r/texts • u/GhostlySkeletons • 18h ago

Facebook DMs Date Gone Wrong - Not Sure How to Feel?

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I met a woman on FB dating and we agreed to get mexican food.

I drove over, walked up, and she instantly took offense to my nose piercing. (They are in my profile pictures).

We were both hungry and I offered to still pay for dinner despite her distaste, but she noped out and said she was leaving.

I’m genuinely not sure how to feel. Admittedly, it did hurt my feelings slightly. On the other hand, I’ve also just learned not to care anymore.

Screenshots are of what she had to say after it happened.

I guess I’m just sharing this because I’d like to hear other opinion.

8.4k Upvotes

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97

u/WaterDreamer10 18h ago

Reading this text I was prepared for the OP to be the girl and the other to be the man (yes, I did catch the 'man' in the texts but I have seen others on here texting woman using 'man' as well - which is just strange to me).

I was a bit shocked to see it was the opposite.

Then again, the OP never stated they were not a woman as well so that is highly possible today too.

I guess it is just too damn early to figure this mess out - I need my coffee first.

14

u/dubsesq 16h ago

the women have evolved to learn negging, we must warn the others

54

u/WhirlwindTobias 18h ago edited 5h ago

No, no. Left texts look like it's a dude giving unsolicited appearance advice. Especially the part about potentially being a 10.

Edit: Stop blowing up my inbox with corrections. The "no, no" means "no need to feel bad, you're justified in thinking it was a male".

11

u/Alex_AU_gt 18h ago

However its the girl giving the advice. Op is a man and he has nose ring.

3

u/Jazzlike_Bug_8276 17h ago

Are we certain OP is a man? She could also be a girl.

9

u/NomenclatureBreaker 16h ago

Why does it even matter who’s the man and who’s the woman in this situation or if they’re both women or both men?

Either way OP dodged a bullet and while it sucks to have this happen (if it’s a true story) better to know and avoid the crazy up front.

5

u/DenM0ther 14h ago

This, absolutely this!

Man woman or non-binary, thats a terrible way to talk to someone!

Hard agree op dodged a bullet!

4

u/res06myi 14h ago

It matters because of the cultural context.

0

u/NomenclatureBreaker 9h ago

And what cultural contexts do you think are specifically at play in those texts?

2

u/NoBear8338 10h ago

Curiosity lol

4

u/Pandorumz 16h ago

Considering OP has a picture of himself on his profile...not that hard to figure out.

2

u/Jazzlike_Bug_8276 15h ago

You mean the one he literally just added after this post was made…

1

u/zanyzanne 10h ago

That picture didn't exist when these comments were made, OP's profile was hidden at the time of this post.

2

u/WaterDreamer10 16h ago

That is what I said, nothing is certain, it was all too damn early to figure out lol

1

u/Pristine-Roll3895 11h ago

You can check his profile, it says 31M in the description

1

u/zanyzanne 10h ago

It didn't when this post was made. The profile was locked, no description.

0

u/LilithRose_666 9h ago

So what? 😭 that means what? That theyre lying?? Youre clearly not even ganna listen to op himself so no one is ganna be able to help u here.

1

u/zanyzanne 9h ago

It means no one could tell his gender when our comments were made. Why the hostility?

1

u/LilithRose_666 9h ago

Yeah but u keep repeating it as if that makes it a lie. Yall were so concerned abt his gender he added it to his pfp thats why he added it after. lmao

1

u/zanyzanne 9h ago

you're the only person who's said a word about lying.

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0

u/zanyzanne 17h ago

how do you know OP is a man?

1

u/pumpkins21 17h ago

Yeah, OP has never stated their gender, so they could very well be F, NB, etc

1

u/Different_Pack_3686 14h ago

Look at their profile

2

u/pumpkins21 13h ago

A lot of people hide their history so I rarely even check profiles anymore and just go by the info on their posts/replied, but you’re right, he is a dude

1

u/Lemons_Into_Limonite 10h ago

Or he says he is a dude, this is Reddit after all. 🤷🏽‍♀️

1

u/zanyzanne 10h ago

OP's profile was locked until 6 hours ago.

