Deprograming and Deconstructing resources:

One of them was my ex sponsor. Nothing AA-related, just asked me how things were going and if I was close to driving again (I lost my license in 2022 and get it back in a couple days). He was surprisingly accepting of me leaving the program, and I'm cool staying in contact as long as he doesn't try to recommend re-joining AA.

Now, the other one... He's also aware that I've been out of the program for a few weeks now. He said something along the lines of, "Hey man missed ya at the meeting! Ya gotta come back sometime!" Uhhh, HELL NO. I've made a very firm commitment to never go back. I came back and recommended that we grab a bite sometime, or hit a pool hall in the area soon.

I didn't burn any bridges when I left. My conscience is clean, I made a smooth break, and I'm totally down to stay in contact with this small handful of people as long as AA isn't involved. We don't need to " hit a meetin' " to hang out or catch up.

Just thought I'd share that here lol

I started going into my recovery journey in February. My first rehab had us going to AA meetings, I got out and kept trying to go to meetings but I kept relapsing and was in and out of different rehabs for a few months. Inpatient and outpatient. All of the places I went kept pressing this idea of AA and it just never stuck for me. However I did get a sponsor and we started working the steps. I am a college student and my university has a recovery program and I’ve found it way more helpful than AA ever was. I am now 88 days sober and I did it for me, not AA. I don’t know how to tell my sponsor I want to stop doing step work because I’m not into AA. I really like her but she’s really big into the program, it’s like her whole life. And I know she will look down on me for stopping. I’m just so over the steps and the readings I can’t keep doing it.

hello fellow addicts,

so, 2 days ago I (f26) celebrated 3 years of being clean and sober, I left the rooms a year and something ago and I was kinda thinking about the past 3 years and the things I've been through. after I stepped on my legs, got a job, made friends I kinda realized it's a cult and that I was in a really weak and vulnerable time in my life and that a lot of people took some kind of advantage of that but I'm lucky I wasn't sexually harassed or anything like that (my heart goes out to anyone who was taken advantage of like that). BUT, what I wanted to talk about is the "bragging about sobriety". In early recovery I told SO MANY PEOPLE that I'm sober and that I have issues drinking 🤡 I don't wanna say AA/NA made me do it but I was surrounded with people like that and I thought it's completely normal. I'm having massive retroactive feelings of shame and embarrassment. were you like this in early recovery? how did you deal with the fact that you possibly made it a huge part of your personality? now I don't even feel like mentioning it to people, I just don't drink that's all, just like some people don't smoke I don't drink, I don't consider it a huge win or an accomplishment (although I'm proud of myself for realizing early enough that I had a problem).

I tore my achilles tendon working out this month and have been bedridden with a boot on, patiently waiting for when I can start PT end of this month.

I’ve been isolated since October 1 in my apartment, so I’ve been talking to a lot of people on my phone so I don’t start talking to the wall out of boredom, one person being my old sponsor from AA.

When I told her about the injury, she told me that my higher power will do for me what I can’t do for myself 🫠💀

Anyone have similar cringe or funny stories of conversations with sponsors that would make absolutely no literal sense in the outside world?

Could use the entertainment right now, thanks yall 👏🏻🤪

I have had serious drug problems in the past and I tend to be able to do anything on occasion other than stimulants and opiates. I am going clubbing this Friday for the first time in a longgggg time and have been having a fit trying to find stims. I know it's self destructive and horrible for me but idk what it is. It's like I can't see myself going to a club without being blackout drunk and on tons of coke, Adderall or vyvanse. I get sweaty and filled with joy from just the thought of doing these things and I want to give in so fucking bad. I have the ability to have moderation with benzos, gabapentin and lyrica, kratom, kanna, alchohol and pretty much every other drug but stimulants draw me in more than anything I have ever felt. There has been times almost once a week for years now where I will consider stealing my girlfriends Adderall prescription. I never have and never will but it scares me that I even consider stooping that low knowing how much it helps my girlfriend and that she needs it. I fight the urge Everytime I have it but I'm freaking out right now messaging every drug dealer I know and friends trying to find shit and I'd rly like some advice to deal with this. The last thing I want is to go backwards. Thank you

Until yesterday, I had 75 days of sobriety. I have been in a recovery mindset since late 2023, so almost three years now. My longest stretch of sobriety is likely around 4-5 months. I would say that most days, being sober is not too difficult for me and I’ve come a long way from sabotaging my life on the daily. Now, it seems that I sabotage my life on a quarterly basis.

