MY SON PLAYED MINECRAFT ONCE AND NOW THE UNITED NATIONS HAS DECLARED WAR ON MY HOUSEHOLD 😡😡😡
Hello fellow parents,
I am writing this with tears in my eyes and a restraining order against Mojang in my hands.
Yesterday, I discovered my 8-year-old son playing a g*me called Minecraft. I immediately confiscated his computer and contacted the police, but they informed me that they were too busy investigating a suspiciously square sheep.
Naturally, I conducted my own investigation.
Within 14 minutes, I discovered that Minecraft contains blocks. BLOCKS. As we all know, blocks are the fundamental building materials of prisons, and prisons are where criminals go. The connection is undeniable.
But it gets WORSE.
My son told me he wanted to build a house. A HOUSE. With his own hands. Without taking out a 47-year mortgage or paying property tax. I asked him where he learned such dangerous financial independence, and he whispered one word:
ROBLOX.
I fainted immediately.
When I regained consciousness, I found him eating a sandwich. I demanded to know whether the sandwich was inspired by video g*mes. He said no.
LIAR.
The bread was rectangular. Minecraft blocks are rectangular. Adolf Hitler also had a rectangular head in several photographs I saw on Facebook. COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT.
I then contacted the United Nations, which dispatched 37 peacekeepers, two economists, and a man named Gerald to investigate the situation.
Gerald played one round of Fortnite to understand the enemy.
He is now the Minister of Defence.
Yesterday, he attempted to build a gaming PC out of recycled bricks because he said he wanted to “understand the technology from the inside.” He has not been seen since.
My son, meanwhile, has started saying “GG” after successfully putting on his socks.
I fear we are losing him.
I have therefore launched a global campaign to BAN ALL VIDEO G*MES, including chess, because the knight moves in an L-shape, which is clearly a secret message from the illuminati.
If you support protecting our children from rectangular objects, please sign my petition.
REMEMBER: EVERY MINUTE SPENT GAMING IS A MINUTE NOT SPENT STANDING PERFECTLY STILL IN A FIELD, WHICH IS WHAT CHILDREN DID IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
God bless our children. 🙏
Sent from my Samsung Smart Fridge
