r/StopSpeeding • • Sep 10 '26

StopSpeeding ‘Street Adderall’ & Darkweb Pills Information

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74 Upvotes

Can’t tell the difference? Neither could the researchers, scientists and pharmaceutical professionals associated with the study this photo was taken from.

“..it was not possible to distinguish counterfeit medications from their authentic counterparts based on appearance. Only the use of several concurrent drug checking technologies provide a reasonable measure of confidence in medication composition.”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9901047/


The Problem

Let’s talk about pressed pills. Otherwise known as “street Adderall” or “literally any pill you buy that isn’t from the pharmacy”. 59% of drug overdose deaths in the US now involve stimulant drugs and pressed pills are a contributing factor to this.

The large increase in ADHD medication prescriptions over recent years has coincided with a natural, proportional increase in abuse of ADHD medication and ADHD medication addiction as we’ve seen demonstrated here. Shortages of ADHD medication and assorted societal factors pertaining to stimulant drug culture have combined with the growing pressed pill problem to create a very unfortunate situation.

Novice drug users and people seeking other methods to obtain ADHD medication are skipping the line of drug education and lesser drug consequences to run directly into the buzzsaw of a pressed pill epidemic. Reporting accuracies regarding overdoses and deaths from this wonderment are what you’d expect them to be for a variety of reasons - I wouldn’t expect that to get better anytime soon.

Harm reduction practices largely miss the bulk of people choosing to use pressed pills on multiple fronts - The dangers of them are severely underscored, awareness about what they actually are is sparse and the testing realities of verifying pressed pills to any reasonable, impactful level of safety aren’t great. Even if you reagent test one pill out of five from a purchased amount, even if you test every pill, the amount of information you don’t have contains more than enough potential realties to kill you.

Help for those addicted to ADHD medication is already challenging, resources are few, going to professionals often results in under-reaction or medical records consequences many are unwilling to take on. Identification in peer recovery resources better suited for street drugs and opiates can be difficult, and if a person graduates from medication abuse to pressed pills, they’re using something that shortens the period of time a drug user would typically have to fuck-around-and-find-out their way into recovery before dying from them.

If we as a community have ever had a common cause, doing whatever we can to aid in combatting pressed pills would be it.


What You Are Taking

Purchasing ADHD medication isn’t buying amphetamine salts or methylphenidate, what you’re getting is methamphetamine - And if that’s all you’re getting, you got lucky. Buying something sold as a stimulant pill does not make it solely a stimulant or a stimulant at all. Many pressed pills contain upwards of five substances in assorted potencies.

Here’s how to know if what you’re taking is a pressed pill:

  • It didn’t come in a pharmacy pill bottle from a pharmacy counter or window into your hands.

That’s it. That’s the criteria. You’re welcome to believe otherwise and proceed accordingly but statistically, you’re gambling with some of the worst possible odds a person can take on within drug use.

Here’s what absolutely requires that you assume the pill is pressed if you want to remain above ground and breathing:

  • You purchased or were given it
  • It came from the internet
  • It came from a “friend”
  • It was sold by a dealer
  • It was sold by your dealer, who you totally can trust because they tell you it’s real

Here’s ways you CAN’T reliably verify the full contents, authenticity or safety of a pill:

  • What it’s being sold as
  • Appearance
  • Color
  • Branding, designation
  • Capsules versus tablets
  • Effects
  • Urinalysis
  • Reagent testing
  • Test strips

There is no legitimate difference in blind practice between using a pressed pill you think is Adderall or pressed methamphetamine versus one you think is Xanax, Oxy, etc. If it’s a pill that you are buying, the only truth you know is the limited information provided by any testing you do of that specific pill, one at a time, and this doesn’t account for potency or all the other things your testing doesn’t tell you.

Testing doesn’t insulate you from harm using pressed pills, due to variance and the degree of testing required to create an increased level of safety it barely even reduces it. By all means, do test your pills if you’re going to insist on using them but don’t get it twisted thinking you’re wearing a bullet-proof vest.

TLDR: You probably have no idea what it is and neither does the person selling it to you. With the stuff that can potentially be in the pills, that’s not a great place to be.


Testing of Seized Pills

In the best U.S. lab series of seized counterfeit ADHD medication tablets, methamphetamine was the dominant active drug, not a rare extra. Rhode Island forensic chemistry, from 2017 to 2022, had 174 seized tablets classified as counterfeit amphetamine/dextroamphetamine by imprint AD 30, b974 30, dp 30, E 404, etc:

- Methamphetamine: 164 / 174 (94.3%)
- Eutylone: 7 (4.0%)
- Cocaine: 2 (1.1%)
- MDMA: 2 (1.1%)

Year splits for meth in those tablets: 2019 100%, 2020 95.8%, 2021 97.4%, 2022 87.2%. Independent lab reporting shows the same frequency of methamphetamine content and much higher rates of additional non-stimulant substances. What has been definitively shown across all data is that counterfeit pills rarely if ever contain actual amphetamine or methylphenidate.


Potential Inclusions and Cross-Contaminants

Here’s not only what pressed pills CAN contain, but routinely contain if we zoom out to look at them as one class in totality - Given the arbitrary legitimacy of separating them by what they’re sold as and cross-contamination in manufacturing, you can plan to run into these as easily as anything else on a long enough timeline:

Fentanyl About 100× morphine, 50× heroin. A potentially lethal adult dose is approximately 2 mg. DEA lab testing of fentanyl-containing fake prescription pills has varied by year, earlier public figures were 4 in 10 then 6 in 10 containing a potentially lethal dose, a later 2025 figure was 29%. Dose per tablet is not uniform even inside one bag. Effects: Can cause fatal, rapid respiratory arrest.

Fentanyl Analogues Same class, different potency and duration. In one Rhode Island seizure series of counterfeit pills, 99.3% of those pills contained fentanyl and 44.7% also contained para-fluorofentanyl. Carfentanil, 100× fentanyl, has been found in counterfeit tablets at reported averages around 0.02–0.03 mg/tablet. Effects: Lethal human dose for carfentanil is in the microgram/nanogram range.

Nitazenes (protonitazene, metonitazene, isotonitazene, N-pyrrolidino etonitazene, N-pyrrolidino protonitazene, others) Non-fentanyl µ-opioid agonists pressed into tablets sometimes sold as “fentanyl-free.” In vitro and case data put some analogues near fentanyl potency; N-pyrrolidino etonitazene, N-pyrrolidino protonitazene have been estimated approximately 25–43× fentanyl. Effects: Can cause fatal opioid apnea at doses a user cannot estimate, some overdoses have required more naloxone or longer support, under-detected on older tox panels.

Tramadol
Weaker opioid plus SNRI activity. Found in a substantial share of some counterfeit “oxycodone” seizures, one 2017–2022 series: 25.1%. Effects: Seizures at high dose, serotonin excess if stacked with other serotonergic drugs, still contributes to respiratory depression in mixes.

