**TLDR:** I chose to save my marriage by rehoming my reactive soul-dog and can´t cope with the thought of giving her up.

Hi everyone,

My wife and I have a 3 year old wonderful and incredibly loyal German hunting-terrier-mix (80%), that is highly reactive to new people in our apartment and most dogs - mainly when I'm not around. We've tried training, lots of training, with multiple coaches, all specialized in dog behavior.

When that alone didn´t work, we added medication such as SSRIs, under medical supervision of course. That worked to greater extent and our dog is much calmer in most situations - but not reliably so when I´m not home.

We got her from a rescue shelter, when she was 8 months old - she had been passed around by 6 families prior to us. We didn´t meet her before she was brought to our hometown by the rescue, the rescue also never mentioned that she had strong hunting dog traits. We live in a crowded city and were looking for a dog as first-time owners. Lots of things went wrong with the shelter communication and with the adoption process in itself, but here we are.

I love her to death and she loves me just as much. This is my soul-dog. She listen to every word I say, is obedient in 99% of situations and gives me nothing but joy. For my wife, it´s the other way around. Our dog mainly bonded with me , mainly due to me being naturally more drawn to the idea of having a dog and putting in much work with training. With my wife, you can see her being insecure as my wife is insecure in handling her and simply has given up on training due to a psychological blockade. I can see how sad and exhausted my wife is, and I don´t want to keep this burden on her.

I fully understand my wife's emotions as well. She wanted an easy-to-handle dog and got a dog that requires lots of management and consistent training. Our dog only weighs about 10kg but is still not harmless once reactive. She never bit anyone in her life but snapped at my mother-in law and friends in some stressful moments, seemingly out of nowhere.

My wife had days and weeks of bad experiences with her when I was on business trips and simply can´t take it anymore. She loves to host guests and can only do so when I´m at home, as our dog is uncontrollable for her when guests are around.

We´ve been fighting a lot about this and have a reached a point, where it´s either divorce or we rehome our dog. I love my wife so much and want to share the rest of our lives together. This choice killed me however, as my dog is pretty much one of the two reasons I get out of bed every day. I cry even thinking about giving her up and can´t take the thought of her feeling abandoned or left alone. She is insecure and has experienced serious trauma, it took months for her to open up.

I have now decided to put my wife first , even though I can´t imagine living without our dog. Giving her to a shelter is a hard-no for me, as our dog would not be able to recover from that. Instead we're currently actively looking for families without children and other dog-experienced individuals that might want to adopt a dog.

Did anyone in here experience a similar situation and might have some perspectives to share? How did you cope with giving up your soul-dog? I´m seriously scared what life is going to be like once she is gone. Will our dog forgive me for all this?

Thank you guys for reading this, I´m a bit of a mess right now.

DISCLAIMER: I somehow can only see one of 8 comments, all the other comments aren´t shown to me - maybe due to the rules of this subreddit, I also had to accept them first in order to write a comment. Thank you for all your time and compassion!!

I’ve just been crying for hours and I need to vent. I wish I was a more experienced owner and had a more suitable lifestyle. Dropping him off at the shelter today was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Putting him back in a cold, scary kennel, alone, confused, and scared. I’ll never forget the frightened look on his face. He jumped on me for comfort as he usually does. I love and miss him so much and I hope he forgets about me and finds a loving owner to rehabilitate me. He was such a good boy. I love you and no other dog will steal my heart the way you did ❤️ I’m so tempted to go back for him.

How do you ever get over this feeling?

