First off, I do a Benzo taper. Last time I tried I got consumed by thought loops at 8pm, 2 hours before work finished, maybe in 6 months, maybe in a month, maybe in a week, sure one right now won't hurt. And I could not fight me way through even on the benzo taper.
My benzo regime is here attached.
| Date |
MG |
Per Day |
Total MG |
| Tuesday 13 October 2026 |
30 |
4 |
120 |
| Wednesday 14 October 2026 |
30 |
4 |
120 |
| Thursday 15 October 2026 |
30 |
4 |
120 |
| Friday 16 October 2026 |
20 |
4 |
80 |
| Saturday 17 October 2026 |
20 |
4 |
80 |
| Sunday 18 October 2026 |
15 |
4 |
60 |
| Monday 19 October 2026 |
15 |
4 |
60 |
| Tuesday 20 October 2026 |
10 |
4 |
40 |
| Wednesday 21 October 2026 |
10 |
4 |
40 |
| Thursday 22 October 2026 |
5 |
4 |
20 |
| Friday 23 October 2026 |
5 |
4 |
20 |
| Saturday 24 October 2026 |
5 |
3 |
15 |
| Sunday 25 October 2026 |
5 |
3 |
15 |
| Monday 26 October 2026 |
2.5 |
3 |
7.5 |
| Tuesday 27 October 2026 |
2.5 |
3 |
7.5 |
| Wednesday 28 October 2026 |
2.5 |
2 |
5 |
| Thursday 29 October 2026 |
2.5 |
2 |
5 |
| Friday 30 October 2026 |
2.5 |
1 |
2.5 |
For the first 3 days I also take a 1mg Xanax at 8pm (2 hours before work finishes) and bed time with my bed time diazepam. This takes the edge of the gigantic cravings that come from "working/busy all day" to "now what the fuck to do I do for 5 hours before bed".
But the single best thing I did was write a note for myself two weeks ago, two of them actually, that completeley cut out those thought loops.
The first short one, I needed to read it twice yesterday before the first valium kicked in and before my 8pm xanax kicked in.
STUPID NICOTINE MONKEY
Don't answer it.
There is nothing to decide.
Stand up.
Change rooms / change activity.
Drink water.
Have a shower.
Make proper food if hungry.
Do something else for 45 minutes.
No nicotine decisions while craving.
And the second one, for if a craving REALLY kicks in:
THERE IS NOTHING TO DECIDE
Not today.
Not with a drink.
Not in a month.
Not in six months.
Not ever.
I want healthy lungs and a capable body ā not emphysema progressing toward oxygen tanks and disability.
I want calm. Nicotine creates the discomfort that makes me reach for more nicotine.
I want freedom when I travel. I don't want flights, airports or anywhere else dictated by when I can next vape.
I want my money spent on things I actually value.
I want <DAUGHTERS NAME> to grow up with a healthy father who does not need nicotine to function.
Nicotine is not helping me function. Needing nicotine is the handicap.
When my brain says:
āMaybe later.ā
āMaybe in a few weeks.ā
āMaybe just tonight.ā
That is the addiction negotiating. I do not answer it.
No ājust today, try again tomorrow.ā
Conversation over. Change activity.
These two short pieces of paper. PLUS changing my routiune. I have asked me wife and nanny to leave all washing dishes me for me to do after work. I went for an hour walk with absolutely 0 access to money via app, card or otherwise, I played a video game for 40 minutes and then I went to bed.
Guys, nothing can stop me this time. The Nicotine Money literally has nothing to say, no standing in court, no information that could possibly be debated. That is the key to a successfuly quit where you do not give that stupid monkey the space it needs to trick you into thinkinĀ one more one won't hurt.