Each time it happens, I resolve to do better and talk to somebody before it gets to me. That is where I seem to be running into trouble. Things that should matter to me in the moment to stop me from drinking, don’t. And that really concerns me and those who love me.

I had an impactful conversation with my partner today, and I understand I now need to do more work to figure out the deep-rooted issue I am dealing with. I have created trust issues with my partner where we otherwise truly have none. They know me on the average day and know my drunk self is not that. But I feel terrible that I’ve been selfish and obtuse to the consequences of my actions. I don’t want to put myself or people I love in this poor position anymore :(

I genuinely feel to a large extent, I’ve accepted that my life is way happier when I’m not in active alcoholism. So I’m not sure what’s keeping me from practicing that every time.

I plan to sit down with each of my parents soon and bring them up to speed on where I’m at. I go to therapy regularly. I feel so ashamed.

Can anyone please share how they’ve overcome this? Sorry if I’m not making 100% sense, as I’m still dealing with the hangover. :( Thank you.

Hi, so I finally gathered up the courage to officially stop attending the AA group I started with. While I am sober, I don't want my entire identity wrapped around sobriety and having to force myself to meetings that don't feel beneficial to me.

I had a sponsor who I chose because they were the only one who didn't get all in my face as a newbie and just treated me with kindness and gentle approach. We worked together for about a year and some change. Establishing a lot of trust.

When I realized my time in this stage had pretty much served me as much as I could manage, my sponsor seemed supportive and appreciated my honesty. Didn't jump into the typical rhetoric I was afraid of.

I was recently in a freak accident that resulted in emergency surgery. I reached out because even though we ended our "sponsor/sponsee" relationship, I still felt a connection and felt it was right to keep them in the loop. (accident had nothing to do with drinking btw)

I tried to call. No answer. Sent a text. Received really vague answers.

So now my whole question really is... Was the whole thing just for show? like, "ooh, look at my sponsee doing soo great blahblahblah" until I am not useful anymore?

I feel really hurt by it because, while I feel like AA served me for what it was worth for me, I am sober. I really hoped that out of anyone who could understand where I'm coming from is a Sponsor. I suppose not....

sorry if this is not the place to post this but I’m kind of a loss I guess.

I have a family member to whom I am pretty close to, who has been sober via AA for about 2 years.

I have been recovering from trauma for about a year now and they’ve really helped me along the way. I tried doing ACA for about four months after they told me about it. it worked a little bit but mostly just made things worse for me so I left.

they of course told me I wouldn’t be able to recover without it but accepted that I wasn’t going back and didn’t say much about it moving forward.

Upon further reflection on my experiences in the program and trying to follow a 12 step-ish path for recovery I think it is super culty.

I accidentally joined a cult at some point, so I get it can be easy to fall into. I see in them the same things I saw in myself while I was in the cult.

THEYRE entire life revolves around it and well gristly I’m kind of worried about them.

honestly it also has started to effect our relationship a bit as well. they strongly believe that it’s the only way to get better and because they’re so involved just don’t have time or mental energy to put effort into our relationship. considering they’re like the parent I never had it’s taken kind of a toll on me

I at some point expressed my concern to them and they told me they had a supportive community to hold them accountable and help them through things.

im glad they’re sober, they seem happy enough with life but I just wish they would step back and see it for what it is.

they are a bery smart person and I hope they will eventually, but right now I think they’re coping.

im trying to convince myself I’ve done everything I can indirectly telling them im concerned and think they’re coping but they definitely didn’t take me seriously.

I know there is probably nothing more I can do. I kind of just wanted to rant about it

edit: to clarify ACA is basically AA but for trauma. Specifically it’s for people with alcoholic or mentally ill parenrs.