A little over two years ago, my significant other and I decided to expand our family and get a puppy. We already had an older mixed-breed dog who does agility, and since I really enjoy dog sports, we were excited to raise another dog and hopefully do the same with him.
We brought home an 8-week-old Jack Russell/Rat Terrier puppy. Unfortunately, things went wrong almost immediately.
When we first introduced him to our older dog, the puppy became extremely aggressive. We did our research and took precautions with introductions. We didn’t bring them straight into the house together; instead, my SO and I each took a dog, and we walked around the block together to let them meet on neutral ground.
We thought maybe the puppy was just scared or nervous because he was so young. However, even during the walk home, he repeatedly tried to attack our older dog.
We kept trying. We worked through the usual puppy stages, had him neutered, and continued keeping the dogs separated for safety. Eventually, we started wondering whether some of his aggression might have been caused by frustration, isolation, or not getting enough exercise and stimulation.
We tried puppy training, but he was kicked out of class because of his aggression. We tried doggy daycare, and he was kicked out of that, too.
At that point, we hired a boarding trainer who cost us around $2,000 because we desperately wanted professional help. After only three days, the trainer refunded our money, sent the puppy home, and recommended a veterinary evaluation because something seemed seriously wrong.
We subsequently spent around $6,000 on veterinary testing (thankfully, we had pet insurance), and he was found to be physically healthy.
We were back to square one.
We continued managing the household by keeping the animals separated and rotating who had access to which spaces. We tried giving him time in the backyard so he could burn off energy, but he would often sit by the door, growling and becoming aggressive toward our other pets simply walking past.
When he was around seven months old, he managed to chew his way out of a metal crate while we were at the store. He had been crated for approximately three hours. Thankfully, we were walking through the door when he finally squeezed himself out.
That’s when he attacked our cat.
After that incident, the aggression seemed to escalate beyond other animals and began including people, too. Even taking him to the vet became a stressful and potentially dangerous situation because he would try to attack us and others.
We wanted so badly to give him more enrichment and a fulfilling life, but we were struggling to find safe ways to do that. We couldn’t simply take him on normal outings, allow him to interact with other dogs, or let him freely enjoy the house. Walks of around 1–1.5 miles, rain or shine, backyard time, training attempts, and rotating access to the house were what we could safely manage.
We tried calming medications, anxiety medications, training, daycare, professional boarding training, veterinary testing, and everything else we could reasonably pursue. We were constantly trying to figure out what we were missing and how we could help him.
Eventually, my SO and I had a very difficult conversation.
Our other pets were living behind closed doors and being rotated through the house because one dog couldn’t safely coexist with them. They had done nothing wrong, and they deserved to enjoy their own home, too. We also had to consider the safety of ourselves and anyone who visited us.
We decided to work with a local shelter to find him a suitable new home.
To be clear, we did not dump him at a shelter, abandon him, or pass him off to someone without explaining his behavioral history. We continued caring for him while the shelter searched for an appropriate placement and resources. We wanted to find someone who understood his situation and could make an informed decision.
Eventually, a shelter worker offered to take him. She lived with her significant other, had no pets or children, and did not plan on having any. She knew about his behavioral challenges, met him, and was willing to give him a chance in a home without other animals.
We even visited his new home before saying goodbye.
It was heartbreaking. We loved him, and rehoming him was not something we did because he was inconvenient or because he wasn’t the dog we expected. We did it because the situation had become unsafe and unsustainable for everyone involved, including him.
Fast-forward to about a month ago.
We decided to try adding another puppy to our family. Our older dog seemed bored at home, and we wanted him to have a companion. This time, we adopted a female puppy, although we knew that choosing a different sex was no guarantee that things would work out.
And honestly? It’s been wonderful.
From day one, the two dogs have adored each other. They cuddle, play, and follow each other around. Our puppy copies everything our older dog does, and it’s genuinely sweet to watch.
She’s enrolled in puppy classes, where she’s learning quickly and getting along well with her classmates. She also goes to daycare when we want to give her additional stimulation, and we have a nanny who comes to our home to care for the dogs on longer days and absolutely adores her.
We’re finally getting to experience the things we had hoped to experience when we first decided to raise another dog.
Unfortunately, when we announced our new addition, we found out through the grapevine that some friends and family members have been gossiping about how quickly we moved on and how soon we got another puppy.
For context, more than six months passed between rehoming our first puppy and getting our new one. We didn’t immediately replace him. We took time to process what happened, and we ultimately made a decision based on our household’s needs and our desire to give our older dog a companion.
I also want to emphasize that our first puppy was never neglected in any way, shape, or form. He was fed, cared for, exercised, and given opportunities for enrichment. He was not permanently locked in a room or crate. We rotated the animals’ access to the house to keep everyone safe, and he got regular walks of 1–1.5 miles regardless of the weather, along with backyard time and the other activities we could safely provide.
Was the situation ideal? Absolutely not. We hated having to separate everyone, and we hated that we couldn’t safely give him the kind of life we wanted for him. But we were actively trying to address the problem rather than ignoring it.
We were even told that he might have come from a poor breeding situation or potentially been inbred, although we have no way of knowing whether that was actually the case.
I understand that rehoming a dog is a sensitive subject, and I know there are people who believe you should never give up on a dog. I also understand why someone might feel concerned when a family gets another puppy after having to rehome one.
But I genuinely want to ask:
Were we wrong for rehoming our first puppy and eventually getting another dog?
Should we have waited longer before getting another puppy? Are we wrong for wanting our older dog to have a companion and wanting to experience a healthy, safe relationship between our dogs?
I still think about our first puppy, and I truly hope he’s doing well in his new home. I wish things had worked out differently, but we couldn’t keep living the way we were, and we couldn’t put our other animals or the people in our home at risk indefinitely.
I’m open to hearing honest opinions, including criticism if you think we handled something incorrectly. I just want to know whether we’re genuinely in the wrong here or whether people are judging us without understanding everything that happened.

TL;DR: We adopted a puppy who displayed severe aggression toward our other pets from eight weeks old. We tried training, daycare, a $2,000 boarding trainer, veterinary testing, medication, exercise, and enrichment, but his aggression escalated to attacking our cat and people. We responsibly worked with a shelter to find him a suitable pet-free home. More than six months later, we got another puppy, and she and our older dog are best friends. Now some friends and family are gossiping about how quickly we got another dog. Were we wrong?

I just got back from saying goodbye to my baby. I had her for a month and learned just how reactive she was. With how my apartment is set up you could see dogs outside my window and she could never calm down because there was always dogs. She's with a wonderful owner now, who has a private yard and works from home. She'll do better there I hope, I hope I spoiled her enough while she was with me. Miss you Athena🩷

My two dogs have had a couple of fights. Today was the worst and ended in a vet visit and a hospital visit to get wounds cleaned. Everyone is home now but shaken up.

Previous fights were typical resource guarding (2 fights). Our dog B getting into E’s crate or B snapping at something and E snapping at her. But today was different. We had given them both treats across the yard. I took B’s away to go inside and when my husband tried to take E’s away, E ran across the yard and attacked B.

E has had a history of resource guarding me, to the point where we can’t have other dogs visit the house or go to other dog houses. However he does well at the dog park when I’m not there and does well at his boarding.

Outside of these three incidents B & E are best friends. They like to sleep in the same bed. E will submit to B when the play flight. E will even try to put his toys in B’s mouth to get her to play with him.

E doesn’t give any warnings before he attacks, it feels impossible to train. We want to give him the best shot. But if he’s sweet and cuddly 99% of the time I’m worried about the other 1% where someone has to go to the vet/hospital.

Euthanasia isn’t an option, but shelters won’t take him with his history. What should we do?

(Pictured - B the dark brown and E the tan)

We adopted a 7-8 month old lab/coonhound mix 2 months ago from a local SPCA. They told us she was good with cats, good with kids, mellow etc. rather quickly we have learned none of that to be true. She has bitten my cat, and as of this morning attacked my 2 year old unprovoked.

We did the proper introductions to the cats, spoke to a trainer who specializes in reactive dogs, and consistently trained her. Even after she bit the cat we were open to boarding her at a well known training camp after the holidays Today, she went after my 2 year old unprovoked. Looking back on the cameras, she stalked him and then attacked while his back was turned. He wasn’t severely injured because she was pulled off of him quickly but he does have broken skin and bruises. He’s now scared of her and it sank in that we couldn’t have her in our home.

I contacted the rescue we got her from and they told me they had no interest in taking back an aggressive dog and to surrender her to the county. When I asked if she’d be put down I was told most likely she would be. She’s a very smart dog, knows commands and I know she can be someone’s dream dog with a lot of work.

What do I do? I reached out on a local group asking for rescues that will take her and haven’t been given any that will take a reactive dog.

