Why does praying feel fake/forced?

[u/Zestyclose-Tip-5730]

Throughout my life, I've been on an insane roller-coaster with my faith. Diving in hard, leaving it behind, questioning if God is real, reading through the Bible, etc. Recently, after another battle with pornography, I decided to change my approach and just pray for strength to get through this battle. Prayed that my eyes would look to him when I'm struggling. Prayed for forgiveness and to clean my soul that felt like it was rotting. I have tried to make it a point to pray on my ride to the gym in the morning and read my Bible before sleep to keep my head in the right space. I try to pray any time I find myself falling to lust. But it just seems like every time I pray, I get this feeling like this is just an act. I want this to feel real so badly, and I want my life to start moving in the direction of keeping faith and knowing thay God is my only way out of this pit I've been in. But as of right now, even though my prayers are straight from my heart each time, they feel rehearsed and like I'm faking this to myself just to feel better.

I really dont know how to get past this, and to truly feel the "fire" I always hear people talk about with their faith. I believe I want this more than anything, just to be able to feel some peace in my soul. But I just dont know what steps I need to take to make this experience feel true.