r/CasualConversation • u/LazyBug8845 • 1d ago
Just Chatting Who is your helping hand and the most supportive person in your life?
I just wanted to know because I'm really tired about my life. I'm only 16, but the lack of love hurts.
Yaar, I feel like my own family doesn't love me. Sometimes my mom does, but my dad never does. He never talks to me or asks me how I'm doing. He just expects me to be a result-producing machine. He wants me to stay at home all day, locked in my room, barely use my phone, and keep studying.
And I just can't do this anymore.
I wanted to attend a simple dandiya fest at my school.
But I'm a girl living in India, so I can't just go alone. My parents never even let me learn how to ride a two-wheeler. My dad's exact words were, "Will you learn to ride a scooty, or will you study? Where will you go, and what will you even do after learning?"
At my age, my friends are already independent enough to go places and make their own decisions.
But I was never even given the chance to learn. And now, I've lost the desire to go there at all.
There's no one else in my family I can turn to, so I have to keep begging them, folding my hands in front of them, just to get a little freedom.
They never make any efforts for me.
They never have, and I don't think they ever will.
I just want to live.
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u/Last_Weather4207 1d ago
Having a bit of that breathing room you desire is equally important as education and a structured life. It can teach you things text books or a sheltered life cant. Like being self sufficient, socialized, having common sense/logic (basically street/life smarts, without the thug life lol!). However, you're still young! Do you have any opportunities to get a part time job?
Also, I assume you'd be graduating HS in another yr or two? Do you have any opportunities going to college in another country -- perhaps in the States or EU? If you do I'd say hunker down and ride out the next couple yrs.Keep that focus/grades up and you wouldn't be too far off from gaining a bit more of that freedom/independence you may desire! Although keep in mind, adulting is no walk in the park and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 😉
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u/MeltedIcecream_ 1d ago
hey, you're 16. wanting to fo to a school fest spend time with friends and have a little freedom isn't asking for too much.
i think sometimes parents get so caught up in wanting their kida to have a good future that they forget their kids need to actually enjoy the present too.
i dont know your family situation well enough to judge them, but i hope you know your worth isn't measured by your grades or how well you meet everyone's expectations.
is there someone you trust, maybe a teacher, relative or even a friend's parent, who you can talk to about how you're feeling?
you deserve to be heard too. take care of yourself okay?
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u/LazyBug8845 1d ago
Thank you so much for hearing my problem, I'm okay though it's very normal to just accept things how they are however you're right 😭😭😭 but, some of my relatives even know my situation but because my father's nature, no one dared to help me by talking to them. My mother is the only one who speaks for me But she gets usually ignored for this topic. I fe like he don't love me. If I talk about my friend I want to get judged and what if this talk gets leaked to everyone. Oh no 😭 I'm just ruined
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u/MeltedIcecream_ 1d ago
you're not ruined, okay? and just because you/ve gotten used to things being this way doesn't mean you have to pretend they dont hurt.
i get why you'd be scared to tell your friends, especially if you're worried about being judged or having your personal stuff shared around.
but you don't have to tell everyone. even one person you genuinely trust, maybe a school counselor or a teacher, could make a difference. and i/m glad your mom at least tries to stand up for you, even if things arent easy for her either.
also, please dont convince yourself that you're hard to love jsut because someone struggles to show it. you deserve kindness and a life outside of studying too.are you doing okay right now ?
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u/BookkeeperEasy5475 1d ago
First... although we are social beings and we need support... at this point in your life, you'd better start being emotionally independent from that family, if they don't value you and are only concerned about results to tell everyone else 'I have a fabulous daughter' simply for appearances and family status. I send you a big hug because I know my words will hurt you and you are going through a difficult situation, but the sooner you accept your reality, the faster you will move forward... instead of getting stuck and feeling sorry for yourself. Love yourself and create your own bonds; throughout your life, you will adopt people as your own family who will actually love you for who you are and will love you. And I'm sorry to say it bluntly, but the culture there is very macho and sees people more for what they have than for who they are... (And in some cases, they see women as selfish investments). If I were you, I would keep striving (without sacrificing your mental health) to become independent. (Getting a part-time job while studying can also help to save money). Get a job to have economic autonomy after your studies (and hide from your family how much you earn, your salary) and go live by yourself. Although the ideal thing is to go to another country through some scholarship or work. Find a way to get out of there. India severely limits your opportunities if you want to be a fulfilled and independent person. Because in the workplace there is also a lot of abuse of power... they are going to try to abuse you in a thousand ways mentally. Remember, you are fabulous and no one can choose your future for you. Love yourself, you will see that you are not alone; you will find that you matter to many people just the way you are. But keep in mind that you live in a very dangerous country for women; being independent doesn't mean you can go freely wherever you want, unfortunately there are many men with bad intentions, which is why I recommend moving to a country that is a bit more free and less dangerous. (Sorry if I offend anyone, I know there are many good men, but unfortunately, the daughters, wives, sisters who live there are seen as a means and not as human beings with their own independent opinions and feelings)
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u/Agreeable-Help9781 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey! I also am a woman now 28. Grown up in India. I got 97% in my 12th and went to Hindu college, DU. All to do absolutely nothing with that degree 😂. But I found that new stream only when I was 20. Btw noone believed I could top. Even my own parents thought there was a glitch in the exam system. All I'm trying to say is life is funny and strange and you can't predict it especially with the way the world is now. I know this seems like your whole life .. because it has been! But life is different than we all plan. No matter what our parents say. Once you get to college you will have the freedom to explore more. Do your best and don't feel so bad. I have friends who got even 70% didn't go to any famous college and are very very very successful people. Just 10 years out of school. Believe in your life, try to work hard and hopefully you will make some good friends along the way. In the meantime. I'm sending U so many hugs. You can do this! I know U don't believe me but school is just one part of your life. After you go to college U will get that space. So even if not now, there will be time for you to explore. No matter what happens now
Also I know it feels like your dad doesn't love U but he is probably just wanting U to have a good career and has weird ideas of how to achieve it. If you can't talk to them, just know U will have lots of time after school. Your life is just starting! Btw contrary to what ppl here are saying about Indian college. College life in India can be really great too! It's not much better as U think if U move abroad for college.
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u/LazyBug8845 1d ago
Thankyou didi, I'll try. I feel bad for sometime but then I overthink and move on because this is what I can do .
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u/Agreeable-Help9781 16h ago
I understand! Sorry your papa is soooooo on your case. Only thing I want to say is I saw your IIT comment and I had a friend who didn't get into iit and like u had a lot of pressure and he committed suicide. That was really heartbreaking. No matter what just keep going and things have a way of working themselves out when if it's not plan A. Your papa will also get over it. But your life is precious and yours :)
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u/gotchafaint 1d ago
Will you be able to go to college, or is there an age when you can have some freedom? Perhaps the parent of a friend can talk with your father.