Hi, I've been dealing with chronic GAD, depression, low mood and pretty much zero motivation for a long time. For the past few months I've also been stuck in this constant loop of negative thoughts and ruminations, mostly about my past, regrets and things I can't change.
I've been microdosing P. natalensis (Natal Super Strength) at around 50mg, both before and after a recent 3g trip
The trip itself was pretty rough. Lots of anxiety, crying, physical tension and getting stuck on the same negative thoughts over and over again, especially the feeling that I've ruined my life. Interestingly, later that evening and the next day I actually felt much better, more positive and motivated, but that only lasted a few days before I was back to baseline.
I've continued microdosing 50mg for the following weeks, but I've noticed that my negative ruminations seem to have gotten even worse. My mind just keeps going back to the same thoughts no matter how much I try to move on. My anxiety hasn't really improved either(might have got worse), and neither has my depression or motivation
I'm not saying microdosing is necessarily causing this, but I'm starting to wonder if it might actually be making things worse rather than helping?
For context, I don't do journaling and I'm not currently in therapy, although I'm looking for a therapist. Unfortunately I've had some pretty negative experiences with therapists in general, and especially my last one gave me another reason to lose trust in therapy. I do understand that not every therapist is the same though
Has anyone here experienced something similar? Especially getting stuck in negative thought loops or noticing more negative rumination while microdosing?
Would appreciate hearing your experiences, Thanks!