9

u/jokersupersoaker 14h ago

It definitely says “I met a woman on fb” so the left is definitely a woman

21

u/pinkbootstrap 17h ago

I've never seen a woman use a number rating for a person lol it sounds like red pill bs but uh... women can be anything we want I guess 🤣😞

7

u/Ok-Dot-9324 15h ago

Or they’re gay and both women? Thats what I thought

12

u/pinkbootstrap 13h ago

A gay woman not into nose piercings is going to have a bad time 🤣

2

u/Ok-Dot-9324 8h ago

I’ve met a few. Gay people can be boring normies also lol

1

u/Major_Frosting6133 3h ago

😂😂😂 This comment is sending me (as a woman who is straight with her nose pierced).

13

u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 16h ago

I assume those were ages? Like, OP dresses like they're 17 and the nose ring makes them look 16?

IDK the whole thing is judgy and odd.

5

u/pinkbootstrap 16h ago

"You could be like a ten"

2

u/Apathetic_Villainess 12h ago

It was both. She did say he was coming off as a teen based on clothes and piercing, but then said he could have been a 10 if different.

1

u/RemarkableCard6475 11h ago

Also honest. No sense in trying to get serious with a guy and try to change his appearance because you like his eyes and dimples.

OP dodged a round with that one. He should consider his clothes and piercings as "interference gear." If she can see past that and ask questions rather than be judgy and rude, they might find a trade-off or see that some things aren't deal breakers.

1

u/Consistent-Pop3129 9h ago

You judge people that you are looking at being in relationships with, what are you talking about

Man, you people are COOKED. May as well get video game systems and cats and settle in

2

u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 8h ago

I was married for 24 years and have no desire to do that again. I'm happy with my dog and my books.

That said, there's a difference between telling a person they're not compatible and tearing them apart because they don't like their appearance.

0

u/Consistent-Pop3129 8h ago

How YOU react to a person giving their subjective view of you when you interact with them on this level is on YOU

Again, get your video games and your cat and get out the pool

The person have their opinion and constructive criticism, they didn’t go overboard with ad hominem attack

You are being dramatic

Being judged is a part of being in the dating pool. The OP can either stick to their style and keep trying understanding that their deviation from norm is going to limit appeal or they can attempt to normalize and broaden their appeal to normies

This is adulting

1

u/TWCDev 8h ago

I don't think going on a date with someone they clearly could see in their photos has a sort of alt-lifestyle going on, and then whining about how they wish they dressed differently is "adulting"

Sounds pretty immature IMO.

Adulting is recognizing that you shouldn't try to "normalize" people and instead not go out with them in the first place. When I see a hot person who looks "normal", I appreciate and then I move the fuck on, because I don't want to try and "alt-ize" a normie, and there are enough millions of people in the alt-space to date that I don't need to waste time on normies.

Unfortunately, so many normies seem to go out of their way to try and pressure alt people to "conform" and then blame the people who want to be free as the problem.

1

u/Consistent-Pop3129 7h ago

We have a word for her. It’s stupid

She didn’t go out of her way to do anything, didn’t even take the free meal

They are both done with each other. Seems pretty normal

1

u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 8h ago

I'm being dramatic, that's a good one.

1

u/Consistent-Pop3129 7h ago

Yeah, that’s an objective view

You made this way more than it is, dealing with interactions between people

It’s a genre call “Drama” and a person engaging in it is called “Dramatic”

Have a great rest of your day

1

u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 7h ago

Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You're black.

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1

u/Novel-Organization63 5h ago

Whichever gender OP is they dodged a bullet. That was a creepy exchange.

9

u/WannaBeCoder912 14h ago

There’s like a whole trend of women saying things like he’s a ten but… and then giving a new rating after the but.

For example… he’s a ten but he still lives with his mom so he’s a six.

