r/winstonsalem • u/Wonderful_Success510 • 9h ago
Single single me
I’m not here to look for love on Reddit, just here to vent on my most favorite app.
Why the hell is it so hard to date?? I believe im an attractive girlie, I have a really good job, multiple degrees, I’m kind, etc.. all I want is a relatively tall (5’8+ tbh), educated (at least 1 degree), liberal, emotionally available man who wants to be in a relationship but is also not rushing to marriage just for the hell of it. I feel like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack so I stopped looking and I’m just coming to terms with my singleness. Hoping that this isn’t a forever phase, but maybe an important one to get through before finding my person. Can anyone else relate?! 🩶
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u/ThAt_WaS_mY_nAmE_tHo 9h ago
Apps broke the way we socialize ... and the world is full of damaged people who just aren't willing to try and make something work anymore. It's bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s...
Stay humble and put in the work. There's good people who complete your puzzle out there. You'll find em ... but ya gotta be smart ... and it is indeed work.
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u/Last_VCR 9h ago
i'll never understand why height is such a big factor. Like, are you looking for someone you vibe with or are you looking to accessorize?
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u/Fuck_u_all9395 8h ago
It’s okay to have a preference 💀 being physically attracted to the person you’re with is important too
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u/Advanced-Bird-1470 7h ago
Presences are fine but imagine a man posting about struggling to date and only wanting “short girls” 5’ and shorter.
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u/moshpithippie 7h ago
I agree that the height thing is dumb, but 5'8" is int less inch then average. If she says 6' of understand.
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u/Wonderful_Success510 9h ago
Both. Next question
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u/shizznitt 9h ago
I can see why you're single
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u/Wonderful_Success510 9h ago
Bc I want to date someone taller than me? Sue me 😂!
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u/Last_VCR 9h ago
that's fine and a lot of women seem to feel that way, but it's kinda petty. It isn't a skill, it isn't a benefit or a personality trait, it isn't something that'll benefit your marriage or take care of when you're old. A plethora of priorities to consider, but you listed height first.
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u/Wonderful_Success510 9h ago
I also listed a college degree, a political stance, emotional availability, etc but yall are only pissed at the height mention. I didn’t mention looks or age or demographics or tax bracket… but height got y’all bent out of shape? Brother pls 🤣
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u/Judgm3nt 5h ago
Why is being reasonable on take A mean nobody should ask if you're being reasonable on take B?
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u/skyeking05 Walkertown 5h ago
Im wondering why the need for a degree, maybe they need to not be the only one in crippling debt /s
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u/Metaclueless 9h ago
You’d be surprised with how the unconscious mind can direct the person attached to sabotage their wellbeing. That is to say. Most folk of diminutive stature like to fight.
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u/Medical_Bartender 7h ago
People are out there go find them...
...but your requirements restrict your potential pool more than your location.
Let's say W-S is a microcosm of the US perfectly. If you are looking for only male partners between the ages of 25 to 35 yo that is roughly 7% of the population. That's around 18,000 men in Winston.
Liberal let's say 60% based on voting reocords (10,800),
at least 5'8 is 75% (8,100)
educated round up to 40% with a degree (3,240)
So around 3000 men in the city for your requirements with some assumptions. Further restrictions like married, in jail, has kids and you get my point
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u/Wonderful_Success510 7h ago
I don’t ask for anything I don’t also possess/reciprocate
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u/skyeking05 Walkertown 5h ago
Whats with the degree criteria? Is it a money thing or are you looking for an intellectual? I only have me GED but I gross 100k and like to read medical and scientific journals, I dont even watch TV lol. Im not looking and happily married but im curious as to your motivations
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u/craptasticallyyours 1h ago
100k in this area, even with education is statistically small. Jobs in the triad rarely pay that. This is why you are married! As a single, uneducated, middle aged woman who's had a TON of dating experience, can say the job market here pays shit if you don't have a degree. I've noticed job prospects are meh at best, and paying rent means you're working odd hours and likely have 10 roommates, both not conducive to dating.
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u/Ok-Significance2515 8h ago
It’s hard to make friends in Winston. Not surprised.
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u/punkintoze 1h ago
Being a New England native, I find it much easier to make friends here. People are rough up north. They don't like letting people in their circle. I've been here 2 years and have made a ton of friends. It's been great! But, I also put myself out there and I'm pretty friendly. 🤷
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u/Wonderful_Success510 8h ago
We’ve gotta bring back singles events & “friend of a friend” connecting tbh!
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u/Aggravating_Lime2655 8h ago
That would be awesome! I’ve even considered going to the singles events in Charlotte just to put myself out there since it seems like Winston doesn’t have anything.