Xylazine
DEA reported xylazine in about 7% of seized pills and 23% of powder in 2022. Later analyses of counterfeits found it in a rising fraction, one series: 0% in 2017–18, 38.7% in 2022. Effects: Sedation, bradycardia, hypotension, reduced respiratory drive, hyperglycemia. Does not bind opioid receptors, naloxone does not reverse xylazine. Co-use with opioids increases lethality in animal models and produces overdoses that look “opioid” but stay sedated after naloxone. Chronic exposure is associated with severe necrotic skin wounds that can require debridement or amputation, wounds are not limited to injection sites.

Medetomidine Same pharmacologic family as xylazine. Effects: Same risks, deep sedation, cardiovascular depression, naloxone-resistant component.

Etizolam, clonazolam, flualprazolam, flubromazolam, bromazolam, phenazepam, diclazepam, adinazolam, bromonordiazepam, ethylflualprazolam
In one U.S. seizure series of counterfeit pills show etizolam 37.8%, clonazolam 32.4%, flualprazolam 17.0%. Some tablets contained fentanyl as well, 2.6% in that series. Dose per tablet varies widely, from 0.7–8.3 mg. Effects: They can cause profound sedation, amnesia, ataxia, respiratory depression especially with opioids or alcohol. Naloxone does not reverse benzos. Withdrawal from high-potency analogues can include potentially fatal seizures. Combining a hidden benzo with a hidden opioid produces overdoses that only partly respond to naloxone and last longer.

MDMA, MDA, MDEA and Analogues
Seized tablets in recent years commonly run 140–230 mg MDMA per tablet, many testing services now flag 120 mg as high-dose. Effects: A high dose itself causes hyperthermia, hyponatremia, serotonin syndrome, seizures and fulminant liver injury. Dose can differ greatly tablet-to-tablet in one bag. Stacking analogues increases serotonergic and cardiovascular load.

Synthetic Cathinones: 4-CMC, 3-CMC, 3-MMC, 4-MMC, eutylone/N-ethylpentylone, methylone, dimethylpentylone
Testing in 2025 put cathinones among the most common unexpected actives. Effects: Prolonged stimulation, agitation, hyperthermia, hyponatremia, serotonin toxicity, cardiotoxicity. Several have been tied to clusters of severe toxicity because effects last longer and users redose.

Cocaine
It’s cocaine. Effects: Is cocaine. Adds vasoconstriction, arrhythmia risk and a different time course.

2C-B and other psychedelic phenethylamines
Documented as substitutes or co-contents in tablets sold as MDMA. Different dose-response. Effects: A “one tablet” MDMA assumption can produce a much stronger psychedelic effect or unexpected duration.

This is not all-inclusive. It also doesn’t account for inactive chemical fillers or the assorted other random things they throw in these. Every kind of OTC pill under the sun is found in them, caffeine, Tylenol, diphenhydramine, whatever they’re using as a binder, etc.


How Pressed Pills Usually Kill You

  • Opioid + xylazine/medetomidine = apnea plus naloxone-resistant sedation

    • Opioid + designer benzo = longer, deeper respiratory depression
    • MDMA or cathinone + caffeine + heat/exertion = hyperthermia
    • PMA/PMMA + redose because onset is slow = hyperthermia and organ failure
    • Acetaminophen + many “percs” in a day = delayed liver failure on top of opioid toxicity

Again, not all-inclusive. Methamphetamine alone, absent of other significant quantities of drugs has been causing more deaths in some jurisdictions than opioid-dominant cocktails. Increased potency and variance in potency has made it fully capable of killing a person.


Can we stop pressed pills? No. Will the problem likely be bungled and politicized in ways that cause more harm than good? Already happening. What we can do is spread awareness and provide help for those who need information and help getting clean from them.

Getting into Treatment

If you are taking pressed pills and want to get into treatment, do not minimize or short hop the issue. Treatment can have “physical dependency” guidelines and if you tell admissions you’re just taking Adderall or buying Adderall, Vyvanse from “a friend”, they may agree with you and promptly give your bed to somebody else.

Tell them the truth - You are buying counterfeit pills from _____, you have no idea what’s in them. If you’re having withdrawal symptoms or effects consistent with other substances being present in those pills, say so. If you give them the lowest number of pills you’ve taken in the last six months as your daily and don’t disclose all ROIs, they aren’t going to take your minimizations and maximize them to a degree that gets you admitted. The treatment industry is already under-reacting to pressed pills, expect that when trying to get in and act accordingly.

Do not avoid supervised detox because you think the pills you’re taking don’t have other drugs in them. Finding out the hard way you’re withdrawing from things you don’t know you were on isn’t fun or safe. If you don’t know what’s in the pills, proceed as if there could be anything in them as far as seeking appropriate professional resources.

The Help

If you are buying pills, your problem is more than serious enough to identify with and fit in just fine with any recovery program. You can choose to either get over yourself and go or don’t and terminally unique yourself into an early grave. It doesn’t matter what the drugs are, and they honestly don’t care. You don’t even have to tell them. If you’re in your own way as far as addiction resources, imagine a landscape in which there’s virtually zero addiction recovery resources specifically for stimulant pill addiction - That’s where we’re at. Make use of what’s available.

It doesn’t matter how you got here, you are here. Many of us had good intentions when we started, many of us became addicted to our medications and had very unfortunate circumstances that led to its progression. The necessity for help remains the same and the resources for help are what they are regardless of how you managed to end up with a problem. There’s no shame in it unless you insist on carrying it yourself and all shame or separating yourself from others addicts or substance abusers does is keep you using while distancing you from resources than can help. You deserve to get better, so go do it. Here’s how:


Beginners Guide to Recovery

https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/s/3oUzSl3B6W

Recovery Programs & Resources List

https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/s/JJbI3D9zLZ

Our very own Community Stimulant Recovery meetings

https://stimulantrecovery.org

Testing

https://dancesafe.org/testing-kit-instructions/?srsltid=AfmBOoo_Hf1E30U20rCRrMQDGj3WDQEb4bUe2cBoQb9gBU9o0D6A3rgW


r/StopSpeeding • • May 13 '24

Announcement The Stop Speeding Master Sticky - Click This First

40 Upvotes

Welcome to Stop Speeding. Here is some stuff you should probably read.


Rule #1 - Do Not Suggest or Encourage ANY Drug Use

The Stop Speeding FAQ - What You’re Looking for is Probably Here

When Will I Feel Normal?

A Beginner’s Guide to Recovery

The Recovery Resources Megalist - Programs, Professionals, Resources


STOP SPEEDING SUBREDDIT RULES

1.) Do Not Promote Drug Use Any posts or comments that are seen to be encouraging / promoting the use of any stimulant drugs, as well as substances that can be used recreationally or have potential for addiction are strictly forbidden, positive personal experiences included. Suggestions or accounts providing information on managing, proctoring or taking drugs safely or successfully are also off limits. "Drugs" include psychedelics, THC, kratom, research chemicals and any stimulant medication.


