotionally dismissive and cruel.

I knew for a few years now I wasn’t the best drinker. But since I began drinking quite late in life, I tried to rationalize my drinking episodes with whatever excuse I could think of at the time.

For context, I began drinking at 22. Muslim background ( not practicing currently), sheltered life, didn’t party in HS or college. Had a toxic controlling bf from 22-25ish who didn’t want me to party or drink either, I assumed every time I got drunk and became super emotional, it was because of him. Especially since I rarely drank cause of him.

Next bf, from 26-28, he was initially totally fine with me drinking & I was so happy. I thought “ yay finally. No more controlling bf behavior. This one will let me party “ but it didn’t take long for him to see me behave erratically drunk at times, which was about 10% of the time. Or so I thought. Sometimes it was great and fun, and sometimes, it was horrible. He couldn’t even stand to me see drink towards the end of our relationship and it was over then. I blamed the drinking on idk, long distance? My mental health. I don’t even remember. I think I said I would do better, I promised him I would never do it again so many times but then I kept overdoing it…

Next bf, 1 month. He ended it very quick after a drunk episode.

29, I’m single, dating. Everyone takes you to the bar for a drink, and I move to Manhattan. My drinking becomes way more often, no cravings but again, just increased frequency. Increased tolerance..

Next bf 30-32. He loved me and saw I had a problem. Again, I thought, I just need therapy. I’ll get better. I didn’t have a dependency problem. I only drank socially, so I thought “ I will moderate. I will try harder” 2 years of trying and repeated failed attempts, I was getting worse and worse..

I began lexapro a few months ago & began blaming the blackouts on lexapro. Last year I blacked out in the summer and I remember telling my friend I rarely black out.. which was actually true at the time ( I was not on lexapro at the time) but since that summer, even prior lexapro, I began blocking out often… this past year was by far the worst and most dangerous
I
I drink about once a week socially, never alone, but when I drank, I couldn’t stop. Sometimes it was fun, but the dark times became more frequent. The fights, chaos, blackouts, sigh.

It’s nearly 4 am, I was talking to chat gpt (lol) and he said “ alcohol use disorder”. I never even heard of this before but I have exactly this.

So here’s to .. hopefully my first day.. towards recovery. & yes. I will DEF be getting professional help.

I know I’m a nobody and loser. I’m already detoxed like 6 days ago. This is why I don’t want to go back to drinking. If anyone who is just going to sleep talk to me over VC or Discord I’d appreciate it.

I am a third-year university student (20 y/o) who works very hard for my studies and is constantly praised for it. Despite this, I drink myself to sleep at LEAST 4 times a week. 

I go to a self-proclaimed ‘party school’ in my province (Canada) and enjoy going out on the weekends just like everyone else. What's different is I find myself drinking alone basically every other night just from being exhausted and tired of life/from working so hard.

I get home after several hours in the library then drink 7-10 drinks and/or an entire bottle of wine to myself just to feel something and to fall asleep peacefully. I wake up feeling like shit most mornings but push through and repeat the cycle.

I’ve ended up in the top percentile of all my classes; my friends constantly ask me, “How do you work so hard all the time?” but I don't know how to tell them that I get borderline blackout 3+ times a week, completely alone in my apartment. 

I’m afraid that my drinking is going to escalate and interfere with my life. But I'm also afraid of showing up to my local AA meetings, as I feel like a fraud since I am doing just fine and am very young, if yk what I mean.

 I honestly just want to get myself under control without full sobriety being shoved down my throat, as it’s not realistic for me. 

Any advice or stories from people with similar experiences are welcome; thank you so, so much!

New to this and semi new to posting. I switched one thing over into drinking . I don’t know why when I watched my mom seize out from alcohol wds a few years ago while visiting her and had to call an ambulance as I held her on her side(what I knew to do) . She won’t open up to me about it(as is her right) but I was hoping someone could give me an idea of what to with stopping drinking.

Im a bit remote and the thought of that has me so worried that I’d flatline before they got to me(also the fact it happened I do believe traumatized me a little).I am trying to decide for my experience how much drinking does that typically. Has anyone had success with tapering or is cold turkey just the way to go? Thank you for any words and I’m not asking medical advice just any stories that people would be willing to share to shed light to my choices on quitting.

it’s one of the main reasons why I relapse - I mean, I know I can’t drink. But - no matter what I do , or how great the day is - I can’t stop thinking about having a drink .

or how great one would be.

because im thinking of it all the time, when im offered a drink? well, those nights don’t really end well.

even when im trying to distract myself from drinking - i can’t help but think this is my life from now on. so fun.

