My heart is broken

[u/PressureNo447]

My millie is scheduled for BE tomorrow at 4:30. I am heartbroken. I keep thinking about what I would've done differently after bringing her home 2 years ago. I found her on the side of the road at 3 months old, she was starved, scared and confused.

The answer is, I would do it all over again. I would love her anyways. I have always loved her just the way she is, but I can't keep living like this. She was MY best friend. Everyone hated her, was afraid of her. But not me, I moved halfway across the country at 19 years old for her. To help her get away from all the things that scared her, just for her to be scared of all the new things.

I'll always remember the way she looks at me when I calm her down from an anxiety freak out. I'll always remember the way she frolicked like a deer whenever she ran. I'll remember her waking me up with morning kisses. And especially the way she would dance with me when I'm cooking dinner. She is my baby. And now all I can do is treat her like I do everyday. With so much love, until tomorrow at 4:30pm. Which will undoubtedly be the hardest day of my life.

I've almost backed out so many times, but I can't put my unborn baby through this. I can't refrain my son from running around the house in fear that he will trigger her to bite him. But still, I would do it all over again. I'm going to miss her so much, but I know her mind is her only enemy. And I so desperately wish all of my efforts over the years would pay off. But my heart is broken and I can't keep pouring time, money, hope and love into a dog who's not benefiting from any of it.

Anyways. She'll always be my girl, even in the afterlife, whatever that may be.

[u/AutoModerator]

Behavioral Euthanasia posts are sensitive, thus only users with at least 250 subreddit karma will be able to comment in this discussion. Users should not message OP directly to circumvent this restriction and doing so can result in a ban from r/reactive dogs. OP, you are encouraged to report private messages to the moderation team.

Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:

The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.

Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.

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[u/Sitters_4_Critters]

Losinglulu.com

[u/Existing-Will-1466]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like Millie has something wrong with her brain. She doesn't want to be like this. She loves you and wants so badly to be a good dog. But if she is so afraid of everything, then she is sick in her brain.

You are doing her a greay kindness and freeing her from her fears. She won't have to feel like she is fighting for her life all the time. She won't have to feel like she is failing you anymore. You are freeing her from her demons and releasing her to be the good dog she always wants to be. May she run free like a deer in heaven. May she be a lovely memory for you to share with your son.

[u/PressureNo447 → u/Existing-Will-1466]

Thank you so much 😭. I will look back on this when I am feeling sad and regretful😔

[u/VanellopeZero]

I’m so sorry. Wishing you peace with your decision. If she is anxious and reactive all the time it is a quality of life issue for her. <3

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