My boyfriend 22M and I have been together for 1.5yrs. We studied the same degree and were in the same class. He got placed on campus and recently cleared an off-campus opportunity too, while I’m still struggling to land my first job.
He’s genuinely one of the most loving and supportive people I know. He shares resources, helps me prepare for interviews, and does everything he can to help me succeed.
But lately, I’ve been feeling like he deserves someone who is more intelligent, financially independent, earning well, and has her life figured out. It’s not that I’m jealous of him or unhappy about his success. I’m genuinely proud of him.
I just feel like I’m not the kind of girlfriend he deserves right now. He believes in me so much, but I can’t seem to believe in myself. Sometimes I wonder if he’d have a better future with someone who is more accomplished than me.
I love him, and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m not enough for him.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you deal with these feelings without letting them affect a relationship with someone you genuinely love?

we have a very unique life situation and have been together for almost 2 years.

We fight almost everyday, tonight was maybe the worst it’s ever been. Our mental health is really bad and impacts a lot as well as lot more i can’t get into.

We love each other more than anything but we can’t stop being toxic.

are we a lost cause? do we go to couples therapy?were young (20 + 19) so we haven’t tried because we assumed it was more for married couples and things but we want to be in this forever, it’s just really really hard right now because of things out of our control. it’s hard to explain but does a relationship have to be perfect the whole way through? or can it be rocky and you still stay together and make it through the years because slowly it gets easier and we heal ourselves more? or am i being delusional?

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I need some genuine advice about a situation involving my close friend. I'll try to explain both sides honestly because I don't want to make him look innocent or her look like the bad person.

My friend lost both his parents during childhood and has gone through a lot in life. The girl he fell in love with has been incredibly loyal to him. She stood by him even when people around her told her that she deserved someone better. She was even willing to go against her parents for their relationship because she genuinely loved him.

But my friend has anger issues. He used to shout at her, dominate her, and behave in ways that hurt her emotionally. Despite all that, she continued choosing him and giving him chances.

The situation got worse when he started talking to other girls and calling three of them his best friends. The girl herself doesn't talk to other guys because she believes in maintaining those boundaries in a relationship, and she expected the same from him. What hurt her even more was that he lied to her about these girls and even swore promises on her while lying.

Now she has reached a breaking point. She says she cannot tolerate his behaviour anymore and doesn't want to stay with him. She has even said that staying in this relationship makes her feel so desperate that she might end her life. I'm genuinely concerned about her wellbeing.

I know my friend has made serious mistakes, and I'm not trying to justify them because of his childhood. But I also know him, and I want to believe that he can become a better person if he genuinely works on himself. I don't want to see two people who once loved each other deeply end up like this, but I also understand that she has suffered because of his actions.

My question is: Is there any healthy way to help them work through this, or should I accept that their relationship might be over? How can I talk to her in a way that helps her feel understood without pressuring her to stay? And what practical steps should my friend take to address his anger, dishonesty, and controlling behaviour?

I'm not looking for tricks to manipulate her emotions or force her to come back. I want advice from people who have experienced similar situations or understand relationship psychology. Can someone genuinely change after behaving this way, and if so, what does real change look like?

I'd appreciate honest advice, even if it's something I don't want to hear.

My bf (42M) and I (37F) have been dating for almost 2 years. We got into a huge fight. It started two nights ago. We hadn’t spoken all day and I called at the end of my night to check in. He stated he was cleaning and with a very annoyed tone ask what I needed. That in turn annoyed me because I was quite excited to check in and hear about his day. Now quite annoyed, I told him about his tone, he responded with “ I just said what’s up” now in a lighter tone. The conversation ended because he wasn’t acknowledging the tone.
The following morning I tried again to get the point across about how he’s always coming across annoyed when I reach out. He expressed he was busy and couldn’t talk to me at the time, which he didn’t express originally. He continued to get upset saying that I’m always upset when he’s busy and threw something he did for me 2 days before on my face. My argument wasn’t and never is about him being busy but how he communicates to me when he’s busy and the lack of a heads up that he will be busy. I didn’t feel heard and we were going back and forth, I told him he doesn’t feel like my person because I constantly ask for consideration, so I stated that I’ll take space to process. A few hours later, I had two missed calls and text message from him. Instead of returning the call, I opted to message because he stated the reason for his call in the message.
I take a day to process. Reached out multiple times today to reconnect but no response. I then reached out from a different number and he answers proving that he was intentionally ignoring my calls. I point it out to him and he responds very nonchalantly which leads into an argument. I share how it hurts when he treats me in that manner and again met with the response “noted.” He tells me I ignored him the day prior, I got upset because I was very clear that I was taking space to process and did respond to his messages. In response I said some hurtful things. Now I don’t know how to process this. On one hand I’m upset that I was blatantly ignored and my vulnerability was met with “noted” and on the other hand I’m upset with myself and embarrassed at the things i said out of anger.

