Do I have to beg? I guess so. At least I can swim without looking at my stopwatch.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

Hey Honies, just wanted to catch up and see how the Fall Festival meeting went? I was rota’d onto an absolute shift from HELL 😩 so unfortunately had to miss it!! Gutted!!!!!!!!
Thanks in advance! So excited for this year!!!💋xxx

#fallfest26 #pumpkinspice #yay

After doing my weekly grocery shop yesterday, I wanted to sit in my car for a while and relax as things have been a little overwhelming of late (my girlfriend of 3 years, Whitney's pregnancy scare) and listen to some music.

Since I do not believe in Spotify and dropped my extensive CD collection last week, I decided to try listening to the radio. Suffice it to say I was shocked to find a station BETWEEN 93.3 and 93.4 (my favorite local easy-listening muzak stations) that seemed to only be playing static with a strange hum in the background.

I decided to let this play as I am a fan of white noise, however the disturbances only resumed when a voice emerged, asking if anyone has seen "The Man". I do not know who "The Man" is, and therefore I decided to turn off the radio and drive home.

Things have not been well since. I suspect Whitney has been sneaking around behind my back and speaking to her ex, and constantly dismisses me when I try to tell her about "The Man". She calls me crazy. I am not crazy.

Does anyone else know who "The Man" is? Please get in touch with any info about 93.333333FM if you have anything to declare.

Everyone knows that my smart, talented, and kind niece Catherine has been really making a go at the movie industry in California lately. And everyone also probably knows that she had a really rough breakup with her boyfriend of 3 years and is now just starting to recover and put herself back out there again.

That's why I wanted ot give a proper heads-up about Catherine's latest romantic, well, "entanglement" before she shows up for her visit in Lower Duck Pond this weekend. Catherine will tell you that she's dating mega movie star Tom Cruise, that they met on the set of his latest film, that he wooed her on a romantic getaway to Kauai, and that even Scientology is cool with them having their fling without butting in.

I know, it's all crazy, but just go along with it. If she shows you pictures of them on the red carpet or at an awards show, it's likely just AI or photoshop. If she has a funny story about her and Tom getting dinner with other celebrity friends, think of it as one of her crazy short stories come to life (we all know how creative she is). And if she even invites you to meet Tom when you visit LA in the near future, just smile and nod while thinking of a good excuse to cancel, just to save her the embarassment.

This shouldn't suggest that I think any less of Catherine or that she isn't a beautiful woman who will find love in her life with a great, handsome man. I just know how fraught someone can be right after a big breakup. Combine that with Catherine's imaginative nature, and well, we have a very sensitive situation that could spiral into emotional disaster if not handled properly. We're doing this not to hurt Catherine, but because we love her and want to not see her get hurt.

Thank you so much for reading and let me know if you have questions.

Sincerely,

Persephone Zeta Jones

Hi everyone! Tomorrow is the Fall Festival Planning meeting. I need a head count of who is planning on attending so I can order enough pizza. If you could also state if you are coming as a potential vendor or volunteer, that would also be helpful.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

My pregnant wife has been craving some good ol fried chicken and cinnamon tarts for the past week, but everytime we order it, no matter the shop, the SAME delivery guy is assigned and he KEEPS delivering to the wrong address?? We've contacted support so many times, and everytime they apologise and give us a refund, but the cravings are still raging! Need help, I think we're giving up on online deliveries, anyone know where the nearest bakery and KFC is in town? I stay near the duck pond.

Someone had been ordering delivery of KFC and cinnamon tarts to my porch and 7:45pm every night for past week.

I had tried to catch the delivery guy in action but everytime my cat will meow, there will be a random sound from the yard, every time I turn my head and turn back the food will appear with sound of hurried footsteps. I gave up after 4 days.

Yum KFC please keep it coming.

Do any LDP ladies want to go camping with me this weekend. I got some steaks and whiskey. It should be a good time. I also got some of those pie iron things so you could bake us pies in the campfire.

That's the name of the band playing live this Saturday at the Callithump bar, they start playing at 8. Pre drinks at Carol and Stacey's anyone?!

My favorite coffee mug has been missing for a couple of weeks now. Has anyone seen it? It's got a Great Cormorant on it and says 'World's Best Flatfoot'. I would start a full investigation myself, but I'm working a case, trying to catch whoever keeps stealing Mr. Thistlewhistle's antique umbrellas.

And ye gods do I need coffee.

¡Hola a todos! Me acabo de mudar a la zona de la carretera B-17. El lugar me pareció hermoso y me queda cerca de las residencias de la mayoría de ustedes. Como soy nuevo y aún no conozco mucho el pueblo, ¿qué actividades o lugares me recomiendan visitar para empezar a conocer a los vecinos?, Y alguien me podria decir, quienes son aquellos que aún no los veo por aqui

I've only lived here a short while, but my first week here I heard a guy calling for help. I looked out my window, and couldn't see anyone, but called the police anyway and they basically just told me to not worry about it, and that they are aware of the situation, and wouldn't say anymore.