EDIT: it was suggested I post my general location. I’m in NE Ohio

Honestly, I just need some support and to hear I’m not alone and that I haven’t failed. I got my wonderful GSD Nora 6-7 years ago. She is 8 now. I rescued her from a domestic violence situation where the guy was abusing her and his wife. She had a ton of behavioral issues (reactive, leash aggression, super high prey drive (this is instinctual though) - and we did extensive behavioral training for a couple of years and I showed her the world was safe. We got her to the point where I could take her to petsmart, dog parks, and could mostly control her reactivity. She has been my best friend for the last 6-7 years as I’ve gone through horrible things myself and she and I saved eachother.

I got her to a point of being healed and worked with her behaviors and personality over the years (even though she is leash reactive (and I live in an apartment now). We’ve had blips here and there, but I have managed her so well over the years.

Now, we brought my newborn son home 7 days ago and she went to nip at him and I removed her from the situation immediately. Separated to a different room in our home and set it up to be her safe space.

She is exhibiting all signs of prey drive that I’ve seen her have with squirrels, bunnies, cats, etc towards my son.

Luckily, my fiancés dad (who wants to take her and is happy to) lives alone on land with a house and will be building her an enclosure even to just hang out when she wants outside (she loves just watching nature).

I know this is the best decision and safest for everyone involved. But I’m grieving horribly while also trying to be happy about my newborn and this next phase of life.

I’m just torn up that she can’t join me. And I’m torn up that it wasn’t anything like we wanted.

Does anyone have any advice for grieving this?

Hi everybody. My wife and I are new to this page and are seeking some advice. 10 days ago we rescued our 4yr old pit mix Manchego (Manny) and we are having some difficulty adjusting emotionally. My wife and I just moved from an apartment in NYC where we were not allowed to have a dog, to renting a house of our own (without a fenced in yard) in Delaware. This has been a very difficult year for us both. I lost my job, and we have also found out we might not be able to have children. 2026 has not been kind to us.

My wife and I had an agreement after we made the move, that we will get a dog after I find a job. Unfortunately that was not the case. We found out about the "Clear the Shelter" event at the local SPCA and without really discussing it, we ran out the door to go see dogs. When we met Manny we were told of his awful life before being rescued and were told wonderful things about his personality (which I will get into shortly). Without having any type of conversation whatsoever, there was a dog in my car.

Now about Manny, he was harshly treated by a previous owner, but if you met him, you wouldn't know it. At home he is a complete angel. No accidents, follows us around the house like a shadow, playful, does well in a crate, and does not chew up furniture or damage our home, and he is not aggressive at home in any way. All he wants is to snuggle and play.

Unfortunately, when we take him for walks, he is a completely different dog. He pulls hard on his leash and does not interact with neighborhood dogs well at all. He also pulls hard on his leash when cars/bicycles are coming which is a problem since our development has no sidewalks. We are very much aware that hiring a trainer or sending him to doggy day care can address these issues, but that is not the only problem.

The larger problem is that my wife and I miss our life before, and are sad that we now have an obligation that requires us to be home a majority of the time. We just moved to a new place and now we are unable to explore and enjoy our new home state. When we lived in NY, our lifestyle/schedule would have absolutely allowed for a dog, but since we have moved we're struggling to find a routine for ourselves, let alone another living being. When we found out that we may not be able to have children, we spent a very long time discussing what life would be like now that it would just be the two of us and it is proving to be very difficult to let go of those possibilities. We also have obligations coming up that require us to travel back to New York and do not want to have to board him multiple times in the next few months. We know that we come off as selfish with the main reason we are considering rehoming Manny being we want to have a life, but we are just confused and looking for some advice. Please be kind with any responses, typing this post was difficult enough.

I've had my male husky mix for six years. He's house-trained, knows commands, and is generally a good boy when supervised. But after years of struggling with his behavior, my husband and I are at our breaking point.

He's absolutely obsessed with food. He steals food directly off our plates, climbs counters, gets into the trash, eats our other pets' food, and even gets into the litter box. He'll snatch practically anything off the floor, including baby wipes and our son's toys. He's overweight from constantly finding ways to steal food, so he's definitely not starving.

He also has severe resource-guarding issues. We've tried giving him his own bones and toys, but he hoards them in a corner and becomes aggressive toward our other animals. He growls, nips, and frequently bullies our female pit bull.

For context, our pit is an absolute sweetheart. She loves everyone, including our one-year-old son and even our cat, who cuddles with her. Our other pets get along wonderfully. It's specifically our husky's behaviors that have become unmanageable, and I believe he needs someone with specialized experience.

What concerns me most is that he's recently started growling at our one-year-old son. This usually happens when he's lying somewhere, like the corner of the couch, and our son gets near him. I understand he may feel trapped, but my son is too young to recognize those warnings, and I'm terrified of him getting bitten.

On top of everything, he's extremely high-energy, difficult to walk because of his strength, and requires significant grooming. He's also been itching severely for the past month despite having no fleas, confirmed by the vet, and the medicinethey gave us to try didnt work. Unfortunately, we're financially stretched and cannot afford another vet visit right now.

We've spent years trying to manage his behavior through corrections, redirection, toys, and restricting access to things. Nothing has made a lasting difference.

The worst part is how much our relationship with him has deteriorated. I feel like we're constantly yelling at him, and he's started cowering when I approach. I hate that. I don't want him living in fear or feeling unwanted.

But the reality is that we're exhausted. We can't relax when he's around because we're constantly monitoring him, and when he's out of sight, we're worried about what he's getting into. We've reached the point where we don't enjoy having him around anymore, and admitting that breaks my heart.

I know adopting a dog is a lifetime commitment. I've spent six years trying to make this work. But we now have a toddler to protect, other pets being affected, and neither the financial resources nor emotional capacity to provide the specialized care he needs.

I genuinely believe he'd be happier with an experienced owner in an adult-only home, potentially without other pets, where someone can dedicate the time and resources to addressing his behavior.

I'm not looking to dump him somewhere or hide his issues just to get rid of him. I want him to have a better life than we're currently able to provide.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you responsibly rehome a dog with resource-guarding issues? Are there rescues that specialize in dogs with behavioral challenges?