I was forced into abstinence in a locked 9 month long facility at 16 and now (turning 18 in a couple weeks) I’ve decided that I want to take a harm reduction approach. But the program I gradated from tells parents if ur kid even smokes or drinks (I was doing coke Xanax percs Ativan and allat) then u have to kick them out so that they “experience enough pain” and are forced to go back to treatment because the pain and shame is what pushes u to get sober.
Pray for me guys icl idk how this will play out

I am a ex crack user
I have been sober for almost a month
Before that I was sober for 1 and a half years
Was on it for 4 years till now
I’ve told everyone I’ve stayed sober for that time and managed to hide it aswell as I moved to another city
I am getting my life together and re connecting with old friends back into gaming, working, going to gym eating great etc
I still feel lost in guessing it’s because of the anticipating a relapse sort of feeling
Not sure the purpose of the post just want someone to talk to about..
thanks

I am in a situation where I need to make this transition as quickly as possible to avoid it affecting my work, and so I have my last 200mg of 7oh which is going to get me through my afternoon shift till 1am. I may take my last dose around lunchtime or right as I get off. My plan is to go home, sleep, wake up, I know I will be feeling a little sick already. But there is a good chance that if I don't wait until closer to 24 hours I could risk precipitated withdrawal.

In the event that I decide to just tough it out and take 16mg, with more as the precipitated hits, about how long does the precipitated withdrawal last? Would I be able to suffer through it in the morning and be fine by the time I have to go to work at 3pm?

I would think it could be possible

Setting a course for freedom - The RAFT to Freedom

Hoping a moderator can add this to the page of links - I've recently come across this secular buddhist recovery framework, created by a retired doctor and a buddhist practitioner here in the UK. They emphasise crossover with neuroscience, philosophy and psychological approaches. I believe they are open to all addictions too.

I haven't gone through much of the programme myself yet but the weekly topics (there's a lot of them) and discussion prompts seem really thoughtful, intelligently put together, and broad. I particularly like the many prompt questions, and am trying to start a regular habit of journalling a little on them (subbing out with All Souls entrance exam questions lol).

I've been to two meetings now, and the conversations were genuinely insightful (today's was on self-compassion.) I believe (though am not 100% certain), that each meeting is facilitated by one of the creators of the programme. Participants seemed to be living good lives, and had a sense of humour too. Meetings are on Tuesdays and Sundays.

Kinda crazy how fast the last year and a half of the sobriety has gone. I do have weird relapse dreams but that’s the closest I ever get now to the idea of relapsing.

One concept that stuck with me to get this far: De-Centering your DoC. A big issue I take with AA is how reliant on external reminders and “accountability” is championed in that space. You’re always looking right in the face at something you’re addicted to. You become obsessed with it even though you’re trying to make meaningful steps to change. How can you be FREE and SOBER/CLEAN if your DoC is still at the top of your mind constantly?

Shoutout to my chosen family, DBT, Zoloft and most importantly MYSELF. One of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself is get sober. I was able to start saving money and moved out of my abusive home just earlier this year, and that never, ever would have been possible if I hadn’t quit drinking. Haven’t thrown up since either.

just a vent cause im kind of annoyed im around so much toxicity. i dont know many people anymore as the result of my addiction and so interactions are usually with family or using or recovered addicts. i can think of somebody who is two years sober but they literally just say every time i talk to them on repeat i hate being sober i wish i could do heroin (why? just why?) and how they are miserable sober. even with me trying to get sober after they celebrated 2 and a half years sober and i got clean they are just telling me how they hate being sober and they want to do heroin. i think she literally wants me to relapse? they literally have told me they have no life outside of AA, and they make it their whole personality while shitting on it behind the AA people's backs and she wont at all be supportive of me when i wanted to ask her for help since she is planning on working in helping people recover from addiction she just repeatedly discouraged and mocked me every time i said something positive about my recovery. she is telling me, she found nothing from sobriety, it was entirely pointless and performative.

and i know another person who is a using addict and i think has just given up hope. every day nonstop he only talks about drugs and only ever talks about drugs, he wont talk about anything else but drugs hell just move on to a different drug related conversation. like wtf? is there anything else to you? it just feels like some people who are addicts are just fundamentally unable to grow up and act adult and like, y'know struggle with addiction while remaining a human with more to you than that, a struggle not an identity, and wanting to get better. i hate this attitude of being content sitting in your own shit. sorry this is kinda ranty im in early sobreity and very pissed today

I just wanna say if you’re struggling in either early recovery or long term, it gets better & you should be proud of yourself. Be sure to reach out to your support system if you have one. If you don’t you can reach out to me! I struggled with 🧊 addiction for 12 years and have been clean now for a little over two years. It gets easier but it won’t always be easy. Thanks for taking the time to read this & have a good day !!

