I FINALLY managed to get myself unbanned from the library! And I bet you all know what THIS means!! I will be hosting my SERVICES out the library again! I will be in the bathrooms from 2 to 4 on TUESDAYS and FRIDAYS! Be THERE or be BORING!! And OBVIOUSLY I will be decorating the bathrooms with GLITTER!! Otherwise they aren't spectacular AT ALL!!

Hi y’all! 👋👋 I’m a recent mommy 🤱🤰 and I know the stress of trying to stay healthy with your newborn 👶👼! I’m selling green tea 🍵🍵 with great benefits 💪 and is only $400 for a pack of 100! 💸💸 Buy now!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Well, almost free.

Ever wanted to learn how to play the baggiest of instruments? I'm starting a course on the basics of bagpipes for anyone interested! This is a beginner-friendly course, since I've basically just started learning how to play it myself.

I charge $15 for a 45 minute lesson. You have to provide your own bagpipes. I've unfortunately had some complaints from neighbors (especially Bob) who doesn't seem to be able to appreciate the beautiful screeching noise of bagpipes, so we have to be at your place. If you would also be able to provide some light snacks and drinks, that would be great! I usually sleep all day, so the lessons will take place at night.

So let me know if and when you want to start your bagpiping journey! Only serious replies, please.

- Jerry

PS. If anyone here knows more than just the basics of bagpipe playing, I'd love for you to teach me! I can't pay you, but I'm a fast learner and great company. We have to be at your place and if you could provide some snacks and drinks, that would be awesome! Thanks in advance!

Do you have a God you want to attract? Or avoid? Maybe you've been feeling watched lately? Or maybe you're feeling a little cursed?

Well, do I have news for you! The Teal Tarot Shoppe has just recieved a bunch of new Talismans from all around the world! Ireland, Greece, Rome, Sri Lanka, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, etc. etc. etc. Whatever you need, we got, and everything we got you need!

Only $7.99 while supplies last!

Disclaimer: We do not take legal responsibility for anything that can or should happen with these talismans, we cannot confirm or deny the existence of any gods, spirits, or demons that may or may not be attached to said items, results may vary.

Hi friends! I’m not normally one to sell something but I just can’t gate keep this any longer. I’ve just started a new journey and am now the CEO of my own business. The best part of it all is you too can be the CEO of your own business! I need just 7 of you to comment “reflection” and I’ll sign you up for my 15 minute zoom call on Tuesday, where you can get all the details on how you too can earn more money than ever! I can also add you to my VIP FaceDuck group where I can coach you into the career of your dreams. I don’t want to pressure anyone but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you get in on the ground level and work (if you can even call it that) in your free time!

We offer private jet and helicopter rental services, including Cessna 182, Embraer Legacy 500, Gulfstream G700, Boeing Business Jets, and helicopters such as Robinson R22, Airbus ACH145, and Leonardo AW139. Prices start from $300 per hour for smaller aircraft, $10,000 for medium-sized aircraft, and $25,000 for the largest.

Good afternoon, Lower Duck Ponders. Mother's Day was just nearly perfect— Wally ordered the maid to serve breakfast before I could even ask and drew a lovely, albeit strange, picture of us that included his imaginary friend again— BUT my husband carelessly gifted me the wrong car.

I told Archie I wanted the eggshell white Aston Martin. He got an ivory one.

Archie and I have both been undeservedly banned from the Upper Duck Pond server, and because I take the occasional interest in public charity, I thought I would offer the vehicle to you all. I know that since many of you are less fortunate, you must take public transportation to work and a car would be a great remedy to such a sad situation.

We are selling the car at market price, but I am a business woman after all, so I am open to negotiation. Thank you.

Hello fellow residents of Lower Duck Pond! I am reaching out today to wonder if anyone would be interested in Co-owning and running a cult. Any form of application is accepted!

If you are not interested in leading, do not fret! We are also looking for members! Member applications also being accepted.

Thank you!

Because “we need to talk” has become your household soundtrack.

Passive aggressive dish loading analysis

Arguments that somehow start with towels and end in 2017

Emergency translation services for “I’m fine.”

Complimentary tissues and emotional support peppermints

Bring your spouse, your unresolved tension, and that one argument neither of you can even remember anymore.

This month only: Buy one breakthrough, get one existential crisis free.

Call now before your partner says “nothing’s wrong” in that voice again.

YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL GD -COVER BAND IS BACK AT IT!!! COME JAM WITH THE ONE AND ONLY NEW DUCK POND BOOGIE 7/4 8PM-12AM AT O’FLYNN’S IRISH PUB!!! WE’RE STOKED THEYRE BACK IN BUSINESS AND CANT WAIT TO GET GROOVY WITH THEM NEXT FRIDAY!!! TIME TO GET WEIRD!!!

Use one of the store-provided cups or bring your own cup, it doesn't matter. Just enjoy your worms!

Kebab Half the Price Tomorrow. 2.50$ Tax Included. You find my little Store on Bakerstreet 5.

You all know how restful it is to stay in the simple guest rooms of the old monastery, where people take a retreat from the busy world or rest for a couple of days along their travels. I’m so pleased to announce we have restored 3 additional rooms for weary travelers and workers!

As always, the price to stay and rest for a couple of days is whatever you can pay. And remember, what you can pay could be coins, helping in the kitchen with the everlasting stew, tending to the garden, or helping your neighbor. I look forward to welcoming all who wish to rest and refresh themselves on retreat here!

Hi everyone, it’s your favourite agony aunt, Beverly! I’m happy to announce that the Weekly Bungle is finally accepting letters to the Agony Aunt column again!