Does my angry response outweigh what was said and done to get me there?

so me 19M and my girl 19F has been dating for the last 10 months, recently i went through her phone and saw that she has been talking to her ex throughout feb and march, she has a nickname for her ex and in feb we went to a college fest together and there i saw her sending a video to someone with the nickname suppose "x" now i confronted her about it then and she said it was an old friend shes not in touch w anymore and blah blah and i believed her, when i went through her phone, i find out that the nickname "x" was her ex infact, she lied to me many times that it was an old friend and very close friend whos not in her life anymore , and she had been talking to him too , she never told me that, i confronted her about this when i saw it now shes telling me that it was him who hit her up and he had been soosidal all dat time and that he was hitting her up constantly throughout feb and march and she was ghosting him but it got to a point that she had to reply, i asked her why she didnt tell me all this tabh hi toh she said ki it was really embarassing for her to tell me about all this fucked up shi , how bad it was that he got soosidal and that she had been horrible in her past relationship, (they dated for 4 years) i asked her why she lied to me that it isnr her ex but a friend , she told me the same thing that she was embarassed.

NOW I DONR FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO HER EXPLANATION MAKES KINDA SENSE BUT ITS LIKE SHE LIED TO ME A THOUSAND TIMES AND SHE WAS SENDING A VIDEO TO HER STANDING RIGHT BESIDES ME AND WHEN I SAW HER SENDING THAT VIDEO WHEN SHE WAS SENDING THE VIDEO SHE QUICKLY TURNED OFF HER PHONE AS SOON AS I SAW WHAT SHE WAS DOING

PLEASE MAN HELPPPPP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ tell me what should i do, should i js leave her or give her one last chance????

I have a problem with my bf's girl bestie and even after I have talked to him about it a lot of times I don't think he understands that and that's been troubling me. I don't want to make this a major issue but I have no idea how do I make him understand.

I'm 20F and have been with my boyfriend (21M) for about 8 months. We're in different countries: I've been living in Italy for a short time and I'm going back to Brazil soon. He lives with his parents and studies. He's been unemployed for about 3 months and deals with depression and other health issues.

Last week everything seemed normal. He talked about plans and love, and promised to help me with rent when I got back. Early this week he started ignoring me. On a call over the weekend, he said he doesn't feel attraction anymore, that he had been hiding it, and that he "deceived me so I wouldn't feel bad." He couldn't explain why. I suggested we take a break until I'm back and talk in person, and he agreed.

What confuses me is that just days earlier he was affectionate, and now he says he was faking it. He also often promises things and then backs out, changes his mind, and hides from me when he's feeling bad. I think the depression may have wiped out what he feels, or that he said it on impulse. But I could also just be in denial.

I also want to admit my own mistakes: I've been harsh with him during stressful periods, and I brought up problems in a way that he felt as me being harsh to him.

Have you seen depression erase someone's attraction for a while? Does it come back?

How do I deal with worrying that he's doing badly without becoming his watchdog?

Thanks for reading.

We’ve been together 3 years and things were genuinely really good until last Saturday. He got drunk, swore at me on an empty street, tried to send me home when I didn’t have my house keys, and attempted to break up with me. The next morning he was devastated, apologetic, and told me how much he loves me and wants to be with me. A few weeks before the argument he bought an expensive bike so he could start cycling with me, because cycling is something I love.
Before Saturday we were the strongest we’ve ever been. We were booking a month long holiday together, going on trips all the time, and he was making real efforts to be part of my life and the things I care about. It genuinely felt like we were building something.
Since then I’ve been having panic attacks and can’t stop going over it. He’s said he’ll cut back on drinking and that he loves me, but this isn’t the first time alcohol has caused problems between us. Previous arguments have also involved drinking.
I’m struggling to reconcile the person I know with what happened that night. Has anyone been through something similar? Did you stay or leave, and do you regret it either way?

Hello!
I 18F met 20M my freshman year of high school, since he was a senior we never became close friends or anything but stayed mutuals on instagram.
About two months ago we started chatting a bit more, nothing crazy just more frequent conversations over our same interests and casual reels here and there (modern friendships lol).
Since we were getting somewhat closer I invited him to my birthday dinner, he showed up to the restaurant and stayed with me there till like 1am, we had a conversation about the past and what we expected for the future, to end the night he showed me the gifts he bought me… which were SIX books and chocolate (mind you, after not seeing me in person for three years and again… we’re not close) that was definitely shocking and made me wonder if that was coming from a place of friendship or something else.
Following up we texted a bit, nothing crazy, and I told him we should see each other again, to which he replied; “Are you free Thursday night? I’ll plan something and let you know by monday” monday came around and his ideas were definitely creative but because i’d be too tired for them we ended up setting on just grabbing something to eat.
I’m not thinking of this as a date, though I’m defined questioning things and what his true intentions are. The real problem is that we DONT TEXT, like at ALL… we’re seeing each other Thursday yes, but if he has second intentions then I find it weird he doesn’t even text me outside of that, and honestly he’s a bit dry too, I texted him about our hangout and he just kind of let it die there….

I’m so confused, what do you guys think his intentions are? Because right now all I’m getting is mixed signals.

everytime i try to talk about something that is bothering me my bf starts guilt tripping me by crying and im tired of begging what do i do talking abt it doesn’t work bc its the same

I want to preface this by saying in 2021 moved out of my strict mom’s house at 23y/o and 4 months later my new boyfriend moved into with me.