Honestly I hear women giving a number rating to men far more than the reverse.

1

u/RemarkableCard6475 11h ago

SUPER common, my wife does it with her girlfriends all the time. She tells me about the conversations and they're interesting to say the least.

I'm a good listener so it works out great. What she won't do is use "the ick" phrase to a guy, stating it's a good way to get slapped even via text, lol.

So she tells her friends to hold that one back when giving dating advice/support. We feel bad for her single girlfriends and worse for some of the dudes/people they meet, equally.

1

u/WannaBeCoder912 11h ago

Had a party Saturday night to watch the GA / Alabama game- all the husbands in the living room and many of the wives end up in the kitchen just drinking and gabbing or whatever.

Anytime the conversation in the living room dies down enough for us to hear the conversation in the kitchen it’s them talking about how hot this guy is or how much they love that guys accent. Like - it’s innocent but people who think girls don’t talk about guys like that has never been around women.

1

u/PuzzleheadedIron5543 10h ago

Anywhere else he'd be a 10 💕

1

u/Betshateseverything 5h ago

6? Dude… he lives with his mom.

2

u/res06myi 14h ago

I've never encountered a woman using a numbered rating system either, but OP is a man—he posted reference pictures on his profile. Unless I'm catastrophically misjudging gender from appearance.

1

u/pinkbootstrap 13h ago

The person he's talking to is a woman though

2

u/Economy-Wish-9772 7h ago

Taking that whole “anything you can do, I can do better” straight to heart.

2

u/k_mermaid 6h ago

I mean the texts on the left do sound like a woman. Have I had thoughts like this cross my mind, sure, but to actually say them to someone is diabical. She wants someone "fun" but she sounds like the most unfun person in the world. Jeez.

Also a lot of men don't have a great sense of fashion. Of all the things to complain about this is probably the thing that is bound to change. Just about all of my exes wanted my input on clothing choices or would go shopping with me. All it takes is a "you look really good in that, babe" and suddenly he has a new favourite shirt lol. Like if the only thing you don't like about him is his clothes are old just date him and go shopping with him one day? My goodness. What a ride woman.

1

u/weebitofaban 13h ago

Its super common, dude.

1

u/pinkbootstrap 13h ago

Unfortunate, dude. We really live in a society.

1

u/wingeddogs 12h ago

Plenty of women do, just living in lala land huh?

1

u/pinkbootstrap 11h ago

Guess so 😭

1

u/wordsmythy 9h ago

Including a judgmental POS

1

u/Glittering-Sea1769 8h ago

Wow, I've heard several women do that.

Maybe you just haven't lived long enough? Or maybe haven't met enough women? Or haven't gained their trust?

1

u/pinkbootstrap 7h ago

I think I just tend to not associate with douches lol. I'm in my mid 30s with plenty of female friends

1

u/igotchees21 4h ago

why would this surprise you. women on the internet say the majority of men dont look good and this surprises you.

The thing that surprises me is that for some reason, people continue to think women are just in the right or good by default. People are people, some are assholes, some are good.

0

u/noticingloops 10h ago

Apparently you’re never around women then.

2

u/Pandorumz 16h ago

Nice, making assumptions that the man is the villain in the scenario. As is always the case.

2

u/GuacamoleFrejole 14h ago

The poster stated that the date was a woman.

1

u/Alert_Masterpiece290 18h ago

a dude wouldn't go home and CRY over this superficial BS...

3

u/TrelanaSakuyo 15h ago

I've had weirdos try to date me that used that line. Don't know if they actually cried or not, but they were dudes and desperate and I was having none of that manipulative bullshit.

1

u/socialderelict 14h ago

Why not? Dudes have feels too.

2

u/melon-colly 14h ago

You are right, I just don’t see a dude admitting to it.

