How do you guys split domestic duties?

[u/nvolker]

I work full time, my wife is a stay-at-home mom. We have two kids, 8 (3rd grade) and 5 (starting kindergarten next year). The 5 year old stays home most days, but my wife brings him to various ECFE classes and speech therapy and other things during the week.

I’m trying to figure out what’s “normal” to expect outside of the time where I’m working.

Here’s a general idea of our routine:

When we wake up, we each help one of our two boys get ready (making sure they get dressed, brush their teeth, eat breakfast, school lunch packed, etc). Then my wife takes the kids to drive the big kid to school, and I head off to work.

When I get home, we trade off making dinner each week. So if it’s my week, I’ll get that started basically right when I get home. If it’s her week, I’ll relax a bit and veg out on my phone next to the kids while they play. Then after dinner, whoever didn’t cook does the dishes. Then we all-together try to tidy up whatever clutter has accumulated throughout the day, and then we trade off bathing the kids (same deal as in the morning: I take one kid, she takes the other, then we swap who we help each night). We get their teeth brushed, PJs on, and read to them, tuck them in, and stay with them until they’re asleep (or close to it). On Wednesdays, my wife has a book club she goes to so I manage bedtime w/ the kids solo.

On the weekends, we usually have some kiddo related activities. Swim class, soccer games, etc. we both attend the vast majority of these, but maybe once a month my wife has a thing with her friends so I end up doing something solo.

As far as other chores, I do all my own laundry, she does hers, and we try to split the kid’s laundry but she probably ends up doing 75% of it. We try to set aside one “deep clean” day a month where we scrub surfaces, bathrooms, etc, and I try to tackle whatever home maintenance tasks need tackling (light bulbs, fix broken stuff, unclog drains, etc)

My wife is usually the one to schedule stuff for the kids. She signs them up for camp, soccer, etc. dentist appointments, check-ups, and stuff like that.

When I explain all this to different friend groups, they tell me I’m doing too much, and my wife’s friends all tell her that I don’t do enough. I honestly don’t really care what our friends think, since we have something that is working for us, but it does make me wonder how different households handle this stuff. How does this compare to what you guys all do?

[u/yourefunny]

Looks like a great split... although your and her clothes separately seems odd to me. Ignore what others say. Maybe get some more time to yourself if she is having days off and evenings at book club etc?

[u/nvolker → u/yourefunny]

She’s got a weird hang-up with doing other people’s laundry - just one of those things she personally hates to do, and it’s been that way since we moved in together. She says she thinks it’s because laundry was one of her big chores as a kid.

Thankfully, she says she doesn’t mind doing our kid’s laundry.

[u/yourefunny → u/nvolker]

Ah, right makes sense. Well I think you do a commendable job splitting the chores etc. When I was with my ex we had a pretty good split of the chores. I was mainly on cooking and washing up as she hates cooking and she was on laundry etc. Still, look in to getting some time to yourself! Would have done us wonders!