So Now My boyfriend (M32) and i (F28) have been together 5 years, living together all 5 of them….
At first it was great but he had a few close family losses and job losses throughout the years causing him to be unemployed for a very good majority of our relationship- I’ve been the sole provider. I paid all the bills, did 90% (if not all) of the house work and have gone into thousands of dollars in debt trying to keep us afloat while he plays video games.. i tried talking to him about jobs but he’s too prideful to flip burgers or clean toilets, while i went to CNA school to learn to wipe ass…
For years EVERYONE has been telling me to break things off and run, including his family, but im young, dumb & in love + his whole family is in another state so you know the rest.
We recently almost got evicted from that apartment while he was still unemployed but he was able to land a job as an Amazon delivery driver at the last min in order to get us approved for a new apartment.

Now I’d say we argue a lot but it’s mainly him telling me what i need to do better and invalidating anything i say in response so i disassociate. Ill get full blown lectures (sometimes after just waking up or just walking back in from work) when something would pile up or i didn’t do enough of something cause id been too tired to do it -(Id like to point out im currently being evaluated for POTS so my energy isn’t all there) He’s constantly telling me he feels like he has to parent me. He’s almost packed up and left on multiple occasions too, but has stayed none the less.. I care for this man but im tired of being stuck at home watching him play games and the constant belittling (for lack of a better word) i havent gotten to enjoy anything in life cause ive been in survival mode for so long….
Now we’re a month in on the new apartment and im realizing im like 90% checked out of this relationship and it’s causing me more anxiety than joy.. i feel like absolute shit though cause he talks about a future with me and how he’s going to use this job to get where he wants to be but will call me on his shifts and constantly say “id be wrong if i quit” so i don’t have much faith in him being there long honestly.. so im scared

What do i do and how? 😭

TL:DR my boyfriend (32m) of 5 years finally got a job after 2 years of me taking care of of him and our home, but now i want to end the relationship. Advise?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1 year and 1 month. I moved in with him after 5 months and started off great. We were having fun and chilling but after a while i felt that most of the emotional and physical labour around the house fell on my shoulders. I struggled communicating this as every time would end up with an argument where i stay at my mums for a few days.

He struggles with BPD, and i struggle with anger issues (terrible combo ik). But i actively engage in education to help my anger issues and techniques to control it. I would say im alot more emotionally educated than he is. Alot of our arguments come from housework and made worse by behaviours exhibited during an argument that are toxic and unhealthy.

Personally, i notice that i cant be mature and healthy when he refuses to be, so alot of the time i stoop to his level and exhibit unhealthy behaviours during an argument (e.g shouting nasty things and refusing to communicate properly).

He struggles with staying calm and when something happens abruptly he will just throw something (most memorable is when a game pissed him off so he destroyed his controller out of anger infront of me).

When im at my mums after an argument, we will usually text or call to see what needs to be fixed so if anger rises we can hang up or stop responding to calm down. When return home, everything is fixed for a few days maybe a week until it gets worse again. But not as bad as it previously was if that makes sense? 2 steps forward 1 step back kind of deal.

This has created alot of resentment towards him and hes noticed. He point blank told me he felt like i hated him. I DO NOT hate him. I love him obviously. I just dislike some of the behaviours shown by him because theyre unhealthy not only for me but for him as well.

I also resent how much he "gardens". Its alot. I do some gardening once a while but his is a full blown addiction. He gardens every single day multiple times. The house reeks 24/7. My clothes reek. Everything reeks and now im anxious when i leave the house just incase people can smell it. Whenever i smell it on his breath i physically back away because its repulsive to me now. I dont mind when its occasional but every day is wayy too much and detrimental to his health. Not to mention the second hand smoke is going to take a toll on me.

Thankfully after our last argument hes refrained but how long until he starts again?

I struggle to trust him when he says he will change because it never lasts.

So yeah, atm its hard. I hold resentment towards some things he does and im sure he holds resentment towards me. He DOES progress but just immensely slowly. What would yall do in this situation? And pls dont just say "dump his ass" cos unfortunately its not that easy for me atm. Thanks :)

