How to be a good student and peer

[u/Kallaco]

So for context I have social anxiety and autism on top of that I'm 20 years old.

I recently started goju ryu karate about a month ago, and ive been enjoying the lessons; I'm learning alot; but I can't lie I'm worried about how I come off to my peers and sensei and weather or not I show enough interest.

I struggle to talk to them(sometimes I'm to afraid) like I can just barely ask my sensei a question and when I started a month ago i wasn't to worried because I'm new but I'm starting to worry that this might affect my relationship with them long term.

I understand that a month isn't enough to becone life long mates with everyone but it's still something I worry about, especially because it's starting to become more daunting than actual doing and practicing karate. So any advice tips on how to overcome this is much appreciated.

[u/Oldbear-]

The more you go the less anxious you’ll feel! Don’t worry about asking questions

[u/justafleecehoodie → u/Oldbear-]

curious, how normal is it to ask questions at your dojo?

at mine, my sensei told someone a couple weeks ago that questions are not part of the classes in traditional karate teaching. that everyone is on their own karate journey, where, i suppose, observation and focus help you progress rather than direct answers.

really threw me off for a bit, then i realised why ive never witnessed anyone ask questions during lessons

[u/Oldbear- → u/justafleecehoodie]

I’m a white belt and only been going for a couple of months. I ask questions when they are explicitly teaching something like a kata or a new move. I recently changed to a different dojo (different day and time that worked better for me) and I feel more comfortable / less awkward and anxious at my new one! Different people will have different teaching styles!

[u/karainflex → u/justafleecehoodie]

omg. I mean, it is what it is and if you are happy there so be it but I wouldn't stay there for a 2nd class. Here whenever there is a question we ask (a good instructor asks if everything is clear and if it isn't it is his job to make it clear; maybe he did a shit job because his students didn't get it). How are we supposed to learn if we don't get what we are supposed to do? Or if we don't get how or why something works?

I noticed that people see less than 25% of what the instructor shows, like some people never watch what the legs are doing, so they look at the upper body alone. And then they even may miss which arm did what. I am talking about adult black belts here btw. This shows how important asking questions is.

I have also heard about some giga grand masters who told people to eff off when they had a question. You just attend and do what you are told and you can be happy if after 20 years he explains something. Or you come to their mondo where they paint calligraphy and talk philosophy why you sit there, shut up and gawk. That's ridiculous. All the knowledge is there, for free even, and can and should be taught very quickly. Like one guy: he wrote a mail with a question and basically got a "how dare you, who are you" answer back.

Another point: and then some day the teacher dies and left back a bunch of students who don't know what they are doing. Great job. It surely brings karate into the future. That mindset is crazy.

There is a good book: Principle Driven Skill Development (it is 2 books actually). It explains the roles of people involved, dos and don'ts. Being like that is a big don't.

[u/justafleecehoodie → u/karainflex]

i appreciate your response, i really do. im not sure i like this way of not asking questions. for now, ill stick to going here, its not all bad. but ill be based in a different city this time next year so ill likely be at another place later anyway.

i dont really like the environment too much during lessons even though the teaching is quite nice. i study a course at uni with a VERY high amount of independent learning so maybe it doesnt bother me too much. ive also grown up with a strict learning environment at school where some classes felt like you had to hold your breath for ~40 minutes so maybe im not the quickest to realise these things.

at my classes, there's mostly just beginners, all the classes i go to are 10th to 6th kyu with adults and children mixed.

another thing ive noticed recently is that they charge returning students more money... not sure if this is the usual for most dojos around, dont think thats a good sign honestly. we've recently been getting LOTS of new people so maybe theyre just having problems with all of this?

about your seeing 25% of a demonstration, ive found that very accurate, i usually cant focus on the start/transition/end and upper body/lower body positions all together at once.

whoevers teaching at our dojo usually tells us what we're doing wrong when they see it. for beginners, it's look at the others and do as they do until you know what to do (fake it till you make it, in other words, which im sure is common).

and youre right, it is sad, about what you said regarding a whole class of people not knowing the reasons/explanations for many things. i wonder what those things could be. most things are explained to us to some level, just that theyre done once and there's no room for anything more.

