Help

[u/Extension_Net_3949]

I don't get unwanted thoughts about children, but when I see a child, I experience an involuntary physical response/arousal. I hate it. I constantly try to prove to myself that I'm not that kind of person, but I'm never satisfied and the doubt always comes back. Honestly, if it weren't for the physical response, none of this would happen. My doubts get even worse because of some things I did during puberty, and I really don't know what to do. I find myself constantly seeking reassurance. I don't know if I truly don't know who I am, or if I'm just in denial. Can you give me some guidance? Unfortunately, I don't have the courage to see a therapist. By the way, I don't fantasize about things related to children. Sometimes they might seem attractive, or maybe it just feels that way to me, I'm not even sure anymore. Sorry for writing so much.