You’ll probably remember we had to stop taking letters about four months ago when somebody kept sending letters about some questionable activities concerning our beloved ducks which raised some concern. After some police investigation, they were able to trace the sender as somebody from UDP and now we are safe to give advice again.

So feel free to send in your worries and problems, and Aunt Bev will do her best to help you out! Please, just no more letters about how to be a successful cult leader, how to maintain a secret shrine in your wife’s walk-in, or how to make a working voodoo doll. It’s really out of my depth.

HELLO I AM LEO AND I SELL LIMEADE

SEE ME WITH MY CART AND COME PURCHASE

THANK YOU

I bought my . Harold some Depends ever since his diagnosis, but I accidentally bought XXL. Harold wears XL. I’m selling them to anyone who might be in need. Let me know!!!!

LOL gobless

Susan

looking to sell cow for 5 buck, any interested?

update: sold cow to u/albatross_the for $75

I just go a restock of all my candy. I just also made 12 homemade batches

Who we are?

The El-Alopecic Forum of Cerdanya and the Pyrenees is established as a brotherhood, a gathering place, and a place of counsel for men without hair, as well as for those who, by nature's design or the inexorable passage of time, see their heads stripped of their noble abundance.

Therefore, the Association takes as its primary purpose the defense of baldness, the promotion of the virtues of a lustrous scalp, and the preservation of the ancient customs of the alopecic brothers who inhabit the lands of Cerdanya, the Pyrenees, and all those valleys where the wind combs away what no longer exists. It is well known that our mountains, harsh and rugged, are a place of great cold, and that the uncovered head suffers both the harshness of winter and the cruelty of the summer sun. Hence the clear need to study, deliberate, and propose measures aimed at protecting the exposed skull, the proper application of ointments, oils, and waxes, and the discreet yet dignified use of caps, hats, and other legitimate coverings.

Among the principal concerns that move our spirit are:

• The fight against the mockery of hairless men.
• The assertion of the right to bare one's forehead without shame.
• The search for shaded benches during the summer.
• The promotion of days dedicated to sharing experiences of progressive hair loss and the abhorrent acceptance of this fate.

We understand baldness not to be a deficiency, but a privilege; not a misfortune, but a sign of maturity, wisdom, or, at the very least, efficient cranial ventilation. For this reason, all matters relating to shine, solar reflection, skin maintenance, and scalp waxing will be addressed with the utmost scientific, philosophical, and fraternal rigor.

The Forum is not a political party, nor a corporation, nor a military order, nor even a hairdressing academy. It does not represent the commercial interests of shampoo manufacturers, nor does it fight against those who still have hair, provided they show due humility before their more aerodynamic brothers.

Asymmetrically, the Forum becomes a space for meeting, fellowship, and elevated strategic reflection on all matters affecting the sacred cause of alopecia, with particular attention to:

1. Scalp meteorology.
2. Shimmer indices depending on the position of the sun.
3. The correct tilt of the head to avoid involuntary glare.
4. The establishment of a general census of the honorable bald men of Cerdanya and the Pyrenees.

And lest anyone doubt our determination, let us solemnly proclaim that all hair is ephemeral, but baldness is eternal.

Here at Cal Jacques, baldness isn't just a scalp condition, but an unwavering commitment to pure aerodynamics and energy-saving hair products. If your head shines brighter than the August sun, know that our doors are open.

Hey guys, numbers in patients in my private hospital have dropped since my friend Tammy went in for a bottom lip restructure and I got my notes scrambled up and ended up amputating both of her legs. I promise it was an accident and that I definitely didnt keep her legs to do dissections on (for those who don’t know me, I grew up with an unhealthy obsession of dissecting things).

I am here to advertise my hospital, as a place where you can get any medical procedure done! Even the ones banned in all 57 counties surrounding LDP! If you want a basic blood test done, I can do that for you to for only 50% more than the average cost of your blood type on the black market! If you pay £100 more per minute spent in the hospital, you get the premium package, and you might have AT LEAST a 50/50 shot if getting a clean unused needle for your injections!

So why not come on down to my private hospital, a place of bargain procedures and fast recoveries!

Now that my ex husband has officially left the country with his new girlfriend, I’m holding a yard sale to get rid of all the junk he left behind. Come take a look! I’m the big purple house at the end of the cul-de-sac with a unicorn hedge in the front yard.

Screw you, Doug!

Qualifications include

Ability to say “That sounds really difficult” in at least 37 unique ways.

Can locate a missing pen with the determination of a crime scene investigator before it becomes one.

Comfortable explaining, for the fifth time this week, that the “micro-chip” that has been implanted has been “surgically removed”

Able to survive on coffee, compassion, and whatever snacks someone leaves in the break room.

Job duties include

• Helping people navigate life’s storms.

• Wrestling with the printer.

• Completing documentation before the documentation creates more documentation.

• Occasionally asking yourself, “What day is it?” before confidently answering incorrectly.

We offer:
✨ A team that actually likes each other.
✨ Clients who remind us why this work matters.
✨ The occasional emotional support donut.
✨ Just enough chaos to keep life interesting.

If you’ve ever said, “I can handle this,” right before handling approximately seventeen things at once, we’d love to hear from you.

Come on down to Downtown and near the plaza, our 2 floored massive showroom sits in place of the old Dealership and Starbucks! We even have a Starbucks inside. We currently have many old classics, modern sports cars, and Raptor R's! We will be sponsoring the Little League baseball as a team. We will be hosting a 250th America anniversary airshow and fireworks at 8 PM down at the small airfield too! Hope to see you there. There we will have a Red, White, and Blue F-35-A fly over in a trio formation with smoke trails of that color, we will also have a Mach 1.1 Afterburner Flyiver from a B-1B Lancer