My (26F) boyfriend (26M) broke up with me a little under a month ago. We live together, and have since March… and have been together for almost a year. The separation was not mutual. I genuinely do believe that our problems rely in communication issues, and that it’s a fixable situation. No cheating, arguing etc. Admittedly, there was some issues he had that I was aware of, and was working very hard to resolve. (Bad habits) i completely understand that he may be concerned about my ability to maintain consistent patterns, so he can believe these bad habits are fully broken. I understand him feeling burnt out, and needing time and space, and I want to/have been give/giving him that. But the issue is, is that he won’t tell me whether or not I should give up attempting to repair the relationship, or If he still loves me at all and just needs time to think. It’s hard for me, because I’m a very verbally and physically affectionate person when I love someone, and given how I still love him with all my heart it’s so hard to be around him and simply act like a roommate which is what he says he wants right now. The last few days, he’d been more social, a little warmer and I was excited thinking that things were improving. But then yesterday, he told me that I’m talking to him too much, that I don’t need to attempt to bridge a conversation every time he walks into the room. But that’s how I’ve always been, he’s my best friend he wasn’t just my partner. The situation is so hard because I want to show him that I am still the same person he fell in love with, and allow him to see the change in my patterns at home (aka the bad habits, chore related.) but it’s so hard when he avoids me, interactions, or doesn’t give any attempt to make his own connections with me. Even tonight— I asked yesterday if he had plans, he said no, and then decided to go hangout with our friends without me. He said he doesn’t know what he wants, and “if he decides getting back together is what’s best for him then awesome, but that if not he’d like me to move out in the next 6 months or less.” He set some boundaries (I did as well but mine aren’t as important for the context) and stated that I’m barred from any relationship talk or talk of getting back together, unless he starts the conversation, to treat him like a roommate, don’t expect updates from him about when he’ll be home, etc. How do I navigate this? It’s so painful for me because I know he’d only had these feelings about separation for about a month prior to when it happened, and it’s been a month now since it’s happened. (With 0 slip ups with any of my bad habits or negative patterns, since Sept 13th which is when he brought up to me that he was considering breaking up. Official break up was 9/24 after he met with his therapist, he wanted to wait to speak to her before finalizing a decision.) I don’t know how to treat him platonically, how to be myself but also water myself down so I’m not “talking too much.” And realistically, I don’t know when to give up and throw in the towel, and stop trying to repair things. When does patience and understanding become foolishness? How long is too long when it comes to waiting for repair? And what advice can anybody give me about repairing things with an ex they actively live with? Especially when they are extremely anxious, guarded, and immensely indecisive.

He wanted me like anything in the beginning. then we started fighting, it was triggered by me smoking after a promise not to, texting two guys AFTER he egged me on to
do it. i know i was wrong, after all this, he also did stuff like
micro cheating like
me. both of us r hurting each other but i love him and he says he loves me too.
i wanna fix it, what to do now?
he says he wants to save it but doesn’t act like it.
How do i get his attention back???
PRACTIXAL ADVICE NEEDED!

My boyfriend proposed to me, but you can tell from the proposal that it was poorly planned. And so far, there’s been no progress with our wedding planning. When I bring it up, he just agrees and offers no input at all. I’m wondering if I should call off the engagement, since I can’t see a future with a man who has no dreams or plans. Am I being childish? Is this valid?

Today I was really sick and I was having period cramps too. I asked my bf to fill my water bottle he said he would but he didn't he asked someone else to do it and idk why but it made me upset , so I got up and did it myself . After that he was calling me teasing me asking will you drink water.

I'm 33F and my boyfriend is 34M we've been together a few months. I suffer with my mental health due to ex partners, friends and being SA by someone I thought was a friend. I had someone tell me they found my current boyfriend on dating apps so I signed up to them and found him (i needed prove before I went and confronted him i have now deleted them) my anxiety was through the roof so i went through his phone which made me sick as i found a lot more than I was expecting to. No dating apps apart from 1 which had really old photos on, he had apps and links to p*** which i don't mind we all watch it. What made me feel sick and really question this relationship was he had loads of photos and videos of woman, all beautiful and skinny but he's with me I'm fat and ugly I have nothing going for me.

I told him I went through his phone he said he didn't know he had them on there some was when we started dating so he did know. I went onto one of the p*** apps and it wasn't a normal site, what made me sick was he was putting photos up nothing like what else I saw just him topless what made me angry was he was uploading photos he was taking in my house, my room, my bathroom so they was recent he was also following, liking and chatting to other girls on there. I've had a chat with him and he's so said deleted his account and deleted the photos and videos on his phone. I just don't trust him now and when I'm around him or think about him I feel sick. I love this man a lot but I don't know if I can come back from this.

I'm going to have another chat with him tonight as i can't loose anymore sleep over this.

Please help as this is starting to mess with my mental health and I have other family stuff going on that I'm thinking of just ending it with him (I don't want to)

I need some honest advice because I’m genuinely confused about my situation.
I recently started talking to my ex again, and I’ve realised that I still have strong feelings for her. I know she would choose me too, and if I’m being honest, I want to see if we can rebuild our relationship. With her, I want something meaningful and serious.
The breakup was mutual and we had no bad feelings for eachother, it was because we couldn’t give eachother time that we wanted to..so small fights and doubts were obvious..and we broke up after one year of dating

The problem is that after our breakup, I got involved with another girl as a rebound. Things have progressed between us, including sexting and phone sex.
And after that i got attached to her and we started dating . I don’t want to hurt her because I do care about her feelings, and I feel guilty about the possibility of ending things.
Neither girl knows about the other.
Part of me wants to keep seeing both until things become clearer, but I know that could make everything worse. I also don’t want to lose my ex, especially if there’s a chance we could get back together.
I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m genuinely confused about my feelings or just afraid of hurting someone and dealing with the consequences of my choices.

And this all was online

I had the chance to meet the second girl but I decided not to as it would attach her more towards me.

But i would meet my ex whenever i get the time to. We planned that.

Please help me…i know what i did was very wrong both ethically and morally but i still need help because i genuinely don’t understand what to do now..