2.) Show Compassion, Kindness, and Supportiveness Compassion, respect, and empathy are fundamental to this subreddit.It's okay to have differing opinions, but please be respectful when doing so. Love can be tough but make sure it's love first and foremost. Treat others as you would want to be treated.


3.) Triggering / Graphic Content Must Be Tagged If you're posting something others may find problematic in terms of triggers, being generally grossed out, made to feel offended or uncomfortable, please tag it appropriately and be considerate of the community in what you share.


4.) No Medical or Legal Advice Do not play doctor, do not solicit medical advice. We can share our experiences with medications and treatment, we can offer reasonable suggestions, we can tell people to Stop Speeding but it is imperative we do not provide any advice or feedback that would replace professional medical advice, discourage seeking medical care or potentially cause harm. If you're worried you're going to die or that you have heart problems, see a doctor. Same story with legal advice, consult a lawyer or become one.


5.) No Misinformation If you've got a controversial take or statement you're presenting as fact that's contentious enough to draw people's ire, bring about drama or create potential harm, best back it up with a nice list of citations from reputable sources.


6.) Recovery, Not Harm Reduction

This is a recovery subreddit and with that as a focus, any supportive discussion of drug use is off the table in order to best serve our primary purpose. Harm reduction is essential and saves lives but combining it with recovery in one forum is beyond difficult - There are many other places better suited for HR, we just Stop Speeding.


7.) Don't Be a Goblin

Goblin - [ gob-lin ] - noun - "a grotesque sprite or elf that is mischievous or malicious toward people."

This is a catch-all for assorted addict nonsense that defies all human convention, behavior that is plainly goblinesque in nature. You know what a goblin is. If you have to ask how you were being a goblin, you were definitely being a goblin.


8.) No Promotion, Solicitation or Spam

Posts or replies containing your website, subreddit, Discord server, for-profit business or services will be removed as spam.


9.) Contact The Mods for Survey / Study

Message us in Mod chat. If you can’t disclose what entity you’re doing it for, your qualifications, your funding sources and where exactly your information is going, don’t bother messaging us in Mod chat.


10.) Don't Break The Laws of Reddit

Anything that's in violation of Reddit rules and policies is an auto-ban.


11.) Don't Drag Recovery Resources

Please refrain from overtly trashing recovery programs and resources that others may find helpful to the extent that it may deter people from trying something that works for them. This includes SMART, NA, AA, Dharma, Celebrate Recovery, assorted therapies, anything that doesn't conflict with Rule 1. Feel free to share personal experience as to what worked and didn't - Trying to steer people away from potential solutions, l'd imagine there's more productive and helpful ways to spend your time.


12.) We Don't Talk About r/ADHD or Criticize Other Subs

Please refrain from mentioning or alluding to r/adhd in any context. Please do not criticize other subreddits or discuss bans, removals or philosophical differences. Out of necessity and risks to our sub, doing so is an autoban.


13.) Don’t “Benchmark” with Specific Amounts and Details of Use

Do not provide people with the intricate details of your amounts, types, ROAs and whatnot even if they ask because addicts will gauge their use negatively one way or another based on yours.


r/StopSpeeding • • 42m ago

StopSpeeding StopSpeeding 50,000 Members Milestone

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• Upvotes

Good morning, r/StopSpeeding. Today we celebrate reaching 50,000 members.

StopSpeeding opened in January of 2016. In 2020, we jumped from 6,500 members to over 12,000 during the pandemic and haven’t slowed down much since. Present day, the sub averages 275,000 visits monthly and has amassed 3.4 million visits over the last year, welcoming over 5,000 new members. I’d like to thank all of you for being part of this community and honor the contributions to it from those who are no longer with us.

The last two years have presented us with new challenges and new opportunities. Unfortunately, things are not getting better out there. 59% of overdose deaths in the United States currently involve stimulant drugs, gear is routinely cut / contaminated with dangerous additives, methamphetamine is outright killing people without any fentanyl help in some areas and we have a rapidly growing pressed pill problem. ADHD medication shortages and medication abuse cases rising along with increased number of prescriptions is diverting inexperienced drug seekers into street and darkweb pill sourcing. Spoilers: It’s pressed meth, and God only knows what else.

Harm reduction remains underfunded and obstructed, stimulant-specific recovery resources are scarce and addiction medicine options are practically non-existent. I’ve spoken at great length with “the calvary” across the collegiate and professional sectors - They aren’t coming. There hasn’t been anything new and efficacious for stimulant addiction treatment in a very long time and that’s not changing anytime soon. We have to make the best of what’s available and make our own help if we want something better.

So we did some of that recently:

https://stimulantrecovery.org

Community Stimulant Recovery soft-launched over the summer and has had good turnouts and great feedback from those attending. We currently have one weekly meeting on Wednesday nights at 7:30pm ET (tonight) and will be adding another by Christmas. Cross-promoting started this month with some of the other recovery communities and we’ve had treatment centers order flyers to put in aftercare packets. You should come, it’s good. If you’re reading this - You’re needed there, wanted there and cordially invited to attend.

If you are out there lurking and haven’t posted, commented, shared your story or asked for help, get in here. If you see a post that’s got low engagement and don’t think you have anything profound or helpful enough to say, that’s bullshit. You have no idea what that person is going to get out of a simple “Me too” or “It won’t be like this forever” message.

Everyone here is qualified to reach out to help or deserving of being helped regardless of where they’re at in their journey. If you’ve been clean for a while, maybe come tell some other folks how you did it. It’s going to take all of us, all of you and all the people who haven’t gotten here yet if things are going to get better.

It has been an honor and a privilege to serve this community. My recovery depends on it, and I would not be alive and clean today if I hadn’t come here. Thank you for letting 50,000 people know that recovery from stimulant drugs is possible - Please continue recovering, and stick around so you can let the next 50,000 know too.


r/StopSpeeding • • 7h ago

I Thought Adderall Made Me Unstoppable. Then I Had to Fight to Feel Normal Again.

13 Upvotes

First off, I’ve read a lot of your stories, and my heart goes out to every one of you. To everybody struggling, recovering, or wondering if they’ll ever feel like themselves again: stay strong.

Like a lot of you, I was addicted to Adderall and stimulants in general. And I’m going to be honest. I loved how they made me feel.

I was taking around 90 to 100 milligrams a day, mixing it with caffeinated preworkout and chewing tobacco. I loved working out. Sex felt ten times better, and I was struggling with compulsive sexual behavior too. I kept chasing that feeling without stopping to think about what it might cost me.

Then came the day everything changed.

I felt like I was going to die. I thought I might have overdosed. Afterward, I felt like I was having a stroke, but I tried to walk it off and act normal. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I kept trying to push through it.

When I went back to working out, my body couldn’t keep up anymore. Chest pain. Shortness of breath. Exercises I used to love suddenly became things I struggled to get through.

Eventually, I found out I had a blood clot in my lungs. I also developed cardiomyopathy and heart failure, which I understood to be connected to my Adderall abuse. I don’t know exactly how the blood clot fit into everything, so I won’t pretend I have every answer. What I do know is that my life changed.