[u/CS_70]

Man, you're among people that to get good at what they do spend an inordinate amount of time making funny movements while thinking of how an imaginary person would be grappled.

You'll be fine :)

[u/Wilbie9000]

Just keep going. Keep working. Keep asking questions when appropriate.

Over time it will get easier.

[u/Adam89G]

A month in? Just listen really well. If you've got genuine questions they're not silly, so ask away.

When you make assumptions you'll do things wrong.. questions promote learning for everyone and show interest.

You're an adult and the 'tism probably helps the focus. Lock in, research your dojo, style, learn the words, etiquette and do what you know at home. To begin with, that might just be pushups, sit ups, walking in a front stance.

Longer term look into training methods that work well for your way of learning... Whether it helps to write things down, translate to English, give things silly names, watch videos.. a good Sensei will approach your training in a way that works for you.. so be open and honest.

It all shows you care and you're committed.

But most importantly, show up and enjoy it. :)

[u/KARAT0]

Just show up and train hard. Sensei notices that more than anything else.

[u/Arokthis]

Fellow autistic here. If you're really into it, karate can be something you can do your entire life. 

I'm almost 50. I've been in karate since I was 10. The folks at the dojo are more my family than my actual blood kin. They have been my rock through more shit than you can know.

[u/chrisjones1960]

Observe the others in class and use them as models to learn the proper way to be in your dojo. Look at the black belts, of course, but also look at any solid intermediate level students. Watch how much or how little they talk in class. Watch how they stand and how they move when not doing techniques (such as how they get in line, how they get down into seiza and up again, how and when they bow).

The good news is, where autism might make it difficult for you to fit in in some social situations, dojo is a whole new social situation, one in which new students always have trouble fitting in a first, because it isn't like the rest of life. There are "proper" ways to move, sit, stand, talk to seniors, talk to juniors, talk to peers, and so forth. even folks who are confident in most social situations do not know the proper way to be in dojo at first.

The fact that you are conscious of the need to do it right puts you a step ahead of most folks. So try to relax, and just watch others for cues

[u/foxydevil14]

Your karate speaks volumes. Don’t worry so much about how you come off socially. If your technique is steadily improving and your kiai is loud, your dojo will recognize that.

I’ve trained with so many awkward people and can be pretty awkward myself (I’m an extrovert and a 48 year old person that has grappled with ADHD/ASD for my entire life). Nothing made me respect people more than giving them advice and seeing them take it and improve.

押忍‼️

[u/Odd-Engineering-7959]

Show up consistently and train earnestly. You will eventually be required to partner up and spar with everyone in due course, and by the time you get to that stage, you would have at least learned everyone's first names and had enough physical contact to have built a foundational level of friendship and trust. From there, it's really a matter of hanging out after training, going for tournaments together and becoming buddies.

Enjoy the journey! I've met so many good friends through karate and hope you'll get to experience the same!

[u/jackc2202]

As an instructor that teaches kids with autism, showing up is interest. Attending classes, participating, showing a willingness to learn is enough. Please, ask questions. There are no wrong questions to ask. You're being a taught a complicated skill, every kata is some random set of moves that look like nothing until you are literally taught what they do. It's always awkward being the new person, it's awkward for us too. We don't know what they can and can't handle and we don't want to push them too far. I think if you or someone who can advocate for you can talk with your sensei about what you feel, you can build a stronger bond with the Sensei and other students

[u/karainflex]

The first point is you don't have to prove yourself or match certain expectations. People think and judge much less than you might expect. And when you ask a technical question for example you should get a clear answer without any double meaning.

With that pressure gone it might be easier for you. You can also find out if you are anxious about asking someone in person or if writing a mail works better for you.

I can recommend The Anxious Black Belt by Bubka. He wrote his anxieties and issues down and published it. It's great to see how our mind over-analyzes and even lies to us, how bad things are etc. In the end nothing of those worst case outcomes were true.

And then the actual advice is to find a specialist who can help you with anxieties. I know, this circle probably starts again but maybe it helps to not go there alone and choose someone who can speak for you when you can't. There you can say the same things you posted here and you two or three can work on a solution.