Is there anyone, idk im feeling very anxious

I’m really scared to post this but I’m at the end of my rope and I need some advice from you guys. ( I F 33 and my BF 43) have been together almost 2 1/2 years. We met in NYC where I am from and I love it there, he is born and raised from Houston TX. When we met he always spoke about wanting to move back home to Texas so he did and I eventually lightened up to it and followed him. I wanted to show him how much I cared about our relationship. For context we have discussed marriage throughout our entire relationship. We mutually wanted to be married to each other. He even informally proposed to me 4 months ago and I was so happy. A month later I confided in him while crying that I wasn’t happy here in Texas that I missed home. In that moment he got so angry at me that he threw his sunglasses to the concrete sidewalk and they smashed everywhere. He was so hurt that I didn’t like Texas. That outburst actually got people to come up to me and ask me if I needed help, he was so clearly in the wrong but I tried to brush it off. In my past relationships I rarely fought if ever! Apparently me saying that changed his mind about a formal proposal, and I was utterly gutted and crushed. I changed my entire life for this man, left everything I knew and loved very much behind because I believed in us and I really wanted to be married to him. His reasoning for it, is how can we get engaged when I don’t want to live in Houston? In a way I can understand where he is coming from but at the same time I really don’t. I sacrificed so much to be here and I thought he would acknowledge that and say you know what things may not be perfect and yeah she might feel a little home sick here but I’m going to choose her because we love each other through and through and we will figure things out. I’ve only been here for 6 months, my job is very stressful but it’s okay. I don’t really have friends here besides some of my co workers to which I’m incredibly grateful for but it’s been hard. Now I am left feeling completely rejected, I have cried more times than I can even count and he just has no emotion. He already has the ring, he showed it to me. But he refuses to propose, it broke my heart and I’m not sure I feel the same way about him anymore. He changed completely and is just cold towards me, I’m trying to go home because I have people there who love me and want to help me right now but it’s so hard to leave. I’ve never been through something like this on my life and to be honest it’s embarrassing and I am deeply ashamed that I’ve gotten myself into this situation. I love you all, thanks for taking the time to read this. Also I wanted to add that we did do couples counseling through regain but it was crap! Not great therapists but I mean we did try and sometimes they said good things. They sort of sided with me and my partner would get visibly upset and almost annoyed at the points they were making. Just be honest with me please, it’s pointless all of this isn’t it?

So I'm '19F' and my boyfriend is '26M' ik it's a big age difference and it's okay to judge us , I judge it a lot, not my thing, but I never felt the connection I have with him with anyone else , so we started dating 6 months ago, and I liked him for almost 7-8 months before that, mind it, the relationship is long distance, diff cities, quite far away , so , I am totally open with my bf about everything about my life , like my past depression because of losing a family member ,my severe anxiety and overthinking, but he doesn't tell me a lot about himself ,I don't know anything about his past, like ik about his relationships but no details , and mind you, it was a 3 yrs old relationship after which he started dating me (1.5years after his breakup), but he says he had a crush on me from like 8 months after his breakup , then, i sleep at like 3-4am and he sleeps at 11, he doesn't talk to me on call cuz his brother and family members would hear and if they know about the age gap they'll freak out , he never ever video called me , and he ragebaits me a lot and he knows I'm overly sensitive and she makes me cry all the time , his sleep schedule always comes before me . Yes he loves me , he sometimes stays late at night to talk to me, sends voice notes but only after I kinda tell him repeatedly , same for selfies , idk what the problem is , I try to do as much as i can , i really do , but idk what more I can do, I get so less attention that I started developing and attachment to a classmate of mine, who liked me , but I didn't do anything, I stopped talking or even looking or being near the guy, I love this guy and ik this mah not workout, but I really want to you guys to not judge me first, i request you, and please tell me if you have a way of solving this oh and btw , on my birthday he was sick , he said , so he slept before wishing me , and at like 1 -2 pm the mest day he sent me like a photo carousel thingy made with a website , while I make sketches or like bouquets with notes and all that for all occasions , i don't do all that to get the favour back i swear, but ,I always feel like he doesn't want to be in this relationship, whenever I ask him to tell me about himself ,his past or anything, he changes the topic , and idk, but all this hurts , really bad, I'm not perfect, I'm toxic , i don't do enough maybe, maybe i should do something differently, but idk what

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Hey everyone, I could really use some genuine advice about my relationship. I'm trying to understand how we can move forward without hurting each other in the process.

My boyfriend and I love each other deeply. We care about each other's happiness and peace of mind, and we both have strong feelings for this relationship. However, my past dishonesty has affected his trust in me, and we're currently trying to repair things.

I acknowledge my mistakes, and I'm not trying to justify them. For the past 40–45 days, I've been making a conscious effort to be completely honest, transparent, and accountable. I'm genuinely putting in the work to correct my past behaviour, and he recognises and respects my efforts.

There's also a part of my past that I'm not comfortable disclosing in detail right now, but I've openly communicated that to him and told him I'll discuss it when I'm ready.

Despite the efforts I'm making, he's still struggling to trust me completely. I understand that trust doesn't come back overnight, and I don't expect him to forget what happened just because I'm trying to change.

The confusing part is the cycle we're stuck in.

We've met several times recently, and whenever we're together, things feel better. We spend time together, feel close, and I leave with the hope that we're finally healing and moving forward.

But after a couple of days, things seem to go downhill again. The doubts and uncertainty return, and I feel like we're back where we started. Then we meet again, things improve, and the cycle repeats.

During our recent meeting, I brought this up with him. He admitted that he doesn't fully understand why this keeps happening either.