Even a cup of coffee afterward could leave me feeling panicked, with my chest hurting. I went from chasing stimulation to struggling to tolerate it.

I’m a veteran, and through the VA, I’ve had extensive testing. Thank God, I’ve been told my heart function has recovered and the blood clot is gone.

But I still don’t feel normal.

It’s been over a year, getting close to a year and a half, and I still deal with exercise intolerance, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, and dizziness. Lately, I’ve also been dealing with low blood pressure and a slow heart rate.

One of the hardest parts is hearing that your tests look reassuring while you’re still struggling to do things that used to come naturally.

I think I messed up my autonomic nervous system, and in the back of my mind, I wonder if that’s what a lot of us are struggling with. I don’t know if that’s my diagnosis or whether it explains anybody else’s symptoms. It’s just what I keep thinking about. If that system is involved, I wonder whether it could help explain why recovery is taking so long. I don’t expect something like that to settle down overnight, but I’m still looking for answers.

But I know how exhausting it is to live with symptoms you can’t fully explain.

I’ve read stories from people who say it took them years to feel like themselves again. I don’t know what my timeline will be. Some days, that uncertainty is harder than the symptoms themselves. I miss working out. I miss trusting my body. I miss being able to push myself without wondering what will happen.

I’m sharing this because somebody reading it might be going through the same thing and feeling completely alone.

You’re not.

For me, taking accountability is part of recovery. I made choices that hurt me, and I have to own them. But accountability doesn’t mean spending the rest of my life hating myself. I still have a life to live, a family to appreciate, and reasons to keep going.

And I’m not blaming God. My faith in Jesus Christ has helped carry me through this. There were moments when I honestly thought I wasn’t going to survive. I’m grateful I’m still here.

To everybody who has spent months or years fighting through symptoms, fear, addiction, or uncertainty: you’re on some real shit. People may not see what it takes just to get through your day, but that doesn’t make your fight any less real.

I’m a veteran, and I have tremendous respect for Navy SEALs, Green Berets, and Marine Raiders. When I read your stories, I see the kind of mental strength and endurance I admire in those people. Some of us have stayed awake all night, scared by what our bodies were doing, wondering whether we were going to die. We’ve faced pain, fear, and symptoms that can feel overwhelming. And somehow, we keep getting up and fighting.

That takes mental toughness. That takes courage. That’s why I respect everybody here in this community. You might not recognize that strength in yourself right now, but I see it in your stories. Every day you keep going through this is another day you show how much you can endure.

You guys are warriors.

I hope every one of us gets back to feeling like ourselves. And if recovery takes longer than we hoped, or life looks different afterward, we still deserve joy. We still deserve love. We still have something to give.

Appreciate your family. Appreciate the little things. Keep looking for answers, and don’t give up on yourself.

I used to think strength meant how hard I could push my body.

Now, some days, strength means accepting where I am, holding on to my faith, and giving tomorrow another chance.


r/StopSpeeding • • 11h ago

Trying again rant

8 Upvotes

Haven’t used since about 2am this morning. Not going to smoke any meth but man the feeling of feeling so shitty afterwards sucks and my life hasn’t been manageable for a few years now. Living with a sibling who is trying her best to help in any way but I can’t seem to shake it. The cravings are tough and I am going to try to overcome it, my life has just been so miserable that I’ve pushed everyone away and created this void that I want to escape so bad. It’s hard for me to talk to love ones because I don’t want to sound like a broken record. Tough but I’m gonna stay strong because I want to live again. I was always a people person and loved interactions with anyone but now i can barely go into public without feeling like a lost cause


r/StopSpeeding • • 14h ago

Woahhh

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10 Upvotes

Celebrating 6 months sober with a 15km hike carrying a backpack full of books.

The part that sucks is that 15km is one way and it's about to start getting dark. Might get spooky lol...


r/StopSpeeding • • 3h ago

Resource Zoom Meeting Tonight, Wed 10/14 at 7:30pm ET - Community Stimulant Recovery

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1 Upvotes

The next Community Stimulant Recovery meeting will be held tonight, Wednesday, October 14th at 7:30pm Eastern. Cameras and sharing encouraged but optional, lurkers welcome, we cover all stimulants from medication to methamphetamine.

Tonight’s meeting will be hosted on Zoom, details are on the official website at https://stimulantrecovery.org and here:


Community Stimulant Recovery

Time: October 14th 2026 07:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada) Every week on Wed

Join Zoom Meeting:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81821633949?pwd=Zhx8vQFmMutGTyzniGbbOPuvpXVdMh.1

Please download and import the following iCalendar (.ics) files to your calendar system. Weekly: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/tZUldeiurTgjHt067j0oeigUQMMeRyzqrIDQ/ics?icsToken=DDh7Dq_pLooZ2LCKqgAALAAAAJPg9E23Rju-4epDrc1V-vYlY23cfCXc_7_rDmJ6GdgZySdBbAkWuqInw5Hv_mnW3Ih4otw5iGF0CD5vJTAwMDAwMg&meetingMasterEventId=vWnUdGw4QPuXEn2PzVwDyA

Meeting chat link https://us06web.zoom.us/launch/jc/81821633949

Meeting ID: 818 2163 3949 Passcode: 052227


Join instructions https://us06web.zoom.us/meetings/81821633949/invitations?signature=S70UMDYsWJ1P5AwdAsAfJzVxHCrWB4v07rV6q-6wFKs


CSR is a free, solution focused, peer-based recovery group for anyone who wants to stop using stimulant drugs - Any stimulant drug, be it a drug of abuse or medication, for any reason. We hold meetings where we share our recovery with others, exchange best practices, learn new ideas and enact positive change in our lives together. CSR is a safe place, all people are welcome here - Discrimination, hate and exclusion are not tolerated under any circumstances.

Community Stimulant Recovery observes no single recovery ideology and is without outside affiliation. We are here to help you find out what works for you and share what’s worked for us. Our meeting topics, shared practices and discussions borrow from psychology, therapies, professional addiction treatment and recovery programs - This is not an endorsement of any one resource, nor is CSR its self meant to be a standalone recovery solution or source of medical advice. We encourage members to avail of as many forms of recovery support as they need to, professional help and other dedicated recovery programs included.

Our core beliefs are that recovery from stimulant drugs is aided by approaching three primary areas of our lives in equal measure: Our mental health, our physical health and our emotional health. By becoming responsible for positive change in these three areas, we improve our thinking, our bodies and our feelings - Parts of our lives that problematic stimulant drug use negatively impacts the most. Growing in these areas helps us maintain abstinence and find happiness in recovery.

Community Stimulant Recovery refrains from the supportive discussion of any and all use of drugs with recreational applications or addiction potential, this extends to promotion and the sharing of personal experiences. This includes marijuana, kratom, research chemicals, gray market substances, psychedelics and all stimulant drugs. Managing or successfully using stimulant medication is not discussed here, and we are not a harm reduction resource. We have no opinions on these things, opting to maintain a singular focus on abstinence and recovery from stimulant drugs without supporting practices that may cause harm.

