MY SON PLAYED MINECRAFT ONCE AND NOW THE UNITED NATIONS HAS DECLARED WAR ON MY HOUSEHOLD 😡😡😡

Hello fellow parents,

I am writing this with tears in my eyes and a restraining order against Mojang in my hands.

Yesterday, I discovered my 8-year-old son playing a g*me called Minecraft. I immediately confiscated his computer and contacted the police, but they informed me that they were too busy investigating a suspiciously square sheep.

Naturally, I conducted my own investigation.

Within 14 minutes, I discovered that Minecraft contains blocks. BLOCKS. As we all know, blocks are the fundamental building materials of prisons, and prisons are where criminals go. The connection is undeniable.

But it gets WORSE.

My son told me he wanted to build a house. A HOUSE. With his own hands. Without taking out a 47-year mortgage or paying property tax. I asked him where he learned such dangerous financial independence, and he whispered one word:

ROBLOX.

I fainted immediately.

When I regained consciousness, I found him eating a sandwich. I demanded to know whether the sandwich was inspired by video g*mes. He said no.

LIAR.

The bread was rectangular. Minecraft blocks are rectangular. Adolf Hitler also had a rectangular head in several photographs I saw on Facebook. COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT.

I then contacted the United Nations, which dispatched 37 peacekeepers, two economists, and a man named Gerald to investigate the situation.

Gerald played one round of Fortnite to understand the enemy.

He is now the Minister of Defence.

Yesterday, he attempted to build a gaming PC out of recycled bricks because he said he wanted to “understand the technology from the inside.” He has not been seen since.

My son, meanwhile, has started saying “GG” after successfully putting on his socks.

I fear we are losing him.

I have therefore launched a global campaign to BAN ALL VIDEO G*MES, including chess, because the knight moves in an L-shape, which is clearly a secret message from the illuminati.

If you support protecting our children from rectangular objects, please sign my petition.

REMEMBER: EVERY MINUTE SPENT GAMING IS A MINUTE NOT SPENT STANDING PERFECTLY STILL IN A FIELD, WHICH IS WHAT CHILDREN DID IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

God bless our children. 🙏

Sent from my Samsung Smart Fridge

How will g*mers be able to defend this? Everyone knows that if one looks at a cartoon gun for too long, they’ll start shooting others IRL. We need to ban this blasphemy off the planet forever!!!

The 11th commandment: “Thou shalt not g*me” & the 8th deadly sin, g*ming (Source: The bible) (We accept everyone in the anti-g*ming Facebook group regardless of their religion, race, gender, or dating preferences. Unlike G*MERS, who only accept violent racist n*zis)

This is a picture of my great grandson after I told him he couldn't spend his allowance on Grand Auto Theft: Vice City 6. He cried his g#mer tears and I feared he would utter slurs, which would be terribly offensive since both his parents are minorities.

I stepped in and said that after dinner we will take all his savings, go to the casino and GAMBLE it. His eyes dried up and now he is excited.

Happy thanksgiving everyone

-Arty from Saskatoon

Why does the ONLY girl character in the g*me have eyelashes? Not to mention, she’s pink. Is SINtendo trying to enforce a harmful stereotype on women, that ALL women have eyelashes and like pink?!

As a woman, I am deeply offended. Me and my wife George Washington will be sending out flyers in our neighborhood later telling people to boycott SINtendo. Also I will be emailing Mark Zuckcyborg to ban P*c-Man from Facebook permanently.