I feel incredibly guilty, but I also feel like keeping him in a home where everyone is constantly stressed and frustrated isn't fair to him either.

I have a Staffy x Rottie. 7 months old. An absolute beautiful doggo, but very excitable and overly friendly with everyone. We’ve been working really hard on his walks, his socialisation, and were willing to do everything and anything to keep him although the thought of Rehoming to a better fitting home has been floating around for about a month. The issue is he’s super strong for his level of excitement and I struggle to hold him when he gets too excited hence considering a new family, but always going back on it with more training and more working with him.

Unfortunately this morning after his walk we were in the garden. He had his toy, and my toddler had his sail from his pool floatie. He was nowhere near our dog, they weren’t playing together in anyway, the toddler wasn’t even looking at him and was a good 6 feet away with me in the middle but in front of the pair of them. Out of nowhere and at the speed of light our pup dropped his own toy and jumped on the toddler to get the sail he had, and ended up nipping his hand. Immediate regret, turned around and picked up his toy again, but he left a small mark - not quite broken skin, though it did welt and you could quite clearly see it nearly broke through. I imagine he had attempted to get the sail and instead made contact with my toddlers hand. It’s already barely there only half hour on.

However there was no warning. There was no rationale - he didn’t have anything that even remotely looked like something the dog has ever played with, he wasn’t playing with the dog in anyway, he was completely ignoring him. I can’t quite get the thought out of my head what if it had been worse, what if he had bitten harder, what if my toddler had wrenched his hand away instead of standing there in shock. If he had had a stick, or a ball, or even a bloody frisbee I could rationalise it, but this was just completely inexcusable and out of nowhere.

I have to rehome right?! The risk is too high to even consider keeping him. I can’t stop the toddler from playing with his own toys, I can’t anticipate something that came with no warning, and I can’t keep them separate every minute of the day (I’m a single mum, so walks and training happens all together or not at all). And I really don’t want to risk something worse. In the past week he’s jumped up on a walk and accidentally scratched his eyelid (very close to the eye) and now a bite on the hand (however minor). It could have been so much worse. We also have issues with him taking food from his hands, and whilst that’s a completely different issue it’s linked I suppose as he feels anything the toddler has he can just take from him?? Due to this he’s crated when we are eating etc but aside from keeping him crated at all times unless we are walking (which I can’t do) how can I even combat sudden nipping for whatever my toddler is holding?! When there is a nip with zero triggers we can control?

So why do I feel so guilty. Why do I feel like I’ve failed as both a dog parent and mum. It’s breaking my heart. He’s not a bad dog, he is just so excitable and so happy all of the time and just wants to play.

Will rescues consider this a bite history? Do I need to report this to the dog warden? Will they want to BE because a bite history makes Rehoming harder? What do I do now? 😭

(My post seems to have been flagged for AI? I promise I have written every word myself although I’ve been told I write like AI before 🫣🤣 and I am not looking to rehome through here, just asking for advice on where to go now)

Some people on r/fosterdogs recommended I post here for advice. Essentially, I agreed to keep a dog (Buddy) for 2 months until my (ex) friend could take him. TL;DR is that she couldn't take him and we've had him for 7 months trying to find a home. I'm in metro Atlanta and the dog overpopulation is insane, so I'm having a hard time finding a placement for him considering his behavioral issues.

I would appreciate any information about reputable rescues or other options in my region. Honestly I'd consider driving this dog across country if it would keep me from having to choose BE. Providing more details below in case relevant.

THE ISSUES:

1. Dog reactive. He barks, growls, and lunges at other dogs. Cannot chill out if he's in public and sees a dog.

2. Protective. He's imprinted on me like a baby bird and will bark and growl at visitors until he has a chance to sniff them and decide they're ok. He snapped at a friend who air-kissed above his head.

3. Resource guarding. He will growl and chase the cats away from his kibble. We keep his kibble where we can see it and chase the cats away ourselves. No snapping or biting but we're concerned.

4. Vet issues. We took him to the vet when he ate something he shouldn't and had to muzzle him bc the techs were afraid he was going to bite them. We're working on muzzle training.

THE GOOD STUFF:

90% of the time, he's a great dog. He loves just snoozing on the couch with us. He's very well crate trained and will sometimes just go hang out in his crate if one of us is in the room where we keep it. He's cute and sweet and loves us sooooo much. But that 10% of the time where he gets triggered by something and freaks out makes it really hard to find a place for him -- especially when dogs with much fewer issues are getting put down due to lack of shelter space.

And I have to be so honest, I'm not a good dog owner. I suck at keeping on top of training and nail trimming. I would never have taken in a dog like this without the promise of a home lined up. But now I love him and I have to do right by him somehow.

So, any resources y'all can recommend would be greatly appreciated.

I love this dog so much. But he attacked 2 people in the span of a couple days. He lunges at anyone entering the room, anyone who gets too close to me. We had to keep the cats away from him after he tried to attack one. He is a great dog, he’s sweet and loving and protective, but he was afraid all the time in our home.
I got in touch with a behavioralist who is going to foster him. I wish I had the time to try to work out his issues but giving him more time also gives him more access to hurt my family members and animals. My mom said she’s traumatized from him attacking her. Shes started to resent him and wouldn’t go in the house if he was downstairs. I’ll be able to visit him.
Sorry this was so rambly, I’m just so sad that I’m not allowed to keep my dog, even if I know why I can’t.

Hi all. We've had our Bernedoodle (1 year, 2 months old) since she was 10 weeks old.

For background, I can't deny that the decision was largely impulsive; I talked about it for years, but I never did any genuine research into what owning a dog (never had one before) would be like, so I can't say it was thought through. My boyfriend, who had had a dog in the past, knew what work would be required and did not want one. To be accountable, honestly I just wore him down with how much I talked about wanting a puppy. This is not play - I have done a lot of self reflection about how wrong that was, even if it was unintentional.

Nonetheless, we have a dog. We've been pretty diligent about training, & she's been in consistent training programs ever since getting all of her vaccines. That said, she seems to have a lot of natural anxiety, which has developed into a lot of reactivity. She lunges and barks at cars, barks uncontrollably at people/dogs in the distance, is terrified of windows, etc. Training has helped so far, up to a point.