Meetings are similar to those you may have attended elsewhere, we have a topic or reading followed by an open discussion or sharing period. We speak from the I and do not offer unsolicited advice or commentary on the shares of others, continuance and response from our own experience is permitted. Solution-oriented discussion is strongly encouraged.

__

Meeting Format

  • Opening Statement (5 min)
  • Attendee introductions, identify as “Name, in recovery” (5 min)
  • Meeting Topic or Reading (CBT, DBT, ACT, BT, Twelve Step, Dharma / Refuge, Medical Lit, Book, Concept Discussion) (5 min)
  • Open Discussion (45 minutes)
  • Closing Statement
  • Contact Info Exchange, posted in Zoom chat, Optional

If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask here.


r/StopSpeeding • • 4h ago

Adderall/Vyvanse/Dexedrine I’m scared to come clean

0 Upvotes

I have Bipolar disorder and ADHD and been prescribed both Lamictal and Adderall for 6 years now, and at least 4 of those years I’ve abused. I’ve kept it hidden from my partner and at the end of everyday I feel shameful that I lie to her, to my family and friends. It’s been difficult to break out of this cycle of abuse, dependency and addiction. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve journaled about it. I am so scared to come clean even though I know I have people in my life that will always support me.

The feeling of shame runs so deep.

There have been many months of running out early. Typically by a week, but recently I’ve been abusing more slightly more than I have in the past. The days I don’t take it are usually rough but I have managed to keep myself together. When I get my refill, the cycle continues. My anger. Irritation, and sleep all get worse. My vitality is low. The worst part is my partner immediately recognizes a difference in my mood and energy.

I know addiction and abuse recovery cannot be journeyed alone, but I cannot even say these words out loud so I try my best to have it under control at all times. I pretend and make false promises to myself and after a while, that mentality weighs on your consciousness.

I think the other thing is I’ve been ignoring the possibly unethical and sketchy practices of my psychiatrist, who does not listen to my want to reduce my dosage or change medications. I feel like I shout into the dark. So, I decided to switch doctors. A fresh start, with a doctor who will hopefully help me. But I’m terrified of disclosing the truth and of course scared of giving up Adderall and the symptoms that follow

However, I feel a shift coming. A shift in my life that is past due and I owe it to myself to nurture my body and my relationships again.


r/StopSpeeding • • 12h ago

Needing Advice I can’t feel happiness 7 months after stopping

5 Upvotes

I stopped my Vyvanse after 15 years and a slow taper in march of this year. I stopped because they changed the formula and it just wasn’t agreeing with me. A few weeks later I wanted to try a Glp 1. I spent my summer miserable on a Glp 1. It took some time to put two and two that it was not good for my mental health. I have adhedonia already and the Glp pushed me into a. Full blown depression. So I stopped in September. I’m a month and a half off of it. My brain is just not right. I can’t feel happiness at all. I’m like wondering if this is normal or if I’m just screwed for life. Not sure if it’s the adderall or the Glp that causes this. I really don’t know. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.


r/StopSpeeding • • 11h ago

Adderall/Vyvanse/Dexedrine Had a dream about taking adderall last night

3 Upvotes

This isn’t the first time this is happened either… in the dream I’m always right at the moment where I’ve decided to take a little more than I should. I’ve just swallowed the pill, or I’m about to, and I have this little thrill of nervous excitement, like I’m strapped into a roller coaster about to feel the wind in my hair.

It was chasing this feeling that made me realize I take adderall differently than some people. I would stack doses or hoard pills so I could take more than prescribed at once. I would get curious about pushing the limits, or spend a sleepless night periodically checking Reddit to make sure there were other people on the internet taking as much as me and coming out on the other side unscathed.

I’ve only been off adderall for three days. I’ve taken it on and off for years, but recently I started getting prescribed by a new physiatrist that quickly increased my dose.

I stopped taking it because I started getting enormous, terrifying mood swings on off days or days where I tried to take a lower dose. Utter hopelessness, complete boredom, the feeling that everything good had passed and the future would be a series of compounding, exhausting, and utterly meaningless failures. I would lash out at my partner, myself, my family, then hate myself for it — more “proof” that I was a useless person that didn’t deserve happiness.

Anyway. I’m three days in. I feel okay. But I do miss that little thrill.


r/StopSpeeding • • 14h ago

Will i fully recover?

4 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I was on 160mg of instant release methylphenidate for a few years, followed by 170mg of foquest (extended release methylphenidate) for about 6 years (10 years in total).

I'm currently almost 6 months completely off and I still feel awful.

I guess I'm just wondering if i will be able to ever recover 100%?

Thank you.


r/StopSpeeding • • 21h ago

Discussion I think my Vyvanse is holding me back more than helping. And I think I’ve been in denial due to fear. *RANT*

13 Upvotes

Background: I have ocd and adhd. I take 3 meds, 2 of which I have no issues with- only really benefits. Which makes sense because they aren’t considered addictive/abusive. They build up over time. I take Prozac (SSRI for ocd) and intunic (nonstimulant for adhd). But I also take Vyvanse, and it’s been confusing.

Few Pros: I am motivated, which doesn’t really come naturally for me or consistently. As in, it doesn’t seem to stick around when it does come.

I can read. Enough said. lol

Cons: I feel not really “high” like it’s not the same “escape” as alcohol or weed (I’m sober 8 years from alcohol. A few weeks only from weed because I started experimenting with it a couple years ago and accepted I live in extremes. I was chasing the high similar to alcohol.) but anyway: I don’t feel high in the same way but I do feel wired. I’m essentially escaping my life now to be productive, or what feels productive.

I feel less bubbly, less me. More serious. Also, when I complete a task, it feels almost robotic. Like I am more motivated to do it, just to feel meh. When I actually do a task off it, I get that proud feeling after where I naturally wanna do more. Sure I’m more likely to ditch a project halfway haha BUT I’m like what if it’s about learning limits with myself instead of taking a stimulant to force it?

And, here’s the thing, I feel like…… dependent on it. Like I’ve had thoughts like what’s the point without it, I can’t function without it, etc., and I forget there’s a way to exist without. It’s not in a su**** way. It’s hard to explain. It’s more a fear like omg do I need this orrrrr life is too boring?

I take it. I wait for it to kick in. Then I try to get what I can done and am so sad when it wears off. I didn’t admit this in my last post but I have more than been tempted to take it twice in a day. I have. Many times.

As in, take it at 9am. And take it again at say 6pm. Always the “last time,” just to get “caught up.” But it’s never enough.

And also….. here’s the crazy thing. My house is a mess still! I’m behind on bills!!!!! I’ve gained all the weight I initially lost from Vyvanse back PLUS some!!!! I’m 33 but I feel like I’m aging?! Like I’ve always looked younger for my age and now I see this tired person.

