r/HonestHotTakes • u/throwaway_ventingidk • 5h ago
Sometimes I wish all these relationship posts would give context on the looks and attractiveness of people when discussing relationship issues
We always see people give their gender and age. It’s an important detail that gives context. People’s attractiveness also can help explain a loott of plot holes and things not adding up.
Attractiveness is a power balance as much as social status and money. I can’t give you honest advice of you’re vague or don’t include those details.
You always hear men or women complaining about being treated like shit for no reason. People ask them in the comments why they stay. Both genders reluctantly admit that their lazy and avoidant SO has a huge power imbalance over them and can get away with being inconsiderate because they can.
Yeah we all wish the world was a less shallow place. But it is shallow. And if you want advice it’ll mostly come down to increasing your self worth and having self respect.
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u/Endor-Fins 5h ago
The halo effect is real. I think a good barometer would be “would I be happy with this behaviour from a less attractive person?” If the answer is no there you go.
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u/refusetobeold83 4h ago
Whenever a post about cheating upsets me I like to imagine the people are very unattractive so I don’t care anymore
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u/throwaway_ventingidk 1h ago
This 100%. It’s always “my partner cheated but I don’t want to leave” ok dude you’re not married to her and have only been together 3 months. Then back in the day you could stalk their past posts and wouldn’t you know. More context shows that person was insufferable.
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u/sg16k 2h ago
Yeah that’s a good point.
I also find it wild when folks will post their profiles to be critiqued and most of the advice is just nitpicking their bio, shirt they wear, etc but not obvious looks issues, many fixable.
Ex. Say a guy has a goofy shirt and mid bio, but also 60lbs overweight and NW5 hairline. Shedding the fat, building some muscle and getting a transplant (or shave if hair loss is not stabilized) would likely improve results 100X more than just fixing the bio.
As a former ugly kid, you do us no favor ignoring obvious flaws. Also, many people are not aesthetically inclined so we may miss things.
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u/throwaway_ventingidk 1h ago
But even when they pick the clothes it’s about what the shirt says and not the fact that the person looks like a slob.
I have noticed people are getting more brutally honest though. There definitely is some tension as Gen Z is tired of millenial virtue signaling seen on Reddit.
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u/RadSocialistScum 5h ago
Because if your advice changes based on looks most people wouldn’t benefit
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u/throwaway_ventingidk 5h ago
Of course. Advice is tailored based on context. Duh?
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u/RadSocialistScum 5h ago
Idk why you’re being rude. I get thah. I just mean most people want advice about actions and how they should be addressed not if your looks contributed to it
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u/throwaway_ventingidk 5h ago
Sorry about that. I get it but also I wish people gave me more honest advice earlier.
Having gone through a glow up was reality shock that made me angry at the people who didn’t want to give advice for the sake of not sounding shallow.
The world is shallow sadly. Let’s all be honest with ourselves and help each other out.
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u/RadSocialistScum 5h ago
I truly get that. I do but I was thinking about the original post in more general terms where it seems like your instances looks was a necessary factor that was excluded instead of the instances that I pictured which since you mentioned partners , I assumed would be mostly established couples having discussions about labor (lazy) or emotions (avoidant) which imo can be analyzed without that context.
I do think good friends don’t help you if they only tell you what you want to hear. Outside of them I hope now you’re happy with your appearance. I bet you look great
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u/Funny_w0lf 5h ago
I mean would telling you "its cuz your ugly that life sucks" have helped you or respected those that hypothetically told you that?
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u/throwaway_ventingidk 5h ago
I would have focused more on my looks earlier and had closure. So yes.
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u/Funny_w0lf 5h ago
Tbh if you were able to "glow up" you were never really ugly in the first place. Some people could change their style, hair and body and still be objectively ugly. I think a society full of people openly calling people ugly would be worse than not saying anything.
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u/Kariya_shigatoki 5h ago
You can be introverted and reserved and people will think you're very mysterious if you're attractive. It really is broken.
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u/Foreign-Dependent722 1h ago
It's reddit, so assume the majority complaining aren't very good looking at all
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u/MikeandNeko 5h ago
Can confirm, I have let myself be mistreated because they were just so damn hot. But also, I was kind of really aware that's what I was doing.
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u/Caramelised-Sugar 5h ago
Happened to me too, but I wasn’t really aware of it happening at the time. I just simply felt I was in love, which I was. I wonder if we’ll ever evolve to be less simple-mindedly superficial as a species.
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u/New_Seesaw4717 5h ago
When I was dating I always left on the first red flag because there’s so many fish in the sea. I’ve noticed some of my friends who struggled dating stayed even tho the relationship was horrible because they didn’t think they could get anyone else. Looks matter for sure
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u/Ok_Bonus_7249 5h ago
Glow up before the blow up! Best advice I can give.