I slipped up. Did well not drinking during the work week all September up to October 9th. I got off work super early figured I'd have 2 or 3 pints at the neighborhood dive before my shopping. Ram into my next door neighbor and that turned into a 3 day bender. Bottle of Crown, 42 PBRs, 6-10 Coronas and a Box of Red Wine. Here I am 48 hours later. Feel just fine. No withdrawls, had a great day at work but I hate how I can do well for 4-6 weeks and then BOOM a bender. Only reason it's a bender is the next day just to not be hungover I crack open 4 PBRs just to get rid of the hangover but that turns into an all day thing. Just on the couch one after the other.

Shits wild. I have no problem not drinking M-Th but man once Friday afternoon hits I'm like a moth to a flame.

I was a fairly heavy drinker, used to do 1-2 bottles of white wine a night and then became pregnant and stopped right away. I can feel myself slipping back into old habits 6 months PP. I won’t drink until I know baby is asleep for the night. I feel like a terrible Mum and don’t want to follow my dad’s footsteps. Please is there any advice that helped anyone stop or helped change your perspective? Please do not judge, I am never drinking when my little one is awake. They are a great sleeper and never wake up until the next morning and I always show up the next morning. I just want to hear some shock advice that will help me back out of this and stop the drinking. My baby is the best thing to ever happen to me and I feel like such a failure.

Any luck with supplements that take cravings away? No luck with naltrexone.

I had 9 months of sobriety, then slipped a few times. This last one was the worst. One week of solid drinking, from morning to evening. I’ve got kindling and also gave myself Ketoacidosis again.

I’ve been eating as much as possible, start my benzo taper in a few hours when my BA gets under .08. I’m scared and I hate the feeling even with medically assisted withdrawal.

I’m scared to death of this shit. I always hear things and have nightmares.

I talk to my dad about it but he’s a functional alcoholic. He thinks withdrawal is just in my head. He can drink anywhere from 6-30 coors lights in a night with no repercussions.

I just feel stupid I let it happen again. I need to back to work on Thursday, I have been vaguely honest with them and they seem to understand.

Any kind words are greatly appreciated. Just need to hear some nice stuff I guess.

Alcohol is the devil.

I used to need to drink atleast 1 liter of (european) beer, often more, every day.

Then I turned 30 and not only I don't crave any alcohol, I have beer in my fridge and don't have any desire to touch it. It's been like that for 4 years now.

I still drink socially but now a small beer or two where before I used to chug it like it was water.

I didn't do anything consciously. I also gained some weight.

Should I be concerned? Should I go to the doctor?

My boyfriend \[30M\] and I \[26F\] have been together almost 3 years. Over the weekend, while on vacation, he drank way too much after taking a three-month break from alcohol. He almost got into a physical fight with an older man over a game of pool.
Throughout the day, he upset several people, including me and a few strangers. When I tried explaining how his behavior came across, he said he was just joking around and that if people couldn’t accept him for who he is, that’s their problem.
I feel like alcohol is becoming a serious problem in his life. He’s lost his best friend over drinking-related issues, and it seems like every time he drinks, he ends up getting angry with me, too. I don’t know if he genuinely doesn’t see the problem or refuses to acknowledge it.
That night, we had a huge argument and almost broke up. He blamed me, saying I don’t want him to have fun because I don’t want to go to bars with him. During the argument, he got so close to me that he almost backed me into a wall, and I told him to get out of my face because I felt uncomfortable. He then told me I needed to go to a mental hospital, which really hurt.
I love him so much, and that’s what makes this difficult. When he’s sober, he can be a completely different person. But I can’t keep accepting this behavior or being blamed for the consequences of his drinking.
Has anyone dealt with a partner who has a drinking problem but doesn’t seem to recognize it? How did you handle it? Is there anything I can do to help him see the problem, or does he have to recognize it and want to change on his own?
I love him, but I’m really struggling with what to do next.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 30-year-old woman and I’ve decided to quit drinking for good. I’ve been reading a lot of stories here, and I’m feeling nervous and a little overwhelmed.

For context, I’ve had a drink every night for about the last 5 years, usually up to 3 drinks, with roughly 24 hours between them. I only took breaks when I was sick.

I’m not looking for medical advice. I’m planning to talk to a telehealth doctor before I start, because honestly I’m embarrassed to bring this up with my regular doctor and worried about being judged. I just want to hear from people who’ve been through something similar. What was it like for you? What helped you get through the first couple of weeks?

I’d really appreciate any stories or encouragement. Thank you!

So about 2 years ago law enforcement caught me buying drugs and i had to stop doing them. I went like that for almost a year but now, every day i get home I start drinking. I only drink when i know i dont have to drive, i dont drink at work, but as soon I'm free for the day I start drinking.