But I’m scared because…. And idk how to put this you guys. I’m trying :(

I feel scared because I feel more confident somehow on it. Like oh I can not only have motivation on demand which tbh feels really good in a lot of ways even if also frustrated/wired. But also, I can do things that normally are hard. Boring tasks I normally want to do but can’t seem to :(

But also, I and up hyper focusing half the time on the wrong crap anyway and feel like it’s making my adhd worse in some ways. lol. Because I’m like go go go and sometimes that’s creating a new Pinterest board or reading. I like to read funny enough and Vyvanse allows me to expand my abilities to read more and faster. Point is I’m doing doing and anxious the entire time like I’m chasing it while it “lasts.”

My doctor knows some of this but not all, certainly not about the taking extra sometimes. We added intiniv a couple months ago and I’m so curious to see how I’ll do on that WITHOUT Vyvanse. Because I think it’s starting to work as I notice in the evening I am naturally more able to do small tasks etc. but it’s natural feeling! Similar to my SSRI really like, working, but subtly. Calmly. Like fitting into my life and working with me instead of me having to arrange my life around it and feeling pushed.

So idk. Also, I think a lot of this has had to do with identity for me oddly. I’m like, wait do I even have adhd if I give up stimulants? And also, since they SO help in some ways, I’m scared I’m going to push myself back and be useless.

Yes I think my ocd plays a role here, too. I’m wondering if the Vyvanse may be subtly making my
Obsessive thinking worse. I’ve tried to just not think about it. It’s not working.

I could use advice. I feel so alone. I’m seeing so many parallels to my drinking days.

But I am afraid life off it will suck, and be boring. I’m scared to go back to it physically hurting to start a task. To task paralysis constantly. To feeling like an idiot failure.

But I need balance. And I don’t think this is balance. I think I’ve gone from being obsessed with how lazy I was and incapable to how much I can get done in a day. It’s like…… I’m addicted to the feeling of being productive. Because I’ve spent most of my life beating myself up for not being productive. Always about being productive.

And for context, I’ve been told I’m smart. That I just don’t apply myself. I have lost a job before by task paralysis during covid. It’s what led me to eventually get back on meds. Because if I’m so smart, why do I feel so dumb?

ALSO, I’m considering asking my doctor to pull me off the Vyvanse. Maybe increase the intuniv if needed. Give it a real chance. It seems like it may be better for balance. Helpful without being habit forming. But I crave the dopamine kick or something I guess and am scared to ask. :(

And, I’m so confused because if I’m not getting a high from it, how come I still want it and feel addicted? Is this common? I know people feel high and that’s also valid but I feel less high and more wired. I hate when people say “you can’t get addicted to adhd meds! I forget mine half the time hahaha”

Okay, pal. But you then remember you forgot don’t ya? Why else would you even take it? It’s a stimulant after all. I’ve also forgotten mine out the door but boy do I remember a few mins later. That has nothing to do with it. lol. Sorry. I think I’m very annoyed with some of my fellow adhders who are like “you’re fine!” I don’t feel fine. And I just wanna know if this is valid.


r/StopSpeeding • • 2d ago

Anyone here have a very hard time stopping Vyvanse / Adderall binging because of body image or an eating disorder?

30 Upvotes

I have really bad body dysmorphia ever since I was in middle school and it’s only gotten worse with time. Last year when I was diagnosed with ADHD, in the back of my head I was excited because I knew it would probably help with the constant food noise in my head.

Well it did…..for a while that is. The Vyvanse really helped everything else though too, like y anxiety, rumination, racing thoughts and depression. It felt like my mind was quiet for the first time and I also wasn’t thinking of food 24/7. Well fast forward almost a year later and the main reason why i can’t stop abusing it and taking ridiculous amounts is really because of wanting to be skinny and not liking my body.

I did really enjoy the initial flood of dopamine the first few weeks, since I was chronically depressed and anhedonic, but the real reason that kept me wanting to take it was to lose weight. That’s the sad truth. Right now, I have lost probably 30lbs but ironically I hate my body even more now. I have loose skin, stretch marks and lost any and all muscle that I had because I truly ’enjoy’ the feeling of skipping meals cause it makes me feel…strong and in control, I guess?

So as it stands now, I haven’t been able to take my script as prescribed for even one fucking month since I have been on it and that is pathetic and also saddens me, since I really think it would‘ve helped me so much with all my other mental health issues like anxiety.

Now I lost all the weight, look flabby and hate myself even more and if I ever finally find the discipline to either quit or take as it prescribed (unlikely), then I am going to gain everything back anyways and look even worse off then before Vyvanse. I feel trapped in this cycle and I am pretty damn hopeless right now.

It feels like there is no winning in this situation for me. Anybody relate or have a similar experience or advice?


r/StopSpeeding • • 2d ago

Thought this belonged here too

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29 Upvotes

A big part of my recovery has been rebuilding my life to suit my authentic self, rather than trying to force myself to fit into a lifestyle that made me feel like abusing stimulants was a good option to survive.


r/StopSpeeding • • 2d ago

Holiday Weekend Worries

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1 Upvotes

r/StopSpeeding • • 2d ago

Needing Advice (vent) out of treatment/struggling/in need of more support but feel ridiculous!

1 Upvotes

hello. i went to treatment for 27 days at a nice local rehab. i was discharged last week and was set up for php staying at sober living a little less than 2 hours away from home. it was a nice place and that terrified me. i was excited, but, i felt a little bound by some limitations 1. i specifically wanted to go to an area that was WALKABLE. i was told over and over this area was perfect for me as it’s walkable (it’s literally not.) 2. i do have a car but it’s really shitty. i learned i can’t have my car at all while i stay there until it’s inspected. my car has a lot that needs done… i understand this rule 100% but considering l it is a non-walkable the area (even the bus is a bit of a hike btw) i found this incredibly disappointing. otherwise, this place is great and affordable. almost fully covered by insurance, they accommodate rent. they provide basic food. they help with transportation for php/meetings. the main issue i suppose is i struggle with change a lot. i didn’t give it a chance and i understand that. i know i put myself here, in this position. i kind of just wish i asked more questions but i didn’t know what questions to ask at the time. anyway, i spiraled and came home. i pretty much immediately stopped taking my meds and had minor lapses daily since friday. so here I am. i am considering treatment again, but my options are super limited. i dont know what to do. i would love to just go back to the rehab i was at to focus more on the curriculum and myself. i spent most of my 27 days either socializing/obsessing over clients/suffering over physical symptoms (i had to go to the fucking ER around my 2 week mark and have a med change, it was a whole thing) i don’t know. i’m lost. logically sober living/php would be good. i know this place in particular would be good but i am stuck on the non-walkable thing. i guess it’s a matter of sacrifice, huh? like fuck my home situation is misery. i’m safe here physically but not emotionally. i don’t think i can’t get sober here in this house. so yes sober living is on my list. i’m here wondering if i should call rehab to see if i can stay even a week. a few days even. i know that is 100% insurance’s choice. my lapse/ likely won’t be seen as severe enough which i understand. i’m so embarrassed. i’m just not in a good state. i stopped taking my meds and just feel like a different person. I would love some time between here and php to gather myself. i was shocked by how intense the jump felt from rehab to php/sober living. i wish i asked for more help but i pushed everyone away! reflected on all of this now. like i don’t feel i need a hospital but don’t know if i can’t handle sober living yet. you know? am i just AFRAID? maybe. yeah i should probably like call a hotline or some shit lmao. i emailed my old therapist venting/asking for some guidance. i feel better a little. lolol. recovery is something i desperately want. i know i fucked up coming home. so stuck on this thought of being selfish, am i trying to completely waste resources and seek comfort in the familiarity of rehab setting since i was just there for nearly 4 weeks? they don’t roast me. anyone been in this situation???????


