r/texts • u/GhostlySkeletons • 18h ago

Facebook DMs Date Gone Wrong - Not Sure How to Feel?

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I met a woman on FB dating and we agreed to get mexican food.

I drove over, walked up, and she instantly took offense to my nose piercing. (They are in my profile pictures).

We were both hungry and I offered to still pay for dinner despite her distaste, but she noped out and said she was leaving.

I’m genuinely not sure how to feel. Admittedly, it did hurt my feelings slightly. On the other hand, I’ve also just learned not to care anymore.

Screenshots are of what she had to say after it happened.

I guess I’m just sharing this because I’d like to hear other opinion.

8.4k Upvotes

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4.4k

u/Icy_Cry_5942 18h ago

Lol she cried at home because you had a nose ring and she didn't like your clothes ?! 😆 I wouldn't give her another thought!

406

u/PreparationWorth1242 18h ago

She needs mental help seriously. Personally I’ve never been into this type of aesthetic but I would never comment on someone clothing style and piercings like that, not to mention she already saw pictures and still went on a date. Idk what’s wrong with people nowadays

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u/Glum-Appointment-816 17h ago

Right, she clearly doesn’t understand these are internal thoughts & not something to say to people which shouldnt be happening as an adult

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u/No-Albatross-7984 14h ago

Nah man. This is a test. 

As in, "will this person let me push them around and still crawl back" type of test.

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u/hutty442 15h ago

She perfectly understands that she shouldn't say this. She's trying to manipulate him

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u/abstr_xn 12h ago

"God I would really like you if you were just different and changed to meet every expectation I have of you, honestly, you're like a child, I really like you and it upsets me that you have a personality, it would be so much more mature of you to change everything about yourself so I can fully like you for who you are"

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u/HippieGrandma1962 9h ago

Do we have the same ex?

1

u/abstr_xn 7h ago

I would not doubt it.

1

u/Nebula_Aware 5h ago

Shes disgusting.

3

u/Halo_cT 12h ago

i hate to armchair but after reading a million stories in r/raisedbyborderlines this feels a lot like a much younger version of the way those people speak to others.

1

u/SnooOwls2623 1h ago

I date a borderline, and that was the first thing that popped into my head.

1

u/SharnyaTileiya 6h ago

100% SHE IS!

-1

u/Consistent-Pop3129 8h ago

Into what?
She didn’t even take the free meal
She isn’t interested in doing anything with him

But it’s all a multi step plan to mold him into what she wants. She has time for that?

This is rhetorical, I don’t have time for you doubling down to try to make that statement make sense

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u/Penceylepansy 14h ago

Oh, but she can't help that she's so blunt. /s

2

u/SeaworthinessOne1752 8h ago

Yea sounds very juvenile to me

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u/Complete-Ice9013 15h ago

Exactly.. I’m confused on why she felt as if her opinion means so much to go in on YOUR choice of attire and jewelry. Feel absolutely NO WAY ABOUT IT bc it literally doesn’t matter. If you look in the mirror and love what you see not one other person’s opinion matters.
*Do they pay your bills
*Does their opinion mean life or death
I’m assuming the answer is NO to both!!!
Don’t even entertain conversations like that seriously. I agree with a previous comment where she was hoping you’d offer to change for her 🙄 her reaction sounds childish and gives about a 17 maybe 16yo behavior 🤷‍♀️

1

u/Consistent-Pop3129 7h ago

Because they interacted on a date
He’s here talking about it in open forum after the fact

We have receipts here
This seems pretty straight forward Ipso-facto

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u/Purple807 16h ago

She needs an etiquette class.

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u/Kamir12628 13h ago

I chalked it up to the bitch being lame & “trying” to tear someone else down

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u/Smrtihara 18h ago

She didn’t cry of course. She’s saying this to manipulate him. The ideal reaction she’s looking for is him groveling and wanting to immediately change for her. She wants to feel some form of power over him.

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u/Mr_HandSmall 17h ago

Nailed it. She's looking for power. None of this is sincere.

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u/LaceyDark 15h ago

Sincerety would look more like "hey! You seemed like a really great guy and I did enjoy your company, but I don't think you're quite what I'm looking for in a relationship. I wish you all the best on your future dates"

It's incredibly easy to just be a decent person..

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u/smashcola 13h ago

But she didn't even try to enjoy their company! She sounds like a real jerk, and a dodged bullet!

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u/NoBear8338 10h ago

Sincerity would look more like not going on a date when you’re going to pretend to cry if they have a septum piercing and you already know they do, in fact, have a septum piercing. Seriously, why would she even waste everyone’s time like that?