I don't want to assume that he isn't trying. I believe he genuinely wants things to work, but he's still struggling internally to feel secure in our relationship.

What hurts me most is knowing that someone I love so much might not be able to find peace and happiness with me. His happiness matters a lot to me, and I don't want him to suffer just because he loves me.

At the same time, I genuinely believe that if we can get through this phase and rebuild trust properly, our relationship could become much stronger. But I also understand that love alone isn't enough if one or both partners are constantly struggling emotionally.

I'm willing to take accountability, remain consistent, and put in the effort. I just don't know what else we can do to break this cycle.

For people who've experienced something similar, I'd really appreciate your advice:

- How do you rebuild trust after dishonesty when your partner is genuinely trying to change?

- What can both partners do to make the healing process healthier?

- How do you stop feeling better for a few days, only to fall back into doubt and uncertainty?

- How do you know whether you're making progress or simply repeating the same cycle?

I'm not looking for people to blindly take my side or tell me to break up immediately. I want an honest outside perspective, including things I might not be seeing from his side.

We love each other, and I don't want either of us to lose our peace while trying to save the relationship. I genuinely want to understand what we can do differently.

Can trust be rebuilt in a situation like this, and what does that process actually look like?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to share their thoughts.

Edit: guyes I've not cheated on my boyfriend stop assuming. I've just lied few times when the topic of my past had come because I wasn't comfortable in sharing. But to my partner honest was the main which comes above everything so it effected. But I'm completely transparent and honest now from 40-45 days

Apologies in advance this is a pretty long post, there is lots of topics I wanted to cover and I tried to give the most context I can for everything, I tried to write it all in the best order I could but my thoughts bounce around here and there

Myself (m24) and my partner (f26) have been together for 6 years now. We have two kids together (b2), (g1) I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with her. She has no control over her emotions, no goals for the future or ambitions in life, sometimes I’m not sure if she even enjoys being a mother.

There was definitely red flags from the start, but I was young and it this was my first serious relationship and I had a hard time seeing what colour those flags were for a long time.

I was 18 when we met, throughout my teenage years I had never had a proper relationship before and I had a lot of self confidence issues in high school so once I was finally able to get myself a girlfriend I wasn’t ready to give this relationship up right away, even when I knew the flags were likely there. We started living together very early on, only about 3 months in. I was just happy to not be staying with my parents anymore, it was my first experience moving away from home. She lived with her friend and her friends family I moved in there and we had the basement. I feel like we just became homebodies from the start, we’d rarely do anything together besides smoke weed and sit at home. Sometimes it felt like the weed smoking was/is all we have in common.

She has some separation anxiety and would always have a hard time with the nights I just wanted to get out with my friends and have some time to myself. I eventually stopped going out to visit friends and enjoy things on my own just because I knew i was going to get the guilt story about how bored and lonely she felt while I was gone. And we always tend to have a hard time finding stuff for us to do together simply because of the fact we haven’t been out in life enough to know what it is that we enjoy doing. Anytime we try to make weekend plans it’s always “what would you like to get up to” followed by “ I don’t know what we should do what about you” over and over again. Our lives feel so boring a lot of the time.

We had our son when I was 22, she was 24 at the time we both thought we were ready for that step, not considering the fact that we haven’t even lived our own lives yet. For me it’s the fact that my parents and all my extended family had kids at this age it felt right at the time, but looking back I really wish I had waited and figured out myself more. Our first was planned, our second wasn’t and after the second kid I really started feeling stuck. Yet as much as I say I wish could just go and live my life, being a father was been one of the most fulfilling experiences I have felt in my life and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I love being a dad they’re the reason I keep showing up everyday. I don’t feel stuck with them, just stuck in this relationship.

I started being the sole provider for us about 3.5 years ago now, I’ve been able to work my way up to a pretty good paying position but we can never seem to get financially on our feet. Money has always seemed to have been a problem for us we feel broke quite often. She seems addicted to always getting new things she doesn’t need wether it be shopping or just random stuff on marketplace and she is never satisfied when she does get new things and always needs more and is always jealous of what everyone else has. She gets over $1200 a month from the government for child benefits and can’t even do a grocery trip because she’s blown it all within a few days on useless crap. She’ll show me her recent find saying things like look it’s only $200 or it’s only $300 like those are small amounts and when I say we could save up for it because we need that money for important things like rent/bills/gas/food I get the cold shoulder right away.

There was a time when my brother was working on a pipeline making very good money and he was trying to get me a job out there too, this was a very big maybe in me going out there and it was likely to not happen, and of course it didn’t end up working out, but when I told her that I was thinking of doing that she asked me then if I was making that kind of money how I felt about her not working and staying at home and I had told her that if that was the case I’d be ok with it but that there was no guarantee of this ever happening, and it never ended up happening, but her mind was already set at that point. Whatever ounce of work drive she might have had was completely out the window at that point. She just doesn’t wanna work, wants everything in her life paid for.

So now all the excuses as to why she couldn’t work came out: “my hip hurts to much” “ I have a bad headache today” “I’m to anxious today” and then she was pregnant the first time and that was the end of that.