She's an extremely sweet dog - once she gets past that initial fear, she's so sweet. But the reactivity has worn us down so much. We are constantly on edge about what might trigger her, in and out of the house. We often walk on egg shells around her, especially because she's developed resource guarding behaviors in the last months. Despite everything we try, she does not seem to be able to settle on her own, and barking seems to be more rewarding to her than any amount of enrichment items we can provide. We bring her to daycare about 3 days a week, and she still comes home with energy.

That said, I also know a lot of this is on us. My boyfriend and I are homebodies who enjoy to relax indoors. We play outside with her consistently, but we hate it. We know that a tired dog is a well behaved dog, and a lot of her behaviors can be attributed to us not doing enough to tire her out. I feel as though we've gotten to a point where every single day revolves around tiring our dog out, just so we can get a second to relax. It's hurt my relationship with my boyfriend (we've talked about how I pressured him into it and he has forgiven that, but now it is more-so that the constant stress of the dog has resulted in us being snappier). It's made me a more stressful and honestly depressed person. I am genuinely not happy at this point my life. It's not all because of the dog, she didn't ask for this. I also do genuinely love her so much, she's incredibly sweet. But not being able to relax at home and decompress has been awful. My boyfriend and I have very stressful jobs (I am a social worker focusing on crisis management), and I come home so drained. In retrospect, I have no idea why I thought it's be a good idea to add a dog into the mix, but I can't turn back time.

Although I feel like rehoming our dog is what's best for both us and the dog, I am stuck feeling unable to make the choice. We would never put her in a shelter, but I still feel immense guilt. We've had her since she was so young, and I know she's a human being. I don't want to just discard her because she's inconvenient. But I also feel like my mental health is not at a place where I can give her a life she deserves. I also get so scared of what my friends and family would think. I just feel so trapped.

I'm sorry for the long post. I am just really not sure what to do at this point. I feel as though I've ruined my life through poor planning & dragged my boyfriend into my mess. And I find myself resenting a dog who is so sweet, just anxious.

Edit: Hi! I just want to thank everyone for their responses. It's helped give me some clarity on my next steps. I'll be pursuing medications to help make her anxiety more manageable & try some new approaches to training. Thank you so so much!

Yesterday we returned a dog we had for 2 weeks. He lunged at 4 different people and probably would have bit them if it weren’t for the muzzle and bit me 2 days ago. We’ve talked to trainers and a behaviorist (the behaviorist certified through an org on the wiki here) and basically was alluded to how important exercise is, but unfortunately the dog is heartworm positive which is imperative he has 0 exercise or strenuous activity for 3-6 months. It felt like an impossible situation cause we own a cat and small dog. I felt less worried about his prey drive from what I’ve seen about people learning to manage and redirect that, each person we spoke to said all his behaviors were fixable, trainable, etc.. even tho he was fine with the dog, we were told he could redirect his energy to the other dog.

Yesterday we also had a vet appointment with a different vet than we saw last week. We were getting radiographs of his atrophied shoulder so we could know and pass on additional health information and if it’s a problem, etc.. the vet learned we were immediately taking him back to the shelter afterwards and told us to just keep him medically sedated while he is on his heartworm treatment to manage his behavior. At first it sounded crazy, medically sedating a dog for 3-6 months? It sounded unfair to the dog, but when I got home I did some googling and found Prozac can actually help dog’s aggression. Each trainer said he had fear based aggression, I feel like lowering his fear levels could help? We were also looking back and he has was gabapentin the first week we had him. We see gabapentin can also be an anti-anxiety and make dogs less anxious. I think he was on gabapentin when we saw him and the first week which is why he was more social and friendly. We had a friend who went to the pound with us come over 3 days after we adopted him when he was still on gabapentin and everything was fine and he was cuddling them, but when he was off and another friend came over he attempted to lunge at them.

So now I’m wondering if we didn’t actually explore more options and slightly frustrated no trainer mentioned anything about medication. The first vet we saw only gave us trazodone which is situational, but what about for daily life?

This evening, while I was cleaning the kitchen, my child had opened the front door and apparently our dog got out but we had no idea. We were getting ready to drive to a park for an evening walk, so I took the kids to the garage. When we went in, I could hear a dog yelping outside the garage, so I opened it. My dog was tangled up in a chihuahuas leash with blood dripping from her mouth. She had pinned this dog and bit its ear, which stopped bleeding within minutes of talking with the owner. I feel sick to my stomach. the owner was (reasonably so) very shaken up, she also had a baby with her. I have my information, apologized profusely, but have not heard back.

Some context - our dog is a rescue, about 45lbs, looks like a Viszla but we really have no idea what breed she is. When she was a puppy, I worked from home and training her was my other full time job. She went for long walks daily, even while pregnant. Once we had our first, a switch flipped, and she instantly became reactive. we could no longer take her to the dog park, and even on leash in the neighborhood, she tries to attack other dogs. She also became reactive with our cats (and she never was before), chasing them away, raising her hawk, barking. the most she has ever done is pin dogs, but never drawn blood until today.

We now have 2 small children, and one is has very loud meltdowns (one of which happened about an hour before this, where our dog retreated to a bedroom). shes seemed to have a shorter fuse with our youngest and is nervous around them, which is making me very nervous. I believe that she is just anxious, not aggressive, but I don’t know how to manage this or if it’s something we might not be able to with 2 small children. I’m heartbroken, but I wonder if rehoming her would be happier for her, too. I know she’s sad she doesn’t get as much attention as she used to. any advice appreciated.

I have a 2 year old Aspin (Philippine native dog) he is the most energetic ball of joy when he sees people he knows, but due to his behaviour with other people he has become a problem to keep. He aggressively barks at people, the type that would make you jump when you hear it and he sneakily nibbles guests behind their foot when they aren't looking, as of now there is no cases of breached skin when he nibbles but it is a scary behavior that he has. Another behavior he does, is when any of my family get home he lunges and playfully bites us which did lead to bleeding at times. I am at my wits end because I need to make a decision very soon, either keeping him or giving him up to the dog pound.