I wake up early, about 5 am and leave for work at 6, almost every time with a BAD hangover. At that point of the day i promise myself i dont drink that day but at the end of the day i still manage to convince myself its okay to have a drink, and the cycle starts again.

I feel like i cant go like this anymore, but AA meetings seem like a place only for alcoholics. I feel like im not only an alcoholic but a drug addict going for the only legal option to get an altered state of mind.

Now do i still choose AA meetings or go straight to a specialized doctor/ psychologist? I'm not aware of any other option at this point.

For anyone who had a similar problem please tell me your experience of what worked for you, because im absolutely clueless and I feel like I cant escape this loop on my own.

And most importantly not missing it at all!
It’s been several years since I was at my lowest point where I destroyed the life I had. I managed to drag myself out of it and sort a lot of my problems out but still never fully stopped drinking. I carried on in “social” situations because I felt like it was expected of me and I massively struggled with coping socially without a couple of beers in me. But it got to a point where one drink was enough to make me crave going on a binge again. So after a particularly heavy weekend away with my particularly horrible in-laws, and the subsequent week of crippling anxiety that came with every hangover, I decided this time I was done with it and I haven’t looked back! I’m not gunna sit here and claim it’s made me feel amazing, but it has definitely helped with stabilising my MH and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for reaching this milestone 😊

So today marks my 6 months of not drinking. I still do shrooms here and there but that would be the only other substance I consume. I feel really great and I never regret my decision to go sober but I still have this underlying anxiety and I was hoping it would clear up by now. It’s not overwhelming and never as bad as it was when I was drinking but it is still there. I was a blackout every night drunk for a good ten ish years (20 to 30) and I just don’t know if my body needs more sober time or if I should start looking into maybe anxiety meds. I know it can take years and I feel better everyday but I can’t shake this anxiety and I guess I’m just asking others when it cleared up or any tips that I can implement in my life. I just had a hysterectomy last month and still haven’t been cleared for exercise so unfortunately that is off the table for now.

I am officially 7 days alcohol and nicotine free!!! I feel so good!! I’ve also lost like four pounds, have been going to the gym every day (my old routine before alcohol), and have managed to connect with old friends!!

I’m so happy. I know 7 days isn’t very long, but since college I’ve never managed a full 7 days. This feels like my first real hill to get over—one I hadn’t been able to for two years. But I did it!!!

I attend online AA meetings every days every days except Tuesday cuz I (F26)) attend the in person meeting. I have sponsor, I live with residential counselors 24/7. I just keep relapsing and binge drinking after 1/2weeks. I feel so defeated

I cant go to rehab because if I do I'll loose my dog and if I'll loose my dog i'll off myself. The couple of days I've had sober in between is always due to her. I asked my gp for antabuse but she refuses to prescribe and I can't get a psychiatrist in due time because I'm moving. I've contacted 10 everyone turned me down except one told me they'd be willing tocdidc my case with my gp but she's still not convinced.

Trying not to fall into self pity even though life currently just sucks ass

Female, 22 years old.

i don't know what i want to get out of posting this - reassurance, advice, or even knowing that I'm not alone in this situation but a couple of nights ago, my dad and brother got into an fight about something stupid that led to them becoming very physically violent towards each other. my dad is an alcoholic that is in deep denial. We've tried telling him that he's an alcoholic because the only time he every loses control and becomes violent is when he's been drinking after work but he refuses to accept it and blames it on something else. my parents are in a really bad marriage and has been fighting my entire life.

this forced me to grow up and just manage everyone in the household and deescalate situations before they get really bad (usually happens when my dad is drinking as well) unfortunately, because of how expensive everything is we all live in the same house (I am 22 and working) at the same time. At the same time, I have a younger sister who is 11 years younger than me that I just can't leave behind.

I think that my dad is really co dependant on my mum because even though they hate each others guts, he just refuses to leave, no matter how much living with her makes him miserable. At some point last year, my mum and sister moved in with my aunt for about 10 months but had to move back because they were selling their house. They also own a business together so not communicating is not an option.

anyways. that night my dog ended up biting my dad on both his legs because of his violence and my brother and I had to pin him down to stop him from getting violent which led to a lot of bruises and wounds on his body and even though I know it's not my fault, I can't help but feel this sense of guilt towards what happened to him. He's currently staying with a friend because the cops told him he wasn't allowed back for 2 days and the thought of him coming back scares me.

I love my dad, when he's not drinking he is a really good dad. I've been trying to persuade him to go back home (another country) to calm down and just have a vacation but he keeps making excuses to put it off.