2

u/Bigdaddywalt2870 5h ago

Cause she likes playing power games

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u/Jolly_Initiative_865 14h ago

Easier than the BS she did for certain!

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u/LeagueMoney9561 11h ago

What she seems to have done seems more honest. If sincere, is more helpful than something generic like in the previous comment I’d imagine.

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u/Fluid-Wrongdoer6120 4h ago

Telling someone "did you know you eat with your mouth open and I found it distracting" might be viewed as being blunt but honest.

What actionable information is she giving the poor guy by telling him she doesn't like his nose ring? That's a personal preference thing that she probably should've noticed from his profile pics. For the next girl it could be a turn on. She was just saying this because she's either entitled, manipulative or both.

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u/Sad_Professor6739 2h ago

This is clearly a power play. & if you think this is sincerity, I’m asking you to seek therapy for your own sake. As an ex people pleasure/naive person, if you truly in your heart of hearts believe THIS is sincerity, you are the exact type to get got by a person like this.

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u/Royal-Lunch-2347 15h ago

I can't help it, I'm just a really honest person...

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u/CloverPatchField 12h ago

And this is exactly what someone like her would say. People don’t realize they are actually saying how big of a bitch/dick they are and trying to cover it up as “being honest”. Just another manipulation tactic for them. OP definitely dodged a bullet

1

u/cupcake__007 1h ago

Yeah, from our perspective on Reddit, it all seems very easy. However, irl everything is soooo much more complicated and intense. Though I agree it’d be nice to take a minute and carefully pick one’s words, especially in a text where you’re not constrained to reply instantly.

0

u/SuspendedSentence1 11h ago

Sincerity is sounding like an HR department?

-2

u/ReleaseTheDogs07 10h ago

Nothing sincere about a general, vague, cookie cutter message with no specific reason.

We can tell what kind you are 🙄 🤦‍♀️

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u/itsjustpie 8h ago

Her tastes are her own business. She didn’t need to get all specific and rude to imply that he should change himself to suit her desires. Just a simple “you’re just really not my type, sorry for wasting your time!” would’ve been sincere and respectful of his feelings.

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u/WhiteHotMess 15h ago

Maybe it's sort of a reverse of the 'negging' trend? Where the guy is supposed to say things like "You'd be so cute if you just did something with your face!"?

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u/dasher2581 15h ago

It's not a reverse - she's negging him. People of all types have been doing it to each other forever; the manosphere just named it.

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u/WhiteHotMess 15h ago

Fair enough. I think it's clear I meant a role reversal but as you say, women are pretty awful too. The technique definitely predates the the manosphere and really became widespread in a pickup book for men about 20 years ago. It was called, The Rules of the Game.

0

u/LilMissnoname 14h ago

Yeah as if women haven't been known to do this to their "best friends" for all of eternity. Idk why people assume only men do it when they're a literal stereotype of "the best friend who tells you you'll look way better if you cut all your hair off" lol

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u/SolidFew3788 13h ago

My husband's "girlfriend" in high school told him to cut his hair off. That she couldn't date someone with hair longer than hers. He had long black hair. He cut it, she still broke up with him shortly after. Scarred him for life. He's bald now.

1

u/Frequent_Scholar3885 10h ago

Thankfully(?) I’ve had really supportive friends, but I also know women absolutely do the same thing as men when it comes to “changing” their partners. Like, I get it, 100 years ago women had to marry for financial security or marriages were arranged and they would do things to subtly change their husband’s diet or wardrobe, but it’s 2026 now and you can take it or leave it. Accept the person or move on.

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u/DoktenRal 16h ago

And if it is its giving 14

2

u/icecreammodel 11h ago

Yeah, I read the screenshots before anything else, and immediately thought: great, another man trying to control a woman. Just as gross when anyone else tries it.

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u/risky__cake 9h ago

It's really very important for people to recognize and name coercive control when it's coming from a woman, too.

OP dodged a bullet by virtue of having a piercing

2

u/Fuzzy-Advisor-2183 7h ago

i’m not sure she even wanted him to change for her; it seemed like she was having fun making him feel shitty.

107

u/Frankie-Figgs33 17h ago

And here’s the best part, if op does this it definitely won’t be the last time and he will be in for a life of misery with someone he will never be able to please.

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u/Paghk_the_Stupendous 16h ago

Best way to please someone like this is to spurn them.