I do have my regrets, I have tried to train him before but nothing stuck. "Quiet" Then feeding a treat, worked for a while but he came back to the same barking/nibbling when he sees a person or guest. I've been far away from home and im the only capable person to take care/train my dogs but I couldn't because I had to leave town multiple times this year and last year as for personal and university reasons I am sad that it has come to this point, I have deeply bonded with this dog and it's hard to make a decision because either way it would be bad for me and him. I am not fond of the local shelters near me because of over crowding and the thought of him staying in a cage or house with other dogs scares me. he isn't particularly a breed sought after at all which leads to low adoption chances. I've had considered BE but my heart cannot see this dog leave so soon. If only I had more time I would've tried more, if I had money I would've gotten a trainer and I wish there was a dog trainer near me. I feel like after this ordeal, I would never get pets again at the fear that I'm not enough.

Hello wondering if anyone has any Insight. Our dog attacked our baby about two weeks ago. We were all in the same room and he just pounced on her. It was horrible but she’s okay but there is no way we’re ever going to risk that again. He has since been in the bedroom In the basement which has a dog door to the back yard. We’ve been looking for rescues to take him but no one wants a dog with a bite history (their words). We’ve spoke with his vet and with a hotline that has to do with dogs and babies and they both recommend behavioral euthanasia. I know someone from work who is willing to take him depending on how their meeting goes and I think they’d be a great fit but my partner is worried that he could do something like this again to someone else. He’s 9. Thank you and please be kind, this is the last thing in the world we wanted

I’m looking for honest advice from dog owners who have gone through something similar.

We have an 8-year-old shepherd mix who is anxious, cautious, and protective of his personal space with small kids and dogs. He has previously bitten our smaller dog when she got too close, and he recently bit our 2-year-old son after our son approached and touched him. My son needed stitches.

I understand how serious that is. I am not trying to excuse what happened or minimize the risk. This was the final incident that made us realize we can no longer safely keep him in a home with young children, especially because my wife is pregnant.

At the same time, I want to describe him honestly as a whole dog.

He is very good with adults once he feels comfortable. He can be cautious at first, but with the people he trusts, he is affectionate, calm, and loving. He likes to lie beside adults he trusts, cuddle, receive pets and belly rubs, and simply relax around the house. Even as I write this, he is peacefully lying down beside me.

He has never actively pursued or tried to attack an adult, child, or dog. His reactions have been reactive when a child or another dog enters his space. Because of that history, I believe he would need an experienced, adult-only home with no children and no other pets.

We are keeping him completely separated from our son while we search for a responsible option. I want to be fully transparent with every rescue, shelter, behaviorist, or potential adopter about both bite incidents.

My concern is that he is eight years old and has a bite history, and one rescue has already declined him. I don’t want to hide anything, privately hand him to an unprepared person, or simply leave him at a shelter without understanding what will happen to him.

Has anyone successfully found a safe placement for an older reactive dog with a bite history?

Are there rescues, behaviorists, sanctuaries, or adult-only foster networks that handle cases like this? Would a professional behavioral evaluation make responsible placement more realistic? What options are left if rescues continue to decline him?

I'm in the Southern California area.

This is incredibly painful. He is genuinely a loving dog with adults, and I love him very much. I also understand that my children’s safety has to come first.

I feel like I failed both my son and my dog, and I’m trying to make the most responsible decision I can from here. I would appreciate advice from anyone who has been through this.

Thank you.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I ask that you try to lead with empathy. I’ve been taking care of my reactive dog for three years BY MYSELF. No family nearby. Haven’t felt confident enough to let friends too close to her, so no help from friends other than emotional support. The ex who I got her with, who promised she’d help after the breakup, dipped. No dog walkers. My dog trainer takes her for me sometimes, but im getting the sense it’s not sustainable for them. I need help.

For the past three years I’ve paid thousands of dollars in training. I’ve not allowed anyone to come into my home because it’s just easier. I’ve felt extreme guilt whenever I’ve left my home for work or anything else - because she chews up dangerous things and has to be crated. I’ve had no ability to build any savings because I’m in a one income situation in a major city. And through all of it my depression has gotten worse, and worse, and worse. It’s bad. I’ve struggled emotionally with my dog every day for three years. I’m exhausted.

I decided a month ago I have to take care of myself or I’m going to continue to get worse. I have to make a change. I don’t feel like I have another choice. I’m so tired.

So I started reaching out to rescues in Washington. I’ve contacted at least 10 of them so far. If they respond at all, it’s to tell me they cannot help me. They’re full. Or they don’t take dogs with behavioral issues. Finally one very empathetic person wrote me something that was longer than three sentences. They were so kind, but told me that right now rescues and shelters are seeing double the intakes and half the adopters. This is why I’m getting these short, curt emails. Similar to the rest of the nation, this industry is in crisis. The shelters are full, there are no foster homes - at least that I’ve been able to find so far. And my posts on rehome pages are not getting any viable responses. It’s extremely hard to find someone willing to take in a fearful dog - let alone someone who doesn’t have other dogs cats or kids. I’m worried that she would get put down in a shelter.

I need help so I’m trying Reddit. Idk. I am desperate to try anything. Please if you respond, don’t try to give me advice on how to keep her. It is so well intended, but it makes me feel like people aren’t hearing me, hearing how depressed im getting and how scary it feels. Plus, I promise I have good resources for that kind of advice.

Idk. Maybe this post could connect me with someone who loves working with behaviorally challenged dogs, has the space and desire to take an incredibly sweet, loving heeler pitt mix who I think is capable of more than I’ve given her the chance to do. I think someone who knows dog behavior better than I do could continue training her and get her to a place where her reactivity was more manageable. I genuinely think my dog could do it if someone had the energy to do it with her. She’s e collar trained and one smart cookie.

Don’t “how dare you give up on your dog” me.

You have no idea how hard I’ve tried.

I’m located in Washington if anyone knows how I can get help.

I just need to know we did the right thing—and how we heal from this. I need to get it all down and hear from anyone who has gone through this before.

We have a 6-year-old dog (he's a big boy). He’s been my best friend his whole life. I love this dog more than anything—except my baby, which is why I’m here.