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u/Metrotextually 7h ago
I gave up on dating at like age 22 because I got so sick of the apps and I thought that just working on myself and doing productive hobbies would just make things happen naturally. Turns out not going out to drink or throwing yourself into random social situations means that nothing happens and you never meet anyone lol. I feel your pain
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u/Wonderful_Success510 9h ago
I did not mean to trigger any short kings by saying 5’8+. Goodness gracious! My bad fellas 🥲
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u/netherlessx 9h ago
Is this a troll post at this point? You need a mirror
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u/Wonderful_Success510 9h ago
A mirror for what? Most women would like to date a man taller than them and avg male height in the united states is 5’8! Why is me saying a preference a problem? Nowhere did I say I wouldn’t date someone shorter if the opportunity arose. All I said was I prefer someone on the taller side! Why are yall pissed?😝
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u/netherlessx 9h ago
That wasn’t my point. I’d say if you were a man I’d call you a douche by the way you respond. Nobody is pissed. Hell I could be wrong about you.
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u/Wonderful_Success510 8h ago
Your initial response made no sense. This reply also made no sense. It seems you are projecting. Just relax baby, it’s really not that deep 🤣. I’ve been called worse than a douche so I’ll take it.
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u/MrTommyMonroe 9h ago
There’s guys out there who will appreciate you. Some of us don’t live in Winston though if you’re wondering.
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u/Diligent-Hurry-9338 8h ago
Most financially successful guys would date a barista, so your really good job doesn't matter. For the same reason previously stated, your degrees don't really matter either.
You say that your kind, which is a bare-minimum standard for anyone that wants to be around other people.
So you have "I believe I'm an attractive girlie" going for you. What does that mean? Are you fit? Overweight? Obese?
Do you have children?
Your standards aren't unreasonable, but depending on who you're trying to match up with and the answers to the questions I asked, they are probably too high, especially if you aren't getting any traction.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say the same thing 95% of people will say in dating app subs to young guys. Hit the gym. Get your fitness dialed in. And comb over your profile with the following perspective: If the man of my dreams read my profile and saw my pictures, would this be enough to get his attention?
Most women on dating apps have to sift through mountains of degenerate losers to try to find a few good guys, so they act like they're at a f'ing build-a-bear factory with their laundry list of requirements.
If the man of your dreams sees that, he's probably going to swipe left, because all it really says about you is that you've put a disproportionate amount of time into thinking about what you don't want, not what you do want, or even better yet, what you bring to a partnership that makes you a more attractive option than the other 1000 girlies that want a guy worth getting into a relationship with.
Just one dude's opinion who's had pretty great success on the apps finding what I want at any given time.
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u/Wonderful_Success510 8h ago
I’m not on apps
I don’t believe my standards are high, they’re just mine. I have had luck and have a few guys want to make things serious but something just doesn’t seem to click and give me the confidence I need to chart into more serious territory.
I’m not looking for the love of my life online. Hence why I said I’m just venting here
Thanks for such a thoughtful response :)!
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u/Diligent-Hurry-9338 8h ago
No problemo, best of luck on your personal journey.
The only other thing I'll say is there are two kinds of people in this world:
1) People who think the world happens to them, and their actions and behavior are a consequence of all these outside forces. AKA "external locus of control"
2) People who think that the world happens to them, but they are the captains of their fate, the masters of their soul, and they determine how they react to the world. Self autonomy. AKA "internal locus of control"
People in category 2 are far more successful in life, whatever they're pursuing.
Just food for thought on your journey.
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u/Wonderful_Success510 8h ago
I love the invictus poem. I live by it, so this touched me!! Thank you 😊
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u/Deviant517 8h ago
Genuinely no clue but whatever your hobbies are you should haunt places where you’re into things and be extroverted enough to say hi to guys and try getting their numbers if they seem interesting. That’s my best advice but I’m also an extrovert whose married
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u/Wonderful_Success510 8h ago
Most of my hobbies are the solo type (solo traveling, reading, baking, cooking, shopping, interior design, walking). I don’t have any hobbies that are really sociable 🥲. Working on it!!
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u/Deviant517 8h ago
Crazy idea I never did - posting a photo of yourself publicly with your phone number looking for dates. Otherwise you’re just going have to try meeting people at regular events or on dating apps like everyone else. Tough times post social media tragically >_< how I met my wife too
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u/Dry-Maybe6416 7h ago
I can relate I’m trying to find things to do because I’m not a attractive guy so it’s hard to find someone I just stare at a picture of myself when I used to be happy and now I’m not so
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u/Solid-Lie-8127 6h ago
Not to switch subjects and disregard your post (which good luck honestly I love love) but where do you work at? You say you have a really good job, I’ve got my degree in finance and had a decent job until I was let go a few months ago. So if possible could we dm and talk about it there?
I need a job/friends so this would be platonic but would love to hear more about it if you don’t mind.
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u/jswiss2567 7h ago
“I’m not asking for much” then starts listing requirements 😂😂 but I feel you dating in the south is extremely hard. My time in the Midwest had me thinking every place was easy to find a potential date/partner.
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u/CalHudsonsGhost 9h ago
Winston is rough because so many are the walking wounded for some reason.