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u/HuddleGale 20m ago

yep, i did this once and can confirm i was miserable, and the guy turned out to be a total asshole anyway. OP, you do you - your person is out there, don’t settle for this bullshit.

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u/Physion 16h ago

“Yikes, I agree, if you’re crying because of my appearance then this clearly wasn’t a good match and you should find someone who gels more with what you’re looking for.”

Ten bucks she’d come back with something mean after a reply like that.

9

u/CloverPatchField 12h ago

Another insult, beginning with “I’m just saying….”

9

u/icecreammodel 11h ago

Another case of "brutal honesty" being more about the brutality than the honesty

34

u/Money-Appointment-27 17h ago

Not saying she did or didn't, but I had a boyfriend who cried when I said I wanted to get a tattoo on my ribs. We sat in the car about to go into the gym and it turned into this whole thing with him crying and whining and overall just throwing a tantrum.

So my point is, it's definitely possible she cried, because some people are just entitled. She definitely told him to manipulate him though.

2

u/CloverPatchField 12h ago

On the first date or very beginning of the relationship?

1

u/Money-Appointment-27 11h ago

A few months into the relationship

4

u/hautegauche 10h ago

You got the tattoo, right?

1

u/SurveyingReality 11h ago

I’m sure it’s possible, but I think it’s less likely since they had just met.

But I honestly doubt the story they made up of control, we don’t know the girl, we don’t know if she was telling the truth. It could be true but rushing to conclusions isn’t going to get anywhere meaningful.

1

u/Perfect-Community262 9h ago

I'm very glad you said "had" 

What a loser lol

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u/ProcedureOrdinary165 9h ago

That is hilarious, i cant believe there are people in this world that exist

1

u/supposeimonredditnow 5h ago

Hahaha

So what tat did you get?

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u/Alchemists_Fire 4h ago

I had a similar issue with an ex. He didn't want me to get a tattoo because it would "mar my perfect skin". He also didn't want me to cut my hair short because he liked it long. So glad I broke things off with me when I realized I would've been in for a life of control and only looking after his needs

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u/Shenloanne 15h ago

I'm reading this as two women. Idk why.

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u/DragonflyGrrl 12h ago

OP is M, says so on his profile.

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u/Shenloanne 11h ago

Ah cool

1

u/ProcedureOrdinary165 9h ago

Could be a fake male

2

u/Coley54Bear 10h ago

I was thinking either two men or two women. Probably because of the “If I had your dimples and eyes color I’d be doing things”

3

u/Impressive_Air6111 14h ago

I thought the texter was a man and OP a woman. The nose ring doesn't help. 😂

Edit: I skipped the description.

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u/Frequent_Scholar3885 10h ago

Same. I see more men complaining about nose rings than vice versa, but I also see more women wearing nose rings than vice versa. Eh 🤷

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u/AZMP5 15h ago

The BPD final boss

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u/-cuckstradamus- 17h ago

No she probably did, but I'd guess because she's recently out of a relationship or just lonely and rushing to find someone that fills that whole who fits the exact mental image in her head and is constantly disappointed when she discovers real people instead. She's got a lot more bad dates to go on before she adjusts her expectations.

I've cried out of disappointment and frustration over some bad dates. But never been an asshole and told someone lol

1

u/Dukeronomy 15h ago

is op a man?

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Law34 15h ago

Best response is the classic 👍

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u/Equinanymous 13h ago

Of course she didn't. And I don't see where she said she did, she said she cringed - very different.

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u/Smrtihara 13h ago

“I cried when I got home”.

Just read the texts, yeah?

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u/Equinanymous 8h ago

Ah yes, you're right, there's more...I read them but didn't click to expand the image. I withdraw my comment.

1

u/Flat-Outcome4861 13h ago

tbf I was with someone for 4 years who actually did cry directly in front of me because I wouldn't throw away my work hoody because he didn't like it. I thought he was making a joke when he brought it up for weeks, but when he actually started crying I suddenly realized what kind of person I was with.

1

u/CloverPatchField 12h ago

Yep, I saw this too. And eventually, some fella might be down on himself and do it

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u/redowll 8h ago

fun and spontaneous power... But no jewelry and I make your outfits each morning. You make breakfast, I'll provide you the menu and it's your job to know exactly how I like it cuz I won't be telling you that and if it's wrong I'm going to SCREAM AND BREAK YOUR SHIT 😘😘

1

u/br-YOU-no 8h ago

This is scary. I’m a grown married woman and I have never thought these thoughts! Holy Moly

1

u/EuphoricReplacement1 8h ago

I can't believe he is essentially agreeing with her!