He’s had issues with other dogs since he was 1, after being attacked by another dog, which resulted in stitches. A few months later, another dog pinned him. We paid thousands for trainers, behaviourists. He improved, but developed some resource guarding issues with other dogs. He never "bite" but there was alot of snarling and he did at one point pin a dog down holding its neck with his mouth. It got better with training but never really stoped completely.

We had our little boy 13 months ago and took things slowly. We tried to do everything right, and they got along so well. We where hyperventilat about all of his gaurding triggers and We were so happy—our little family felt perfect.

And then, out of nowhere, a few nights ago while we had people over, he growled and lunged at our toddler. Our little one was next to his ball, (we hadn't seen it was under the table) and we’re pretty sure he was resource guarding—it was the same behaviour he’s shown to other dogs. He didn’t make contact, but only because we were quick. I picked up the baby, and my partner grabbed the dog.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he would have pinned the baby with his mouth. We’ve seen him do it to other dogs before, and the behaviour was identical. We knew we couldn’t keep him after this. We’ve been down this road before—once the behaviour starts, it escalates. We can't take that risk with our little one.

A friend of ours who rescues dogs agreed to take him, starting with a trial period.

Now the house feels empty. I feel like our little family was broken in just a few seconds. I miss his cuddles and all his weird little quirks. I even miss getting up at 6am to let him out to pee. 😪 I feel like I failed him, and failed my baby. He was my whole life, and now I feel like I’ve just abandoned him. I'm devastated.

I keep thinking, "It’ll be fine. He can come home. We’ll make it work." But I know—if we had been just a second later, something serious could have happened. We can’t risk it.

Still, I feel awful. The house is empty. There were no wagging tail when I came home today. The couch was empty when I went downstairs last night.

Our friend says he’s settled in well—he even got to sleep in the bed last night. I know this is the right thing for him. There’s no risk now. But I’m so unbelievably sad.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for—maybe just for some strangers to say they’ve been through this too? That I’m not an awful dog mum for doing this? I don’t know. His breed has been heavily criticised, and I feel very defensive of him. I don’t want to talk to friends or family yet—I know they’ll be gutted, and I’m scared of adding their judgment to everything else I’m already feeling.

Okay- so- I have never posted anything on reddit before & literally made this account to make this post so please bare with me if I dont do something correctly or say something not allowed lol

So heres the thing, I am going to try to not make this a big long post but I also dont wanna leave anything out.

I currently have a dog who is 4 years old. I got her when she was a puppy from my cousins room mates whos dog had an accidental litter. They were in active addiction & were going to kill the puppies (my dogs litter) bc they didnt wanna deal with it. thankfully my cousin told them she would rehome the puppies for them. The entire litter was rescued but was taken from their mother far too early (the mom dog ended up being rescued from them as well) so 8 puppies were eating puppy chow mixed with water out of a sandwich sized container at 6w old.

Fast forward to now- She is the sweetest, caring lovebug of a dog to me & "her people" BUT she does have resource guarding issues, she is not good with kids or other animals (dog, cat ect) she is medicated for vet visits for fear based reactivity, she is very vocal (barks alot) she is obsessed with reflections on the walls (example: shadows, reflecting plastic/glass) separation anxiety. She is nervous but willing to approach strangers. She is 100% muzzle trained ( & loves it she actually gets excited if i even touch the thing lol) She has ATTEMPTED to bite on a person BUT some could say it was situational bc the person removed her muzzle from her (a stranger to her) & put her face very close to my dogs face but that was the only occasion besides vet visits. you get the jist I hope

I HAVE to rehome her. I do not have a choice. i am DEVASTATED to say the least. she has been my rock for years. I could loose my housing any day now, however I do have a place to go I just cannot take her with me. I am moving in with my best friend & her family bc i cannot afford to live on my own but they have 3 cats & a dog. they tried to think of ways to let me keep her but it just wouldnt be fair to the animals already in the home.

i have tried rescues/shelters- they are all at capacity or they have turned me away bc she wears a muzzle to be comfortable (in my state & surrounding).. i have tried social media, none of my friends or family can take her bc they all either have kids or other animals, i posted her in 30 (yes i counted) rehoming groups & not one comment or message even showing slight interest. even fb market place (which is crazy im aware) to see if ANYONE was interested in her but nothing. i created my own "application" type thing with all her info & specific questions & behavioral info on it for people SERIOUSLY interested but nobody is.

i dont know what to do.. im frustrated, sad that nobody wants to even give my sweet girl a chance ): i see other post of dogs w 10+ comments & likes but im lucky to even get one. any kind of suggestions, advice, ideas that anyone can give me im open to anything atp i just wanna give my girl a safe place to stay & for someone to love her the way i do.. she is my baby.

Last November I got a 2nd dog. He's a full breed Yorkie and he is very sweet and gets along with my other 8 year old dog. The issue is he is very reactive and it's causing problems between me and my neighbors. Every time I take him out potty, he barks bloody murder. Every time. God forbid another dog is walking by all hell breaks loose, which is often where we live. I've tried treats, exposure therapy, etc. and nothing works. I walk him everyday. My brother wouldn't forgive me or let me live it down if I gave him up. Not to mention how much I would miss him and how awful I'd feel. But when I think about having just one dog again it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't know what to do.

Hello! Not a huge redditor but we’re in a dire situation and need advice from people. Reading this sub has been a huge help, with both advice and knowing that we’re not alone in the struggle, despite it feeling that way.

My partner and I just rescued two dogs, both are mutts but their adoption papers say Havanese and Border Collie. They look like neither. When we arrived at the shelter we were only intending to meet the collie but were informed that they were a bonded pair and after meeting them both, we decided we’d take both. They were both very sweet! In the shelter they were not reactive to any of the dogs when they were on leash but we chalked that up to being scared in hindsight. We picked them up super early, they’d only been in the shelter about a day and half before we met them.

They’re super sweet and really good with strangers, very affectionate. However they are extremely reactive to other dogs (as well as squirrels, cats, and sometimes children) on leash. We have met with a trainer who gave us a lot of good advice and things to pick up that would help since we’re first time dog owners (we’ve had dogs growing up but never as a couple). We live in a neighborhood with lots of dogs. It’s almost impossible not to see at least one dog on the street at any given time.

