r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 8d ago
I don't know a single woman who would say hallelujah if it was raining men.
111
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r/oneliners • u/mingwraig • 7d ago
I killed by boss for demoting me, then pled not guilty by diminished responsibility
0
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r/oneliners • u/CrazyKZG • 8d ago
The problem with cremation is that you won't get to participate in the zombie apocalypse.
34
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r/oneliners • u/Air_Hellair • 8d ago
Call me crazy, but I just can’t say “spree killer” without smiling just a little
0
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 8d ago
My Xbox One is so old, it still thinks cloud gaming is about the weather
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 9d ago
People who live in glass tea houses shouldn't throw scones.
41
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 8d ago
If you're a hot startup founder always require NDA before you text potential investors your dick.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 8d ago
My bank account and I have a lot in common, we both run out of money quickly.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 10d ago
Raining cats and dogs this morning, almost stepped in a poodle.
56
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r/oneliners • u/AlePainDecko • 10d ago
There are two kinds of people, those who can extrapolate
12
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r/oneliners • u/Equivalent_Parking_8 • 10d ago
I found a big box of frozen fish the other day. I was just about to hand it in at the police station when I realised it was a case of Findus Kippers
17
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 11d ago
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
67
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 11d ago
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and thought "that's not a fair trade."
91
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r/oneliners • u/DeeEmm • 11d ago
I’m glad most restrooms now have baby-changing stations. I’m growing tired of the one we currently have.
22
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 11d ago
I impressed Mick Jagger when I killed two stones with one bird.
7
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 11d ago
I don't know how all the rocks started, but I know every human started with a Big Bang.
5
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r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 11d ago
Should it really take a doctor to tell you that the presence of forehead wrinkles is directly linked to an iron deficiency?
14
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r/oneliners • u/Gotbeerbrain • 12d ago
There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
58
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r/oneliners • u/Ashamed-Pressure7009 • 12d ago
Before counting was invented, every joke could be a one-liner!
19
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