If you’re struggling today, please read this.
About two months ago, my uncle suffered a hemorrhagic stroke that doctors told us was caused by methamphetamine use. Early this morning, he passed away.
For the past two months, our family has watched someone we love go through something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. We did everything we could to keep him alive, hoping and praying things would somehow get better. But the damage was too severe.
My uncle went from being an active person to someone who could only blink his eyes to answer yes or no questions. He couldn’t talk to us. He couldn’t live independently. We had to watch him slowly lose the things that made him who he was, and there was nothing we could do to change what had happened.
Today, we lost him.
I’m sharing this because I know some people are struggling with addiction, and I know that when you’re in that place, it’s not always easy to think about the consequences. But please, remember that your life matters, and your family loves you. The consequences can be so much bigger than you realize, and sometimes the damage cannot be undone.
Please don’t put yourself or your family through this.
I wish more than anything that my uncle were still here. Please, if you’re struggling today, choose to stay. You are worth saving, and the people who love you want you here. ❤️

This close to calling my dealer and buying with the little money I have aaaaartrhhhhhggg

Send good vibes baaaaaaaaah

Full disclosure, I’m the mod over at r/moderationmanagement but I thought some folks here might be interested in this!

I’m supposed to get put on my Vivitrol shot in 2 days. How can i get alcohol completely out of my system so i can get my shot? They just do a standard urine test.

The photo on the left was from two years ago, when I was 19 years old. I used to go on massive drinking sprees for days at a time, constantly drunk all day everyday for a week or two. Eventually my body would give up and I would become sick.

At one point, My appendix became seriously inflamed and it had to be removed due to drinking.

Don’t let age fool you. This drug will rip the soul out of anyone it desires. I could have very well lost my life, the same way Amy winehouse did.

The photo on the right was from today. 6 months free from alcohol. My friends, I am crying tears of joy. It is possible, I promise. If anyone is struggling, please use this message as hope. And if anyone needs to, please message me. IWNDWYT

So I'm sitting in an AA meeting in small town TN. This is the bible belt so they thump the bible here. I've learned to tune that out. However I heard something last Thurs night that trumps all. An old man started to share about 6:50pm. Meeting is scheduled 6-7. He rambled on past 7 and I thought it was just an old man with dementia and not aware of the time. He then said, "I talk past the end of the meeting to teach you all composure and patience." I was tired and had to be at work at 6:30 the next morning. It didn't register with me what he had just said. He then rambled on to about 7:15 then ended his talk. Driving home I realized what that old man had just said. "Screw you and your time and the meeting rules. I want to teach you composure and patience." That the last straw for me. AA is too dysfunctional for me. I'm out.

Fortunately, I only have a week left here before moving to a 90 day residential IOP.

but after detox (which was great btw), they connected me with a 30 day residential. The assessment call went well and it seemed like I would enjoy my time here. They asked me about my diet (informed me that they could accommodate my dietary restrictions) and asked about my religious beliefs. I said I am agnostic and they said they could also accommodate this.

When I arrived, it became incredibly clear that the residential program was not staffed by trained professionals whose "education" is only limited to AA meetings. Worse, is that the longest amount of sobriety any of the staff has is 11 months. My longest sobriety time is just under 7 years. They were extremely condescending about this and told me I relapsed because I wasn't involved in AA. I told them that they are welcome to call me in 6+ years and tell me they are 7 years into AA and it's still working.

Thus, the feud between me and the staff started. I found out that we have to go to church every Sunday morning. I asked to opt out. They said I can wait in the lobby. I said I don't even want to do that. They said I would have to voluntarily leave the house if I can't attend the church. I asked if we could go to services at a Buddhist or Hindu temple or services at a mosque. They said no. They also have extremely limited knowledge on religion in general.

They only have copies of the Bible in the house so I told them that I want to contact local places of worship to provide them with non-Christian religious texts and books, along with books on sobriety for atheists and agnostics. They said no to this too.

We also have to go to AA every night. They struggled to answer how I was able to stay sober for 7 years without AA and my relapses came when I was active in AA.

I have a lot to say to them when I transfer to the new place. Anybody been in this situation or have ideas how I can further push back on this place?