I um, uh... I made a mistake

I think we left him at the hospital. We checked and he’s not there anymore. Please comment if you’ve seen him.

DESCRIPTION

Answers to: N/A

Height: Roughly baby height

Weight: Roughly baby weight

Last seen wearing: N/A

Hair colour: N/A

Distinguishing features: Is a baby

She sold a record player to a customer, which she should NOT have. We are NOT a thrift shop, we are a restaurant. She pocketed the $10 and now we can’t do 50’s music bingo this Friday because we don’t have a record player. If anyone sees Betty before I do, tell her she’s fired!

If I open up a Costco franchise would anyone go? I heard Costco doesn’t do franchises but I will convince them to let me be the first. Just gauging interest before I start!

it was an ACCIDNET okay??????? I just figured that the water gets like...!infused?? And you boil it to infuse it,???? I DIDNT KNOW THATS NOT HOW IT WORKED PLEASE STOP LAUGJIGN AT ME okay??????!!!!!!??

yuore gonna embarrass me in front of nadddyne who is VERY PRETTY in case you haven’t noticed and i can SAY THAT cuz i’ve learned she doesgnt have an account For The Forums......, i want heeer to bridal carry me intothe sunset NOBODY TELL HER I SAID THAT hbnnnnnnnnnnn :’’’v)

Barbara, youre harassment and neglect have gone too far. First, your kids torment my dog to the point where she is scared to go outside.

Second, your husband's behavior At your wedding was APPALLING.

third, YOUR KIDS LEFT POOP STAINED UNDERWEAR ON MY PORCH.

The go fund me will provide funds in order to purchase water guns and fill them with piss. This is retaliation for your actions.

Who? Who? Keeps letting my dogs out of the yard each morning. The dog catcher thinks I'm doing it on purpose and keeps asking me out on dates. Please stop.

As most of you know, I've worked at damn near half the businesses in town. But you all keep firing me for the dumbest reasons.

Like Mike at the movie theater. Firing me for drinking from the butter pumps. It seems almost every job in town only wants good honest help for less than a month. After that they just throw you in the TRASH!

So, who is giving me the job? I need something that pays at least $18 an hour, is easy work (dont have to do much), doesn't suck, or smell bad, manager isn't a JERK, will let my band practice with me while I work, and doesn't require getting up before noon. Also that doesn't yell at me if I get drunk. Also let's be leave early when I feel like it. Also is a flexible schedual (sometimes I have to be late NO BIG DEAL, IF I'm only 2 hours late don't be lame and fire me like Brenda DID!

Let me know, and I will tell you when I want to start.

Edit: guys! I've been hired as a professional soup stirrer! I'm very excited and plan to make a long career out of this. If all goes well I'll still have this job tuesday!

I'm a little embarrassed by this but I thought I'd ask. I put them on the driveway to pick up but they aren't gone by tomorrow I'll throw them out.

Hello dearies. The wildflower meadow is beautiful at this time of year. My cottage is cozy and safe. My pets are all well. I've been part of our village since the 1960s and I love it very much. This is the only place I've ever wanted to be. However......I just haven't felt...anything recently. I'm on autopilot. Even my woodworking and my herb garden aren't bringing me the usual pleasure. I feel sort of empty and hollow and....like what's the point of it all? To be honest, I'm having a hard time even finding motivation to get out of bed.

I really gotta lock down this whole job thing. The wife start’s her first day at work today and Sandy’s babysitting the kids, so I’m gonna try and get as many job applications in as I can today. Looked at some ads in the paper but I figured I’d ask here anyhow.

Hello all,

After finding suspicious texts on my phone to another man, i've been kicked out. I really would appreciate a place to stay for christmas, and a nice hot meal.

Edit: for all those saying i deserved it, go to hell!

Stop being embarrassed of living with your parents and just take your date to your house for sex. Your date probably lives with their parents too, especially in this economy.

PLEASE STOP USING HARD BOILED EGGS.

If you MUST egg my house, please use soft boiled, or raw. The awful, rubbery noise that the hardboiled makes off of my large, south facing, bay window absolutely TERRIFIES my Parakeet, Francis.

Thank You.

We all remember what happened at the last town council meeting. I will be reporting this… again

As your town historian and, apparently, now your local mortician, I’m pleased to announce I’ll be opening the new Lower Duck Pond Funeral Home.

Unfortunately, we’re running a little low on bodies.

To be clear: I am NOT asking anyone to fix this.

Last time I mentioned a “shortage” at a town council meeting, three volunteers raised their hands and someone started making a list.

I just need a few mannequins so I can practice before opening day. It would be nice to change the name from “Rest in Pieces” to “Rest in Peace”

Also, whoever left Gary asleep on my porch with a toe tag: he is alive. I checked twice.

Come on over anytime after about 4 for open try-outs!! Lays STAX will be provided!!

For the love of God, don’t bother showing up Tom. You know what you did.

Hi everyone! I'm headed to my annual landscape architecture conference on Sunday, which this year is in Berlin. So excited! Can anyone take care of Ollie my octopus for the week?

You just need to drop by once a day and give him his food (in the freezer next to his tank, labeled by day), and scramble his Rubik's Cube. He is very naughty when he's bored, so scrambling the cube is important.

Let me know and thanks! I can pay you cash, or happy to plant some flowers or give you some landscape refresh ideas.

We had him over for the long weekend. It was quite enjoyable but as always he hates to leave. I think he took off towards the pie shop? If you see him please be aware that he’s off his medication and he’s probably hostile. Do not make eye contact and call the LDP police. Thanks y’all ❤️

Started seeing our streets flocked up, and it’s pretty unsettling

LET ME FUCKING SLEEP WITHOUT HEARING THAT SAME FUCKING SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I HATE IT. I ALREADY HAVE the illness AND THIS ISNT MAKING IT BETTER. FOR THE LOVE OF THE S*N STOP IT.

anyways i should land this thing

I was down at the pond birdwatching and feeding our rather insistent ducks grapes when a goose came at me like he wanted revenge. I think Canadian? But I don't mean to profile. At any rate, I scattered, and left my binoculars behind. When I realized my mistake and returned, they were missing. There was a goose feather. I'm not saying the goose stole my binoculars, but if you know where to find them... I have questions. Never trust a goose.

It's also entirely possible someone picked them up. I don't consider this theft, as I DID run off and leave them until I saw a flock of geese in the sky looking shifty. I would love to have them back, or at least know I'm not getting them back if that's the case...

But truly, I just want to know where to find the geese. I just want to talk. In my heart, I know who has my trusty binoculars.

I was thinking of taping up flyers for a political event ("No Kings When the Dealer Has an 8, 9, or 10") in LDP. I know that in some states, police will hassle you for doing so, but in others no one cares. Is there an actual ordinance in LDP that you can or cannot tape up posters on telephone poles? Would there be local ordinances regulating that that people know of? I looked it up online but couldn't find anything.