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

I desperately want to quit meth, but I'm terrified of the first few days. Please share your experiences.

23 Upvotes

I’m 46 years old, and I only started using methamphetamine a couple of years ago. This isn’t something I’ve been doing my entire adult life, and I desperately want to stop before another year of my life disappears. I hate this drug. I hate what it’s doing to my life, and I genuinely want to be free of it. But I’m terrified! Not of being sober, because that’s exactly what I want. I’m terrified of the withdrawal process, especially those first few days. Someone close to me keeps telling me how absolutely horrible withdrawal is, and honestly, it’s making it difficult for me to mentally prepare myself. I’m looking for people who have actually been through meth withdrawal and come out the other side, especially anyone who started using later in life or only used for a few years. What were your first 24, 48, and 72 hours like? What was the hardest part? Was anything easier than you expected? What helped you get through it?

Please don’t sugarcoat your experiences, but please don’t intentionally terrify me either. I need honest, firsthand experiences, encouragement, and practical advice. I know withdrawal is different for everyone. I’m just hoping to hear from people who have been where I am and can remind me that there’s life on the other side of this.

I didn’t spend 46 years getting here just to let this drug write the rest of my life story. I want my life back.


Thank you 🩷


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Discussion medical tourism for addiction treatment, is there a reason nobody seems to do it

6 Upvotes

A friend I've known since school had a bad month, the kind where his wife calls you instead of him, and she asked me to help with the abroad part because I've been to Belgrade twice for work and that apparently makes me the family expert on Serbian hospitals, which I'm not, I've seen the airport and two conference rooms, but I said yes because what else do you say.

His psychotherapist's answer was more sessions. Fine. More sessions is what he'd been doing.

So I opened a medical tourism comparison site, the kind you'd use for teeth, and there they were, addiction clinics listed between dental implants and hair transplants, with star ratings. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. The Turkish ones were cheapest and the pages looked like hotel pages. The two in Belgrade on the same site were Medtim and Dr Vorobjev, and his wife shortlisted both. I'm not going to pretend I know why she's calling one first and not the other. That's hers to decide.

What I did take from the Dr Vorobjev page was that the stay is ten days to four weeks depending on the person. So I'm pricing flights and not booking them. One way, after she's spoken to them.

Which leaves me with the thing I actually wanted to ask. Treating this like a medical trip, compare and book, feels either very sensible or like I've done the thing I know how to do instead of the right thing. Has anyone gone abroad for this the way you'd go abroad for your teeth, and did it feel like that at the time?


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Methamphetamine Feeling really dumb

21 Upvotes

I’ve been buying pressed addy for 6 years, this sub helped me realize earlier this week that they are most likely meth. I bought an online test and of course it’s meth. I’ve abused these pills for 6 years and while addy abuse is still horrible knowing it’s meth is actually eating me alive and I’m not sure how to work through it. I’ve been in a daze just feeling really dumb actually thinking this shit wasn’t meth like all I could’ve done in the past 6 years was look into it and take just one minute but I guess I wanted to live in my fantasy land.

I threw them all out down the toilet and I thankfully just moved across the country from Denver to mass so I don’t have access here anymore. I also fear being without any pills now they felt like security for poor sleep, or just when I wanted to get shit done. Life feels so bland without them I just don’t know how to find joy in the fact I’ll never feel that euphoria again or even find joy in the everyday life they made so much more fun and interesting.

Idk what I’m seeking out of this post I’m truly spiraling thinking about the countless times I took them now knowing it was meth guess advice or encouragement i really dont know.


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

StopSpeeding I was doing really well and turned my life around with a decent job, but it was actually easier to be sober while unemployed! Fuck!

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15 Upvotes

r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Just discovered husband’s addiction

19 Upvotes

I recently discovered my husband of 7 years has had a pretty bad stimulant addiction for most of our relationship. Mostly Benzedrex, but also recently over the last year Adderall was added into the mix and things really came to a head these last few months. On top of discovering that, I also discovered he had been spending lots of money on onlyfans as well and completely lying about our finances, and that seems like another full blown addiction on top of the speed. I was completely blindsided. I want to help him but I’m also so incredibly angry, it’s a tough spot to be in. He’s stopped all stimulants and told his psychiatrist about his abuse, basically eliminating the possibly of any future prescriptions. He’s also stopped the Benzedrex. They currently have him on a mood stabilizer but he just started that. I guess my questions are for those of you that have been through something similar and come out the other side: in your experience, is this all related? If he is able to get the stimulant abuse under control, will the porn addiction and lies also stop? Or am I looking at this just possibly being who he is? Does stimulant abuse make you that impulsive that you’d do things you know would emotionally destroy your significant other? I’m just trying to understand from some others who have been here. Thanks in advance.


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Adderall/Vyvanse/Dexedrine Are there adhders in here torn about their stimulant medication?

43 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I’m new here. I’ve been considering coming off Vyvanse for a few reasons, and I’m hoping to find others who can relate.

First, I do have ADHD. I’ve noticed a lot of posts from people who have struggled with stimulants but don’t actually have ADHD, which is completely valid too! But I’m feeling pretty alone because I’m trying to find other ADHDers who aren’t necessarily abusing their medication, but are questioning whether stimulants are right for them.

For context, I have both ADHD and OCD (fun combo lol). I take Vyvanse, Intuniv(a nonstimulant for adhd), and Prozac. I have no issues with the latter two, but lately I’ve been noticing some mental patterns surrounding Vyvanse that remind me of my past struggles with addiction.
There, I said it. I’m 8 years sober from alcohol and also sober from 🍃. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that when something changes my mental state in a way I enjoy, I tend to want that feeling to last.

The tricky part is that Vyvanse genuinely helps my ADHD. I don’t experience a recreational high, and I’m happy with my prescribed dose. But I do experience that boost in motivation and focus, and when it wears off, I feel disappointed. I find myself wishing I could stay in that productive state longer, and I’ve even felt tempted to take more just to keep it going.

That’s where things start to feel uncomfortably familiar.

I also feel like there’s not much room for nuance in these conversations. Sometimes it seems like if you question stimulant medication, people assume you must not really have ADHD. But I DO! And the medication DOES help! That doesn’t mean I can’t also recognize some potentially unhealthy patterns in my relationship with it. Right?

I’m wondering, can something become psychologically addictive even without a traditional “high,” even if you’re taking it as prescribed? Can the motivation and productivity boost itself become something you feel overly attached to?

