r/WriteStreakENGLISH • u/Youmna_hassan12 • May 25 '21

Help with some writings

Hello ,I am currently working on leveling up my English from C1 to C2. So could please someone help me improving these short paragraphs to seem more advanced ?

It claims that young people are manipulated as many purchases are dawn on them. There is a barrage of aesthetic ads aimed at them: no sooner they find themselves under a spell. That is allegedly intended to make them feel better about their life and self.

It argues that concerns about young people's lack of judgment are overstated and total exaggeration. However, they view the diversity and frequent advertisements as a practice for the youth's critical thinking. Even more, they thrust them into making cognitively sensible decisions.

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u/veganchocoholic Oct 18 '21

This may not help. But honestly, it seems pretty advanced to me in vocabulary and grammatical structure. Usually the best way to level up your language is to add more detail. Maybe some examples?

It claims that young people are manipulated into making impulse purchasesas many purchases are dawn on them. There is a barrage of aesthetic ads aimed at them: no sooner they find themselves under a spell. That is allegedly intended to make them feel better about their life and self. Additionally, It argues that concerns about young people's lack of judgment are overstated and total exaggeration. However, they view the diversity and frequent advertisements as a practice for the youth's critical thinking. Even more, they force (thrust sounds unnatural here) them into making cognitively sensible decisions.