I know he's not happy here. he has no friends and family, everyone is back in our home country. I just want him to be happy and heal. hes getting old and I just don't want him to spend his life miserable. hes worked really hard to provide everything for my siblings and I and we have never gone without. the the fights with my mum and the violent drinking has traumatised us. and I just feel like he's the only one refusing to change.

although my mum has her share of issues, she's at least able to acknowledge it and is willing to move on, it's just my dad that is staying exactly where he was 10 years ago and its so infuriating to see. he doesn't even want to acknowledge that he has a drinking problem when he's drinking 1-2 bottles of wine every night. he used to drink half a bottle of tequila but he was able to make the switch to something "better" for him.

I don't know what to do i just feel so responsible for his wellbeing and the guilt of him getting hurt that night with my dog biting him and me and my brother having to pin him down is eating me alive.

I am reaching out in deep need of advice and confidential guidance regarding my 30-year-old husband, who has developed a severe alcohol dependency. We live in a country with strict laws and heavy social stigma surrounding alcohol, where patient confidentiality is not guaranteed. Visiting a local rehab center or psychiatrist would immediately jeopardize his career, which he has worked so hard to build. Because of the local legal and professional risks, I feel completely isolated and unable to confide in anyone, including our families.
His drinking began in 2024 when he tried alcohol for the first time and liked it. Due to restricted local access, he learned how to brew it at home, and his intake escalated from occasional use to daily consumption. Now, once he starts drinking, he completely loses control and cannot stop. He has even started drinking in the morning before going to work. While he feels deep remorse in the mornings and promises me that he will quit, the urge returns every evening. Whenever I have tried to intervene by throwing the alcohol in the trash, it has triggered intense arguments and defensive anger.

Experienced this two nights ago, and I’ve never felt so afraid. I just remember being on the floor. I couldn’t see anything since my lights were off, couldn’t stand and keep my balance and couldn’t find my phone to call for help. I just had this overwhelming feeling of regret and doom. As I started vomiting, I remember my breathing became incredibly labored, and I just kept spitting and telling myself to breathe. I was on my stomach, and after the vomiting again, I passed out around a minute later. I woke up around 7:00 that morning, still in my puke and dragged myself to bed. I don’t think I ever want to experience that again, that sense of impending doom was horrifying knowing I was alone and I could aspirate my vomit or stop breathing. Is this a common occurrence for anyone? I can’t imagine experiencing this on a weekly basis.

Well,im about 9 and a half months sober,and its been hard for me. Its really confusing actually. I was self medicating with alcohol for my extreme GAD,and at first it worked great,so great that i had the most succsessful 2 years of my life,when i was at the peak of my drinking. Needless to say i quit drinking,thus wasnt able to work anymore,date the girl i was seeing anymore,or see my friends anymore.i allready had it but the booze helped treat it,but i developed real bad agoraphobia after i quit. A few months after i quit,maybe 4 or 5 i started drinking again once a week so i could leave my house once a week to do my haircutting volunteering that i loved,then twice a week so i could socialize once a week as well, then as the story goes started drinking multiple times a week to do more things,but wasnt able to start working again and the Booze wasnt helping the way it had before.so i cold turkeyed and 9 months later here i am, is my anxiety better? Yes, i can go outside my imidiate neighbourhood without fight or flight,really just a few block radius.and i have a couple close friends who come visit me fairly often. But boy do i feel dead inside. I literally barely even feel human, dramatic i know. I dont work,i have no purpose,i cant join my friends when they go out,i cant go visit my parents,i cant go do anything,and i know if i had some drinks i legit could do all of those in a heart beat. It breaks my heart. I love to workout and have a treadmill so have been getting into jogging at least,and basically all i do is comsume,books,tv,netflix,writing.but man. I feel so fucking let down. Alcohol was the only thing that ever helped me. I so badly long to get back to working my dream job,having a nice apartment,being able to socialize and date and just feel normal again. The not drinking feels so bitter sweet. Id rather be dead than be living the way im living for like 10/15 more years tbh. Its so dull i feel like im going not insane,but just distaste for myself and my life is very high . 9 months is not feeling how i thought it would.

Hey everyone I’m 21 and for the last year Iv drank 4 to 6 beers a night for a year when I got my labs done in May ALT 55 U/L
AST 32 U/L
Total bilirubin 0.6 mg/dL
I continued to drink that way until August or so then started drinking a couple times a week it’s now October and I’ve been quit for a week I’m a little worried if my liver is ruined or not. Am I at a good position for it to heal completely? I’m definitely done with the alcohol just worried what shape my liver is in now compared to what it was in May.