Now almost 3 years into being a mother she still talks about how she hates her life, talking about how she’s always stuck at home because she can’t afford to do fun things with the kids (I’ll suggest taking them to the park that’s a 2min walk from our house but that’s “to much work to pack them all up” when in reality it’s probably less work then packing them up to go shopping with her) , complaining about our lack of food in the house because we couldn’t do a big grocery haul, says she can’t do any cleaning around the house in the day because the kids are too overwhelming and don’t let her get anything done, when I do all the same chores when I get home from work with the kids in between my feet crawling on me like a jungle gym I still get it done it’s not that hard. She says she wants to be a stay at home mom but the she never wants to do any sahm responsibilities. She loves to complain about life, but will never take any action to try to make things better. I’ve tried to voice to her that us living on one income clearly hasn’t been working for us and I would like her to think about working again but she won’t even consider it because she feels like she will ruin her relationship with the kids not being with them 24/7. Like other working moms don’t exist.

I feel like it has started to affect my mental health, knowing that there won’t be any help coming in and am I going to be able to figure it out again this month and am I going to be able to feed everyone again this month. And if I’m being a good enough dad for my kids when I’m already this depressed and tired.

It seems like our relationship is on a cycle of a good week followed by a bad week and so on and so forth, and this good week/ bad week cycle correlates with my paydays, the week I get paid, she loves me with all her heart in the most amazing person in her eyes she can’t be separated from me, followed by the week I don’t get paid it feels like she hates me because I can’t make any big purchases besides things we actually need, she won’t talk to me, won’t look at me, and just mopes around all day talking about how she hates her life and she has it so much harder then everyone else. She just gets extremely short fused and now I see it getting takin out on the kids and not just me which really hurts to see.

Even back when we started dating she never showed any goals for a career path in life, never had any dreams of who she wanted herself to be. The drive was never there. There was no work ethic when she was working the hardest or the simplest of jobs. Before she stopped working altogether she was working as a casual housekeeper at an old folks home usually only getting 1-2 shifts a week and even that was too much for her.

From the start she has struggled to open up about her feelings and why she is upset whenever she is. I know she grew up in a toxic environment and I’m sure this is part of why she can’t open up, but over the past 6 years I’ve started to feel like her emotional punching bag whenever she gets upset, I want to be the person who’s shoulder she leans on when she’s upset but it doesn’t feel that way to me. she has no self control over her emotions whatsoever. she always seems to be in a state of “overwhelmed” if anything doesn’t go to plan no matter how big or small the incident is, I have always been the type of person where if something doesn’t go to plan I find a way to make things work and I always try to find the positive outcome because I know there is always one somewhere if you just look hard enough. For most people what you would look at as a minor annoyance you can get over it in 5-10 mins, for her the whole day is now ruined.

She’s mentioned time and time again how she thinks she should go to therapy and i agree with her I think it would be helpful, but it’s all just talk with her and I don’t feel like she’ll ever take the initiative to actually go and I can suggest it a hundred times but I can’t force her.

When she gets upset she shuts down almost completely to the point you can’t even get a yes or no answer or any sort of eye contact without her getting snappy. Just the cold shoulder for x amount of days until she feels like she needs you again. She will never ask for help, and gets very mad when you offer it or when you give help without being asked. And whenever she does finally come around it’s always the same excuse “I’m sorry for how I was treating you guys there was just too much going on and I was just very overwhelmed” and I know that is a valid feeling sometimes but she spends about 80% of her time being “overwhelmed” I feel like in her mind that’s a valid excuse to treat everyone around you like shit when you’re in a bad mood. It’s not. You can voice your feelings like an adult and we can come up with a solution together.

There is a part of me that feels like she would feel the same way if I was to say I wanted to break up, I feel like she wants out too but she won’t initiate it because that means giving up the safety net she has right now of having everything in life paid for.

I know I should have broken up with her before the kids were ever in the picture, I’m still trying to figure out why I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We get on our good week cycle and I can’t bring myself to do it because I’m just so relieved to have her wanting to talk to me again. But now we’ve dragged 2 kids into this mess who never asked for any of this and I’m trying to do what is right for them. They are the only reason I haven’t left yet.

I keep telling myself I’m waiting for the right time, when I know there’s never gonna be a right time. I know it would be best to do it now while they are still young enough to not understand/ remember it. But the thought of not being in their lives everyday the way I am now terrifies me.

This is all really just me venting my story but if anyone has lived a similar situation. Where do I start when it comes to the kids that’s where I’m stumped.

tl:dr whenever me and my boyfriend fight, silent treatment occurs, and i am the one who first tries to resolve it, but this time i just want him to come to me.

me and my bf have difficulty when it comes to communication. this was very evident last year when i felt as if he didn’t put in as much effort as i did. whenever we fought back then as well, we both? ig gave each other silent treatment. (in a way that i just don’t try to converse with him if he does not with me)

i don’t like it. i have informed him time and time again that i dislike it. and he still does it. and it feels as if every time i have to talk to him again and try to fix our problems. maybe over 1.5 years, he himself tried to communicate ONCE when we got into a fight. that too, because we agreed we wouldn’t sleep mad at each other.