I also struggle with how dependent I feel on Vyvanse to accomplish things. It helps me get tasks done, but sometimes I feel robotic, and no matter how productive I am, it never feels like enough. Then when it wears off, I feel like I’ve lost that ability to function the way I want to anyway.

And honestly, the fact that I’m spending so much time thinking about this and feeling scared of life without it makes me question whether my relationship with it is healthy.

I desperately want balance. I’m just not sure whether stimulants are helping me find that balance or making it harder. But I also know how difficult life with ADHD can be without them.

Part of me wonders whether I would be better off managing my ADHD with Intuniv alongside my Prozac, without the Vyvanse. But I’m scared to make that change because I know how much the Vyvanse helps in certain ways.

I guess I’m hoping to hear from people who genuinely have ADHD, have experienced real benefits from stimulants, but have still questioned whether those benefits outweigh the downsides, especially anyone with a history of addiction.

Has anyone else experienced this? Can you relate to the mental attachment even possibly without abusing your medication or experiencing a high?

Sorry for the long post! I’m just feeling pretty scared and conflicted, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who understand both sides of this. ❤️


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Adderall/Vyvanse/Dexedrine Long time lurker here. I am almost ashamed to admit quitting was easier than I thought it would be.

64 Upvotes

I was always considered the “smart kid” in my family and made straight As all through grammar, middle, and high school without studying. My large state college was also a breeze, I actually had a side hustle doing other people’s school work for cash.

Then a friend needed a paper done ASAP and gave me 60 mg Vyvanse. I finished her paper and was so tweaked out I spend 2 hours packing, unpacking, and repacking my backpack; I ended up missing a lecture.

I would sporadically take my ex’s adderall (not stealing, he gave them willingly) to get the work load of other’s class work done.

Then I got into nursing school and was failing because I had never learned to study. I got prescribed adderall at 19 years old. 10 mg IR twice a day for a couple months, then 20 mg IR twice day throughout the duration I was on it (ended up being 7 years). My grades picked back up. I always said I would quit it when I graduated.

Throughout this time, I was in terrible health. I’m 5’4” and at my lowest weight dropped to 83 lbs. I looked disgusting. I never ate. I was irritable. Then the shortage occurred, I drove HOURS to try to fill my prescription. I felt like a crack addict.

However, I gaslit myself, it’s just until I graduate. It didn’t help that other factors in my life led me to dropping out of nursing school for a year then restarting again. Prolonging my “required timeframe” on adderall.

But then I graduated, I worked nights, and said I would quit when I got the hang of the schedule. Over two years into that and I still hadn’t quit. I was getting worse. I started taking 80 mg - 100 mg a day (I had a stash because originally I was trying to wean myself off of it). I frequently visited this subreddit and read other’s experiences silently.

I stopped keeping track of how much I was taking. Probably 120+ mg a day. And not even accomplishing anything on it, because any task caused my heart to feel like it would explode. All I could do was sit and scroll.

My psychiatrist was retiring and my husband and I were discussing starting a family soon (no one in my life knew the about the adderall abuse). I took it as a sign that once my refills ran out, that would be it.

It’s been two weeks, no adderall. This is what I’ve been putting off? I feel *happier* again. My husband has commented just how much more fun I seem. I’m not irritable, I’m goofying around the house. He THINKS I’m high half the time! I do take a nap at some point throughout the day, and sometimes feel super fatigued, but it’s nowhere as difficult as I thought it would be. I did start drinking one energy drink a day, as a compromise to get me kick started for the day. Nothing more than 200 mg caffeine a day though.

I’m sleeping better. I look healthy. I feel BETTER. I’ve been doing dishes and clothes, cleaning, playing with my dog.

I’m kicking myself for spending years of unnecessarily worrying about life after stopping. Believing it’s so terrible and I’d have a sense of productivity or normalcy again.

It’s nothing like that at all. I know I’m only two weeks in, and have a long ways to go, the rest of my life without it, but I can’t describe the relief of living a HAPPY life free of adderall. I didn’t think it was possible. But it is.


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Adderall/Vyvanse/Dexedrine 13 days and counting

9 Upvotes

I finally quit lying to myself that I had it under control and quit Adderall after 7 years of abusing it. Its been a problem pretty much ever since I started it, but escalated while in an abusive relationship for most of last year. At the end I was eating around 200mg daily. Now that I am free from my abusive ex, I am in trauma therapy, IOP, and I finally told my psychiatrist to not prescribe any more refills.

I kept pushing it off but I had my hip replaced two weeks ago so I thought it would be the perfect time to quit so I could work through the withdrawals at the same time.

For only being 13 days in, I feel surprisingly good. I don't have so much anxiety, I actually sleep, I feel happy in general, and I feel more present. I find myself actually wanting to be around people and wanting to eat healthy food.

I quit alcohol 5 years ago on August 30th, so I am well aware of the Pink Cloud, but I am gonna ride that fucker as long as I can. 😂

I also quit smoking weed for the time being as well so I can actually feel all the feelings to properly work through my trauma.

So far, so good. I've tried to quit Adderall a few times now and this time feels different because I actually WANT to be done being a slave to the little orange pill.

I'm open to any advice to keep things going in a positive direction. ❤️


r/StopSpeeding • • 3d ago

Becoming willing

3 Upvotes

Just found out about this community and wanted to say hi and say thanks. I’m coming up on 2 years clean from booze and weed, but I’ve been on Adderall for a couple decades. 20mg XR in the morning, 20mg IR in the afternoon. It’s prescribed but feels like a plug situation with my doctor - we do a 15 min zoom call a month and he fills my scripts. Feels like a dealer to me the last couple years…

Think I’m getting to the point in my sobriety that the Adderall side effects feel oppressive - loud, obvious, and connected to many character defects of mine. Im feeling pulled towards the freedom you all express… the hope. I’m scared though - especially because my sobriety journey has brought me into a new career and, while my current salary is pretty low, I feel like it’s evidence of the 10th step promises & my higher power working in my life. HP threw me a ball and I don’t want to drop the catch.

But I also know I’m running around like a nut a lot. I do gig work outside of my 9-5 to cover my bills and rarely can sit down long enough to watch a movie. My brain is loud. I pick at my skin til I bleed. I struggle with sleep and anxiety and just… “AHHHHHH”.

Just sharing 1) to admit my situation and 2) to ask for help and encouragement. My AA sponsor is amazing but we have really different takes on the medical establishment, so we don’t discuss meds or the details (love her but she may be full antivax lol). I’ve also weaned off of a lot of other meds in the last year or two.

I’ve become willing, slowly, to address the other addictions that have brought me to my knees. And sure enough, I’m starting to feel like a human again… slowly, day by day. I believe that’s possible, on the other side of my Adderall use. I’m just nervous about executing LIFE without Adderall, knowing my bills are so tight that I can’t drop any balls. I live alone, am single, and am providing for myself entirely with no outside support.

Would love help, advice, and encouragement to take the step in becoming more and more willing to take. Cuz it’s the final frontier - I’ve quit everything else and have soooo much evidence doing so was an enormous blessing.