0

u/socialderelict 13h ago

You might be hanging out with the wrong dudes. :)

1

u/Admirable_Chest_1905 12h ago

I am confused i thought on the left side is a girl messaging 🫠

1

u/AltF4_Bye 9h ago

Yea but did bro go home and cry? I am also confusion

1

u/Local_Windrunner 9h ago

OP says they met a woman. Those left texts are indeed a woman’s which is crazy

1

u/WhirlwindTobias 8h ago

I know it's a woman. I meant this person was justified in their thinking it was a guy, as in "no, no, it's a fair assumption".

Quit correcting me guys.

1

u/heymanwhatsup9 7h ago

I read it as a woman on the left.

1

u/AromaticAd5872 5h ago

OP literally refers to her as a “she” in the caption.

1

u/WhirlwindTobias 5h ago

I was telling Waterdreamer they were justified in thinking it was a male, because it looks like one (even if it isn't). So many people not getting that.

1

u/WaywardFemme 3h ago

Usually I love seeing women in male dominated roles, but... We do not claim her 😅

-1

u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 17h ago

Oh it was solicited. They asked if they were worth dating

7

u/foobarney 16h ago

Given that the date said "if I had your dimples and eye color", I assumed they were both women.

Doesn't much matter, though. Whether OP is a man or a woman, the date can fuck right off. With raisins.

2

u/sapplesapplesapples 12h ago

I say idk man to any and all people. 

2

u/Astralglamour 12h ago

It's probably just some troll account swapping the genders because, while anything is possible, it would be pretty unusual for a woman to use all of this redpill terminology.

5

u/Effective-End-964 18h ago

Women abuse men too. The worst abuser I’ve known in my personal life is a woman who abused her husband, including SA.

1

u/770120437 17h ago

I read it the exact same way

1

u/National-Catch-4450 16h ago

Why does it matter?

1

u/L1sasGayBby 16h ago

I thought the same. ☕️

1

u/mclollolwub 15h ago

What's the difference?

1

u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 15h ago

Me too. I was going to tell OP that this was a man negging her and he probably just dated her to be mean because they’re so lonely any contact with women is better than none.

My mind is blown right now lol

1

u/PoraDora 14h ago

I felt the exact same thing reading this

1

u/GuacamoleFrejole 14h ago

I thought perhaps that they're both women, but the fact that the poster offered "to still pay for dinner" makes me lean toward male.

1

u/bluehulk900 14h ago

Damn I've really dated some awful bitches because I could tell this shit was a girl immediately, and I'm not even one of those internet chuds who eviscerate women for breathing in a way that displeases him and thus makes her a vapid bitch.

I'm sure they exist technically, but guys don't really talk like this even when they are being douchey. This has mean bitch who needs an emotionally insecure man written all over it imo.

1

u/Orphano_the_Savior 12h ago

Women do this stuff just as much as men. They just aren't chastise for it.

1

u/almaperdida99 10h ago

A woman negging the shit out of this guy. I had the same thought. What a bitch.

1

u/Parking_Ad_4601 10h ago

People used to use the word “man” kind of like “dude”. Or like a kid might say “oh, man!” They don’t anymore but it used to be more of an expression than a literal statement- it seems like more of an expression here.

1

u/WaterDreamer10 10h ago

'man' was more of a 70's term and has not been used in that context since....however, I see men using that term toward woman in text messages on here and it is like WTF is wrong with them. 'dude' is a universal word and can apply to men or woman....the word 'man' is pretty specific!

Again, in this instance we have NO clue if the OP is a man or a woman....it could be either.

1

u/Parking_Ad_4601 5h ago

Idk, I say it that way and have heard it all my life and I’m 32- so haven’t been around since the 70s. Maybe it’s a location thing but ok. Nbd.

1

u/WaterDreamer10 4h ago

I have lived in a number of states, mainly the eastern seaboard, and can't say I've ever heard a non-stoner use the word 'man' frequently in conversations. Dude....sure...all the time. Maybe something like "Man, give me a break" but that is about it.