last night, we had a stupid fight. i wanted to see this one movie because it was part of my favourite franchise. and movies were our thing so i asked him. and he mentioned he would go with me. and followed it up with how he’s been wanting to go alone alone. and i am the type of person who wont throw tantrums and say no you have to go with me. so i said okay, and that id find some other friend to go with me. because thats how much i wanted to watch it. and he said he wanted to go with me and said something about oh i shouldn’t be afraid of throwing a tantrum. and atp in the conversation we were having a jokey kind of conversation so i started throwing a tantrum and saying ill just watch the movie alone at home because everyone is lame. and then i said he still hasnt asked me to go (he did once but i missed that text) and at the same time he asked me. for fun i asked him to beg me to go. FOR FUN.
he got upset because of that. said something along the lines of “oh yes I beg you to go to a movie you asked me to go. which the tickets would be also bought by me” followed up by the fact its not even his favourite franchise, and how hes asked multiple times. and to say yes if i want to watch it.
i know im being dramatic, but it felt so passive aggressive like oh! am i forcing him to watch this? does he resent me in anyway? just because of this joke? idk those last few messages felt iffy for me so i just said okay, and that he can do what he wants.
he stopped replying after that. and i mentioned later that night that i was going to sleep. and a plain goodnight was shared with no i love you’s which is basically a ritual.
i couldnt go to sleep after that, bc i didnt want to sleep whilst mad at him, we had that rule which i mentioned earlier afterall. but guess who wassss asleep? him:)
i texted him because i couldnt. but when i found out he was sleeping it ticked me off and he didnt talk like he wanted to resolve anything so i just gave up at that point and slept. we havent talked at all today. and i dont want to start the conversation, as immature as it sounds. i want him to start talking about the problem for once.

Tigger Warning - Child loss, Suicide, Mental Health -

My Ex BF (M44) and myself (F37) ended a 14 year relationship cause he ghosted me when I informed him of the financial difficulties I put myself in cause of all the financial hit are but on me to make him happy.

First I would like to explain before people comment on our age gap and why I'm getting in money problems because of him.

First I met my ex though and old friend and his cousin. From the moment I saw him I found him so attractive I begged my friend for nearly a month to give me his phone number cause I wanted to ask him out. I pursued him and was the first one to ask him out. We met when I was 23 and he was 30. I have always found older men attractive and would date men older them me.

Second, I'm a very independent woman I have lived on my own or with a partner since I was 18. When we started dating he was still living with his mother (only child syndrome). He didn't move out till 6 years ago. He got an apartment in the city while I have an apartment in the suburbs. He's a city boy while I have lived in the city most of my life I moved out the city 7 years ago and love it.

We like living separately cause we like our own spaces and we don't like the same places to live.

Back to me ending things 4 months ago. 4 months ago we were planning another cruise to South America. When we started talking about the money we need to save for the vacation and if we should but the trip on our credit cards or what we were gonna do. Our previous vacations he had surprised me with so it cause a few last minute issues I had no passport or clothes for vacation after a over 50lb weight loss. So I had to get a passport on the fly 1 month before our first vacation in 2023. Cause wanted to surprise me he had no idea I didn't have a passport. Our second vacation in 2025 I had lost over 50lbs and had no clothes so I had to purchase summer clothes on the fly again 1 month before our vacation.

So here comes the issue that I believe cause him to get upset with me. This vacation cause he didn't want me to struggle with last minute purchases we were planning together. He asked me if I was okay with going dutch (paying half for something) for this vacation since this was a longer vacation and we were going to have to fly across the country to board the ship. I told him I had no problem doing so we have done it a million times before. But do to an injury I got working out to hard to get in shape I had maxed out my credit cards and was going broke paying them off. Cause every time he would want me to stayover his place I couldn't take public transit (i couldn't walk with my injury) to see him I was paying over $100 x 2 (per ride for over 2 months). He got upset that I didn't tell him I was struggling financial and that I was to prideful to ask for help.

Again I'm independent I don't need someone to help me with money let alone my partner. I'm not that type of woman to ask my partner to pay for things for me. If he pays for something for me I feel bad but I know he does it lovingly. Like for Christmas he paid for me to get my Hair, Nails, Lashs and get my Eyebrow mircobladed. We are also in very different financial brackets. I make only $55,000 a year working in a Hotel and he works in Sanitation (idk how much he makes but its great pay cause he plans to retire at 50).

So after he got upset with me he stopped talking to me I mean completely ghosted. He wouldn't answer my calls, text or FaceTimes. I showed up at his apartment and even thought he was home he would answer the door. After 3 months of this I lost it and left him a angry message telling him that he's insane and need to get help cause you don't do that to someone you love. Especially to someone who has a mental health issue like myself attached to abandonment issues.

My family isn't close, both my parents are alive but have no emotional support for their children. My older brother and I don't have a relationship cause of his religious view and political views. My younger sister and I are very close in age but are 2 very different people. So my aunt and uncle were my closest family members but they both commited suicide at seprate times without leaving notes, I lost 2 long term friendships when they stop talking to me out of nowhere without reason. I was cheated on multiple times by 4 past partners and had 3 terrible miscarriages that left me unable to have children. With all this loss in my life my ex was the only person I was close to, losing him nearly killed me (literally I was struggling with suicidal thoughts). Him knowing this about me, how cause me just ghost me that way after 14 years together? Even after I sent that angry voice note he didn't even respond.