1

u/SeaworthinessOne1752 8h ago

All of what she said is BS, that is the dice you roll with Tinder.

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u/ItsDaManBearBull 6h ago

tiny bit of a chance she actually did (if she's already clinically depressed). but again that would have basically 0 to do with OP's style lmao.

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u/EamesKnollFLWIII 5h ago

Nah. She didn't even stay for queso.

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u/Oregongirl1018 4h ago

He should have said that he laughed when he got home, he was really disappointed when he rolled up to the date. Fuck her self esteem.

1

u/SnooOwls2623 1h ago

Exactly. This is exactly what people with BPD do. Weird demeaning comments about appearances and sharing thoughts that most people with emotional maturity and etiquette know are not proper things to say out loud. Then comes the control/manipulation.

Run.

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u/HighlyJoyusDragons 17h ago

Right!? Either this girl legitimately cried over a nose ring and some clothes on the body of a relative stranger, OR she wants this dude to say "oh my god you were so amazing that I'll change everything about myself" and will say whatever she can do get her way.

Either way a bad look

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u/Fit_Feature_794 17h ago

No fr though! She’s giving 15/16 years old herself… mean girl high school shit like wtf?! Good thing op isn’t on earth to be a carbon copy of everyone else lol

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u/FierceEquator 18h ago

That’s what thought. She has issues.

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u/WorldlyProtection548 16h ago

I can't think of an opinion I would care less about, along with anything else that this woman says. She is quite literally a bully. OP took it way too well, honestly. I imagine he is a total sweetheart and will find some cool alt partner who thinks his piercing and style are hot af.

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u/antmars 16h ago

She cried because she’s realizing her inability to look past tiny physical details about a person (good or bad) is going to lead to a lifetime of loneliness and resentment.

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u/Same-Equivalent9037 15h ago

That would be giving her too much credit. No way she has the foresight

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u/Odd_Sentence_2618 18h ago

That's some narc bpd shit right there.

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u/Kind-Crab4230 15h ago

"my problem is I can't find anyone fun or spontaneous"

Gee I wonder why fun, spontaneous people aren't flocking to this person?

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u/bars2021 15h ago

Dude this girl is one mimosa away from a complete breakdown. Steer clear my dude.

2

u/Frequent_Zucchini205 15h ago

honestly telling someone that you cried because of their appearance is unhinged behavior 😭

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u/ThatBarberMelly 15h ago

Honestly the weirdest thing ever. Cried is insane.

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u/OkMarsupial 14h ago

When I saw nose shit I thought she meant cocaine. 🤣

1

u/urmumscrustypumpum 13h ago

This is the only good piece of advice ever shared on reddit

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u/SIDHE_LAMP 12h ago

And he apologized to her, after she insulted him! Crazy. I feel so bad for OP. 

1

u/Mighty-Menagerie 11h ago

This is the reaction of a conservative mother, not a prospective romantic partner. 😂😂😂

1

u/oriaven 11h ago

"like idk man"

1

u/LaserGuyDanceSystem 10h ago

We should all pray for a life so devoid of suffering that a date having a nose piercing is cause for tears.

1

u/luxii4 10h ago

All things you can change but her personality, can't fix that.

1

u/peppermintmeow Nokia Brick 9h ago

That's a He.

1

u/Sherylcrowdotcom 8h ago

Right? She sounds insane and shallow and we ought to not listen to insane and shallow people…

1

u/devilselbowart 8h ago

wtf, what a rude woman. You surely don’t want to date someone this dreadful

1

u/skyed_driver 8h ago

Yeah she’s nuts eh lmfaoo dodged a bullet there my friend

1

u/Ok_Cow9131 7h ago

LOL absolutely ridiculous.

1

u/Future-Parsley-7336 5h ago

Sounds mentally ill tbh.

1

u/AS_hi 5h ago

Or she’s oversharing & really disappointed and frustrated that she can’t meet anyone her age that is at her perceived or desired maturity.

I’ve been on first dates where the other person is so underdressed it’s kind of offensive. No effort. Not sure, just a different read.

She could also just be totally nuts.

1

u/LatookieNoir 5h ago

fuck that I'm rolling, I'd be texting back "Baby give me a chance! I can change!"

1

u/Afro_Samuri_007 4h ago

Dude run, don’t walk RUN!!!!

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u/No_Review_5228 44m ago

I'm just re reading the conversation and I can't find the part where she says she cried. She does say she cringed...

Anyways, an awful person. How do people go about talking like this to others escapes my mind.