r/texts • u/GhostlySkeletons • 18h ago

Facebook DMs Date Gone Wrong - Not Sure How to Feel?

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I met a woman on FB dating and we agreed to get mexican food.

I drove over, walked up, and she instantly took offense to my nose piercing. (They are in my profile pictures).

We were both hungry and I offered to still pay for dinner despite her distaste, but she noped out and said she was leaving.

I’m genuinely not sure how to feel. Admittedly, it did hurt my feelings slightly. On the other hand, I’ve also just learned not to care anymore.

Screenshots are of what she had to say after it happened.

I guess I’m just sharing this because I’d like to hear other opinion.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 17h ago

I think your response sounds like the weaker person response tbh. That reads like someone whose feelings were hurt.

OP’s responses sounded like someone who’s so comfortable with who they are that they don’t even care enough to bother with all that ‘I love who I am you can’t hurt my feelings BLOCKED’

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u/Long-Form-2718 12h ago

"You make fair points" lol...

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 12h ago

I honestly love that response. Just like hey I understand your feelings they’re valid! Didn’t challenge or argue or scream ‘I love who I am’

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u/BalloonAnimalParty 16h ago

I agree, don't call the person a bully, that's too cringey and stooping to their level.

Just "ok, I understand you're into a different look. Best of luck." is all that is needed. Don't apologize for yourself (or even think about changing yourself), but you also don't need to defend yourself or attack them. Just politely move on!

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u/thrivehh 7h ago

It's not cringe to call a bully a bully.

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u/BalloonAnimalParty 6h ago

Most people will cringe and think you're interpersonally weak if you have to stoop to namecalling to make your point, instead of just stepping outside it and not letting it touch you. You are certainly entitled to disagree with them.

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u/thrivehh 6h ago

Accurately describing someone's behaviour is just not cringe.

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u/SuperSentient 4h ago

Cringe is subjective

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u/thrivehh 1h ago

Cringe is for the weak.

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u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops 23m ago

Could say “Your comments felt like bullying”.

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u/NoFayte 7h ago

agreed.

however i would have also replied something along the lines of:

"oh damn, phew, glad you felt that way honestly because the instant i saw you i was like damn i got catfished. Thanks for dodging that bullet for me, i dont think i could have sat through the whole date myself."

then never reply to anything else, dont block, dont reply

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u/BalloonAnimalParty 6h ago

How about "I'm rubber and you're glue" while we're at it? Or threaten to tell their mommy.

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u/somekindofsubhuman 10h ago

Op went out like a wimp bro

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u/NoBear8338 10h ago

OP needs to stop responding because it’s almost like they’re entertaining what the other person is saying (even if they’re not). And if someone is going to throw 8 complaints/insults at me and 2 compliments, I’d certainly not be thanking them for the 2 compliments. They can fuck off.

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u/Coyote-king8647 17h ago

That's a massive stretch, lol. 

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 14h ago

To respond to someone with ‘how proud I am of myself’ when they throw insults sounds like the weaker person response is a stretch? lol

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u/NintendoFungi 12h ago

You are right. This whole “I’m super proud of who I am and fully unapologetic - oh but if you have a different opinion I WILL BLOCK YOU” is the definition of immaturity in a relationship.
Often if folks cannot deal with alternative opinions productively (or at least diplomatically) - they tend to retreat to their respective echo chambers, until they drown out the new painful thoughts with repetitive, blanket support.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 10h ago

You said it much better than I could

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u/mden1974 14h ago

Yea losers don’t get any of my energy.

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u/Original_Cry_3172 11h ago

Why wouldn’t OP’s feelings get hurt? They did, as a result of disrespect, that’s the point of telling the asshole off.

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u/sharb2485 10h ago

You can calmly inform someone that their comments are cruel and that they seem insecure without looking "triggered". Perhaps if enough people told them the truth about their comments they would learn not to make them.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 10h ago

This is a good take

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u/SuperSentient 4h ago

Maybe some people, but doesn't seem like this girl is one of those people. It would be pretty crazy if she somehow didn't know the truth about how her comments came off.

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u/No-Oil6517 10h ago

I agree with both of you, be yourself but don't be dramatic about it either. If the vibe is there, great. If not, "sorry it didn't work out" and move on.

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u/Angelchloe7742 9h ago

Agreed. I think he handled it well.

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u/mrdustybean 6h ago

I mean if it’s true that OP looks like an angsty teenager, don’t encourage him to be himself. We always say dress well and have good hygiene. You gotta get over that you can in fact dress poorly and come across with a negative impression, and that’s no shade against who you are as a person. There’s no need to be so easily offended anytime someone offers their view on your appearance (in this case it’s literally just your dressing which can change). Balance that against being confident in your own identity too of course. But I’d actually appreciate such direct and honest feedback. Though I definitely wouldn’t date such a chick.

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u/WaysideWyvern 3h ago

This. I actually was impressed by OP for responding so neutrally. That takes a lot more strength imo

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u/HexxedHustla 2h ago

Well obviously you relate to the narcissist

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u/HoopLoop2 2h ago

Op came across as someone who has no backbone, not someone who is super comfortable with who they are. No one should tolerate harassment and be the one saying "sorry" when they are the one getting insulted. Op should have either ignored the person/blocked them without saying anything, or left one message to them saying something along the lines of "Thanks for letting me know, I'm not going to change who I am for you, have a nice life". And then block her.