The hard thing is the Collie has taken really well to the training and we’re convinced that in 6 months to a year we could get the reactivity down to a manageable level. The Havanese however is a different story. He reacts so strongly we aren’t able to use any of the clicker reward tactics. When we try and move him away from the stressor he gets so flustered trying to escape he ties himself up in his leash and if we pick him up to try and get away he scratches us and barks even harder. We even tried a bark collar but he doesn’t even react to it and I don’t want him to stress more because of it.

They also started taking out their reactivity frustrations on one another and have been attacking each other if they’re too close to each other when they see another dog. It’s mostly noise but it always extremely frightening for me to watch them fight like that. We’re beginning to wonder if they’re truly a bonded pair or if they were simply surrendered together because they seem to hate each other. They get resource guard-y over every little thing: food, lap time, the attention of strangers, toys. The Havanese also always growls and bites the collie the moment they leave the door for a walk. We tried to take them on a hike but they saw too many dogs it was just an absolute nightmare to try and get them to go anywhere.

Another big issue is my partner and I’s availability. We both work multiple jobs and are living paycheck to paycheck. We have enough money coming in to afford all the things they need and we have enough time for two to three walks a day but not always as a couple. I’m just getting worried we don’t have the time to really give the Havanese the special attention he needs. The frequent case is that the collie responds to the clicker takes the food and stops barking for a bit, but the Havanese just won’t listen at all. This morning we had the hard conversation of whether or not this was ever feasible for us.

We’re going to wait a few weeks before we decide if the Havanese is truly to much for us right now. The question we’re asking ourselves right now is do we:

A) stick it out despite our current situation and continue to look for more solutions
B) try and rehome the Havanese (ideally to a friend or family member who will let us schedule play dates with them)
Or C) try and rehome both

Any advice welcome

EDIT: Wrote this at work and came home and we had a very good walk. I think the past couple days had been really hard on us. My partner seriously hurt herself on a walk because one of the dogs tripped her and I think I was maybe internalizing fear that having these dogs would hurt her more. The last few days have been better and we’ve started getting up the past couple mornings at 5 am to walk them. These dogs will stay with us and be a part of our family and I’m embarrassed I ever thought of separating them. Thank you to the two comments!

I’m having to make the difficult decision of rehoming my adopted dog. I adopted him five months ago from a shelter and he was a stray with no other information about him for the past five years of his life. He was posted by the shelter about a week before I adopted him. No other information was known about him other than he was friendly with dogs.

He is super handsome super cute. Poodle mix about five years old, super sweet dog. However, he’s worked with two trainers and the trainer, and I have seen that his quality of life has not gotten better since bringing brought home. Unfortunately, I live in one of the busiest cities in the world and he has not been able to lower his anxiety, his barrier frustration has not gotten better over the span of five months. This dog needs a yard when he is currently in an apartment. He doesn’t seem happy. Never plays with his toys, hardly eats his food, and is only ever excited to go outside (but is incredibly leash reactive with other dogs). Outside noises, dogs barking, people running, and especially people in the house. (He lunges and soft mouth bites them). Hes on anti-anxiety meds, calming chews, calming probiotic. Constantly wining and crying and sleeps under the bed for most of the day.

During training sessions, he doesn’t take treats and has no want to get more reward. He’s not food motivated and is too distracted by the environment. I do not want to rehome him but if both myself and my trainer can see the stress he has just living here. I’m just the person that gives him food and takes him on walks. He just wants to run around outside and play with birds.

I feel like such a failure and guilty and I’m already grieving his presence. I’ve had dogs my whole life and he was my first one on my own and it will never sit right with me.

I’m looking for perspective from people who have dealt with severe separation anxiety, especially after a major regression.

Mason is my 4-year-old Belgian Malinois. I rescued him at ~2 months old after a rough start, and outside of SA he is an incredible dog—very handler-focused, affectionate, social, environmentally confident, and highly trained. We do scent work, protection work, agility, hiking, etc. He goes most places with me.
We’ve been working with a CSAT for ~11 months. I’ve completely structured my life around sub-threshold training: camera monitoring, gradual departures, departure-cue work, sitters/management, tracking sessions minute-by-minute, etc. He cannot be crated.
He’s also on fluoxetine (Prozac), currently 50mg/day.

The hardest part is that we were successful. We went from barely being able to leave to Mason regularly completing 2–3 hour absences, including many completely calm 3-hour sessions. He would watch me leave, disengage from the door, sleep on the couch/bed/turf, drink water, wander around normally, and resettle after noises. It genuinely looked like we were getting our lives back.
He has had several medical issues/surgeries throughout this process, so we’ve worked through setbacks before. I’ve also recently had him evaluated by the vet with X-rays; there are some orthopedic/early arthritis changes, but nothing obvious that explains the severity of this regression.
Recently, though, his threshold has fallen dramatically. Departure cues are becoming triggers again, barking has increased, and I have to leave extremely carefully without normal things like packing/grabbing keys.

Then we had a massive regression: escalated into approximately 30 minutes of continuous destructive/panic behavior until I could get home. When I opened the door he initially tried to bolt out, then immediately calmed when he realized it was me.

After watching this dog peacefully sleep through 3-hour absences, seeing that was devastating.
At this point, I’m exhausted. I can’t indefinitely have a dog who can never be left alone, especially when sitter management isn’t always simple either. At the same time, I absolutely do not want to rehome him. I love this dog immensely, and the thought of giving him up is horrible.

If I did consider rehoming, it would only be to an experienced Malinois home/rescue/foster with a lifestyle where someone is around most of the time and can continue his training/medication—not simply dropping him at a shelter.

My question is: after 11 months of CSAT + medication, and after previously reaching 2–3 hours successfully, when do you consider a regression something worth continuing to work through versus evidence that your living situation simply isn’t compatible with the dog?
Has anyone had a dog regress this dramatically after months of success and then regain their previous threshold?

I just need to eventually be able to leave my dog safely and comfortably for a few hours for now, full work day is the goal with walkers.

I’m terrified of making a permanent decision because of a temporary regression…but I’m also terrified of spending another year living like this if we’re back at square one. I work full time and travel every weekend leaving him with sitters which makes this decision difficult. I want him to be in an environment in which he thrives!