So I thought ok, they've already got officers on it. And after a couple of minutes all was quiet. So I didn't really think much more of it and went to bed.

The following Monday, the same voice, at the same time of evening I hear the same voice. I call the police, because surely someone's having some sort of joke, but they basically tell me the same.

THE NEXT WEEK (at the exact same time, I checked) the same thing happens. I didn't even bother with the police this time, but asked my neighbours the following morning and they just outright denied hearing anything.

This has happened EVERY week at EXACTLY 22:36 _ON THE DOT_ and lasts for exactly three minutes. And nobody on my street is talking about it! Can someone please shed some light on this? It's driving me insane and is affecting my artwork!

I live on East Swallow Street btw if that helps.

As your town historian and, apparently, now your local mortician, I’m pleased to announce I’ll be opening the new Lower Duck Pond Funeral Home.

Unfortunately, we’re running a little low on bodies.

To be clear: I am NOT asking anyone to fix this.

Last time I mentioned a “shortage” at a town council meeting, three volunteers raised their hands and someone started making a list.

I just need a few mannequins so I can practice before opening day. It would be nice to change the name from “Rest in Pieces” to “Rest in Peace”

Also, whoever left Gary asleep on my porch with a toe tag: he is alive. I checked twice.

Carol and I haven’t spoken since she borrowed my crockpot for “one afternoon,” entered my own meatballs in the county fair under her name, won second place, and then returned the crockpot THREE MONTHS LATER with the ribbon superglued to the lid and somebody else’s dentures in the bottom.
I asked for an apology. She asked if I was jealous of her culinary success.
They were MY meatballs, Carol. And that was my grandmother’s crockpot.

To the person looking for the ladder, it's down past Rusty's Epoxy Emporium under the broken docking station, the bit where people send off their radio control boats? I'm guessing someone was either trying to improvise or....

It wasn't me anyway. I'm sure I saw Walmsly bagglefren running away from there. The kid with those weird toe thumbs.

I don’t care who has it and I’m not asking questions. But Tuesday is when Dennis changes the clock on city hall and we all remember what happened last year when he “improvised.”
The fire department has specifically asked him not to improvise again.

I know this is a small town, and most people aren't exactly down with the occult, but that doesn't mean it's okay to egg my shop! Opening The Teal Tarot Shoppe has been my dream since I was a kid, and while I expected to have challenges running my own business, I didn't think egging would be one of them.

I can't stress enough that my shoppe doesn't sell "demon cursed" objects. It's an esoteric store, we sell crystals, incense, books on different spiritual practices, etc. The most "demonic" presence you'll find here is the landlord I'm leasing from.

Since Halloween is coming up, maybe the vibe will shift and I'll see more excited customers instead of runny yolk.

Cat or bath. I’m not picky, I just need to make sure I’m clean for my interview at 2:37am tomorrow behind Jimmy Jack’s Love Shack.

Hey everybody! You know what time of year it is!!! I hope u are all as excited as I am. Ya'll already know the drill but as always , I'll run through tradition for the morning after next.

Seasoned baskets are to be left outside with your dish of choice in them PLEASE remember to wrap up your dish with correct protective alloy we do not want another melting catastrophe like the year before last 😣 and please make sure all baskets are out before 11.30PM THE NIGHT BEFORE, entry form with categories selection will be in your mailboxes next Sunday. Please tuck these in your baskets next to your entry.

This years Judges are as follows;

• Mr Arcweld Jones - Judge Category A/ Gnat Snaps, Gnat Snap Soup pie, Gnap Sacks, and Gap Flands

• Mr Obsorf Ferrystrutt - Judge Category B/ Risky Thistles and other exciting spikes,

and as always

• Mrs Seepil Throbwash - Judge Category C/ Toothed Sandsponge arrays and Fried Feisty Smiles from Small Mammals.

Thanks again guys! and let's have another fabulous year at our

47th Annual Lower Duck Pond Gwate Whisk Takers Bake off. See you there!

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

You all know how restful it is to stay in the simple guest rooms of the old monastery, where people take a retreat from the busy world or rest for a couple of days along their travels. I’m so pleased to announce we have restored 3 additional rooms for weary travelers and workers!

As always, the price to stay and rest for a couple of days is whatever you can pay. And remember, what you can pay could be coins, helping in the kitchen with the everlasting stew, tending to the garden, or helping your neighbor. I look forward to welcoming all who wish to rest and refresh themselves on retreat here!

However not completely positive I like the method they are using to get them there.

Stray and poorly behaved dogs are running amok in our beautiful town, and Dogcatcher Adrian Shrimpo is nowhere to be found! While bands of roving hounds rampage through our yards and disrupt our barbeques and pool parties, our Dogcatcher is more concerned with designing the insignia for his office.

That is why I am announcing my candidacy for Dogcatcher. If I am elected, there will be no "business as usual". I will not rest until I have cleaned up our streets, and citizens can leave a burger unattended in their backyard without worrying about a canine criminal running up and eating it.

Come election day, vote Jordan for Dogcatcher! Let's show these dogs that humans still run this town!