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u/Diligent_Ladder4629 16h ago

My dude hasn’t heard of negging apparently and it shows. Bad take, bud.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 14h ago

No I just don’t care about other peoples opinions enough for them to have any effect on me 🤷‍♂️

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u/AnAngryWonton 16h ago

Me personally I wouldn’t take that level of disrespect. I can be cruel back and not bc my feelings were hurt but bc I take no disrespect.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 14h ago

Why? Who cares? Only someone’s who feelings are hurt would say ‘no one dare disrespect me’

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u/AnAngryWonton 13h ago

Your feelings don’t have to be hurt for you to now allow disrespect to go un answered. We just live by different philosophies, I can see their point of view but it seems you guys are incapable of seeing mine. So let’s just agree to disagree, I can retaliate against someone disrespectful and shit on em however I see fit verbally while not feeling an ounce of feelings hurt. That’s it really.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 13h ago

You’re confusing having your feelings hurt with having an emotional reaction. Anger, pride, ego, and the need to retaliate are all emotional responses. You can tell yourself you’re not offended, but if someone’s words compel you to punish them verbally, they’ve clearly affected you on some level. Genuine indifference doesn’t require retaliation.

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u/AnAngryWonton 13h ago

I get this is probably an odd way to be, you’ve likely have not met someone like me before. I feel nothing when I shit on someone who’s disrespected me nothing. I can belittle you with zero indication there’s any emotional attachment or reaction going on within me and there isn’t. I’m an anomaly I’m sure. So again, agree to disagree I’m not saying 99% of ppl aren’t the way you describe but that’s not me.

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u/NormalCustard 12h ago

You’re saying you feel nothing, but anger and rage are emotions. Unless you’re a psychopath or have anti-social personality disorder, belittling someone is done out of anger or frustration. You’re just in denial about your feelings. It’s okay to have feelings. If you want to retaliate when disrespected, you have free will and are free to do so. You don’t need to justify your behavior to us.

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u/AnAngryWonton 12h ago

You’re just incapable of understanding my point of view. I agree rage and anger are emotions, I’m telling you I feel none of those when I do that. Have I felt them before? Yah I feel emotions but I am in control of them almost always. There’s one person who makes me lose my cool and that’s my spouse 😂 bc that’s what love does. But everyone else? Mindless sheep that I know I’m better than. If anything I have a superiority complex that allows me to see most ppl as nothing but ants. If you can’t see that that’s on you. You have nothing to go off this bc we don’t know each other and I could be lying. So all we got is strangers saying what they do and think and feel. That’s why let’s just agree to disagree you don’t have to be right nor I. We just live the way we do and whether that’s right or wrong is up to us individually to decide. But me? I’m a force of a nature, strong of will and mind I bend to no one and I make others bend to me.

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u/AppropriateArea3294 11h ago

And the world is telling you that you are not in touch with your emotions in the way you think you might be. Its fine, do you Lil bro -- but real knows real, and real also knows assmad.

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u/AnAngryWonton 11h ago

a handful of redditors online is hardly the world. And more importantly, to me everyone here is beneath me. Simply sharing my thoughts with cattle, to what end? Great question, social animals crave social interaction.

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u/Not__theone 10h ago

lol this is so cringe.

But also, I’d like to offer my sincere thanks for keeping a public profile. This little sheep has been very entertained reading the wise thoughts of such a superior force of nature.

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u/AnAngryWonton 10h ago

You’re welcome, here to preach to the average American hoping I can elevate your mind. I have no enemies.

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u/NormalCustard 1h ago

Cool story bro, but retaliation to disrespect with more disrespect is an emotional response whether you claim to feel them or not.

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u/RedYellowOrangeGreen 13h ago

Well angry wonton I can’t argue with your being unique, I don’t know you.
But what I can say is, don’t let someone else’s character shape yours. If someone tries to disrespect you, they’ve only ever disrespected themselves. If you walk away from this conversation with anything, I hope that it’s maybe you don’t ‘sh*t all over people’ despite what they did to you. The world needs more love, and your approach just begets more hate

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u/Helltoships 15h ago

The only appropriate response to disrespect is to remove your presence, which is what OP did by not engaging.

When you engage, your words might be harsh, but your actions are saying, “I will continue to talk to someone who just disrespected me.” So actually, you are taking the disrespect.

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u/AnAngryWonton 15h ago

Agree to disagree, some of these ppl have only ever ran into ppl who are pushovers or ppl like you who want to abstain from engaging which imo is also valid and commendable. But these ppl will continue to be this way until they run into someone like me. Where they learn consequences.

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u/thewrestlingspot 15h ago

What consequences?

Someone running their mouth back at them is hardly a consequence. It's the reaction they were looking for...

You going to physically fight them?

Enjoy the bracelets.

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u/Helltoships 13h ago

It is dopamine seeking behavior and you are providing them with that dopamine by engaging. Therefore you are rewarding them with exactly what they’re looking for. It isn’t the win you think it is.

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u/West_Permission_5400 10h ago

She sounds like a bitch who expects the world to bend to her expectations. He didn’t dodge a bullet he dodged a huge missile.

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u/No-Capital556 9h ago

Stfu lmfao.

Remarkable is right—putting a nice landing bow on it does more harm by creating a bullshit belief that they sound confident. They don’t.

A person just berated them with loaded compliments and you’re saying they read as secure because they didn’t address the unwarranted criticism at all, but stuck through being berated.