1

u/retep-noskcire 10h ago

My expectations were confirmed

1

u/Mr_Mahjong 9h ago

Highly possible? Its probably the truth judging by today

1

u/WitchesofBangkok 8h ago

A women in male dominated fields!

1

u/Glittering-Sea1769 8h ago

"I was a bit shocked to see it was the opposite."

That's because you live in a self-curated bubble where only men are controlling partners.

1

u/WaterDreamer10 6h ago

LMAO - what is the mindless dribble flowing out of your keyboard, you might want to have that looked at.

As for me, I live in the real world - anyone is capable of anything - are certain people more prone to behave certain ways - yes- those are facts and statistic. Are there outliers and anomalies - yes.

1

u/kitten12551 7h ago

I thought it was 2 women after I read it.

1

u/WaterDreamer10 6h ago

Looking back at it, as you said, I would say the odds of it being two women are a bit higher....I have not really followed the thread to see if the OP chimed in and confirmed any of their own details though.

1

u/Si1v3rPho3n1x 6h ago

Same tbh

1

u/PembrokeLove 3h ago

Same. I assumed that a woman with piercings had shown up.

1

u/joeg26reddit 17h ago

Both could be trans gender furry for all we know

1

u/just_having_giggles 17h ago

You just objectify women and you don't objectify men, so you're having a hard time seeing a man be objectified.

That's a realization might could be worth looking inward about.

2

u/Silent-Victory-3861 17h ago

OP's message is about a person who objectifies someone hard, and the commenter you answered to that the person doing the objectifying was a man, because usually that kind of comments come from a man. I interpreted it the same wat because I acknowledge that women are almost always the gender being objectifying, I don't think it is morally justified to objectify, but I acknowledge that this kind of views exist in society.

-1

u/just_having_giggles 13h ago edited 13h ago

You're doing the exact same thing. Cool

1

u/Silent-Victory-3861 1h ago

If you are seeing something and closing your eyes and yelling "I didn't see it I didn't see it" you are doing more harm than someone who acknowledges it happened and tries to work against it.

2

u/WaterDreamer10 16h ago

What garbage are you talking about? I got up, before my coffee, read the texts (not the post) and just assumed based on the what was said that the gender rolls were reversed. Especially given the nose ring and the age looks comments. It was surprising to see it was the other way around. That is not objectifying anything so stop trying to make problems were non exist. Try not to look excuses to be offended for one day, you will be happier. I made a comment that it caught me off guard was all and I made a comment about it.

0

u/just_having_giggles 13h ago

Look dude, I saw that I thought "tits" immediately just like you. I thought "definitely a chick getting creeped on but a dude" and then like you I couldn't even understand.

Like you, I tried hard to rationalize this and I made a comment all about how this just probably is a dude.

0

u/Alex_AU_gt 18h ago

Yeah, i thought it must be a guy, the level of assholeness

2

u/SpaceAlbatr0ss 17h ago

I think Women can be 10x worse than men. The insanity that goes on at my wife’s work between all the women in the office. It’s beyond anything I would have ever believed. To one another they are vicious and territorial it’s really crazy. I have a few female friends who say they need a BFF that’s a gay man because they can’t stand the jealousy and mean girls vibes. One guy who works in the warehouse came in and basically forced himself on one of the girls she kicked him off and he grabbed her neck and tried to kiss her. Some insane shit that you would expect all the women would be together on. Wrong. There were multiple women who liked the guy and were jealous he forced himself on the one girl and they treated her like shit over this. Men would never act like that at least the ones I know.

1

u/LilMissnoname 15h ago

As someone who works in a female dominated field, I concur.

0

u/BrassCanon 15h ago

Nah, definitely reads like a woman. A man's not going to make fun of their date's clothes.

2

u/Scrilla_Gorilla_ 11h ago

"Nose shit" read to me like a guy who doesn't like septum piercings and then I just assume it was a girl who dressed alternative. I read it like OP.

0

u/Thanksforthatman 14h ago

It's far more common for women to talk about men this was then vice versa.